Shattered Part 2: The Story of John

By DD Jewell

One phone call is all it took to derail the course of what appeared to be the happiest time in John Anderson’s life. A stellar investment banker who recently proposed to the woman of his dreams, Giselle Gibson, was heading to his idea of the American Dream. However, the dream becomes a nightmare on the eve of his 29th birthday. Never lacking vision, drive, or confidence, John finds himself in uncharted territory as he loses the very foundation for his drive and purpose. Haunted by a decision that costs him the lives of his loved ones, John’s life and self-worth shatter before his eyes. No longer in control of his destination, John ultimately allows a near, but distant stranger navigate his footsteps. The road to recovery for this once millionaire-in-the making means cutting loose ends, redefining relationships, and becoming vulnerable. Sometimes to lose is to gain becomes a recurring theme in the next chapter of John’s life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312140561

Book preview

Shattered Part 2: The Story of John

Shattered Part II:            The Story of John

Also by DD Jewell

Shattered Part I

The Story of Giselle

Shattered Part III

The Story of Fatima

Copyright © 2012 by DD Jewell.

All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 580-0-0882-7835-4

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Book Cover designed by Channing Parham.

Author Photo by Keith Gulley.

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgments

To Amir and Sharif, my beautiful sons, you bring out the very best in me. You two make me feel like life is even more worth the living. I love you two so much.

To my dad, Rogers Jewell III, thanks for being my parent. Being raised by you, set the foundation of who I am. Although you didn't have a son, my gift to you is DD Jewell. May your name live on.

Thank you Diqueta for being my extra set of eyes and proofing for me. Love you!

To my other family and friends, thanks for your unwavering support and love for me: Nick, Shelly, Vashon, Cindy, Lethreanna, Vickie, Erica, and Brydai. Thanks to my Facebook and Twitter fans!

Prologue

Today marked another milestone in my road to recovery. It has been three months since it happened, the day that derailed the course of my life.  If time flies when you’re having fun then it drags like scads of bricks being pulled up a hill on a sweltering summer day, when you’re living in misery of the acutest kind. Do I have a copyright to pain? No, but for the last three months pain has been my constant companion. Some vices became fair-weathered friends, while others are mainstays. I used to make severe judgments about the vices and folly of others. It’s so easy to sit in judgment’s seat when you think you are beyond reproof.  However, when you’re the one being judged and analyzed, one develops coping mechanisms so they can truly mean the statements, I don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks about me. Only God can judge me.  But deep inside, all that have uttered those words know that they are fucked up and sometimes beyond repair. The worse wounds are not the ones inflicted by others but by ourselves.

Time heals all wounds. Does it? If left untreated some wounds get worse and that’s why I come here once a week so mine won’t. Some days I am hopeful that I can recapture the John Anderson I used to glance at in the mirror and with whom I felt well acquainted and comfortable.  Where is the John Anderson who was approaching the commencement of his dream- a very promising career and a beautiful soul mate to share his life?  How could one fatal day abort that which was burgeoning for many years? Do I come to this place to find answers or to see if I can find the man in my shattered mirror?

It is enumerated in five basic stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I feel like I have completed my full cycle of grief, but will she agree?  Sometimes I feel like she’s looking right through me, which most days I don’t mind because she can only see what I know to be true. I have a hole in my soul. Am I looking for something or someone to fill it? I don’t think it’s possible. I think some things happen to put us back in perspective that no matter how great we think we are or how great the forecast for our futures may seem, we are nothing but vulnerable clay walking on death’s stopwatch. Although it takes years to build, life ends in seconds.

John, do you have plans for Easter holiday? Dr. Sumpter asked with a look of genuine concern.

I don’t, I replied, feeling my usual numbness. It was a valuable coping mechanism. Dr. Sumpter began her usual method of getting me to unload.

Have you seen your sister? she continued.

She’s fine, I answered without answering. I had not seen Lori in three months. However, I felt that she would be okay because she had Quincy. Why did Lori need to see me when I was the reason we were both suffering? I am the reason for our lost.

Are you ready to start work?

I don’t know, I replied blandly.

