Poverty of the Mind

By Ricki Drake

Poverty of the Mind is about how I lived on the street because I was trying to find myself and because I was ignorant and uneducated. Looking back at my life, I can relate to many groups of people that have been categorized as abused in one way or another: marital rape and spousal abuse, child abuse, mental health issues, homelessness, and psychological abuse. Assaulted by a gang of women and beaten down by life, by the grace of God, I was able to pull myself out of that life, become educated, and learn to love myself.
Imprisoned by my own circumstances and ignorant about life, education opened my eyes to a new way of living. The strength I needed to go on was based on an unseen force that moved me forward. My faith could move mountains, but faith alone does not make a woman. Growing up comes with a cost. For some teenagers who are facing unidentified or undiagnosed psychological issues, being patient with life itself is not an option. We tend to run toward something, never really knowing what that something is. The price I had to pay growing up was sometimes greater than I could bear.
When you’re an adult, you see people in the street and think nothing of it. You pass them by without even looking at them. That person you just passed by has lived a life that no one else could understand. The somber look on their faces hides truths that would shock you. The life I lived, of always running, is hidden deep inside my soul.
I found the courage through education and hope through my belief in God to leave.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9798888327630

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Poverty of the Mind

Ricki Drake

Copyright © 2023 by Ricki Drake

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Full Disclosure for My Readers

Although everything I disclose within Poverty of the Mind is based on true events, the events may not follow full chronological timelines. In addition, I may have changed the names of some characters to protect them from any harm. Thank you for understanding.

This book is dedicated to all the people suffering at the hands of a loved one. May God give you the strength to leave.

To those who have had the courage to leave their abusers, I pray for all the healing possible for each and every one of you.

To anyone suffering from depression, you are not alone.

To my husband, David, I see you.

Lastly, to my daughters Meghan and Madison, because you are the strongest young women I have ever met, you are my strength and I love you with all of my heart.

Preface

Thank you for purchasing my autobiography. Putting my thoughts on paper and opening my life to the world meant having to relive all the hurt and suffering I went through growing up, but it was worth recalling every memory because one of my main goals was to reach teenagers who have thought about running away and those who think that dropping out of high school is better for them. I also want to reach out to teenagers who think about suicide. Suicide is not the answer to your troubles. If I can tell you how many times I thought about suicide, I would be lying; I can’t even count the times I thought about killing myself and just ending it. You are not alone when you think about dying. I, too, thought about it every single day. I thought life would be better without me in it. No one would miss me. I could just disappear, and no one would notice. I wrote this book with the hope that you would read it and know that you are not alone. You are not alone even though it sometimes, or maybe always, feels like you are. Once the phase you are going through passes, life changes. And there is so much beauty in this world; we just have to search for it. Life is worth living. Life changes. You are not always going to feel this way.

This book was not only written for teenagers, though, because as adults we suffer so much and we feel so alone sometimes. I wrote this book to bring awareness to a problem that has gone ignored for so long—spousal abuse and marital rape. Reliving the experience was horrible, and thinking about it opened some wounds that had been closed for decades. I fell back into depression temporarily, and I had to dig deep within myself to find the courage again to say I am a survivor and what I went through does not define me.

But more than the depression of remembering my past was the awareness that I must admit to everyone who knows me that I live with a mental health disorder. I am not ashamed, however, because I have received mental health treatment via therapy and medication. Most of all, the support I now have from those around me is phenomenal. My husband and daughters love me unconditionally. The love that surrounds me is unreal and is something I had not known but searched for, for so long. Mental health disorders are not reasons to be fired from work or to lose friends because many people suffer from mental health issues. It’s a subject that is not openly discussed yet, but hopefully, someday, it will be as normal as saying I have high blood pressure. You should not be discriminated against for getting mental health treatment. You should not be ashamed to say you have a mental health disorder.

Lastly, I wrote this book to say that if you feel empty inside and are seeking something but you just can’t pinpoint it, search for whatever it is that fills your soul. Seek God, search for the peace of meditation, search for your inner self, seek inner power, and look for what makes you happy. Try everything—every religion until you find the right one; every meditation until you find inner peace; or take a vacation alone to find yourself, a spiritual journey. Just don’t give up on yourself. Join a group, participate in events, and volunteer your time if you’re bored or lonely. Pick up a hobby, learn new languages, learn to cook. Do something! Don’t lie in bed hoping to just magically be happy. Go back to school, continue your education, and get mental health treatment. Tell your doctor, find a therapist, go to a psychiatrist, and get medication and counseling. Fight for your life! That’s what I had to do to survive my suicidal tendencies and my period of homelessness and to learn to