Maidens of Mayhem Series

Take… One Outstanding Owl with an Overactive Imagination… Four fine-feathered Femme Fatales who just happen to be her most favorite and bestest friends… A Brilliantly handsome, Bodaciously Bewitching, Bighearted, and Brave Boar Shifter… Add in a Murder, Mayhem, and more than a little Mischief that's 'out-of-this-world'… Then toss it all in a puddle smack-dab in a little piece of Heaven known as Tallullu Parish, LA and you've got the best life this little ole Owl could've ever hope for. We are the Maidens of Mayhem. Open 24/7/365 for all your Misadventure needs. Bodies buried. Alibis provided. Bail delivered. Call 1-888-MAIDENS. We're here to help!

Take… One mysterious package covered in bright blue cartoon wrapping paper delivered by an Armadillo on a twenty-speed Schwinn racing by at a high rate of speed. Add... Forty-eight hours to save my friends, my momma, and Gram-Gram from a revenant relative returned from the grave. A seventeen-hour road trip to get help from the Almighty Shifter Wanker with my Queen-in-her-own-mind Eagle critiquing my choice in music and my inability to carry a tune in a bucket with a lid. One essential, crucial, and had-to-happen trip to Buck's Stop-N-Go for cheesy puffs, black licorice, and a forty-four-ounce soda. A super sexy Mule who comes to the rescue, saves my bootay from inevitable demise, and steals my heart. And… You've got the life of Edna Easterwing, aka me. All I wanted was a quiet day with my coffee, paperwork, and the Sanity-Challenged Shifters of Bailmore Hall – Instead… I'm Feathered, Cursed, and Mated to an Ass...Midnight Margaritas, anyone? All I can say is buckle up, Buttercup, it's time to get FLOCKED 'cause that's how we roll in Tallulu Parish!

Take… Seventeen screaming Shifters without a smidgen of sense… Five feathered femme fatales led by the most fantastic fuchsia Flamingo… One broken-down, bramble-covered, behemoth of a building called Bailmore Hall…   Add in a hot-as-homemade-sin hunk of a Hound Dog with hazel eyes who makes me huff and honk and think of humping… Throw them all together in the backass Swamp on the wrong side of Tallullu Parish, Louisiana, sprinkle with a dash of murder, a pinch of mystery, and a helluva lotta mayhem and you've got my life. My name's Maxine Monroe. We are the Maidens of Mayhem. Bodies buried with twenty-four-hour notice and a picture ID. Alibis provided upon request. For our 'extended stay' clients ~ padded rooms on the third floor and straight-jackets kept in the closet on the right. We're open 24/7/365. Call 1-888-MAIDENS for your free consultation.

Moving home should've been easy - but then again, this is Tallulu Parish Louisiana and we are the Maidens of Mayhem.   Take... One haunted mansion on the other side of the Swamp.   Add... My Flock of feathered loved ones, plus an old, cranky Crane I adore with all my heart, the Almighty Shifter Wanker, another Pterodactyl, an Ostrich, a singing, rhyming batshit-crazy Bat Shifter, and the man of my dreams who just happens to be a T-Rex when he's not six-feet-six of sexiness…   Top if off with my archnemesis - YES! Real people can have an archnemesis. This is the twenty-first century, don'tcha know?    Add… a trip to the Other Way Round, and you've got a day in the life of me - Clementine Sue Cooper, Photojournalist, and Canary Shifter.    Don't know what I expected, but one thing's for sure, my hunka-hunka- prehistoric hotness calls me Tweety and I might just kick him in tail while I scream, "Take that, Barney!"   Time to party like a Flock star with my besties from the nesties! See y'all on the flipside! XOXO, Clem

From retired supermodel to princess to prisoner in forty-eight hours is a lot for anyone to handle, but I'm Monique Morninglory – Mockingbird Shifter Extraordinaire, Maiden of Mayhem, and proud godmother to the cutest set of half-Flamingo/half-Hound Dog twins who ever crapped their diapers in Tallulu Parish. One stupid phone call, a not-so chance meeting with Mr. Hunka-Hunka-Legal-Llama Hotness, and a trip across the Pond, and every chance of a leisurely, laidback life solving mysteries in the Swamp disappeared like the last fuchsia, rhinestone Prada clutch at the Macy's Labor Day Sale.  Holy Great Goddess in a chartreuse G-string, up is down, in is out, and my half-sister is an evil beyotch! Stop the world, I wanna get off! My heel just broke, my tiara's crooked, and somebody stole my favorite MAC lipstick in Ruby Woo Red. Just wait till my besties from the nestie get here. We're about to turn this castle out and party like Flock stars. Grab your feathers, folks! This is one story you just can't miss! XOXO, Moni

