Let's Talk About It- Honest Conversation about Things that Matter

By Derrick L, Sr

What is “Let’s Talk About It” about? Have you ever watched TV and heard them talking about a subject that you cared about and immediately grew frustrated at its content? The discussion rarely covers what it should be about. This is frustrating because people on TV more often than not, set the national narrative. Why are we discussing the victims of police shootings and their background more than we address the background and lives of the officers? Why are we talking about what’s going wrong with the war on terror, instead of discussing if a physical war on terror even makes sense? Maybe fighting an ideology with bombs and bullets isn't the best way to combat terror.

Maybe we are all out of touch with the real issues that face us all, and overall are having the wrong conversations? From relationships to politics this book covers it. Telling from the current climate nationally, I believe that a different perspective that's different from what's traditional will be helpful. If we do not change our perspective we will continue to see our cultural progression stagnated and social growth slowed.

Are we really a Nation that is made up of laws or idealogy? Is gay marriage really a threat to the institution of marriage? Are we having an open and honest conversation about race and the American dream as it relates to us all? Are male and female relationships doomed by their differences?

This book will make for an excellent debate and water cooler discussion. It can ignite passions and challenge world views. It will make some people mad, alienate others, be championed by some but will be a welcomed breath of fresh air to all. One thing is sure, everything in this book is a conversation that we all need to have as a society as a whole.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Derrick L, Sr
• Release date: Mar 1, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370562497

Derrick L, Sr

First and foremost allow me to welcome you to my profile.I'm from Columbus, OH. Writing has always been a passion of mines since I was 7 years old. I wrote poetry and even drew comic books coming up. The process of creating a story and completing it gave me joy. As I got older I began to grow as a writer and learned how to write songs. Doing poetry for the first part of my life helped me as a songwriter as you can imagine. However, I still wanted to go back to writing stories that everyone can enjoy.After my move to Atlanta I had some success with music and even joined the recording academy. However I thought it was time that I grew the aspect of my writing skills that I had left behind. Yes I can write many different styles of music but I wanted to challenge myself. I've always been an avid reader, but I began to focus on how books were put together. I paid attention to the psychology behind the wording and really became a student of writing and understanding what it really meant to be an author.2014 is when I began to write my first book "Let's Talk About It". I go into further detail about the story behind how it came to be in the book. It was once a book without form, only an idea of inspiration. All that I knew is I wanted to talk to the people in a way that I counsel people in my personal life frequently. I'm proud to have come this far and put together this work for you to enjoy. I'm proud of "Lets Talk About It" and all that it addresses. Thank you for your time and attention.

Book preview

Let’s talk about it!

Honest conversation about things that matter

Derrick L.

Copyright 2016 Derrick L.

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet usage, without written permission of the author.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my lovely friend and confidant. You are the epitome of friendship and the definition of a love that lasts for many lifetimes. My beautiful wife Monica, thank you for your support and effort.

We did it Baby

Table of Contents

From the Author

Preface

It’s These Six Things…

Male-Derangement Syndrome

Love at War

Why Don’t We All Get Along?

Uncle Steve Was Wrong

The Spouse in the Mirror

The Middle Class Traps

The More Things Change…

Politics as Usual

Minding Your Own Damn Business

Being Petty and the Art of Isolation

Adults and Their Kid-Sized Emotions

Money and Me

The Blind Eye and the Hypocrite

God Is Not In Control… Deal With It

Religious Handicaps, Do You Have One?

From the Author

I never thought in a million years that I would write this book... In fact I didn’t think at the tender age of 13 that I would grow up to have kids and get married. The truth of the matter is I didn’t plan on any of this. Forgive me if that sounds terrible but it’s honest. Coming from where I came from and in the circumstances that I was raised in, it makes sense.

