Secrets Exposed: When Remaining Silent Is No Longer an Option

By Lisa Bonavita

Unveiling the sordid truth shatters Lisas rose coloured glasses. In her depths of despair she travels back to where it all began. Lisa outlines her two failed marriages and exposes the volatile life she shared with Graham. Her daughter Olivia reveals a sinister incident involving Graham. Chilled to the bone Lisa collapses into her overwhelming fear and remains silent.

Years later the truth surfaces and no longer can be denied. Katies confession of Grahams incestuous act sickens her and Lisa realises that she can no longer remain silent, somehow she needs to find her voice and make a stand.

Lisa cannot protect her children alone; she seeks help from Child Protection Services and Victoria Police. She is torn; her household erupts with angry outbursts. The fear and uncertainty of what Graham will do, causes doubt as to whether she should speak up. Feeling vulnerable, stressed and fatigued, dealing with her daughters molestation wears thin. Shrouded in secrecy Lisa struggles to cope with her own fears and her childrens insecurities.

Lisa embarks on a legal trek an increasingly frustrating path; at times she feels that she is the accused. Her children are guided by the legal authorities, highlighting that she has no real control.

Graham is arrested. After months of dotting Is and crossing ts the case goes to trial. This spirals a range of explosive emotions and insecurities from Lisa and her children. The girls reveal their statements by video; Lisa opts to be in the courtroom where she faces the evil she has spent a decade of her life fearing.

Graham is found guilty of sexual acts with both girls. Lisa struggles with the victory; she has played the victim for years that life is familiar. Now that it is over she is engulfed with uncertainty. Her soul searching offers her a hint of sanity and slowly she realises that she is capable of another way of being. With a new perspective she discovers her strength and regains her self worth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Aug 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483662305

Lisa Bonavita

Lisa Bonavita born 26th October, 1970 in Melbourne, Victoria. A child of over protective Italian immigrants who speaks fluent Italian and English. A soul parent to three children, working full time as a payroll and accounts manager. Currently a member of Toastmasters Australia a public speaking forum focused on refining and defining expression. With a more than full time passion for writing the goal is to become a published and professional writer.

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Copyright © 2013 by Lisa Bonavita.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 08/1/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-800-455-039

www.xlibris.com.au

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Thursday, 30 March

Shattering of the Rose-Coloured Glasses

Saturday, 9 January—Six Years Ago

Shameful Secret

Olivia’s Ordeal

Lost Innocence

Dormant

Friday, 31 March

Katie’s Confession

Tuesday, 5 April

Finding My Voice

Wednesday, 13 April

No Turning Back

Wednesday, 25 May

The Outburst

Thursday, 26 May

Wheels in Motion

Saturday, 4 June

Goodbye to Innocence

Finding Help

Friday, 10 June

Losing My Cool

Thursday, 14 June

Reflections

Monday, 27 June

Big Bad Wolf Has His Day

Wednesday, 29 June

Evaluation

Tuesday, 19 July

What If?

Thursday, 8 September

Hopeful

Monday, 19 December

Attack of the Vultures

Tuesday, 23 January

The Unbearable Waiting

Limbo

Friday, 3 February

Revisiting the Offences

Thursday, 23 February

How the Hell Did I Get Here?

