Help Your Marriage Succeed

By C.S. Bairagi

The decision to live with a total stranger for the rest of your incarnation is not a joke. It asks for a commitment that can endure all kinds of adversities. Marriage is not a relationship that you can walk in and out of, as and when you feel like; its sanctity is something which ought to be worshipped. It has got the potential to convert every house into a temple and lay down the foundation of a society that is compassionate. By making us work on all the polarities and paradoxes which constitute the fundamental molecule of life, it helps us in reaching out to that which has no opposite. Marriage is the ideal setup for our spiritual evolution in the kind of circumstances that characterize this culp (Yug) called Kalyug. So, I think we should all take a fresh look at our domesticity, with a reverence in our attitude for its prescription by the Gods, as a medicine for our wild and redundant inclinations.

The conquering of modern civilization by materialism and the constant decline in moral values has surely robbed the institute of marriage of all its glory. An arrangement which was basically designed to set us free of all of our enslavements has turned into the greatest threat to our freedom as well as honor. We have messed up so much with the traditional roles of a husband and wife that the very molecule of our society has been rendered dysfunctional. The home which was supposed to be our school of compassion has turned into a battle field because of the struggles for power. Everyone is fighting for domination and the tender flower of love is being trampled over by greed and wrath. Let some of us take the initiative to restore this world to health by going out of the way to practice and preach compassion. Let some of us dedicate our lives to selfless service of humanity and in the process of doing so heal a few of the ailing hearts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moksh Publications
• Release date: Dec 17, 2018
• ISBN: 9788193160589

Book preview

Acknowledgements

Iam deeply thankful to all the visible and invisible hands that have gone into the making of this book. Without their assistance and blessings I could not have done it. From the ones who inspired me to write to the one who has handed it to you, they all play a significant role in the manifestation of this work and have made it possible for me to reach out to you and share my being with you.

I am as grateful to those who have printed and distributed my work as I am to those who have earned for all of us the right to freedom of expression. There were days when it was not possible for an individual to speak the truth and share it with others. We are all very fortunate to be able to do so and should respect this freedom by not saying anything or writing anything that invades the space of others and hurts their sentiments. I therefore thank those who reviewed my work and provided me with a healthy feedback.

Even the tree, the wood of which the paper of this book is made from, deserves my thank you. We are all connected in a way that goes far beyond that which is obvious and we often fail to extend our gratitude to the silent existence that helps us realize our dreams. I thank everyone and everything responsible for all that I am and this book is a gift from me to mother-nature. 

Introduction

This book is specifically intended for couples who are determined not to let their personal world fall apart because of some challenging circumstances and are willing to make as many changes as it takes to manifest a harmonious married life. I know how tough it can be to compromise and bend but it is in the practice of such sacrifice that the strength of God is revealed to you. It is easy to be rigid and stubborn and to hold on to fixed opinions but to transcend the realm of duality, a much more generous approach to life in general needs to be cultivated. The ability to dissolve disputes and heal emotional wounds cannot be acquired by someone who is unable to accommodate the other in the circumference of his consciousness.

The decision to live with a total stranger for the rest of your incarnation is not a joke. It asks for a commitment that can endure all kinds of adversities. Marriage is not a relationship that you can walk in and out of, as and when you feel like; its sanctity is something which ought to be worshipped. It has got the potential to convert every house into a temple and lay down the foundation of a society that is compassionate. By making us work on all the polarities and paradoxes which constitute the fundamental molecule of life, it helps us in reaching out to that which has no opposite. Marriage is the ideal setup for our spiritual evolution in the kind of circumstances that characterize this culp (Yug) called Kalyug. So, I think we should all take a fresh look at our domesticity, with a reverence in our attitude for its prescription by the Gods, as a medicine for our wild and redundant inclinations.

