Loving Fearlessly

By Kim Tran Nguyen, Raymond Aaron and Loral Langemeier

Relationships are puzzles to some people and a minefield for others. If this describes you, or you are looking for the love of your life, this is your straightforward roadmap. You'll need to put in work and commitment, but the good news is that the 10 love principles that Kim Tran Nguyen writes about are values that will greatly enhance and enrich your love life. With this checklist of essentials that support lifelong love, you'll move from distrust to trust, from unslaked desire to erotic passion, and from distance and fear to courage and vulnerability. You'll communicate with authenticity, love with confidence, and receive with
grace and gratitude. Love is worth fighting for. If you want to move through past heartbreaks, revitalize a mediocre relationship or discover greater fulfillment in your relationship, this book will help you create the life of your dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9781772773729

Book preview

Maker

Preface 1

IS THIS BOOK RIGHT FOR YOU?

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

– Mignon McLaughlin

Falling in love is one of the most exquisite and magical of human experiences. It is celebrated endlessly in literature, music, and movies. Love stories are elevating and give hope to those of us looking for that connection. But, the death of love is fêted. Heartbreak, tragedy, and breakups are just as rich fodder for books, pop tunes, and the screen, because staying in love is an altogether different challenge from falling in love.

Love can develop as a slow burn, a heat that needs to be nurtured in the same way tinder needs oxygen to burst into flame. Love can strike out of the blue, like lightning, when there is an instant flash of recognition between two people, and their lives are forever changed. However, too much of our modern day attention, the proliferation of online dating being a prime example, is devoted to finding love, to getting into a relationship, to getting out of loneliness.

It’s now easier to get dates, and there are lots of apps available to manage that, but it seems to be that we are trading volume for substance. We may know the right moves to hooking up, but we are losing out on meaningful connection and what follows after. We know all about ghosting, which is to suddenly disappear from a relationship without explanation, not even a text!

Ghosting suits people who don’t know how to handle emotional discomfort, but real life requires that we know how to discuss uncomfortable issues with a partner. Are we able to do that without anger or judgement if we can now take refuge behind an app or a text? To me, we are in fact trading down when it comes to love and intimacy, when we should be trading up.

So, I decided to try an experiment.

If you google finding love in the book category on Amazon, you’ll get at least 7,000 titles—books promising to turn you into a love magnet. Titles vary, from Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate, to Grindr Survivr: How to Find Happiness in the Age of Hookup Apps, to How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk—all fun stuff, but you get the drift.

Continuing the experiment further, I changed the search term to stay in love, and I got more than 232 results, most of them variations of the same theme: staying in love through better communication, developing a love style, and the secrets of staying in love. One book caught my eye. It was Falling in Love Is Easy. Staying in Love is Very Special, but it was a catchy title for a blank-lined journal!!

In the final step of my experiment, I typed in the search terms enhancing love and got even fewer suggestions. There were 158 titles, but a cursory glance showed that most of them were geared towards enhancing sexual intimacy, such as climax enhancing positions or colorful foods to enhance sensuality. I am all for sexual and sensual passion, and I consider it so integral to my book that I am devoting a whole chapter to it.

But the purpose of the test is to show that there are countless books available that show the way to finding love; and there are some about staying in love, and even fewer about enhancing love…the way I see it. Love can die; it can wither on the vine, despite its early promise of a scintillating future filled with joy and partnership. It can wane and fade through the years, from neglect, wounding, and betrayal. And more importantly, love can stagnate; it stops growing. It may stand still at sufficiently happy or stable, and you may have what is considered by regular norms, a good marriage. But let me ask you this: Don’t you want to take your relationship from good to awesome? From happy to joyful? From staying in love to growing in love?

Absolutely!

Who is This Book for Then?

This book is written to help married couples in a healthy relationship, who want more. It is for the two of you who seek a deeper connection, with a greater emotional understanding of your significant other.

It is also written for the single person who wants some guidance on how to find love, to be happily married, and to keep growing in love after the I do.

I need to insert a caveat here. This book is not for you if you are in a difficult, loveless relationship. If your relationship is on the rocks, your time is better spent elsewhere.

In summary, this book is for you if you are already married or in a loving partnership, and:

•want to go from an okay and stable to a splendid and luscious partnership

•wish to ignite greater passion, plumb new depths, and discover hidden dimensions in each other

•long for something deeper, more textured, more empowering with the love of your life

It’s also for you if you are single and need guidance to:

•make the right moves to find that lasting, fulfilling love

•believe and trust in love again after a painful break-up

•find courage to believe in your self-worth after several failed relationships

•open up your heart, no matter what age you are

Are you intentionally seeking a truly satisfying and sustainable relationship with your partner?

Are you successful, healthy, wealthy, fully committed to your spouse, and have everything you want but are missing the passion and intimacy in your relationship?

Do you feel an emptiness inside from not fully expressing yourself to your partner because you are afraid of being vulnerable?

Do you wholeheartedly love your partner, yet feel something is missing?

Know that you are not alone. I’ve been down this way before, and I am here to encourage you to know how to give and get more from your marriage, to change how you interact with each other, and to push for new conversations and new topics to converse about.

This is your time to discover how to lead a more romantically fulfilling love life, and to do so with courage and confidence. It is your moment to find new ways of interacting more meaningfully with your soulmate, through new patterns of conscious and loving behavior—not from habit or routine, nor from old patterns or expectations.

