Co-Dependency: Save Your Relationship and Recover from Emotional Abuse

By Gregory Haynes

This is a 2-book combo, which has the following titles:



Book 1: Co-dependent relationships can be quite the challenge. Many people are in one, even though they don’t realize it. It typically consists of a couple enabling each other or manipulating each other, and individuals who lack self-esteem. Or they might have a feeling that the relationship is all they need or will satisfy all their needs. Often, it is based on a lie or a learned pattern from their childhood.
We’ll discuss these issues and touch on terms such as complementarity and polarity. We’ll also give you tips on how to develop a healthier relationship with others, whether that is your spouse or partners are the job or otherwise. Last but not least, we’ll dive into what attachment and detachment mean, and what pro-dependence is.


All of these topics can help you understand yourself, your communication style, and the people you interact with better.



Book 2: In this guide, you will learn more about co-dependency. You will also discover the definition of counter-dependency, and all the effects that these two phenomena have on relationships. This way, you’ll be better prepared if you ever find yourself in such a relationship, whether that’s an intimate one or a business-related one.


Aside from this, we’ll discuss the signs of these two terms, how to escape the trap, why people stay in damaging or toxic relationships in the first place, how people exercise control over others, and how some co-dependency (in its lighter form) may not be as problematic as some may think.


Are you ready to learn more about yourself and others around you? Then start reading or listening to this book!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anonymous
• Release date: Nov 7, 2020
• ISBN: 9791220217415

Book preview

Love

Chapter 1: Is Your Relationship One of Co-Dependence?

Popular definitions of codependence are so broad that anyone would be categorized as co-dependent. The definition (and usefulness) of the codependence principle is diluted by these broad definitions. Ever since starting my research study of inefficient helping, I have tried to pin down the co-dependence principle.

I like to see co-dependent relationships as a specific kind of dysfunctional helping relationship. Generally speaking, in inefficient helping relationships, someone's help supports (allows) the other person's underachievement, irresponsibility, immaturity, addiction, procrastination, or poor mental or physical health.

The assistant does so by doing such things as saving the other from self-imposed situations, bearing their negative effects for them, accommodating their unhealthy or careless behaviors, and taking care of them such that they do not develop or show proficiencies normal for those of their age or abilities. Although these unbalanced relationships can go on for a bit of time, they're eventually unsustainable due to their consumption of the helper's physical, psychological, or financial resources, and because they cause animosity and relationship strain.

Inefficient helping relationships do not necessarily involve codependence, but they may. Co-dependent relationships are close relationships where much of the love and intimacy in the relationship is experienced in the context of a single person's distress and the other's saving or enabling. The assistant shows love primarily through the provision of support and the other feels loved primarily when they get assistance. The intense shared experiences of the other's struggles and disasters and the helper's saves deepen the emotional connection and feelings of intimacy.

In a co-dependent relationship, the assistant's psychological enmeshment leads them to acutely feel the other's battles and to feel guilt at the thought of limiting their help or ending the relationship. This motivates them to reduce the other's suffering (and their own) by continued helping and makes them fast to withdraw of any limitations they set.

Helpers susceptible to co-dependent relationships typically find intimacy in relationships where their main role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These assistants are typically depending on the other's poor functioning to please psychological needs such as the need to feel needed, and the need to keep the other close because of fears of abandonment. Feeling competent (relative to the other) also increases the low self-esteem of some helpers.

In co-dependent relationship, the other's reliance on the assistant is also deep. The other is bound to the helper because the helper's prolonged help has restrained their maturity, life skills, or confidence, or allowed their dependency, or poor psychological or physical health, making them dependent on the assistant's assistance. Their poor functioning brings them needed love, care, and concern from the assistant, further reducing their motivation to change.

Due to their below-average performance, these others might have few relationships as close as their relationship with the helper. This makes them highly depending on the assistant to satisfy a lot of the needs met by close relationships (such as the need to matter to someone and the need for care). It's this high degree of mutual, unhealthy reliance on the part of both the assistant and the other that makes the relationship co-dependent and resistant to change.

While it is true that some inefficient helping relationships are indeed co-dependent, and it's also true that codependence may appear from some of your personality types, beware in your adoption of the co-dependent name. Or at the very least don't wave it around like a flag of fate (I'm co-dependent and I cannot help myself because that's just what I do!). And remember that dysfunctional helping is complex. It's motivated by a variety of aspects and should not be minimized to easy ideas of codependence.

Chapter 2: The Psychology of Enabling

So, here is a question: Why do friends and family continue to allow their loved ones? I'm certain if I pose this question to people that I know that have addiction problems in their