Whimsical Witticisms

By Arlean Rosemore

This book is about something that we all like to do , and that is laugh. Arlean loved to read and hear jokes, and started writing them down. She would look through them on occasion, and then decided that perhaps others may enjoy them also. The funny sayings and jokes are a result of 40 years of writing down those that she liked best. The stories of the grand children show how much they mean to her. Her own and all children. Try a few pages, and she is sure you will find it a great escape from a stressful day. Remember that it is healthy to laugh, and she promises you many.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493105380

Arlean Rosemore

Arlean lives, what she calls, an idyllic life. She helps at her daughters quilt shop, during the day, and comes home to a small cottage on a lake with plenty of time to write. Children and grandchildren visit often, as do nieces and nephews. Quilting is a long time passion. She has collections of quilts that are very well known. Even more important to her is making quilts for children in need...

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 by Arlean Rosemore.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 10/08/2013

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Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my Mom, who taught me to find some humor everywhere you can, and to laugh every day.

Acknowledgement

Thanking people is a good part of writing. My first round of thanks goes to my sister Yvonne. She insisted that this book should be written. She even named it and gave advice along the way. My Children are my best cheerleaders. They all have busy lives, but can always stop and listen to any question. Dan and Lisa, Ranae and Joe, Ralph and Lori, Mary and Don. Thanks kids. Robin and Joanne, nieces, they are also encouraging. Dawn S. who helped me with the medical information. To all of you, Thank you so much.

Arlean Rosemore

Introduction

I came from a long line of people who were very humorous. I was not left out. I love to laugh. All my children, and my brothers and sisters also, love to laugh.

Laughter is good for us, according to the medical community. It releases endorphins into the blood stream. They are pain inhibitors and are stronger than narcotics.

A scientist researched this at great length. He found that a few minutes of laughing would give him several hours of pain free sleep.

The Bible talks about laughter in Proverbs. ‘Laughter is like good medicine’. It also says that anger dries up your bones. Clinical research has proved this true. I am not sure if it is stated in the Bible, but medical research shows that negative attitudes can make our bodies acidic. No matter how many natural sugars we include in our diets, if the negative stays, so does the acid. That means there is no acid for us jokesters. The Bible does say that a positive attitude ‘lifts us up’.

I have exhausted all the intellectual things I know about laughing. Didn’t take me long, Did it?

On the following pages, there will be at least one good laugh on each page for you. We do not all find the same things funny, but some of these sayings and jokes will make you smile, and/or nod your head in agreement.

Some of my favorites are the paraprosedokians. Now that is funny. Who on earth would name a joke that. There is a web site that will help you pronounce that crazy word. It is called howjsay.com. Just type in the word and a very nice gentleman will say it for you. Turn your speakers on.

Churchill was very good at using paraprosedokians. His speeches were full of them. The king of paraprosedokians was Yogi Bera. Now you know what I am talking about. To explain what