Bent But Not Broken

By Marguerite Dillworth

Bent but Not Broken

           

            Drove to insanity by the constant upheaval in her family life, Evelyn is tossed from one dysfunctional relationship to the next. Thinking that her college education has helped to prepare her for the "real world," she embarked on a journey to self-realization which eventually turned deadly.

 Evelyn Taylor has never had a pristine life. Her father, a Vietnam War veteran and womanizer, has no regard for the women in his life leaving Evelyn and her mother to bond as they both make efforts to empower themselves despite the men in their lives. Not able to find empowerment within herself, Evelyn allows deadbeat father and small time criminal Keith Thompson to find refuge in her home. Soon after, Evelyn's life takes a turn for the worse as she comes to terms with the person Keith really is and the secrets he has been hiding. Based on true life events, Bent but Not Broken chronicles the thoughts of a young woman who has been abused in every way possible. As she struggles to form a "family" of her own, she confronts the dysfunctional manner in which she was raised as well as the emotionally, sexually and physically abusive relationship she has entered as an adult. Bent but Not Broken takes us into young Evelyn's mind as she struggles to raise her self-esteem once and for all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marguerite Dillworth
• Release date: Sep 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223685524

Book preview

I dedicate this book to  Gabriella Isabella (March 2007-...)

The Soul lives forever

:::Disclaimer:::

This is a very hard book to read and it was even harder  for me to write, but it is the un-edited version and most similar  to how things occurred in totality. It is honest. The emotions are  real, the consequences are real and the resolution is on-going and  at the conclusion of the writing process, it too is real. Opening  up to others is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Read with  discretion. I was young and didn’t have much of a vocabulary or a  clue. I was thrust into a very tumultuous situation.

Forgiving was not easy and putting the pieces together has  wrecked havoc on my physical, emotional and spiritual being. I  have grown into a better person and seek wisdom every day as I  continue to face the struggles we all are forced to recognize. Part  societal commentary and part narrative account, today I invite you  to feel me as you embark upon this journey. 

The muse for this creation was myself, but my story is a  reflection of a lot of women’s realities. So for all of us, from the high  rises to the pent houses, I exit the shadows. 

It is my truth, it is your truth, it is a part of the common  spirit we all share (though I sometimes forget the details).

Much love to the people, continue to dream...

— M Boss

Responsibility to yourself means that you  do not treat your body as a commodity  with which to purchase superficial intimacy  or economic security. For our bodies and  minds are inseparable in this life, and when  we allow our bodies to be treated as objects,  our minds are in mortal danger.

— Adrienne Rich

Bent But Not Broken 1

The Opening

As I stand before the Grand Jury trying to provide proof of my ex boyfriend’s good character, no words come to mind. My brain goes blank as I  sit there and try to formulate words that I know in my heart to be a lie. 

I’m sorry, can I start again? I hear myself ask them. The meeting is very  informal and I trust they will allow me to gather myself a bit. 

"Ma’am, listen, you are not helping his case very much from what you  have already told us, but start again if you must and then know that we are going  to make a decision."

This came from a middle-aged white man with thin-rimmed glasses and  a dark suit. I can bet he is the type of person who believed in hard core justice  served American style. God bless him. The American justice system was the  only way to seek revenge on a person whose only fear was jail. Not death, not  dishonor (he didn’t have any)...simply jail.

The more I hear myself giving testimony to his good deeds the more I  just can’t do it. Keith’s face won’t even come to mind. He died a long time ago  as far as I was concerned. Boy oh boy have the tables turned. Keith’s life in my  hands when just months ago my life was literally in his hands as he tightly coiled  his small palms around my throat and tried to wrestle the air from me. 

In my heart I know what I truly want to do. What I want to do is turn  around, gather some courage, turn back around and shout, Yes! I hope he goes  to jail and I hope it is in jail that he dies. And when he dies, I hope he burns in  hell. AND I hope that I have the pleasure of hearing the announcement because  I will show up at his funeral in a bright red dress! 

Oh lord, being with Keith for so long has really made me crazy. I laid  down with that dog for so long; I was bound to get up with some fleas.

M Boss 2

I realize that I have to say something so I say, 

Well Jury, Keith was fair. He was unreasonable in most dealings but  in recent financial dealings he actually provided me with an ample amount of  assistance.

Assistance in what way Ms. Taylor? the man asks.

Well with rent and things...and gas...and with a lot of things.

These people are not believing me and it is obvious. How can they when  I am sitting right in front of them with a swollen black eye and a cut up my  bottom lip. What the hell am I doing trying to convince anyone that Keith was  fair? But, I am here so I might as well do my part. 

The man snaps in,

Well he lived with you, did he not Ms. Taylor? I assume that rent and  gas are things that are supposed to be split as you both had use of the facility?  He adjusts his glasses on his face and leans back in his chair to assess my next  move. 

True, I reply, I guess you are right. 

This is hopeless and I don’t even have the strength to do it anymore, so  I sit back down in a daze. The same daze I have been in for the last couple of  months. A functional daze. 

I didn’t realize the significance of my testimony in aiding to reduce  Keith’s sentencing but, somehow, at the moment I really didn’t care. All I can  see is his angry twisted face pushing me against the wall and his slanted, hateful  eyes as he closed his hands around my throat. I am going to come back to that  though, ‘cause right now the thought will cloud my mind and I want to be able  to continue. 

Next, a youthful looking white woman with a head full of snow white  hair stared towards me intensely in anticipation of my next answer. Actually  everybody is, but my focus is on her because at that moment I immediately  think I bet she never had to go through anything like this. I bet she had a life full of  suitors, not players. And I bet they all came with roses just to ask for a date. And, even  more, I bet when they got turned down they didn’t automatically call her a bitch or  a ho but simply not interested.

Bent But Not Broken 3

As I looked her up and down I noticed the heavy cotton double-breasted  bright red suit that she had on. It was simply immaculate and it was obvious that  she had been very well taken care of her whole life. Her face, obviously old, but  not a line set in place. Oddly beautiful despite the sleek pure white hair set in a  bob surrounding it, which was the only indication of her true age. I am willing  to bet money that no man had dared to ever strike her in the face or push her  in a wall...but it happened to me. I wonder if they judge me. If they do, I just  have to suck it up because everyone is going to judge me now. My whole life is  now on display.

I try not to waste any more of their time so I said, 

You’re right. Keith had many bad qualities but he does have redeeming  qualities as well. I can’t deny what happened that day but I do know that he can  be helped. 

No one’s face changed. They are not moved by my words and probably  are even irritated, but I continue, 

It is my suggestion to the court, as the victim, that in place of time in a  correctional facility that Keith is instead given probation and even counseling so  that he may have a part in his children’s lives.

I could care less either way what they decide, at least now I could stop  acting.

M Boss 4

Makings Of A Person

People look at me but they don’t know what I’ve been through. The  saying goes: believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. And, with  my life, looks can certainly be deceiving. I may seem like the quintessential  come-up story but looks are never what they seem. I spent a majority of my  life in an upper-middle class neighborhood and later went on to one of the  best universities in the nation. But, even my Dr. Spock upbringing and classical  training in the arts could not hide a dysfunctional family life. The emotional  neglect that I endured is all relevant to the kind of woman that I would become.

My mother was the kind of woman that I would have loved to marry if  I were a man, but my dad never appreciated her. Beautiful but didn’t even know  it, so blessed with a wonderful soul as well. I remember asking her one day if  she ever realized how beautiful she was after looking over pictures of her from  her youth. Mocha colored skin with thick strong black hair. Distinctly black but  with the