Subira's Story: A Layman's Look at Marriage

By g. e. white

We live in a society that seems to thrive on the negative. This, in many ways, makes it hard to encourage people to strive for a life-lasting relationship. We tend to hear more about marriages that are breaking up than about the ones that are lasting. What does it take for a marriage to last 'till death' and who is willing these days to endure the ups and downs of marriage? What about the vows? Whether they are traditional or made up by the couple, shouldn't both the man and the woman strive to do their best to keep them? Are you thinking about marriage or looking for a little help over an obstacle that's testing your's? The information on these pages may be just what you need to help you along your way. Everything in life happens for a reason. You have chosen the right book at the right time. It may not be for you, but it may contain information that you need to share with someone else. Go ahead, get to reading! Be blessed and be a blessing!

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jun 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781475916768

g. e. white

Stand up for what you believe in, especially when it hurts. Back it up with faith in God and you'll be able to weather any storm life brings your way. New Yorker, G. E. White has learned this and is reaching out to enlighten and encourage others through this, her maiden voyage into the world of writing.

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Copyright © 2012 by g. e. white.

All scripture is taken from the KJV Life in the Spirit Study Bible

Formerly titled The Full Life Study Bible-King James Version

All photographs were taken by William L. Bibbie III and are used with permission

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

The African Names used and their meanings are from the book: Golden Names for an African People by Nia Damali (1986, Blackwood Press and Company, Inc.)

This book contains real-life situations that can happen to anyone. Names are used to allow the story to move smoothly; some names were chosen specifically because of their meaning. Any connection to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-1675-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-1676-8 (ebk)

iUniverse rev. date: 06/22/2012

Contents

INTRODUCTION

SUBIRA’S STORY

JUST THINKING OUT LOUD

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Most Gracious Heavenly Father,

I praise and magnify your holy name.

I count it a privilege to serve you through this writing.

It is my sincere prayer that those who read this book will be blessed beyond measure and that they will purpose in their hearts to seek your guidance in all areas of their lives not just in the area of marriage. Help them to hold fast to your promises as they ride the rollercoaster of life. Keep them in your care through every test and trial. I thank you and praise you in Jesus name.

Amen.

This book is dedicated to my mother, Annie G. Reid, who taught her children about God and took us to church where we learned more about Him, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She continues to be an example to us through her prayers and continued faith in a God who she knows through experience will never leave you nor forsake you. Thank you, mother; I love you very much.

I also dedicate this book to all those who have weathered the storms that have come against your marriage. Thank you for being willing to share your experiences with others so we may also reap the benefits of waiting on the Lord. God bless you.

INTRODUCTION

Marriage, God’s way or mine?

Is that a trick question?

No, that is not a trick question. It is a question that seems to have not been considered by enough men and women prior to getting married. Just look at the current statistics which estimate that 45% to 50% of first marriages end in divorce; 60% to 67% of second marriages end in divorce and 70% to 73% of third marriages end in divorce.¹ There are many reasons why men and women divorce. The top ten listed by the website Divorce.com are problems in the following areas: financial, communications, family, sex, friend, addiction, abuse, personality, expectation and time. ² These areas will show up in the discussions between the characters in this book. You will even see the word divorce but this book is not about divorce, it is about seeing marriage as one of the most important steps you will take in your life; a covenant made with God first and a life-long commitment to the one you have professed your love. The connection/relationship with God is of primary importance because it will help you sustain the marriage through life’s adversities. The areas of addiction and abuse will not be highlighted too much; I will say however to those readers who know people with problems in these areas please pray for their healing and if at all possible, help them to get the assistance they need to correct the problem (even if it’s you and you’ve admitted it, do what you need to do to turn it around). It is my belief that people bound by addictions and abuses do not have enough power within themselves to effectively break away from the giving or receiving end of them. If they truly desire to rid themselves of the problem, then they must seek God’s help. I have learned the benefits of seeking and receiving God’s help in many situations in my life. I have been married over 20 years, we have one child; and I have over 20 years professional work experience in the field of education. My belief in the Most High God and His triune attributes: God the Father, God the Son (in the person of Jesus Christ) and God the Holy Spirit does not exempt me from the affects of the pressures brought on by the adversities of life; it may have however seemingly brought on even more pressure to test the sincerity of my faith. I have experienced many wonderful years in my marriage and I have also experienced years that I prayed would just disappear out of my memory. I did not give up on God through the bad times even though at times I felt I had every right to leave but I chose to stay and to believe God for the restoration of my marriage. It is my association with the Lord that has equipped me, I feel, with the best possible ammunition against having to dissolve my marriage when pressures arise. I know that I am not alone for there are many women who have stayed and many who yet will make the choice to remain in their marriage in spite of the adversities. Subira, the main person in this story, is a woman who is determined to marry for the right reason which for her means being with a man who shares the same opinion of marriage that she has. This is the marriage in which God is the true head; the one in which the man and the woman have a relationship with the Lord individually and collectively. They learned to rely on God as a single person and they understand that they need to trust God even more in their married life. Life brings adversities to the married as well as the single. How the married ones handle the adversities have determined the length of the marriage. She intends to marry and stay married to that one man regardless of the adversities they may face; her prayer is that the man she marries will have the same opinion. Subira has been blessed with an unusual family. The adults have learned the value of allowing the Lord to really order their steps in all areas of their lives, especially in the area of marriage. They were careful to share details about the consequences of being disobedient as well as the benefits they received in following his lead. Most of the marriages in her family lasted for life. The surviving spouse always spoke of the goodness of the Lord when asked about the longevity of their marriage. They have passed these lessons down through the generations; stressing that each person would still have to go through their own experiences in order for them to fully understand the importance of relying on the Lord in the bad times as well as the good.

