The Show Must Go On

By Sagree Naicker

“Memoir of an auto-immune warrior”

Autoimmune diseases affect every organ in a person’s body as well as their whole being - body, mind and soul. It also affects ones family and loved ones - exposing them and taking them on an extended journey into unknown territory. Autoimmune diseases cause severe pain, both physically and mentally, and it is easy for anybody diagnosed with it to get to a point where they say “I cannot take it anymore” and “I give up”.

The story of Sr Naicker (and her family) takes you to the raw reality of having to deal with the diagnosis of autoimmune diseases, living through all the physical and mental challenges (like a roller coaster) it poses and to, despite her diagnosis, continue to be a wonderful spouse, mother, professional nurse and a friend.

I wish her well for future endeavours and good health moving forward.

“The Show Must Go On!”

DR EMILLE REID

Specialist General - and Infectious Diseases Physician

“Person living with auto-immune disease”

Cape Town, South Africa

“It is a great joy to be able to congratulate Sagree on having the courage, the bravery, and the dedication to take the time to put into writing her journey and all the miracles that have unfolded. Her spirit and endurance is very inspiring and I know her story will inspire many.”

Pastor Lucinda Dooley

Hillsong Church Africa

Sagree Naicker is a wife, mother, sister and a friend to many. She is a Professional Nurse, author, auto-immune ambassador and a devoted warrior in Christ who has fought and continues to fight to live, walking daily in His resurrection power.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sagree Naicker
• Release date: Apr 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005748708

Book preview

Foreword

2020-04-30

Mrs Saqree Naicker

Diagnosis: M32.9 - Systemic lupus erythematosus, unspecified

Sagree has been a patient of mine since October 2016 when she was first diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She was started on medication and has had an ongoing battle with arthritis ever since. Unfortunately, in 2019, she was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosis (SLE) as well. She was dealt an additional life changing illness.

Rhupus (Rheumatoid arthritis with overlap SLE) is an autoimmune disease which affects the skin, joints and in essence can affect all the organs in the body. The neurological effects of autoimmune diseases are often underappreciated. Not only does it directly affect the neurological system with e.g strokes, but it indirectly leads to increased anxiety and depression.

Sagree however, managed her diagnosis very admirably and remained optimistic despite all adversity. The diagnosis is only the start of an arduous journey with a lot of set backs down the road. Sagree and her family managed her journey with so much courage and resolve. The whole family helped to assist her as she lost a lot of her abilities to function at home. She has also had to stop working as a nursing sister, which was clearly her calling in life. This was a devastating blow both psychologically and financially.

It has been an honour and pleasure to be able to take this difficult journey with her so far. The reason I decided to become a Rheumatologist was to be able to have a long term relationship with patients and to share in both the good (when we reach remission ) and the bad (when this is not achieved).

Sagree is a great example of human courage in the face of adversity and her story tells the difficulties faced.

Dr Erne Richter

Rheumatologist

Preface

I was thrilled when Sagree asked me to write an insert for her book. I first met Sagree Naicker in 2014 when she attended an interview for a position to pursue her studies at our workplace (hospital). She started her nursing career in 2005. During and after the interview I was so impressed with this remarkable woman. She exhibited characteristics of kindness, friendliness, respect and caring in such an extraordinary manner.

She is believable and that makes her priceless. She was so excited with regards to her career prospects and I followed her career journey unbeknown to her. She did not disappoint, her career blossomed, and her caring attitude towards her patients and fellow colleagues is commendable.

At the completion of her 2nd year of studies to become an enrolled nurse she obtained the highest marks in the Western Cape and was awarded a special trophy for this achievement. She made us all at the hospital immensely proud of her.

Her health challenges are enormous, tiresome and painful, a daily and massive fight on her and her family. In spite of this, she somehow managed to deliver work of a high quality and standard. She demonstrated that character cannot be developed in ease and quiet but only through the experience of trials and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.

She aspired to become a Registered Nurse and continue her studies; it was during this time that she was told by her Doctor that she needs to undergo major surgery. Despite her health challenges she decided to postpone her surgery until after her final examination. Whilst she had to do intensive planning and organising in her capacity as a woman in her private and professional life, she pressed on and successfully completed her studies and exams to become a registered nurse and be placed in the ICU department of the hospital.

The detour of life hit her hard with reference to her health challenges, studies, being a mom, wife and a registered nurse, but she did not give up. Instead, she continued to give her best at all times. She never lost sight of her goals, her vision and her purpose.

Her testimony is one of courage, perseverance, resilience, love and dedication.

In her brokenness she has found her ministry. We are now fortunate to read about her story in this book, out of her pain and the many challenges she has had to endure, her story will give purpose to so many of us as she embraces her scars and challenges with dignity and boldness. What a woman of courage, inspiration and fortitude. I salute you Sagree.

Written by Mercia Rix (Ex-Matron)

Chapter 1

Purpose

"When something cannot be defined in our own terms, we choose the easiest option, to dismiss its existence."

