Confucius at 6

By Brian Montgomery

A light hearted book of humor designed to bring a chuckle to readers seeking a wisecrack or two mixed in with their philosophy.

Told in the voice of a 6 year old Confucius, this is a collection of his teachings done at the remarkable age of six! Please use and enjoy the wisdom of the Master as a child.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brian Montgomery
• Release date: Sep 13, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452373157

Brian Montgomery

Born and bred in South Central Los Angeles, CA. Yes, what you've heard in the Rap songs is true. Some of us do make it out without the aid of sports or entertainment though. I taught Special Education for many years and now I am concentrating on my first love, writing. I am almost constantly writing, not to be discovered but because I cannot seem to stop. It truly can be a blessing and a curse.

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Confucius at 6

By

Brian Montgomery

Copyright 2009

Brian Montgomery

Published by Brian Montgomery at Smashwords

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Born, Kong Qiu, in the village of Zou 551 B.C., world renown Philosopher, Advisor, Teacher, Storyteller, Questioner, Weaver, and Prophetic Hypothesist, Confucius was profound even as a child. In the last few years, many of his writings have been found (most hidden away under his bed and in the basement of his parent’s house). Confucians have been carefully compiling these newfound works of the Master and have only scratched the surface. This is a small collection of his teachings done at the remarkable age of six (some were done at 51/2 but who’s counting?)! In his early years, he seemed to possess the ability to see the future and experience many of the things that we see and do now. It is not known how or why or even if he lost this ability later in life. The only thing that we know is that he used the hell out of it as a child. Confucius not only provided many of the answers to life’s most poignant questions, he (because of his glorious childhood curiosity) asked many piercing questions that have given modern day scholars fodder on which to build new schools of Philosophy. He truly was and is to this day, stupefying. Please use and enjoy the wisdom of the Master as a child.

Cheung Lee is a butthole.

Never search for a sharp object in the dark. No, I take that back - when searching for a sharp object in the dark, you will find it but not as you intended.

From time to time, you will see that I say, man, when referring to people. I am not being sexist or exclusionary. I am merely expressing myself in the verbal style of my times. So, please women, don’t be hissy. I know how you can get.

If you think living up to your older sibling is difficult, try being my little brother.

While searching through life’s clutter, wear rubber gloves and never the mittens that your Mom has newly knitted. You may find a fresh one left behind by the cat.

The shiny coin spends just as well as the tarnished one. Though it usually tastes a little bit better.

The unattainable - a docile, sweet, good with children, relaxed, quiet Chihuahua.

Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough (honestly, I didn’t really make that one up, but it’s good advice nonetheless).

You can catch more flies with sugar than you can with vinegar. Though dog shit seems to work best of all.

A man’s greatness can be measured by the size of the fire that he can stamp out while barefoot.

Considering where they come from, eggs should not be eaten.

Wise is the woman who...I’ll have to come back to this one.

That which looks good, is not necessarily so. Especially those little red berries that grow by the fence at Grandmother’s house. Very bitter.

Dragging a slender thread over your Dad’s face while he is sleeping can be hours of fun.

Whenever your Mother takes you to visit the doctor, you are getting a shot (no matter what she tells you before you go).

That which elders explain to you badly is undoubtedly exciting. Sex is probably excellent!!!

Never eat berries, especially little red ones, that a dog has urination access to.