The conquering of modern civilization by materialism and the constant decline in moral values has surely robbed the institute of marriage of all its glory. An arrangement which was basically designed to set us free of all of our enslavements has turned into the greatest threat to our freedom as well as honor. We have messed up so much with the traditional roles of a husband and wife that the very molecule of our society has been rendered dysfunctional. The home which was supposed to be our school of compassion has turned into a battle field because of the struggles for power. Everyone is fighting for domination and the tender flower of love is being trampled over by greed and wrath. Let some of us take the initiative to restore this world to health by going out of the way to practice and preach compassion. Let some of us dedicate our lives to selfless service of humanity and in the process of doing so heal a few of the ailing hearts.

In the existence of beings like Shri Ram Chandra and Mata Sita or Bhagwan Shiva and Goddess Parvati, we are all reminded of the blossoming of the relationship between a husband and a wife. In them, we find this relationship touching its supreme glory, thus providing us with a standard to look up to for the sake of reference. Ram is the potential of every man and Sita is the potential of every woman. But how many of us try to learn anything from the examples these divine beings set for us with the way they lived their lives? How many of us try to incorporate their teachings in our day to day conduct? We worship them for a while and then move away from the space that requires us to live a bit too consciously. We are comfortable with ceremonial religiousness but uncomfortable with following the path of righteousness. Our morality is not authentic; it feeds on the impression it makes on others.

If you really wish to see the metamorphosis of your married life from a killing chemistry to a beautiful dance, you will have to actively participate in initiating this change. The ideal would be of course where both the partners are equally interested in making this happen and prepared to go out of the way to produce desired results but even if that is not possible, you can expect great accomplishments from your individual effort. Very soon you will find your whole environment moving in the direction of peace and harmony and the seeds of compassion sown by you bearing a thousand fruits. May the almighty bless you with a harmony that can nourish everyone who comes in contact with you and may your home become a temple where all the virtues can be found.

Chapter 1 - Discourage All Interference

IN MAJORITY OF THE couples, the gap that exists between their individualities, even if it cannot be bridged, is not something which cannot be managed or allowed to be. It is the interference from outside what complicates the issue and blows the whole thing out of proportion. When a friend or relative starts using one of the partners as a launching pad for firing missiles on the other, the lack of harmony attains the status of a wound that is not being allowed to heal. There are men and women who love to interfere in the personal life of others. They derive a strange pleasure from moving the pieces around and exercising control over the happiness level of the ones they are related to. The driving force behind such an evil conduct of theirs could be possessiveness, jealousy or something that makes them inconsiderate to the suffering they are causing with the abuse of their intelligence and the destructive nature of their intentions. They are firmly rooted in duality and are not yet capable of responding to love.

So, do not hate them for what they are but refuse to play the role of a victim. Love them from a distance and patiently wait for them to cultivate some respect and concern for the honor and happiness of the other. If they seem to be determined not to learn anything at all from their own suffering and the suffering of others, accept this as a divine will and focus on those who are innocent enough to become a part of your personal universe. Just keep one thing in your mind – don’t let the hostility of anyone rob you of your compassion. Bear the unbearable if you have to, but don’t lose your connection with the God inside. Respond with kindness to unkind behavior and forgive every injury caused by insensitive motives. Protect the purity of your heart from the contamination of duality and avoid entertaining thoughts of hatred and violence.

Why do you think people interfere in the life of others? One, because they have no idea of the amount of spiritual homework inside their own being that needs to be done; two, because they have not yet clearly defined the purpose of their own incarnation. The person who is busy sculpturing his soul has no time to interfere in the affairs of others and when the purpose of your incarnation is living a conscious life, there is no place in it for unconscious behavior. It is absolutely sinful to use one’s intelligence for creating pain in the lives of those who have allowed him or her into their personal space and have confided their troubles to him or her. No sensible being would be cold enough to consider the agony of someone as a source of entertainment. And if anyone does, he or she undoubtedly does not deserve your intimacy. A victimizer should not be allowed to go on with his or her heinous plans.

Just as an oppressor does not know that he is oppressing and a dictator does not know that he is dictating, the one who interferes in the affairs of others also does not know that he or she is interfering.  It has to be brought to the notice of such a person. If you had the awareness that what you are doing is wrong, why on earth would you do it? The person who performs an immoral act definitely does not know yet what true morality is. Someone else shall have to bring