Daphne: A 'Not-Quite' Voodoo Gumshoe Love Story: Magic and Mayhem Universe: The 'Not-Quite' Love Story Series, #9

By Julia Mills

Take one recently deceased Voodoo Priestess who refuses to believe she's mortality-impaired…

Add one tall, dark, mysterious Bloodsucker who's developed a ragin' allergy to blood and all things plasma-related…

Mix in a half-Witch/half-Voodoo Priestess with her own Detective Agency, a one-eyed, talking Black Cat who wants to be a stand-up comedian, and a partner who's been kidnapped by a backwater, hillbilly family of Otter Shifters from the wrong side of the swamp…

And you've just entered the hell that is my life.

Some days you're the pin. Some days you're the voodoo doll…

And some days there's not enough coffee or chocolate in the whole wide world to deal with the shenanigans that fall from the sky like bird poop on a freshly washed car.

Goddess, send help, I feel like a pin cushion.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Julia Mills
• Release date: Oct 22, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386422587

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 by Julia Mills

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Cover by Linda Boulanger with Tell Tale Book Covers

Proofread by Tammy Payne with Book Nook Nuts

Beta Read by Linda Levy

Formatted by Charlene Bauer with Wickedly Bold Creations

To Robyn Peterman – THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me into your world!

I just ADORE you!

YOU ROCK, LADY! Never stop being you! XOXO

To All My Readers – YOU MAKE MY DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY!

THANK YOU from the bottom of my big old southern heart!

I simply could NOT do it without YOU!

DEDICATION

Dare to Dream! Find the Strength to Act! Never Look Back!

Thank you, God.

To my girls, Liz and Em, I Love You. Every day, every way, always.

To all the men and women who have battled or are battling breast cancer, you have my heart, my prayers, and my undying support. To those whose battle ended too soon and their loved ones still picking up the pieces, I wish you peace and love. Stay Strong Warriors! This one’s for you!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreward

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Epilogue

About Julia

Also by Julia Mills

Foreward

Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!

I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.

What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?

Well, let me explain...

It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you...the results are hilarious!

So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!

For all the stories, go to https://magicandmayhemuniverse.com/. Grab your copy today!

Chapter One

DAPHNE!

I will not answer. I will not answer. I will not answer.

Daphne LaPierre, where are you?

What am I, Scooby Doo? Where’s Shaggy? Velma? Fred? Can I get a frikkin’ Scooby snack? Okay, so my name’s Daphne, I have red hair, horrible taste in men, and love a good mystery. But whatever you do, don't make me wear purple. Dear Goddess, don't make me wear purple. With my curves, I’ll look like the Grape Guy in the Fruit of the Loom Commercial.

Daphne Jezebel-Maria LaPierre, (Not. A. Word. about my middle name. I’m warnin’ ya’. You’ll look ridiculous with one eyebrow, or God forbid braids growing outta your ears.) I know you’re here. If you don’t tell me where you are, I’ll scream this whole place down. You know I can do...

Over here, I groaned, lifting the scoopy end of my shovel out of the hole I was digging and waving it around like a flag on the field of battle. (Yeah, it was a grave. I was tryin’ to be gentle with y’all. From now on I’ll just rip the Band-Aid off. Don’t whine. You asked for it.)

Hovering over the three-foot by eight-foot rectangle, the final (Okay, almost final.) resting place of Thaddeus Marvel Rolando, Priestess Evangeline St. Germaine curled up her nose and cringed, What are you doin’ in a cemetery? You know dead people give me the heebie-jeebies.

"You are a dead person, Gillie," I sighed, turning back to my work and shoving my spade into the cold, damp dirt. (If I had a nickel for every time I’ve reminded that crazy old bird that’s she’s no longer among the living, I’d be sitting on a beach, drinking margaritas, being fawned all over by nearly naked guys who called me ‘Queen.')

Well, I never, she scoffed while zipping to the other side of the plot to stay in my line of sight. Had I not been on a deadline, (Get it? ‘Dead’ –line. Seriously, I crack me up.) I would’ve busted out laughing when Evangeline’s ‘spectral form’ (Her words, not mine.) flickered and spun like a Disco ball at Studio 54 before turning a ragin’ color of red and spitting sparks all over the dewy grass.

However, I couldn't let the opportunity to pull her chain just a little bit more pass me by so, I snorted, Sure, you did. More times than most. That's how you ended up ‘mortality-impaired.'

Daphne Jez...

Don’t you dare. Not again, I growled.

"...Ahem, yes, well, as I was saying, why must you be so contrary? Why do you insist on believing I’m dead?"

Stow it, Evangeline Ambrosine. I don't have time to go through it again. I can't help it that you can't remember your ‘untimely demise’ or the fact that living to be two-hundred-and-fifty-two is hardly untimely. (Yeah, I went there. Called her out on her age and everything.) I’m on a case and..."

And you didn’t think to bring your partner along?

Letting out a majorly exasperated sigh, I once again stopped shoveling, stared at the dirt covering my favorite pair of cherry-red high-top Chuck Taylor’s and counted to ten. Jamming the edge of my shovel into the ground, I turned towards the floating spectral representation of the once great and powerful (At least in her own mind, if no one else’s.) Priestess Evangeline St. Germaine.

Leaning against the long wooden handle of my shovel, I rolled my eyes as I clarified, "We ain’t partners. We ain’t sisters. And we ain’t friends. (Sue me. I love 80’s movies, and Eddie Murphy makes me laugh – a lot.) I’m the Private Detective..."

Gumshoe...

And Witch...

Voodoo Priestess...

Who owns Mystical Mystery, Inc. and... (I admit I kinda paused right there because I expected Evangeline to continue shoving her two-cents worth into my rant like she always did.)

So, when she didn't, and I saw her looking off to the side where some damn kids had broken all the lights before blinking entirely out of sight, it pains me to tell you that the little Voodoo Doll in my head, (Her name is Jessie, and she always tries to keep me out of trouble.) whispered, There’s somebody else diggin’ up a grave over there. Her little cream-colored muslin hand motioned to the left.

The hell you say?

I swear on Queen Marie Laveau’s grave. Jessie sounded infinitely more freaked out than usual and really scared which might not have been so bad if she hadn’t been a disembodied spirit who lived inside my brain. What the hell did she have to be scared of? I was the one who could get bopped over the head, maybe kidnapped, or Goddess forbid – made to try and get my well-rounded ass outta the damned hole I’d dug myself into.

Gillie? I walked to the opposite end of my hole in the ground. Gillie? I yelled a little louder. "Evangeline, where