The purpose behind this book is to help every auto-immune sufferer together with their families to gain deeper insight into this life altering illness. Regardless of the specificity of the illness or the varying symptoms, auto-immune sufferers endure a great deal of pain and suffering which is often not visible to the naked eye and this is a factor that links these groups of people together. This illness affects men, women and children, therefore, it is crucial to the individuals fight that the family as a whole is educated and counselled with regards to this debilitating and life-altering illness. One of the biggest challenges facing them is that they are often misunderstood or it is believed that their level of pain and discomfort is being exaggerated, there is a huge misconception surrounding auto-immune illnesses and more often than not these misunderstandings come from those closest to us.

We may look good on the surface, we may dress up and show up but appearances can be deceiving. On any given day, beneath the surface lies a battlefield where our immune system cannot recognise itself. Autoimmune illness is basically when your body’s immune system attacks your own tissues and organs. The disease may also have flare-ups caused by inflammation during which the symptoms get worse and remissions when symptoms get better or disappear. In most cases the important goal is to reduce inflammation in order to reduce the immune response.

Inflammation spreads through joints and organs like a raging fire and all the while we are smiling faintly. The most painful part of this journey is when this internal, invisible, constant war within is dismissed by people who as I have experienced are sometimes medical personnel and those closest to us. The reality is that when something cannot be defined in our own terms, we choose the easiest option, to dismiss its existence.

As you may or may not know, the term auto immune disease is an umbrella for many illnesses that overlap each other. Simply said, if you have been diagnosed with one you may develop more. In saying this I think it is safe to call us warriors as we wake up each day and fight a battle for our families and our health, we function and perform our duties as wives, mothers, friends and colleagues whilst feeling miserable as hell.

In many ways people will never understand, we try to live a life that is as normal as possible, to make the people in our lives happy. Join me in understanding what a life with an autoimmune disease is, as I experience it first-hand, fighting more than one disease having been diagnosed with both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). I am grateful that I found God in the storm and realized my need for Him, I can say for sure without Jesus I would not have lived long enough to write this book and share my story with you. I have resolved to have unrelenting faith through my affliction.

If you are an auto immune sufferer or someone you love is fighting this illness, I challenge you to read this book. It is a book that details my spiritual journey through illness and how I re-discovered my purpose and found my way back to the cross of Jesus Christ by spending time in prayer and God’s word. I promise that by the end of your reading you will have a clearer view of what life is like for auto immune sufferers, and any scepticism you may have had will be diminished. This is a testimony shared to help you take back your power and still pursue your purpose even after you may have every reason to give up. From the outside looking in you can never understand, from the inside looking out you can never explain. (Looking from the outside in, you can never understand it. Standing on the inside looking out you can never explain it. (Thought Catalog), n.d.).

Chapter 2

On your marks, get ready….

The trials in a person’s life are non-elective but required in the curriculum of life to strengthen our character. Remember this, there is always an advantage in adversity, trials are designed to produce a deeper and more meaningful character.

It is 8a.m. on Thursday, 5th September 2019, the warm rays of spring’s sunshine is peering through my bedroom curtains, almost as if to reiterate the promise that every form of darkness must bow to the light. This thought brings a smile to my face even as I sit on my bed with sweat dripping from my head down, excruciating pain running down my spine threatening to stop me in my tracks. With a pen and book in hand, I begin the journey of recalling every painful memory of my long, arduous journey battling Auto-immune illness. I have decided that today is a good day to share my story with you.

A sudden weight loss of approximately 20kg’s and feeling severely ill landed me a ten day stay in the hospital. This was the period that sparked all the chaos and confusion. Physically I was finally in shape, having lost a lot of excess weight but, I had the sinking feeling that something was terribly wrong. I was experiencing tachycardia, sudden weight loss, sweating, mood swings, insomnia and exhaustion. After numerous tests, investigations, followed by a few scratches of the head, the physician diagnosed me with an Overactive Thyroid. I was discharged with a treatment plan and I had to now adjust to an illness that would affect every aspect of my life.

I was about to begin my nursing Bridging course which had always been my dream, to become a Registered Nurse, a Sister. The diagnosis left me feeling very anxious because it had already caused me to miss the first 2 weeks of college which was crucial to passing the Ethos exam, this was the deciding factor as to whether or not I could continue training. I had only recently completed my 2nd year of training which qualified me as an Enrolled Nurse and I had passed that with the highest marks in the Western Cape and that had been an overwhelming and humbling experience. From my humble beginnings as a waitress with big dreams, I decided to stand firm on what I know to be true, the same God who brought me from that place to where I am now is the same God who would carry me down this road.

I love heart-warming stories that require a box of tissues, of people who conquered and overcame all the odds to achieve what they set out to do, from Christopher Columbus to the likes of Tyler Perry and Maya Angelou, ordinary people who dared to dream big with little to no resources at their disposal. Here I am, at a point in my life when God is about to breathe life into all of the dreams I had drawn in the dust and yet, dark clouds are surrounding me threatening to pour down and wash them all away. Looking through human eyes all I see are the dark clouds but as I kneel down to pray there is a faint ray of sunlight in the distance pushing its way through and once again, fear must give way to hope.

