This Is My Life, My Journey: A Look into the Past

By Johnny

Love was forbidden inside my home. As a child, I did not understand why my mother seemed to take pleasure in watching me suffer. I spent years searching for love. It was one thing I would trade my life for, and I relentlessly laid my heart on the line, causing myself even more pain. Another chapter of my life had unfolded, but it was still riddled with torment that did not seem to end. But despite everything, I accept each test that life gives me, knowing that even when the world turns away from me, God never will.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Feb 15, 2011
• ISBN: 9781450292115

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Copyright © 2011 by Johnny

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ISBN: 978-1-4502-9210-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4502-9211-5 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 01/19/2011

This is My Life, My Journey

SKU-000186212_TEXT.pdf

A Look into the Past

This is a true story of my life. My Journey to where I am today when I grow up I look back in my pass and what I saw was not so good then I said to myself that I must write these down so the world will now about these thing that I must write a book about the thing that I had was and did in life and the thing that was did to me.

When I was older I was told that I was born in a small town in Mississippi on March 30, 1944. I grew up in this little small town in Mississippi and I was raised by my mother with 12 half brothers and sisters. I ran away from home at an early age because of the hard life my mother bestowed upon me.

Raising a child in this little small town to my mother did not seem to be a good ideal after looking back and saw the thing that was did to me.

At that time my mother was thinking that she could raise her child any way she pleased. It was alright there was no law to save me from the beating that was bestowed upon me. I left home at the age or 15 years old, with no place to go.

Away from home

I returned home two weeks later with a promise from my mother that I wouldn’t get any more beatings. but it was a lie. So I left home again in about two or three weeks later with no place to go once again. I wandered around from house to house until I found some of my father’s kinfolks and I lived with them for a short time. I moved on to some of my mother’s kinfolks, but I did not dare go back home again until about four years later.

Baptism

From them, I learned about my younger life and added it together from what I remembered. I remember when I was about fourteen years old I was baptized by a preacher who was called by Reverend Kraut. He was the neighborhood preacher. I was baptized September 14, 1958. I remember that day, my mother looked at me, and she said, Johnnie Lee, you don’t have no religion. and she told me that she would not go to the baptism with me. And she didn’t go.

Friends

Now, at that time we did not have televisions or radios. We made our own games to play with. I didn’t have any friends to play with. The so called friends I had were my stepfather’s brothers. but. They always wanted to fight me all the time. I was not allowed to defend myself. If I did my mother would beat me. So wasn’t allowed to go to school, except when I had to go with my step-uncles. I grew up without friends along with half of a decent education. I had to walk to school for about two miles and whenever I got to my stepfather brother house they did not want to go to school that day. I was told by my mother then to bring my ass back home. And if not she said, I will beat the hell out of you. So with that threat I would go back home with tears in my eyes with the hope something would change. But it did not until I left home. again now the day came when I realize that I must become and take care of myself. So that day came. I found a job and I have worked until I got to be an old man. It was that I knew that my child hood was over. And the days my man hood came for me to be a man, could I go back to school? Again no, I had to make a living for myself, hold on to a job and that is what I did. and when I was going to school living with my mother

Lunchtime

I did not have any food to eat, so on my lunch hour, sometimes I would go about a half block to a pecan tree. One which the boss man had already finished gathering the crop for that year. And I would pick pecans and sell them to a county store. The money that I got for the pecan was about five cents. With the money earned from that, I would buy some food for lunch. And when I would go back home from school there would not be any food cooked at home. I was not allowed to ask for food. If I did, my mother would say, Get your ass outside and cut up some wood.

Cutting wood

We had a fireplace during these years and my job was to keep the fire burning at all times. Another one of my jobs was to go into the forest and cut down trees, haul them on my back and cut them into two foot pieces to burn in the fire place. And sometimes my hands would be so cold that I could not open my hand. At that time I tried to go into the house to get warm for just a little while but my mother would say to get my ass back outside and cut the wood so I could get the fire started. I was so cold during these times, but no one tried to help me. After all I was the first born out of 13 brothers and sisters and I was the one to do everything around the house. I was the one to wash dishes. I was the one to haul the wood. I was the one to cut the wood, and the one who picked up the chips. I was the one to start the fire every morning. If it didn’t start in a hurry, I was in big trouble.

The Beatings

Sometimes when my mother got ready to beat me I would try to run but she would get the gun after me. She would tell me with a curse word, if you try to run I will kill your ass. Then I would try to call her mother. thinking if I called her mother, it will maybe stop her from beating me so hard. But I was wrong. I would tell her that, thinking and hoping that it would help me from getting a beating. but it would just make things worse. She would say, Don’t call me mother or ma. I don’t want chaps calling me mama. Get your ass outside and get me a lime off of that tree which is in our yard. And it better not break. If it does, you will get a double ass beating. and

Food

When she cooked food I would get a small amount. If I would ask for any more food, she would threaten me by saying, If you ask for any more, I will beat your ass. Okay, you want more I’ll give you some more. And with those words she would give me more. She would put an iron skillet over the fire with water and put some flour into it. Then she would bring it to a boil and tell me with a curse word, You better eat every piece of it. If not I will beat your ass. It would always be more than I could eat. From that I was afraid to ask for any more food, which means I was always hungry.

Love

I didn’t know what love was. I did not know anyone who loved me. At that time I sometimes cried for love. I did not grow up with my brother and sister so I did not know whether or not they still loved me up to this day.

What happened to the rest?

I feel alone from my family. When I was about six years old my mother beat me because I did not know my ABC’s. I had to learn them in one day. After I learned them, she would not let me go to school anymore, but with God’s help I made it. When I left home my mother only had about four children I think. They were Susie-Mae, Bessie-Mae, Dorothy, and Gina. Of course Susie was married at this time. There was another half sister who I did not know. She was one who was not raised with the rest of the children, and I found out her name was Susie too. Those were all the girls in the family. The boys were Percy, Willie, and Joe. After I left home there was Bobby, Milton, Ruby, Jessie, and James. These were the children on my mother’s side only, and the children on my father’s side whom I did not know, were Jerry, Martha-May, Betty-Joe, Eddy, Jessie, Patricia, Bobby, and myself. I believe there was one more but I cannot remember his name at this time.

My book

Now to get back to my mother, I always wanted to write a book, but I did not want my mother to get in trouble with the law because of the way she abused her children. Now that she has passed away I feel free to write this book with the hope that it will help some children grow up strong as long as God can be the way for them.

Flour Grady

I hope you remember that I told you about the boiling water and flour. Well, it was called Flour Grady. It was used to pour over big thick pieces of bread that were half cooked. My life was dependent on eating it. If not I would have been in big trouble.

Medicine

When some one got sick in the house, we all were forced to take the same medicine