from ATOPIA
See, the thing is poet, is that you’re failing.
You’re failing at capitalism.
You’re failing at “self-care.”
You’re failing at feminism.
You’re failing at activism.
You’ve fallen deep into your addiction.
Your despair spreads everywhere.
None of this is your fault
but it’s still happening.
The failure is the fracture is the opening.
Like that infection that started in your elbow
and moved to the depths of your being.
You spend the night reading about a god
cleaved in two so the dream demons come true.
Capitalism is shrinking and the rich
have gotten more violent.
Capitalism could fail and win at the same time.
Poet, this is called “crisis.”
The swans and the trees and the birds are buzzing.
They don’t care.
They hum.
Capitalism won.
I went on a run.
I am dumb I hum on my long run.
*That hail is rare in South GeorgiaThat once my former colleague sawdivided the roadThat that was 20 years agoThat I regret reading an article on what it is *really* like to have Trumpsupporting parentsThat I feel bad for saying thatThat my kids are eating toast for breakfast this morningThat when they don’t eat what I think they are supposed to eat, the guilt isoverwhelmingThat I am a single motherThat my kids are age 4 and age 7That maybe I should not have taught a four-year-old to use the ovenThat I hate soccer practice because I hate the other parentsThat I tried to read Brecht at soccer practice but I felt like a snobThat the translation of Brecht was bad anyway and basically unreadableThat I was cold and sick and the bench was cold and I didn’t want to touchthe baby that someone brought to the practice and said “I don’t want totouch your baby”because I didn’t want to get the baby sickbut maybe I just didn’t feel like touching a babyThat it’s probably Communism or nothingThat fascism really kills your sex driveThat the rich don’t need us all anymoreThat oh yeah they never did need us all so what’s the point of writing this?That maybe one time they did but that time is overThat probably they never didThat I already said thatThat popular uprising may lead to nothingThat things that look like a “win” are often the very things that pull uscloser to lossThat popular uprising will probably lead to nothing or the consolidation ofthe 1%’s power
