Ask Alloway
By Rhian Waller, Alloway and Liv Martens
()
About this ebook
The world's first compilation of life advice as told by a rat. Meet famous agony-rodent, Alloway (who runs a regular column in the Ratto Bamboozlin' Facebook group). Heal your broken heart. Learn all about the mysterious ways of hoomans. Find out the meaning of life. Includes a bonus astrology section.
Not for children under 12 or pets under three months.
Rhian Waller
Rhian is a lecturer, sometime journalist, writer and charity fundraiser. Her latest book is Ship Rats, part one of the Rat Tales Trilogy (5-8 years). Her first book, Eithe's Way (for adults), was published by The Write Factor and can be found at www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Eithes-Way-Rhian-Waller/1500142085.
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Ask Alloway - Rhian Waller
ASK ALLOWAY
Advice for the Confuzled and Bamboozled.
By Alloway Esq.,
Liv Martens and
Rhian Waller
Copyright © 2018 by Liv Martens and Rhian Waller
All rights reserved.
This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Digitally released in the UK
First published, 2018
ISBN - 500127185599
Published by Ritrit media.
Copyright permission for the use of non-original photographs has been sought and obtained.
All copyrights rest with the respective rat guardian/friends.
All pictures of Alloway by Liv Martens.
All pictures of Ripley, Priss and incidental images by Rhian Waller.
Welcome to Ask Alloway
This is the first ever international compilation of rat wisdom and advice as told by an actual rat. I am Ripley, the editor of this book. If you are reading this, it means you have picked up a proof copy as part of a special pre-release, and therefore you may see notes that will not be included in the finished edition.
The main ratto needs no introduction. Alloway is already internet famous in rat circles for his concise, imaginative and very heartfelt advice.
Whether you have a serious question about how to deal with loneliness or the pain of saying farewell to your beloved ratty (or human) friend, or if you have a question about the nature of the Universe, or if you simply want to know why your brother keeps resting his bollocks on your head, here’s the place to find out.
As an added bonus, I have included an Almanac written by Priss, an up-and-coming rat Astrologer.
This book would not have been possible without the help and cooperation of the Ratto Bamboozlin’ Facebook Community, in particular Liv Martens, who is the protector, guardian and facilitator for Alloway himself.
I hope you enjoy this book. Editing this collection has been a pain in the backside pleasure. Good reading, ratto frens and fren rattos! – Ripley Sniffasniffy
Editor’s Note on Ratto:
The Ratto dialect has not, until now, been codified in written form. It owes a lot to the Doggo linguistic branch and is highly variable. For the sake of hooman readers, much of what is written here has been standardised, but I have retained as much authentic Ratto as possible. Grammar: some sentences do away with traditional verb forms. For instance, in Ratto, the sentence I farted
would be I made a fart
. The dialect also contains unique words. Here are some of the most common:
Bizniss: important things rats have to do
Boi: male ratto (informal)
Ded: deceased
Fren/frens: comrade/comrades
Gonna: The speaker intends to perform the described action
Halp!: the speaker urgently needs assistance
Has: to possess
Hecc: Verbal emphasis. An expression of shock, surprise. Alternately, a form of trouble.
Heckin: to feel shock, to induce a feeling of shock or to cause trouble
Hooman: tall, two-legged creature which provides food
Ratterina/Ratterino: female/male ratto (formal)
Ratto: rat
Screm: EEEEE!
Sits: to sit, usually belly-down
Smol: very small
Snuggle: sleep-cuggle
Stoopid: unintelligent
Tells: communicate
Wanna: an urgent need
Wrassle: non-bitey fight
Yogies: the best, tastiest thing in the world
ABOUT ALLOWAY
A suave ratto-about-town, Alloway is a keen observer of rat and human nature. His close friendship with hoomans Liv and Ashley has allowed him to become a spokesrat for both species.
He regularly posts an Ask Alloway
column in the Ratto Bamboozlin’ Facebook group where he has responded to queries about everything from sex to emotional wellbeing to cheezy poofs. His easy, accessible and no-nonsense responses have earned him many fans, furry and human alike.
He holds a degree in Psychology from Miceketonic University and a postgraduate degree in Communication from Rodentia College.
A keen and skilled participant in the