Southern Fried Sass Series

Bubble, bubble, got your ass in a sling? Oh, Darlin' that ain't no big thing. Deadman walkin'? Ghost a-talkin'? 'Round here, that just ain't shockin'. No lawbreaker too evil. No case too small. All ya' gotta do is call. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. It's just a fact. We got your back. Scaled, feathered or furry, never you worry. Bless your little heart. We're the only place to start. Bet your bootay, we'll save the day. Southern Fried Sass, Baby, all the way!

When the Goddess and the Universe team-up, with Destiny and Fate shakin' their pom-poms on the sideline, it's more than a Witch can endure. Buckle up, Buttercups. I'm the Witch your momma warned you about. It was just another beautiful day in Hairy Wort when Taffy and I happened upon a dead body in the rubble of the Marshall Mansion – That got up and walked away! No! I am not messin' with you. I swear. It really happened. Just when I thought things were as low as they would go – think the creepy, crawlies creeping and crawlin' at the very bottom of the Swamp – a tall, handsome Panther with a glint in his eye showed up like he owned the place. Then you know what he did? He told everybody he was my Mate. What the H-E-Double-hockey-sticks am I supposed to do with that pile of Grunch crap? Good Goddess, if you love me, send me a hundred-pound box of chocolate and a gallon of Miss Bunny's sweet, iced tea. Hey! Even better, come on down and hang out a while. Heaven knows I could use the help.

Welcome back to Hairy Wart! I missed the heck outta all of ya'! And, I know you won't be surprised that we're once again raisin' hell and forgettin' to take names. Rosie, here, buckle up, Buttercups, I'm the Witch your momma warned you about, but in an epically awesome way. Promise. Everything was fine. I mean, normal…for us. Faith and I were arguing, as usual, my bossy Gator-in-law was butting his snout in where it didn't belong, and Daisy was runnin' interference when she could keep her eyes open. Just another sunny day in Hairy Wort - right? Sure, but dadgumm, it was shorter lived than a flea fart in a windstorm. Gettin' outta the house (away from Faith), Taffy and I happened upon a dead body in the rubble of the Marshall Mansion that literally got up and walked away when we weren't lookin'. No! I am not messin' with you. I swear it happened. Now, Beau and Faith are losin' their minds, the Dragonettes are beside themselves, and Daisy, well, she's sleepin', but that beside the point. Just when I thought things had fallen to the bottom of the swamp where the creepy crawlies creep and crawl, a tall, handsome Panther with a quick smile and a glint in his gleaming emerald eyes appeared smack dab in the middle of this mess. And now, he's tellin' everybody who'll listen that he's my Mate. What the H-E-Double-hockey-sticks am I supposed to do with that pile of Grunch crap? Good Goddess, if you love me, send a hundred-pound box of chocolate and three gallons of Miss Bunny's sweet iced tea. One thing's for darned sure, when the Goddess and the Universe team up, with Destiny and Fate on the sidelines, well, it's more than a Witch can endure. Come on down, hang out a while, 'cause Heaven knows I could use your help.

Dragonettes, Honey Buns, and one dead Piggy Princess! Hang On, Hairy Wort, it's Lazy Daisy to the rescue…well, sorta.   Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake, Baker Bear's Witch, Oh, dear me I just flipped that switch. There's a pig in the oven as dead as can be, Without a heart, or a lung, or a danged kid-ney.   With a zip and a zap and a tappity-tap, I'll fix this mess even without a catnap.   Got Miss Bunny, Doc Downey, and Granny Cleo, One, two, three, and away we go.   Bubble, Bubble, we sure got some trouble. Another Piggie's missing, so now it's double. Somethin' sure stinks, but that might be the skunks, Or the Cats, or the Possums, oh heck! They're all punks.   See ya' in Hairy Wort. It's sure to be snort! Come 'on down! There'll be laughs all 'round.

Dragonettes, Honey Buns, and one dead Piggy Princess! Hang On, Hairy Wort, it's Lazy Daisy to the rescue…well, sorta. Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake, Baker Bear's Witch, Oh, dear me I just flipped that switch. There's a pig in the oven as dead as can be, Without a heart, or a lung, or a danged kid-ney. With a zip and a zap and a tappity-tap, I'll fix this mess even without a catnap. Got Miss Bunny, Doc Downey, and Granny Cleo, One, two, three, and away we go. Bubble, Bubble, we sure got some trouble. Another Piggie's missing, so now it's double. Somethin' sure stinks, but that might be the skunks, Or the Cats, or the Possums, oh heck! They're all punks. See ya' in Hairy Wort. It's sure to be snort! Come 'on down! There'll be laughs all 'round.

Bubble, bubble, who the hell asked for a bubble? We're off to the Swamp, a nasty hex to tromp. Wanda the wand is rarin' to scoot, and the crazy Wolf is a root-a-toot-toot. (Sorry, rhyming's not my thing. Talk to Daisy. She's the danged poet.) Grab your boots, your magic, and a big can of bug spray, I'mma need all the help I can get to keep this evil at bay. The Dragonettes are out like a light with no little Prince Charmings in sight. Yes, there'll be Gators, but no worries, they've all been fed. Even that nasty little redhead, Nannette and her crazy brother, Ted. P.S. If you see Dash, tell him to get his Slothy butt to the Swamp!