Everything is Bullshit! The Greatest Spiritual Treatise Ever Written

By Michael Ciupka

Navigating reality is tricky business when we never seem to be able to get a straightforward answer to the questions that matter most. If you've grown weary of mucking through the BS, and seek a deeper understanding of the greater mysteries of the Universe, this book is for you! A no-holds-barred analysis of a wide range of topics that most affect your life. Practical insight to help you get through each day without the urge to chug a pint glass of bleach. The perfect balance of inspiration and indignation. Wholesome and offensive writing. Undoubtedly the greatest spiritual treatise ever written!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Ciupka
• Release date: Feb 9, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386475545

Michael Ciupka

Michael has been a saintly and inspiring presence since the day he received his first gift of myrrh. Whether walking on water (frozen at the time), or distributing satiating amounts of loaves and fishes (as a part-time fry-cook), Michael has been performing the miraculous since time immemorial (1972 to be specific). To learn more of his philanthropic wisdom and insight, pick up a copy of the Bible.

Book preview

Recently Reviewed, It’s a Hit!

Michael Ciupka is easily one of the most poignant, engaging, and brilliant writers of our modern age. And I’m not even sure what poignant means.

– M Ciupka, the BonerFruit Blog

You’d be hard-pressed to find a better collection of wisdom and wit. A definite addition to any hobo’s shopping cart library.

– M Ciupka, Freelance Wanderer

Once in an eon, a truly gifted individual appears in our midst and changes the fundamental way we look at the world. That man is Michael Ciupka. Hitler was pretty fucked up too.

– M Ciupka, Entrepreneur of Joy

Brilliant! And the book makes an awesome beer coaster as well!

– M Ciupka, Practical Human

Each time I re-read, Everything is Bullshit!, I invariably find a new nugget of wisdom and genius buried within its beautifully designed book jacket. The font and formatting suck, but the chronological numbering system of each page is really cool.

– Anonymous Typesetter

I can’t believe this guy already sold a million copies of this thing... since learning how popular this book has become, I had no choice but to jump aboard the Mike Ciupka band wagon. A hell of a ride!

– M Ciupka, Shameless Manifestor

A crude and vulgar writing style that cleverly disguises one of the greatest metaphysical treatises of our times. The guy’s pretty hot, too. Awesome in bed!

– M Ciupka, Distributor of Love

CHAPTER 1

Bullshit Introduction

––––––––

Fuck the rules!

— M Ciupka, Philosopher Extraordinaire

––––––––

I’ve titled this piece as Chapter 1 because a lot of lazy fuckers care not to read preface chapters anymore. Why? I dunno. Something about rushing to the end of everything these days without ever really savouring the ride. But, admittedly, I’ve skimmed the odd introduction chapter myself on a rare occasion, which negates my right to judge anyone for doing the same, so I figured, just for the hell of it, let’s make use of this introduction time to tell you I have no one to thank. No mentors, no gurus, no coke-addled new-agers. Just me. No one helped to make this happen. Fuck everyone.

This writing will be clear, concise, simple, easy.

Over the course of this analysis, you’ll come to a fundamental understanding of something you’ve probably known since birth, yet were likely afraid to acknowledge. Something gnawing away incessantly at your inner core like a rat hopped up on crack-filled mars bars. Prepare yourself for a little clarity.

Ready?

Everything is bullshit!

Pretty simple.

It won’t take a hundred pages of personal stories which reflect the same shit you witness consistently in your daily life to make my point clear, so the next dozen plus chapters will be a practical examination of the issues that fuck with your life the most, and what to do about it.

First issue being...

Yeah, that’s right, everything is bullshit.

Let’s start with the basics. This is your story, your drama, your mind acted out on stage. Your play, your game, your fiction. Consciousness congealed into a tangible reality to give you the most legit experience of a make-believe world. Make it completely magical, or make it as grief-filled as you want. Your choice.

And if things seem to be going wrong in your life, don’t assume you possess a personal defect of any kind.

You don’t.

But you’ve chosen to play a game with a seemingly unlimited amount of jerk-off avatars who don’t recall what a fun time is supposed to be. Yeah, maybe at some point when we were hairy-balled Mongoloids wandering a smog-free Earth, casually slipping it to random primates, life was footloose and fancy-free. But somewhere between then and now, we lost our way.

This is our best game?? Are you fucking kidding me? Have we become so jaded to eternity that all we now have to alleviate our boredom is pretending to be stressed and anxious, hopped up on processed foods, drugs, and the larger-than-life telescreen? What the fuck happened to the good ol’ times of bangin’ tight-assed velociraptors under a moonlit sky? Seriously... Fuck!

Absolute bullshit.

But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.

I should perhaps also inform you that I am well aware of my grievances perpetrated upon Lady Grammar. If you’re the type of person who gets easily offended by 108-word sentences, sentences beginning with conjunctions, or the repeated use of the word sentence in a sentence, might I respectfully suggest you take your holier-than-thou literary expertise and heartily shove it deep up your ass. I encourage you to enjoy a relaxed read, and let the rules go fuck themselves for a little bit. I ain’t tryin’ to impress Miss Swartz anymore. Pretty sure she would have given me an F after the title, anyway.

––––––––

So welcome to the Introduction/Preface, aka Chapter 1. If one day you find death imminently approaching (perhaps as your small aircraft plummets hopelessly to the Earth) and have not yet reached the end of this book, worry not! This introduction is the Cliff Notes of this writing (note to all Book Clubs!!), and the book title pretty much sums it up as well.

Bullshit.

Saddle up for Chapter 2, let’s chat a bit.

End Transmission.

CHAPTER 2

Work is Bullshit!

––––––––

No Fucking Work!

— M Ciupka, Poeticus Amazingus

If you keep your head when everyone else is losing theirs, you’ll be the only one needing a haircut.

— Boulder’s Rule

––––––––

Work is bullshit!

Something you instinctively know, yet for some reason choose to glorify as a form of nobility.

So let me repeat that...work is bullshit!

If you’ve ever engaged in even 5 minutes of a hobby you became momentarily excited about, you’ll know exactly what I mean. There is absolutely no work involved when you are passionate about what you’re doing. To even consider attaching the slave-enabling word work to what you truly love would be an insult and offense. Putting effort into passion is not work.  Physical effort to animate your limbs is not a hindrance to creation, it’s a joyous tool. No work involved. In your state of joy and passion, time ceases, movements are effortless, and joy abounds.

Sound familiar on any level?

I hope so, but if not, then let me suggest to you that if you’re engaged in work, it’s probably something you don’t want to be doing. Forced effort is not heartfelt, it’s self-imposed slavery. Usually with a juicy slab of guilt thrown into the mix.

My solution is