You begin your new position, right? she referred to me being promoted to Vice President at my company.

Yep.

Are you looking forward to your new role at the company?

Like with any other job, the bigger the title the more responsibility. In investment banking, being a vice president is almost synonymous with being a project manager. My day generally begins at 6 o’clock and ends at 2 o’clock.

Wow, where’s time for a good night sleep? she continued, but I said nothing. Have you spoken with Giselle? she asked with a quizzical brow.

Giselle Gabrielle Gibson was the voice of unanswered and unreturned phone calls. She was the woman in a collage of events that were leading to what appeared to be the happiest time of my life. She was also the reason why I asked my parents to pick up Briana so I could be with her in Maryland on New Year’s Eve, to propose. 

No, I haven’t, I replied, looking out the window at the blue sky. I hadn’t seen a sky so blue since my trip to St. Lucia with Giselle.  It seems as if it were a lifetime ago. I can’t even connect to the feelings of bliss we shared in our tropical haven.

I picked up the phone to call her one day, but I didn’t. What good could come from that? I was very cruel to her the last time we spoke.

Yes, you did say some pretty horrible things; but that’s even more reason why you should reach out to her to make amends. You wanted to spend your life with her, and now you don’t even want to call her? Dr. Sumpter asked looking like my mother for a brief second.

However, my mother wasn’t the biggest fan of Gee, well at least not in the beginning. Nonetheless, my mother finally gave in when she realized how happy and empowered I was with Gee by my side. Is that why I feel so disempowered? Is Gee the missing link? Why would I need a woman to help me regain who I am as a man? She didn’t help build me; how can I be so vulnerable that she can now disable me?

Here’s my phone. Call her right now, she said, handing me her phone.

Doc, I’m not good at impromptu, I said, refusing the phone.

Since when? John this could be a major step in your healing process.

Doc, as I see it I’m basically healed. I have gone full circle with the five stages of grieving, I exclaimed most assuredly.

I’m not surprised about your self-diagnosis. However, John as bright and intelligent as you are, I’m sorry to inform you, but you aren’t progressing as fast as you may have hoped you would, she retorted, taking off her reading glasses.

Dr. Sumpter, I did my homework like you suggested and I have identified with all stages of the grieving process. It’s been three months since it happened. Do you need me to take a test so you can evaluate me? I offered.

John, I have seen you for 30 days. I don’t need a test. You are communicating both verbally and non-verbally what stage you’re in and you still have a way to go. There is no time limit to grieving; and it’s a personal process. In addition, you are not only grieving the deaths of loved ones, but also the death of your relationship.

I wouldn’t consider the loss of my relationship with Giselle as grief because it was my choice. I did not choose to lose the other people. So, in your professional opinion, what stage would you say that I am in? I was eager to know.

Depression, she answered, dropping the bricks right on my chest.

1  | Check Mate

Lori’s wedding was just a couple of weeks away, and I was meeting Quincy for the final fitting. I was a little upset with Lori for running her mouth to Giselle when she saw her at the airport in Atlanta. It had been over a year since I had seen Giselle, and she didn’t take the slightest effort to return my calls, texts, emails, or letters. I explained to her in my first letter, after her surprise visit, that Briana was not my daughter, but Jacque’s. That I did not have HIV or AIDS, but Briana did. It didn’t make any difference to her, so why did my sister find it necessary to reiterate what I already stated? Giselle couldn’t have possibly loved me because if she did, love doesn’t just disappear like a vapor. When you’re truly in love, it haunts you.

Yo, yo! What’s up best man? Quincy sounded off in his usual upbeat and animated persona.

I’m good. Vita e bella! I replied on automatic.

Is it? Lori says you’re mad at her. C’mon John, she only called herself helping plus she brought up a valid point. You don’t know if Gee ever received or read your letter.

You know what Quincy? It’s all good! It’s been a year and I’m done. I don’t want to talk about it, I said with firmness. Can you pass me my vest? By the way, I thought the whole point of us buying suits was to save money. Man, I could have rented a tux for less than $600.

You have Lori to thank for this. I’m about to be a husband and that means, nod, smile, and agree, he laughed. Hey, but guess what?

