Seeing My Path: In and Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist

By Jesse Blayne

Seeing My Path examines the patterns of behavior that led Jesse Blayne to marry a narcissist, lose herself in a troubled marriage, struggle to find her own voice, and make the healthy choices that led to rediscovering herself and a new future.

At times insightful, other times self-deprecating and humorous, Jesse stands in the wind on a plateau that provides a view of the choices she's made and the paths she's taken. She sees where she messed up, and she sees what she did well.

Will she learn her lessons and stop herself from making the same mistakes?

Will she see her inherent good qualities and make a choice to focus on her own talents?

Questions at the end of the chapters provide excellent guides for finding your own path.

Join Jesse on the plateau to evaluate your own choices and the paths you've chosen.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jesse Blayne
• Release date: Nov 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311074874

Jesse Blayne

I've been quietly shooting arrows at narcissism for years. As my aim gets better, my health improves and my kids get happier. I write to shed light on the difficulties of dealing with narcissism, and I also show the good side of life after divorce. Trust me, it's very good on the other side.

Book preview

Seeing My Path

In and Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist

Jesse Blayne

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Jesse Blayne

Contents

Intro

How I Got Here

Walls, Fences and Structures

Something Isn’t Working

The Last Straw

It’s Karma, Stupid

Kicking Doubts to the Curb

Getting in the Way of Change

Oh, the Possibilities!

Now Where?

Hatching A Plan

Delicious Beginnings and a Red Wagon

Where Are My Flip Flops?

Bumps in the Road

Enjoying the Ride

One advantage of talking to yourself is that

you know at least somebody’s listening.

- Franklin P. Jones

Intro

Somewhere in the middle of Montana, I had a conversation with myself. The words were at times warm and loving, and occasionally harsh and critical, but they resulted in an acceptance of myself, a certain knowledge of how I got here, and a somewhat clear picture of where I am going.

This conversation helped me realize that I have a choice in where it is I want to go.

* * *

Do not admit to talking to yourself. If anyone hears you, they will think our issues are deeper than they really are. We’ll lose credibility.

"Relax. This is a process.

I’m working through some stuff here. Maybe they want to come along for the ride.

Maybe they are working through the same stuff.

I’ll lead the way.

Come on.

It’ll be fun.

It‘s time we quit worrying about what everyone else thinks."

Do we have to be out in the wind, up on this plateau? Can’t we do this somewhere a little cozier? How about the lounge at that hotel we just passed? Can’t we discuss this over a beer?

"The plateau is the perfect place for this conversation.

We can see clearly from up here - get a big picture.

There’ll be time for wine when we figure out where we are going."

* * *

For two years now, I have been blogging about life on the other side of a narcissistic relationship. I write about how I deal with a narcissistic ex-husband, and how I help my kids navigate situations with their narcissistic father.

The writing I’ve done on the blog, SurvivingNarcissism.com, has been cathartic and eye-opening. I’ve made strong connections with others who have walked a similar path. This process has helped me see many of the reasons why I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist.

I now see the behavioral patterns that led me to where I am today.

* * *

Not long after I started the blog, I found myself sitting by a pool in Henderson, Nevada scribbling notes in an orange, college rule notebook.

I had just quit my job, made sure Will and Jenny were safely tended to for a long weekend, and taken a plane to meet a friend. At the last minute, I had packed a notebook that my daughter had been using in 2nd grade.

On the cover of the notebook, there was a drawing of the two of us. In Jen’s handwriting, were the words, onlee mom and jenny kan yoos it. I figured she wouldn’t mind if I borrowed the notebook. I knew her sweet spirit would give my writing some good ju-ju.

It was the first week in November, but still warm enough to swim in the resort’s lovely pool. I wasn’t in the mood to swim, but I did want to soak up some sun, so I sat in a lounge chair by the pool.

The thoughts for this book started spilling onto the notebook paper. At first, I was just writing feelings and observations about where I had been, where I was - at that moment - and where I hoped to go.

At the time, I’d come through a huge phase of personal changes. I had ended my 10 year marriage and set out to learn about myself. I wanted to learn why my marriage had failed. More than that, I wanted to know why I’d put myself aside, in order to be married.

The scribbled thoughts in the notebook were creating a picture of the choices I’d made. Those choices sent me in a direction that led to my marriage.

I had never really given much thought