Wake Up, Grow Up, Show Up: Poems from Rehab to Recovery

By B. Anonymous

My handwriting is not the only thing that suffered in the throes of my addiction, but it was a physical indication and a perfect metaphor of what my life was like. It was extremely messy and impossible to read. Impulse control was gone, and insanity had consumed my soul.

The poems in this book outline the progression of one addicts recovery throughout the rehabilitation process emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My hope is that any addict or alcoholic will know that recovery is possible. There is hope for a better life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504907583

B. Anonymous

B. Anonymous is an addict in recovery. Twenty years of smoking marijuana led to using powder cocaine, which progressed to abusing crack cocaine for another ten years. After a total of thirty years of drug abuse and a family intervention, rehabilitation was a matter of life or death. The author shares the unedited versions of poems that were written in chronological order from the author’s rehabilitation into recovery to let fellow addicts know there is hope for them to recover.

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© 2015 B. Anonymous. All rights reserved.

Photo Images by B. Anonymous

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse   04/28/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-0760-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-0758-3 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Posthumous Dedications

For my Dad who loved me unconditionally

For my maternal Grandmother who supported me lovingly

For Christiane P. who challenged

me to publish these poems

CONTENTS

Preface

Part Zero: Before Rehab Less Than Zero

2 Guys

Part One: Rehab – Primary Care

It’s True

Extend Your Care Out There

Caring And Compassion

Part Two: Rehab - Extended Care

The Prayer Chair

Mean Gleam

Reglas

Black

Leaf

Thanks

Sonya – Angel Of Mine

Letter To Self…..’Pep Talk!’

Tribute – Coach Rob

Coke, Pot, And Pills

Best Beth Ever

Weak In The Knees

Secrets

Goodbye

Part Three: Halfway House

To: Wendy R

Bottomed Out

Part Four: Independent Living

Our Mimi

Part Five: Sobriety – from 1 year and 1 month

Regrets

Drama

See You On The Outside

Greetings Friends

P . I . J . D .

The Passing Lane

My Hero

The 9Th Floor

Part Six: Five Years Sober

Breakthrough

Hole In My Soul

Back To Crack

Extended Care

Trusted Servant

Fumble Recovery

Bitch

Believe

Are Ya Kidding Me?

Rage

Peapod

Re-Love

Words Not To Be

Text Not Sent

Child I Never Had

All Or Nothing

Old Life, New Life

Don’t Get High On Your Own Supply

A Bad Wintry Mix

Up Again

Still Up

Note To: Self

My Sandy

Father Bill……………………..Rock Star

Part Seven: Cancer

Fear Sucks

Tastes Change

Scared

Sleep Escapes Again

Part Eight: Conclusion

Reverend Jack

Manic Again

C Stands For Crack

Part Nine: Gratitude

Thank You

PREFACE

Thirty years of doing drugs wreaked havoc on my life. By October 25, 2006, my handwriting was barely recognizable. I could not keep a job, a residence, a relationship, or my sanity. Addiction had created a hole in my soul and I was completely broken. I had 13 charges on my police record and had been in and out of jails and psychiatric wards and facilities. I had wrecked several cars and was lucky to still be alive.

I was smoking $200 dollars worth of pot and crack cocaine daily. I had tried dealing but I got high on my own supply so that was a failed business venture.

I was an undiagnosed un-medicated bipolar drug addict with a case of Heineken Light, a gallon of 2% milk, and a gallon of chocolate milk in the fridge. This was my sustenance.

If I could afford bacon I would cook it to cover the smell of smoking drugs in my apartment. I used onions when I couldn’t afford bacon.

I had so many grandiose ideas of how I was going to become rich and famous someday. I minimized my crack use seeing as I only sprinkled it in my joints!

I wrote my ideas on the walls of my apartment seeing as I never seemed to have any paper, unless you consider the cardboard from the case of beer as paper.

In this book I will try to show you what addiction looked like from a physical, emotional, and spiritual perspective. I will also try to show you the process of healing from all three perspectives.

My hope is that the readers can see the process and understand that IT IS POSSIBLE to recover from the worst of situations, even with a dual diagnosis.

Finally, it is IMPERATIVE that any addict or alcoholic wanting to get sober is willing to work as hard on their recovery as they did at getting their drugs or alcohol. I