Monday, 27 February

Child Witness Service

Saturday, 3 March

The Charade

Sunday, 11 March

The Floodgate

Thursday, 15 March

The Thorny Path

Sunday, 18 March

Putting It in Perspective

Monday, 19 March

The Beginning of the End

The Trial

Tuesday, 20 March

Order of the Day

Speechless

Wednesday, 21 March

Nothing Goes to Plan

Thursday, 22 March

The Edge of the Cliff

Friday, 23 March

Addressing the Fine Cracks

Monday, 26 March

No End in Sight

Tuesday, 27 March

Supreme Court Hearing

Wednesday, 28 March

The Prickly Edge

Thursday, 29 March

Mini Trial

Pushing through the Fear

Friday, 30 March

Unwelcomed Break

Saturday, 31 March

Clawing for Sanity

Sunday, 1 April

Limbo

Monday, 2 April

A New Perspective

Life goes on

Olivia’s Sixteenth Birthday

Sunday, 8 April

Easter

Wednesday, 11 April

Empanelling the Jury

Thursday, 12 April

Award-winning Performance

Viewing of Katie’s Video

Friday, 13 April

Encore Performance

Saturday, 14 April

The Waiting Is Unbearable

Monday, 16 April

Every Dog Has His Day

Tuesday, 17 April

Closing

Wednesday, 18 April

Deliberation

Thursday, 19 April

Letting It All Sink In

Friday, April 20

Grappling to Find My Way

Several hours later

Unveiled

Tuesday, 24 April

Climbing Out of the Abyss

Thursday, 26 April

Little Steps Forward

Friday, 27 April

Plea Is Heard

Victim Impact Statement

Friday, 4 May

Katie Crumbles

Saturday, 5 May

Slow and Steady

Later in the day

The Celebration

Much later in the day

The Anniversary Gift

Sunday, 6 May

Getting Rid of the Old

Friday, 11 May

The Glimpse of Light

Saturday, 12 May

Lorenzo in the Shadows

Wednesday, 16 May

Appointment with Solicitor

Victims of Crime Compensation

Thursday, 24 May

Goodyear Blimp

Saturday, 26 May

The Observations Continue

Tuesday, 29 May

Along Come the Setbacks

Later in the day

Nose Dive

Friday, 8 June

A New Low

Later

The end of a chapter

Tuesday, 12 June

The Mix-up

Friday, 25 June

The Undergoing

A Few Nourishing Books For The Soul

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

T o my greatest creations, my beautiful children, each different and unique in their own way. With so much love and gratitude, I thank you for choosing me.

To L.B., my mentor, friend and saviour. My sincere gratitude for your kindness and guidance. Your prodding and encouragement gave me the courage to get off the treadmill and experience life. Thanks for kicking me up the backside when I needed it and for being with me in my darkest depths of despair. With the fullness of my heart, my affection swells with gratitude for your support and for believing in me. Your gentle way has restored my faith in myself and lastly, thank you for instilling in me four wonderful words, a mantra that I will carry with me for the rest of my days: I CAN DO THIS.

To my family, I apologise in advance for my silence about this experience. After reading this, I hope you have the understanding that it was a journey I had to undertake on my own in order to find my courage and strength. To grow and develop myself with maturity and wisdom. With love and sincere affection.

To S.J., thank you for your diligence in preparing the case and for being the caring rock to hold on to. The time spent with you is treasured and I thank you for your support. I greatly appreciate your lengthy explanations and patience.

Special thanks to the Office of Public Prosecution barrister and solicitor. Thank you with sincerity for the spectacular representation.

To D.F., a stellar treasured friend. We have shared many years of laughter and in-depth discussions. Thank you for your enthusiasm and bubbly effervescence to life. It has inspired me to reach for the stars.

To my beloved Nonna M. who taught me the Hail Mary with rosary beads when I was just a little girl. Although you have been gone for years, memories of your faith and determination continue to give me the strength to be the best that I can be. Thank you.

INTRODUCTION

T his personal journey is an undertaking, which at times has been a difficult raw process. The shame that is attributed to all forms of abuse can be a silent killer. By sharing this experience and demonstrating the significant impact it has had on my life, I hope it may encourage people in similar circumstances to take little steps towards regaining their own dignity and self-worth.

Thursday, 30 March

Shattering of the Rose-Coloured Glasses

I did something today, which is causing me to feel panicked and uncomfortable; I can’t seem to slow my racing heart. The realisation that nothing will ever be the same scares me and my head pounds from worry. The constant thumping drives me to irritability and I’m snapping illogically. I swallow the bile that keeps rising because I know the ramifications to come will throw me out of my comfort zone and force me to face reality. I oscillate between deciphering what is right and wrong and find I’m struggling with the stance I must take. I am feeling extremely exposed with nowhere to hide. The uncertainty of what will happen from here has me spiraling and careening perilously like a failed missile out of control and I’m anxious that I won’t have the strength to divulge the sordid truth. I clutch at my ears, not wanting to hear the cold facts that I can no longer sweep under the mat. I am confronted by a sense of dread, knowing the upheaval that lies ahead.