If we are determined to finish this race called life, hope comes along and says take my hand, we will finish this race together. Remember you cannot fail if you refuse to give up hope.

Chapter 3

Miracle in the madness

Following the diagnosis of an Overactive Thyroid I returned to work, still feeling ill, my heart racing to the point that it felt as though it would jump right out of my chest. I was scheduled to work the nursing shift of 12 hours and I am close to fainting off exhaustion by 10a.m. with a full 9 hours still to go. I am busy caring for others even though I am scared to death of what may be wrong with me. I call my physician and explain what I am feeling, he requests several blood tests and an appointment is scheduled for the next morning. I arrive at my appointment anxious about the results of the blood tests and at the end of the consultation the Doctor confirms that my diagnosis remains to be an Overactive Thyroid.

I sat there numb, the Doctor’s voice a fading echo in the background assuring me that this is an illness that we can keep under control. His reassurance does little to subside the mounting fear and confusion building up in me. The Doctor reassures me that with regular thyroid function tests, a strict diet and supplements I can prevent this illness from taking over my life and I can continue working. This was the only positive news as it meant that I could also continue with my studies. On the other side the physical changes were starting to take effect in the form of my eyes being red and swollen and my hair starting to thin out.

By the end of March 2016 I received a call from the Doctor’s rooms to say that there is no longer any trace of an Overactive Thyroid in my blood tests and my thyroid gland is now functioning as expected. He advised that I continue to follow a strict diet and let him know if there are any changes.

This was the miracle I had been praying for, I was officially cleared of an Overactive Thyroid gland!

Chapter 4

Present in the room –

Hillsong Color Conference

In April I attended the Color Conference, one of many, at the Grand West Arena where thousands of women come together to inspire, empower and encourage each other. What I love most about this gathering is that there are women from all walks of life in this one room and in spite of everything that separates us, we are woven and bound together by the blood of Jesus. It helps to know that I am not alone in this journey of life, and everyone has a story to tell that can help someone else flourish right where they are.

Pastor Bobbie Houston, the lead pastor of the global Hillsong church is the founder of Color Conference which is now a global movement. The Color sisterhood inspires women around the world to rise up and be found in Jesus Christ. It is the perfect inspiring getaway for women from all walks of life.

Pastor Lucinda Dooley, the senior pastor at Hillsong South Africa together with Pastor Phil Dooley or as I always refer to them, My Pastors. She is passionate about the Color sisterhood and she is an amazing woman of God. I feel truly privileged to have been sitting under the ministry and leadership of Pastors who pour their heart and soul into mentoring and building others.

Since joining Hillsong Church at Century City in 2012 I had attended Color Conference each year and this year in particular, I felt the Holy Spirit move in me and I knew that my pain would not be in vain. I had this feeling that there was a purpose in my pain and one day I would have the courage to share my testimony, even if it reaches just a handful of women to give them hope, encouragement and most of all, to let them know that they are not alone then I have fulfilled my purpose and shared the power of God with them.

I walked up and down the stairs pain free and with great ease. The atmosphere is electric and the presence of God is so overwhelming I almost feel as though I am being cradled in the palms of His nail pierced hands. I sat there in the crowd, full of faith and thanksgiving, grateful to God for having healed me of an Overactive Thyroid, asking God to use me and promising to devote my life to His will and purpose. Little did I know that the walk through the Valley had been just the beginning of a journey that would change my life forever. It is important to know that when we devote our lives to God it is no longer about my pain but it is all for His glory.

The time has almost come for me to write my Ethos exam but I cannot walk, the pain in my thighs are excruciating and it feels like there are needles piercing through flesh and scraping against bone trying to push their way through. I started talking to myself that morning, I am going to be a Sister, and I am going to write this exam even if I must get myself there in a wheelchair! I went to the Emergency Room and after a few injections and medication I woke up at 4a.m. on the day of my exam, walking and able to do what can only be done in God’s strength. I passed the exam successfully and was approved to continue my training to be a Sister. It was at this moment that I resolved to trust God to carry me through the impossible, over and over again!

The message I personally learned from Color Conference is that when we are called, God asks us to forget our experiences in the flesh. The closer we get to who we are becoming, the more we must forget who we used to be in order to perceive all that God has called us to be. God called us into our purpose, to find that thing that would bring us so much joy, we get so much out of it that we will even do it for free. This contentment is a mind boggling thing, we can make money from it but the money is not the goal, it is simply the by-product of finding our purpose because we have been called and ordained to do it, be it nursing, teaching, designing, becoming a parent or wherever you find yourself in life.

What brings fulfilment is not how big it is but rather that it fits our being like a glove, and we become plugged in and it serves as