The Undesirable Black Diamond: Broken, Unpolished, Extracted and Refined for Perfection

By Sally R. McGoon

This book depicts the struggles and the hardships that a young girl endures growing up with a single parent background in a hostile ethnic environment where she was expected to live up to certain high standards. Caught in a vicious circle of false humility, hypocrisy, jealousy and competitiveness she was constantly ostracized for a crime beyond her control which is being the daughter of a high profile indigenous woman in the early 1960s till the mid 1980s. In retrospect, her mother was indeed very reputed and a respected member of society, was a Producer and Presenter for the ethnic womans program for the national radio station, hence a household name. She has travelled extensively around the globe representing her country many times.

In comparison this childs life was a living hell, likened to living in a glass house where nothing is hidden and everything is under surveillance and the scrutiny of constant criticism, harsh comparisons with other children, suffering emotional and verbal abuse, mounting peer pressure and the overwhelming expectations to perform to an unreasonable standard. Most failing to realise, that the two although mother and daughter, are separate entities who in their own right are special, unique and belong to different generations.

This occurred at a time where the norm was a life of respect and reverence for the chiefs and elders of the community. People are prone to act in a way of communal thinking and individuality is not really encouraged as emphasis is generally on the family reputation with little or no regard for the individuals that form the family. Unfortunately this practice still prevails today with some families back home which later cripples individuals and more so society.

In spite of how she started, how it affected and marred her life, she fought to survive the best way she knew how. She made mistakes along the way but still she searched to find her answers. She never settled for seconds but will fight to get only the best of what she can get. Never one to live life lying or sitting down she opted to face her opponent standing and with eyes wide open. Truly unafraid and yet fragile enough to and for change.

The battle is mostly won if you plan and brace yourself for the impact, though scarred but in time when healed, the enemy will eventually cease to win.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Dec 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477125854

Sally R. McGoon

Sally R. McGoon is an extraordinary wife and mother. An obscured achiever but unafraid to challenge people with her life story due to her passion and love for Christ. From the barely five year old fatherless child, a dropout at high school, a high end prostitute, an alcoholic at 23 to raising five matured grown children, four grandchildren and married to Damien Herbert for 34 years. A role model, a warrior princess and an Ambassador of the Gospel.

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Copyright © 2013 by Sally R. McGoon.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2012910599

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4771-2584-7

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4771-2583-0

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4771-2585-4

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

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www.Xlibris.com.au

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501914

Contents

Introduction

Tapping Into My Creative Side

Part One    My Story

Embrace My Flaws

Missing Your Father?

Teenage Rage

Little Girl Lost

If I Was Going To Do This…

An Alcoholic’s Reality!

Part Two    God is Love

Praise God for the Cross…

Your Love For Me

Coming Home To Him…

Looking for Love?

Learn To Travail…

Part Three    Threshing Floor

Memories Of Papua New Guinea

Living In The Valley…

Dance In The Fire

I am Not Ashamed of The Gospel!

Dare Not Forget

Temptation!

Part Four    There is Hope

Cancer, What Cancer?

Selling Myself Short…

Ugly Masquerader

There Is A Place

Part Five    Wisdom Calls Out!

Stay Strong in the Eye of a Storm

How Far Do You Want To Go?

Too Busy To Notice

Different Lifestyles… . .

Hitting Rock Bottom…

What Price Are You Willing To Pay?

Second Last Day Of The Year

Part Six    Warning

What Will You Give?

A Smoker’s Nightmare!

Human Trafficking…

Part Seven    An Introduction to Mother

My Prayer for Today…

Overcoming Strongholds

Only Praise Will Break Those Chains

What Armour Are You Wearing?

A Fresh Start…

Are You Burdened and Under Pressure?

Good Life Skills

Part Eight    Grieving

My Memories of Mother—Eulogy

Just Days after Mother’s Passing…

In The Midst Of Grieving…

Goodbye Mother…

Part Nine   God is Faithful

Overwhelmingly True!

Our Marriage…

"I Will Never Fail You.

I will Never Abandon You" 86

A Grandfather’s Heart

My Dream Came True!

I Will Run To You

Part Ten    A Genuine Diamond and My Testimony!

An Update of My Life…

A New Revelation

Thanking God…

The Undesirable Black Diamond

Conclusion   Nothing is Impossible with God

Israel

Endnotes

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my beautiful mother, the late Bulou Vasiti Meanadrau Raiwalui. She was a role model to many but most exclusively to myself due to her amazing ability of displaying the art of multi tasking, both as Mum and Dad since I was four and a bit and a Public figure during my primary school years until the mid 1980’s. Growing up I was naïve and negligent about the various struggles my mother endured as a single Mum, a widow and our sole provider as she sought to nurture, protect and provide for my younger brother Jovilisi and I. She always portrayed an inner strength which emanated out of her.

Her love and commitment to God played a major part in her life and humility was her greatest asset. This quality clearly outshone whatever insufficiencies she may have yet favour followed her.

She was my rock in my times of uncertainty, my confidant when I had no one, my inspiration when life seemed meaningless, my shelter when I faced difficult times and much more.

