How to be Awesome!!

By Michael Ciupka

If you're ready to make some serious changes in your life, you've come to the right place. This little pocket book will be your handy travel companion for years to come — not only because it's filled with straightforward tips and advice that will lead you into the realm of awesomeness, it also serves as a stylish and effective fly swatter. Dive in, and start learning how to be awesome! At the very least, you'll have less flies in your house.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Ciupka
• Release date: Sep 22, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386860471

Michael Ciupka

Michael has been a saintly and inspiring presence since the day he received his first gift of myrrh. Whether walking on water (frozen at the time), or distributing satiating amounts of loaves and fishes (as a part-time fry-cook), Michael has been performing the miraculous since time immemorial (1972 to be specific). To learn more of his philanthropic wisdom and insight, pick up a copy of the Bible.

Book preview

Acknowledgements

Let me start by thanking all the pricks who hindered my life and retarded my non-corporeal evolution... all the assholes who didn’t for one second believe in me, and continually told me my dreams were stupid and impractical... all the gutless turds who cowered away from their personal challenges, and tried to convince me to follow their spineless examples... all the jackasses who stole from me, lied to me, and fed me copious amounts of bullshit.

Thanks!

Without this endless pile of garbage to find a tangible foothold to mount, I never would have reached the towering plateau that beckoned me. So thank you for being the constant reminders of the exact way I never intend to live my life. Thank you for being the concrete shoes that forced me to bust my ass to break the water’s surface. Thank you for your stupid beliefs and idiotic routines that compelled me to think independently and creatively. Thank you for being the predictable automatons you are, forcing my daily motivations to reach newer and crazier heights.

Thank you, and also, fuck you.

Second Edition Dedication

To that Mark guy, who bought a bunch of my books, and made me realize editing and awesomeness are a never-ending process.

Cheers dude.

Introduction

I’m not gonna waste words here — this is meant to be a short read. As entertaining as a 300-page version of this writing might become, it’s unnecessary. Understanding how to be awesome is simple — choosing to dedicatedly follow through with the wisdom gleaned within these pages is another matter, so pay close attention, we’re diving deep...

Chapter 1: Fuck you!

This might seem like a harsh way to start a book, but a reality check is always the best way to make progress. Let me repeat our inaugural chapter’s sentiment as your first key instruction to awesomeness:

Fuck you!

Who the fuck do you think you are walking around all judgmental, entitled, and critical of everything? Exactly what makes you so fucking special? Why are your beliefs so much fucking better than the meth-head renting your spare room?

Lesson 1: Honesty

When you accept the fact that you’re the same or worse than any of the degenerates frequenting your life, evolution can begin. The difference between someone who sucks balls, and someone who’s awesome, lies in the recognition of knowing when you suck balls, and admitting it openly to yourself. Awesomeness starts with unbiased self-awareness.

You fucking suck. Your life is a mess, and you have no clue how to fix any of it.

Why else would you