At intervals, I berate myself for taking action, terrified that I have no control over the situation and then I am overcome with anger that I cannot let this happen again; engulfed with intense shame that I allowed my fear to keep me silent for too long and in a tiny sliver of a moment, I applaud myself for tackling this ticking time bomb and for resisting my urge to run. The road I’ve been travelling has been relatively stable, cruising along in a fantasy that all is well in my world. Occasionally, I have whined, pointing the finger that I have been hard done by but not at any time caring to consider that I may have been submissive and half to blame. I ponder and connect with the sickness I feel in my stomach and realise my nausea and unease are due to the change that lies in wait.

It has taken every ounce of my strength to look the truth in the face and the ugly reality has shaken me deeply, leaving me feeling at a loss; something profound has been taken and the shattered pieces lay at my feet. Perhaps I’m mourning the blind safety and oblivion my rose-coloured glasses have offered me in the past and the indulgence of not having to be responsible but now that illusion has disappeared. In its place, the truth has emerged, leaving me edgy with the stand I must now take. I am immersed in uncertainty and gasping for air. I am fearful of what is to come. What I have unleashed today will drudge up certain areas of my past that, frankly, I would have preferred to keep buried. It is a testament that my past will hold me to ransom until I’ve faced it squarely in the face. I grapple with the responsibility I need to assume in order to honor myself and my children. At this moment, I feel I have relinquished any form of control and plunge into the unknown. The only clarity I do have is in knowing that I no longer can shield or pity the evil prey that I have kept hidden for years in an effort to protect my family.

With the absence of my rose-coloured glasses, ironically, my sight is enhanced and clearly I see the events of the past that have led me to this very moment. In my depths of despair, I travel back to where it all began.

Saturday, 9 January—Six Years Ago

Shameful Secret

M y world, as I knew it, stopped when my first husband, Marcello, uttered words that he could never take back ‘I don’t love you anymore, I’m leaving’. In the space of precious minutes, he was gone, leaving me and our two children: Olivia, three years old and Lorenzo, less than twelve months old. Feeling rejected and useless, I searched for an affirmation that I was still able to be loved and give love and in the process, rushed into a whirlwind short romance and within nine months, I married Graham. In my vulnerable state, I was drawn to his presence, stature, dominance and rugged good looks. He quickly appeased the feelings of insecurity that I had been plagued with since Marcello’s departure. My relief in finding a man to take Marcello’s place was temporary, as our union was short, volatile and at times torturous. The only beauty in our relationship was the precious daughter Katie we created and we tried to stay together for her sake to maintain a family environment but the differences, lack of respect and abuse far outweighed the benefits of being a family. With the intervention of concerned family members, we divorced when Katie was three years old.

Graham continued to have weekend visitations with all three of my children; he wanted to remain the father influence for Olivia and Lorenzo who had no contact with their biological father, Marcello. With Katie, being quite young, she was happier staying at his home with Olivia, who acted as her mini mother. He also continued to keep his stranglehold control over our lives despite being divorced. When Olivia first came to me with a disturbing tale in relation to Graham, terror struck at my heart. I was horrified and disgusted knowing that innocence had been viciously stolen. Fearful of his volatile reaction if I confronted him and with the scars of our roller-coaster abusive relationship still fresh, it was decided after much deliberation between Olivia and I that the most effective and safest way to deal with the incident was to remain silent and keep her away from Graham. In my eyes, this equated to safety: hers and ours. As long as we were out of his reach.

Olivia’s Ordeal

Lost Innocence

O livia was staying with Graham for an overnight visit with her siblings, Lorenzo and Katie. They would look forward to going to his place because he had Foxtel and the kids were in heaven. He was in a better position financially than I to spoil them with material luxuries. The children also enjoyed that he was very laid back and gave them full run of his house, unlike the routine and rigidity they had with me. Katie was only four at the time and needed help showering; she looked up to Olivia as her second mother and Olivia, being a gentle caring soul and mature for her ten years, often babied her and accommodated her every need when I was away from them. Katie insisted that Olivia shower with her on this particular evening and after several minutes of whining, Olivia relented and hopped in the shower; she washed down Katie’s back and shoulders and was in the process of washing Katie’s hair when Graham walked in and he just stood there, staring at them. Olivia felt uncomfortable with his intense gaze. She turned her back to him and called out that they were done and asked if he could get out. He turned to leave but walked back