What?

You can wear it again and again, he joked.

Perhaps, I’ll take a pass then at becoming a husband. I’m not the nodding and agreeing type, I replied, laughing but in a serious tone.

For the right woman, we all will nod and agree. Uh, by the way Lori said Gee’s coming to the wedding and bringing a guest, he said quickly delivering the deadly blow like a King Cobra.

On initial impact I felt the bite. I couldn’t help but just stare in astonishment. WTF! This had to have been a joke. Why? If I didn’t mean anything to her what the hell did Lori and Quincy mean? Was this her way of flaunting her new life and new man in front of me? I was going to the wedding solo, but now I might have to bring an arm piece just to save face.

Hello, Earth to John, Quincy waved his hand in my face. So, what you gonna do man? This type of opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

Do about what? Once in a lifetime? Man, this wedding crap is making you very sentimental. Good for you and Lori, another gift off your registry. Giselle is a good gift-giver, if nothing else, I replied, trying to fake the shock.

Do you know why I chose you to be my best man? Why you over my brother, cousin, and childhood friends? Quincy turned very serious.

Because I’m the only one who puts up with your shenanigans, I joked but felt something profound brewing.

Because bro, you are the best man I know.  You aren’t perfect, because there’s only one person that can fit that description in a friendship, he hit my back. Besides being a genius, you really have a big heart. I don’t know many men who would have adopted their deceased brother’s terminally ill child and provide for her and Cicely the way you do. Then you are honorable, there’s not too many men I know who have a clean track-record of never cheating in a relationship. Man, Lori is my first time ever being faithful. John, there’s so many wild and outlandish things you could have done or could be doing, but you are the most disciplined man I know. I look up to you bro.

Thanks, man! You make me sound better than what I probably am, I smiled, trying to deflect his compliments, because he didn’t know that the venom of having to see Giselle was starting to seep in my mind and my heart. I felt intense emotions.

I couldn’t tell if they were love or hate. It’s an irony of sorts, being in love puts people in a weird juxtaposition. When all is good, everything is heavenly and love comes so easily. When shit is falling apart, it feels like purgatory, we hope for heaven, but prepare for hell. If the relationship ends, then our best defense is hate, it is like psyching yourself out and diminishing the value the person had in your life. We aggrandize their flaws and try to find replacements to numb the pain and agony.

No, you are not perfect, because we all are human. I just wanted to remind you of your greatness, so you won’t get too caught in your humanity. You have the power to overcome whatever emotions you are feeling inside, because I believe that you are still in love with Gee.

In love with who? Only a fool would be, I muffled.

We are all fools in love. We just need opportunity and time to show how foolish we are, he said finally revealing his ensemble. Damn! Man, yo what has your sister gotten herself into? A man this fine can’t be compared to wine.

Quincy was true to form; and sometimes I also wondered what was Lori getting herself into. She was marrying Quincy and his Ego. However, even after I made it back home Quincy’s words constricted my mind and heart. I couldn’t stay at home.  I was going to take Kennedy up on her offer to go the game. To think I had one of the most beautiful and recognizable women in New York City digging me, and I hadn’t even smashed her. About six months after Giselle, I went on a smashing frenzy to numb myself from the pain, so now I felt more like myself. No panties meant no drama. I didn’t want any woman laying claim on me.

Kennedy Dawn Jackson was the consummate girl next door closet freak. She came from the right family, went to the right schools, and her beauty sealed the deal for her and she knew it. She was very charming and her allure left many men heartbroken and longing. I think she liked me because I wasn’t falling for her hook, line, and sinker. I didn’t give a damn about her pedigree or social standing. I think the more I didn’t give her what she wanted, the more she wanted me.

Every time Kennedy and I went out people would ask to take a picture with her or get her autograph. Even though she was an anchorwoman for a national network, she never complained when public admirers would come up to us. She was a true people-person with a high but tolerable level of narcissism. Talking to her was always a treat because her mind worked like a never-ending freeway. She had such a simplistic outlook on life. Sometimes a little naïve and carefree, but it still made her delightful to be around for the most part and I needed that right now. I was ready to get Giselle off my brain. When I