I was a young black male raised by a single mother that lived in the poorer parts of Columbus, Ohio. My father was an addict at the time so he spent his time chasing his habit, and my mother was working hard to provide the best she could. I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist but kids like me don’t write books where I was from. I’m not saying that kids aren’t capable of such things; I’m saying that none of my peers thought about being an author of any literature whatsoever. I did however like to write poems that later became songs after I went through my freestyle phase and was able to give my songs the structure that I was able to bring to poetry.

I never thought of actually being a writer until I reached the age of 19. As the years pass and certain circumstances take precedence over your dreams things became delayed. However, no matter what happens, always keep your dreams close to your mind and even closer to your heart. Allow yourself the possibility to accomplish that which you desire and pursue it with fervor. The only thing that is keeping it from coming true is time and effort that you put in. You have to make a commitment to create that which is in your dream and the determination to see it through until it comes to fruition.

Writing this book has been a process; a journey that first started with me. What is it that I wanted to write about? This question dogged me for months. It had gotten to the point that I was in a dead lock of no progress. Every book that you could write about an array of topics was already on the shelves.

What makes my book so different? During this time I had been talking to people about a variety of possible topics. Some pertaining to their lives, but the conversation always shifted to a broader conversation in general. People tell me all the time that they love to pick my brain about anything. They said that they were enthralled by the way my mind works, and how I see things. Around this time I had already decided to write a book, but I had a block as to what it would be about. I was growing frustrated that I couldn’t find what I wanted to commit the effort of writing about. A topic that was so special to me that I could actually write, publish and promote, until one day it dawned on me. I was sitting at a Starbucks having coffee with my wife when the topic of my book came up. She asked me how the project was progressing. I responded with a blank stare and shook my head. She could see the visible indifference I had about my books progress, or the lack thereof. I couldn’t break the creative ground on the project and hadn’t found a way forward. She responded by saying, the way that you solve everyone’s problems, I’m sure you’ll solve this for yourself. I looked up from my iced caramel coffee and stared at her. She had hit gold and the light in my mind had come on. People love to hear me talk about things at random, so why not make that the premise of my book. I will discuss an array of topics that concern us culturally and socially. Some hot button topics which will challenge your prior beliefs; and some subjects that will make you laugh. Overall what I wanted to create was a book of issues that are tackled by facts, research and the power of the mind. Thank you for your time, now let’s talk about it.

Preface

I know that you’re use to books that talk about men and women, love and lost love. You read books on how this author and that author has done this study and other tactics to affirm their credibility. This book is not one of those books. During the time that I have your attention, I will be talking about a series of topics that interest us all. Using focus groups, polls and intellectual critical thinking, I will be tackling some of our most controversial and non-controversial topics that deal with the things that concern us every day.

This book is about reasoning with the reader on the basis of common sense and sound decision making to come to a conclusion about political, social, financial and parenting matters. Overall the goal is to present different points of view to the public that may change some minds, and maybe even help someone struggling with areas of their lives that until now have held them back.

I appreciate your attention and do not consider it a coincidence that you came across this book. We all struggle with something in our lives. Whether its relationships, work, lack of direction in life; we are all afflicted with an array of challenges. Often times all we really need to relieve that stress is a different point of view. The benefit of having a fresh set of eyes on a topic can be the difference maker. Seeing a problem as a giant may be just a matter of you changing your vantage point; then said giant will not look so big. In fact you may find that your giant is only a giant because you were not standing up to it the right way. Whatever the case may be, let’s talk about it.

It’s These Six Things…

The 6 things that destroy relationships and hinder happiness

My upbringing is like the tale of two tales. I have a moment in my life where everything seemed like the best times in the world, and another part of my life that was like hell on earth. As a child we had all the toys, lived miles from the Rocky Mountains, we had a piranha and a parrot as pets. If my memory serves me right I can remember my life was the picture of toys and happiness.

I was a child then and as I look back as an adult I recognize that my vantage point was wrong. I saw things from the position of what was important to a child. You see, although I remember many things from my childhood, one of the most important memories I didn’t have was a memory of my father. I can’t recall us spending any time together. I also remember strange women coming in and out of the house while my mother was not around. This occurred a handful of times but it was enough for me to take notice. I thought they were friends of the family. That was until my brother had told my mother that we met our aunt while she was gone. We didn’t know what that meant but my mother was aware.

