It’s Not You–It’s Me.

By Sara Potter

I got out of a six year relationship just shy of my 30th birthday. It lacked closure and answers, and while most of my friends were getting married and having babies, I felt...lost. I was single for the first time since I was 23. I knew it was for the best, but it was still a lot to process. It took a little while for me to realize that the whole “older and wiser” thing definitely applies to dating and relationships. During this time in my life, although I felt lost, I never let self-pity creep in. I was frustrated, confused, and sad, but I knew I could find clarity if I was brave enough to really look for it.

I knew I had to be good and ready to take a look in the rear view mirror if I wanted to gain any real insight. It took me about six months to get to a point where I felt like I could accept that the relationship I’d put so much effort into was only meant to be a chapter; to realize that my next relationship could be a hundred times better if I was willing to put in that same effort on my own self-reflection. Spoiler alert: I was right.

“It’s Not You—It’s Me.” is ultimately a year’s worth of personal growth on paper. It is a recollection of my thoughts and perspectives and how they evolved as I got to know myself on a deeper level and eventually found the right partner. I forced myself to look through a sharper lens and discovered details, priorities and attributes that relate to myself and the relationships I have with others that I had previously overlooked. My experience is told in three parts, and intended to be a quick read; a story that resonates with you and provides a framework for self-evaluation and discovery which I hope will help you strengthen relationships that matter, and let go of ones that don't.

If you’re single, I hope you’ll read along and feel like you stumbled across the diary of a good friend—knowing that being single does not mean being alone, and that it could be the perfect time to get reacquainted with yourself. And if you’re in a happy relationship and you read my story anyway, I hope my self-reflection will inspire you to do the same. The moment when I felt like I discovered the most basic (yet, seemingly disregarded) meaning of the phrase “it’s not you—it’s me” was about so much more than an old relationship. It was empowering and thought provoking and exactly what I needed. And that, in itself, felt worth sharing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sara Potter
• Release date: Nov 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9781951744007

Book preview

It’s Not You—

It’s Me.

And there’s nothing wrong with either of us.

Hiding in the shadows of heartbreak,

I found hindsight…and it led me to

the kind of love you read about.

by

Sara Potter

IT’S NOT YOU—IT’S ME.

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Copyright © 2019 Sara Potter. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the author and publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

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Categories: SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness

ISBN: 978-1-951744-00-7 (eBook)

Version 2019.11.20

It’s Not You—

It’s Me.

Introduction

What I learned about myself from spending most of my 20s in the wrong relationship is exactly why I found the right relationship in my 30s. For a while, I dismissed the idea of having to give myself time to regroup. Everyone would say things to me like, You just got out of a six year relationship. You’re going through a lot. It’s going to take time. You can’t just expect yourself to be ready to date again. And I wasn’t—but I told myself I was. The thought of wasting another day on the wrong person wasn’t something I was willing to do. And that’s where I had myself confused. Taking time to process and heal and find my new normal wasn’t supposed to be about my ex. It was supposed to be about me. And that’s the foundation of this narrative.

I had a very difficult time moving on because my relationship lacked closure. There was no cheating, no bad blood. It just wasn’t going to work in the long run and it took an ultimatum to figure that out. After we’d been together five years and a few months, I told him that if he didn’t know he wanted to marry me by the time our six-year anniversary rolled around, then I’d make the decision for him. Four days shy of six years, he finally initiated a conversation with no real explanation other than he