Subira spent the early years of her adult life getting established in the corporate world, moving quickly into a more grassroots related area after establishing her own business. She had what she called a healthy balance of business and pleasure. The pleasure, however, always seemed to be business related; that is until she meets Garrison. She was intrigued with him from the beginning; he was a presenter at a business conference she attended. She attended the session he delivered but had to leave early. Garrison is the ultimate charmer; he is very savvy and knowledgeable in the area of business but he has also mastered the art of the player. He is known for studying a woman thoroughly but only to figure out how to get her to cater to his sexual desires. Garrison had noticed her at the conference from the time she walked in and had already devised a plan to add her to his list. He learns that Subira is different from the other women he has been with and is challenged by her intellect so much that he suppresses the sexual conquest idea. Over the next four years, they become close friends. It is during this time that Subira begins to take inventory of her life and starts to desire more. She begins to date casually, usually opting for offers of double dating but she would still find herself warding off the wolves—both the experienced ones and those who wanted to appear experienced. Garrison recognizes this as the moment he could cash in on since the sexual conquest was really what he was after all along with her. He works his charm so subtly that even though she is successfully refusing the advances of many of her male acquaintances, she gives in to Garrison believing that he is ‘the right one for her’ but it doesn’t take her long to find out that Garrison was never planning on getting married to her or to anyone else. She concluded that having sex before marriage is a poor indicator that you have found the right person. She knows she has more to offer a man than just her body so she prays asking God to forgive her and to show her what to do to prepare for the man that He has destined to be her husband. She is determined not to make that same mistake again because when she does marry, she will be in it for life and she will know that he also is determined to be married for life no matter what tests and trials come their way. Little by little, through prayer and determination to live a life that is pleasing to God, she turns her focus away from fulfilling her fleshly desires. God will have her husband find her (Proverbs 18: 22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord), so she learns to rest in that promise and looks forward to reaping the benefits of it.

The writing of this book gives me the opportunity to join the many other authors who share the same sentiment, that marriage is for life and both the man and the woman are responsible for doing what they can to keep the marriage intact. It is my opinion that the most successful marriages are those that are governed by God; the man and the woman each have a personal relationship with Him, they have a collective relationship with Him, are in covenant with Him and do the best that they can to talk with Him daily, listen to Him and do what He says. If it weren’t for the Lord, the man or woman could easily have been in jail or even dead because damaged emotions caused by rejection and other negative effects of life’s pressures drove them over the edge. Too much of this happens more than we know, we just hear about the few cases that come out in the news. Writing this book also gives me the opportunity to encourage men and women to seriously consider marriage God’s way, going through a formal ceremony and staying together through the tough times. On the other hand, ‘marriage my way’ says that I don’t need the paperwork; I’ve been with him/her for so long that the paper would mess everything up. This way if I need to leave, I can just walk. Marriage my way says that even with a license, I can leave when the going gets tough, you know, before I’m pushed to do something I’ll regret later or end up dead. Just about any reason given for leaving seems to be acceptable too: incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, spouse not meeting my needs, and so on. Marriage my way also says that I can act single while still married coming and going as I please, communicating with you only as I feel it necessary; giving the children a false hope of having a real family life.

If you are married and going through a turbulent period in your marriage and you honor covenant as God does and are truly expecting Him to revive your troubled marriage then I pray that the Lord will give you a double portion of the longsuffering (patience) fruit of the Holy Spirit. I say this because some situations that cause contention between couples take more time to be resolved than others. I also understand that all couples do not remain in the same house while going through difficult times; it’s definitely not easy to do on your own and something that cannot be accomplished without God. There are other situations where one spouse will move out, sometimes filing for divorce sometimes not and still other situations where the spouse will leave for a time and then return. The situations are many but if the couple