I didn’t know it then, but my father had a problem with fidelity. As a child I didn’t know what the cause for my father’s absence was, but I would later find out that women weren’t my father’s only weakness. The more I found out about my father the more I worried in my older age if what plagued him would plague me in my relationships?

I’m a very discerning person that thinks inwardly a lot and I purposed in my heart to pay attention to the little things that can help me to avoid not only being like my father, but avoid me causing the level of hurt I’ve seen him and other men cause, not only my mother but other women around me. I purposed in my heart early that I wanted to be the type of man that I thought would have been the best for my mom. Like other children, divorce had left its mark on me, in a positive way, but other kids take it harder. I paid attention to the adult arguments around me and in my head would solve their problems (or so I thought). Kids tend to think that we have the answers to the adult issues, however kids don’t understand the things that make it harder to do what kids think is so simple.

As an adult I’ve come to find out there are several obstacles, right or wrong, that make it harder for families to stick together. What adults tend to fight over on its face is ridiculous in many ways. It seems simple on its face, however as I delve deeper I will show you how it’s rooted in deeper issues that are learned, experienced and attributed to our parents, friends, and our culture. After much research, interviewing and thinking it over, I came down with 6 things that I have noticed cause breakdowns in love and relationships in my life and others lives.

1. Pride/Ego- I don’t subscribe to any one religion and I don’t hang my hat on knowing scriptures and scrolls. I do however receive knowledge and wisdom from any outlet that I can. Proverbs 16:18 states that Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

That means that pride is often a catalyst in a failing, a disaster or a fall in your life. Now how does this relate to relationships? I can attest that the many times that I have either procrastinated, was ill-prepared, or hurt someone’s feelings that I love, pride was involved. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a very bright guy. I understand things very quickly and easier than many of my counterparts. Knowing that though has had an adverse effect on my behavior. In college I knew I had a test that I had to study for, or a project that was due, and my pride and belief in myself childishly caused me to procrastinate.

Oftentimes whatever we have going for us whether it be our looks, our economic standing, our social affluence or all of the above, all of that tends to get in the way of loving someone completely and unconditionally. The knowledge of knowing that we have it going on can cause us to feel like a gift to the person that we are with. It may even make you feel as if you have options, and if you got a person, you can get another one. Treating people as disposable or seeing them as such, stands in the way of being in love especially unconditionally.

Being in love with someone and loving them 100% is foolish by common sense standards. Someone who is prideful and sees someone as disposable cannot love someone unconditionally. Opening yourself up to that kind of vulnerability is selfless and goes against our baked in instincts of self-preservation. Why subject yourself to the risk of pain? Because unconditional love and life-sharing is so much worth it when you get it right. I have seen pride and entitlement (which we will deal with later) destroy relationships that could’ve been beautiful. They just couldn’t get past their own pride and feeling that they deserved something more, only to end up with less than they had. Pride is an issue in men, yes, but it’s become a huge problem in women. There is a difference in having a healthy self-esteem and letting pride/ego run amuck. Your looks do not mean that you deserve someone that is richer or more beautiful. It does not mean that you can only shop at the model body rack of men. Time and time again I see these ladies call the wrong guy bae and then are posting how they are single and he dogged her shortly afterward. Love is often times not where you are looking. We believe we deserve something because our pride tells us that we do, so we look in that area for this type of person, however we don’t have the character or the inner-credit score to get the model type guy/woman and keep them. No matter someone’s looks, a good man or woman will not stay with someone who is egotistical, selfish, shallow and materialistic. Odds are if they are a good woman/man, they’ve grown out of those characteristics and are ultimately seeking a counterpart and not someone that is still where they’ve grown from.

2. Entitlement- Nothing irks me more than someone who assumes that they deserve something. Now let’s be clear, I’m not talking about health and safety or the right to be respected. That’s not what I’m talking