Take one sassy relative returned from the dead… Add in a new business venture with my brother, Tank… Mix in a sexy Shark fresh from Scotland… Toss in the one and only Lavender Pterodactyl Shifter extraordinaire - me, Jenn Thomas - and you've got the recipe for some serious Mayhem! Now the Swamp stinks to high Heaven, the Shifters are still stuck, I have mosquito bites on body parts it's not polite to scratch in public, and Tank is nowhere to be found. It's another mystery we won't get paid for, but that's what it means to be one of the Maidens of Mayhem, right? Good thing we all have day jobs. Come on down to the Drunken Dino and Party Like a Flock Star! The bartender's cute, 'cause it's me. The Shark's red hot. And the Mayhem's always on tap!   

Take one crazy Crow who knows she's not a Raven.   Add the best Flock ever given wings by the Great Goddess.   Mix it up with an Ancient Greek Dino, a group of goofy gobsmacks who thinks he walks on water, and don't forget the Almighty Shifter Wanker – and you've got one heckuva mystery only the Maidens of Mayhem can solve.   Will the girls find the 'jewel' in time? Or will Tallulu Parish get sucked into Hell where its inhabitants will be forced to scoop Hellcat litter boxes for the rest of eternity? Well, nobody knows but it's bound to be better than a ride on Uncle Horace's airboat during a hurricane.   Feathers gonna fly and scales gonna shimmy, 'cause That Dino's Hangin' Ten and the Crow's right behind him!

The Dragons have come to Tallulu Parish, and The Swamp will never be the same! If one more person says I'm old enough to know better, I swear to the Great Goddess' green go-go boots I'm gonna get feathery and peck 'em where the sun don't shine. Yes, I'm a Crane Shifter who is three days older than dirt. Yes, I'm blessed not only to be dual-natured but also to be a Witch twice removed on my father's side. And yes, I did just relocate from NYC to Tallulu Parish in the hopes of being semi-retired. But I ask you – is that any reason not to kick up my heels and have some fun? Aren't I allowed to make a few questionable decisions? I mean, come on. I have all my real teeth, still know my way home, and can drink a shipload of sailors under the table without breakin' a sweat. What's an ancient Dragon tied up in the root cellar of the remodeled mansion I just moved into got to do with the price of eggs in Hooter's Hollow? All I know for sure is that if Clem and that crazy Flock of hers get wind of my latest exploits, I'm sure I'll be tied up in a designer straitjacket faster and hauled off the Bailmore Hall faster than you can say – 'Holy Crap, Cora C. Crankenbush looks good for her age.' So, it's off to the basement to see if that blasted man is awake yet so I can figure out who the H-E-double-hockey-sticks he is. Buckle up, Buttercups! Feathers gonna fly, scales gonna shimmer, and heaven better help us all, 'cause I know for sure – That Dragon Gonna Blow.

Time is running out. The body count is multiplying. Can a Maiden of Mayhem and her Mate stop the killer before it's too late?      Well, as usual, nothing in the Swamp is as it seems, and all the sweet tea and homemade guacamole won't make it right. Oh, no, it's all up to a Black Swan Shifter who is the Coroner for five Parishes and also happens to be sorta-kinda a Witch, twice removed on her mother's side, a Wyvern who's a Fire Fighter, and a Geek who prefers the term Nerd to save the day. Great job? She's got that covered. Sexy Mate? That's well on the way. A best friend who allows her to be exactly who she especially when it's not politically correct? Oh, heck, yeah, she's got that in spades... ahem, feathers! Betsey Sue Blomfield was well on her way to having it all - then bodies literally started falling out of the sky. Talk about a whacked-out day at the office! It's time to head back to the Swamp, have Friday Night Margaritas, and Party Like A Flock Star. Tallulu Parish has its first serial killer, and nobody knows when he'll strike next.