This book will help you get new insights about what may be missing, highlight attitudes that may be blocking greater intimacy, and make clear your needs and how to convey them to your spouse. Just as importantly, you will learn how to listen to what your partner is really asking for, and to build space for both of you to express your greatest fears, to fully let down your guard in order to let in more love.

Who Am I and How Can I Help You?

Thank you for picking up my book. I promise you that there is a whole lot more in store in the following chapters. My name is Kim, and I am a fearless passion and intimacy coach.

I describe myself as a fearless coach because my work is only meant for the bold and fearless who dare to be authentic and emotionally raw with me, who have the audacity to dream big and love to their full potential. I won’t kid you—it’s an uncomfortable and challenging coaching process. But if you have the mettle to want more, to dig deep and not hold back, to be daring enough to truly understand what your heart really desires, and to not flinch away from hard and honest conversations, I assure you that you will change, if you believe your love for your partner is worth fighting for.

Your life will be measurably different when you have the courage to travel on this journey with me. You will better understand relationship dynamics, welcome intimacy rather than shying away from it and, all in all, build a real love connection.

As a private love coach who is happily married to my high school soulmate of 24 years and counting, it is my life purpose and calling to inspire eternal love, and to show you how to emotionally connect and bond with your significant other.

I am forever grateful that my personal journey started when I met my soulmate, Tom, in high school, at the age of sixteen. Being in a relationship with him since the beginning of 1995, has helped me learn, mature, and experience what the real meaning of love and fulfillment is. But my relationship wasn’t always happy and healthy. For years, I felt lost, confused, and alone, and I was emotionally yearning to connect with my husband and truly understand him. If only I had the courage to ask for help, I could have saved a lot of time, frustration, unhappiness, loneliness, and heartache.

But having found my way through, I have decided to dedicate my life to practice this extraordinary kind of passionate love. I invite you to come along with me on this powerful life-changing journey, so that yours will be a life story for the ages.

It will be my honor to be your guide.

It is true when people say that we can only give what we receive, and can only effectively share what we truly understand and apply consciously to our daily lives.

I religiously live and breathe my love life as a top priority, and continually strive to grow and improve my marriage every day, every week, and every year.

And if you have the same relationship goals as mine, I strongly believe that you will resonate with my love philosophy.

What are you currently lacking in your love life? Passion, excitement, or intimacy? Let me enrich your life by helping you achieve all three.

You really can have it all. And you should want to have it all.

Let me save you time, energy, and frustration by sharing what I have researched, learned, and experienced over the last 20+ years on how to love and respect and cherish my soulmate, Tom. I am willing to share my mistakes so that you can learn from my failings and sidestep the traps that come from fear, impatience, insecurity, or complacency.

My sincere wish is for you to be happier and healthier in your marriage. I am so excited to help you grow your relationship to the next level of romance.

I promise that you will be more connected with your partner, and enjoy more passion, excitement, and intimacy if you actively apply and practice the principles I share with you in this book.

Let’s move forward together now. A happiest ever after awaits you!

TESTIMONIAL

I am so thankful for Kim’s teachings in this book. They helped me create the bridge to a healthier marriage and deeper connection with my spouse. I am finally happy and fulfilled in my relationship.

– Nancy Davis, Realtor

Preface 2

10 LOVE PRINCIPLES FOR AN EVERLASTING MARRIAGE

Marriages last because two people make a choice: to keep it, to fight for it, and to work for it.

– Unknown

Romance novels, movies, and reality shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, play up the concept that getting the ring on the finger is everything. But little on prime-time television pays attention to the fact that marriage is not the end all and be all.

It’s just the beginning.

It can be the beginning of something wonderful, beautiful, and abiding. But as statistics show, in the US, between 40–50%¹ of marriages descend into relationship hell, which ends in a nasty and painful breakup. And unfortunately, the rate of failure is even higher for second and subsequent marriages, at a 68% divorce rate.

Which path do you choose?

Naturally, you assume you would undoubtedly choose the path of happiness forever. But are you aware of, and are you committed to, what goes into making a marriage work? Not just a humdrum, ordinary marriage but one that is strong and thriving, and brimming over with intense excitement, passion, and joy.

Do you know what the ingredients are that go into a sustainable, loving relationship? Are you aware of the marriage-friendly practices you need to integrate into your daily life to keep your relationship healthy, thriving, and fulfilling?

When I pose the question as to what bonds two people together in marriage, the answers I normally get are shared values, common interests, physical and sexual attraction, and mutual respect. But the four-letter word, work, doesn’t often come into the conversation. Yet it needs to, because a strong, fulfilling relationship requires work. The magical connection that sustains many happy marriages, creates lifetime partnerships that nourish and nurture, and which uplifts, elevates, and heals, doesn’t happen because you wish for it with starry-eyed eagerness. You have to be present for it. You have to be committed to giving it your all. You have to be prepared to heal the hurts and wounds that marriage uncovers. You have to practice positive principles that engender mutual respect, admiration, and sincerity.

Every day.

It requires that you be willing to change as marriage fades from the giddy romance to a more mature commitment. It demands that you let go of control and be courageous enough to be vulnerable despite the risk of being hurt.

A lasting and enriching marriage necessitates the presence of mindfulness; it needs patience. It expects that you trust each other, that you respect the wishes of the other. It also insists on common courtesy, to have