My mother for me was the epitome of a legend that has no end. For this I am eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me a rare gift and yet she lived her life liberally and honourably.

Her journey marked the end of an era but the beginning of a lifetime!

Thank you Mum for your unswerving faith and your consistency in serving God and your fellowmen to the utmost of your ability.

I will always love You!

Acknowledgements

Firstly, I want to thank my Heavenly Father for His love for me, clearly unsurpassed.

His faithfulness abounds even when I was unfaithful and faithless. My debt of over $32,000 was paid off miraculously at a time I was away from God for over seven years doing my own thing.

This act of love literally brought me to my knees and back to church. It planted a seed that infused my passion for writing poetry. Thank You for giving me another chance.

I am forever indebted and I love You, my Heavenly Dad!

I also want to thank Pastor Donna Crouch for preaching a sermon, my third week back in church on ‘Finding and Utilising your Gifts and Talents’ at Hillsong City Church in July of 2011 which birthed the beginning of a collation of poems that flowed freely as I tapped into that deep well inside me. Your sermon was indeed timely.

This was a pleasant surprise! A talent I unsuspectingly possessed.

I want to thank my brother Jovilisi Raiwalui, my aunt Bereta Lawaniyasana, my cousin Ratu Laitia Varani Nawadradra and my friend Asenaca Sekitoga for all your prayers, your loyalty, your patience, your words of wisdom and encouragement when excited about reading a poem that I have just completed. Thank you so much.

I value, appreciate and truly love you!

In addition I want to thank my cousin Frances Vakayadra and my third daughter Vanessa Park for your patience, critique and sound advice when I needed it. Your combined efforts and contribution remarkable, truly valued and I love and adore you.

Furthermore I want to thank Dory Jules, Chief Publisher of Xlibris Corporation for seeking me out and taking me under her wings, Cherry Minoza my Submissions Officer for your patience and words of encouragement and all of you from Xlibris Corporation that assisted me in other various areas.

Thank you and God bless you all!

Last but not least my sincere thanks and heartfelt gratitude to my handsome Unmatched husband, Damien Herbert—I am so blessed to have met you and forever love You!

To my much loved children Alexandra, Cassandra, Damien, Myles including our foster children here Joshua, Henry, Daniel and Natalie also Di Ma, Tu Meli, Elina and Annette in Fiji for standing alongside me through great and difficult times showing me kindness, patience, and unconditional love always.

My gorgeous grandchildren Chanelle, Vanessa, Ben, Eve and Leah. Life is nothing but bliss with you all in it.

Without your prayers, encouragement, strength and support this book would not have been written. You all played an integral part in my journey and this story would have been different without your unique and individual contribution. Thank you all for giving me a special part of yourselves and colouring my otherwise bleak, tumultuous, hopeless and meaningless life.

My prayer is I will strive to leave behind a legacy worthy of My calling.

I love you all!

Introduction

Join me on a Journey like no other…

Short stories of My Life journey Presented in a Collation of

Poems intended to give Hope and Meaning to those Searching and Longing to See the Wind Change in Their Lives.

Let me introduce myself….

Tapping Into My Creative Side

‘Doing what I do best… .’

Living life as usual!

not unusual…

Work, work then more work

What’s new?

Boredom setting in

stealthily creeping

undetected

under the radar.

Frustrated?

Definitely needing

major changes…

Let’s bleed my emotions on ink.

Ah! What freedom…

What clarity…

At liberty to speak my mind finally

Who can judge me and on what right?

Am just tapping into my creative side.

Here I can sing, shout, laugh and cry

Who cares about what you say or think?

This is my escape from insanity!

As free as a bird on a tree

to do what I want

feel and go wherever I see fit… .

Just love this bit of individuality

Think about it

this is my normality… .

Where I can roam the globe for free

Worried not about time

place, day or night…

Here I create and paint

my own domain

of life perceived through my eyes…

Far from fake

or being pretentious…

but embrace and separate

the memories of yesterday…

Including pain?

Wait.

Learn to weigh the flowing tears…

Discard what’s trivial and keep what’s vital

but must learn from the mistakes made…

Regrets? No.

It depends on how bad they mutilate

Sift through all

including the debris

and only save what can be gained…

Treasure all I hold dear and near

for the rest of my years…

This is Me and what I’m like

when tapping into my creative side!

My Story

Part One

Specifically covers my life from Childhood to Adolescent to Adult life. The poems reiterate the different changes and stages in my life, the depth of despair that I was in looking and searching for My identity and answers to unanswered questions.

These poems also depict the loneliness, rejection, trauma and fear that I was faced with from a very early age and the confusion I confronted escalated with time.

The lack of insight and assistance from adults in my world to step up and be a surrogate Dad or offer to be a Mentor but neglectfully did not play any part at all.

The hurtful careless words said that plagued my mind, crippled my soul and dominated my life where value and worth are greatly diminished. Hope is displaced and the future becomes vague and meaningless.

There were struggles that I encountered as a young married woman and a mother raising five children with the help of a house maid for twelve years while my husband was away at sea with the Merchant Navy. I encountered loneliness and hardships juggling multiple roles at home while living in a foreign country from