Ask Alloway: Expert Advice for the Confuzled and Bamboozled

By Liv Martens, Rhian Waller and Alloway

The world's first compilation of life advice as told by a rat. Meet famous agony-rodent, Alloway (who runs a regular column in the Ratto Bamboozlin' Facebook group). Heal your broken heart. Learn all about the mysterious ways of hoomans. Find out the meaning of life. Includes a bonus astrology section.

Warning: not for children under 12 or pets under three months.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9780244376260

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Ask Alloway: Expert Advice for the Confuzled and Bamboozled

ASK ALLOWAY

Advice for the Confuzled and Bamboozled.

By Alloway Esq.,

Liv Martens and

Rhian Waller

Copyright © 2018 by Liv Martens and Rhian Waller

All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

without the express written permission of the publisher

except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Digitally released in the UK

First published, 2018

ISBN - 500127185599

Published by Ritrit media.

Copyright permission for the use of non-original photographs has been sought and obtained.

All copyrights rest with the respective rat guardian/friends.

All pictures of Alloway by Liv Martens.

All pictures of Ripley, Priss and incidental images by Rhian Waller.

Welcome to Ask Alloway

This is the first ever international compilation of rat wisdom and advice as told by an actual rat. I am Ripley, the editor of this book. If you are reading this, it means you have picked up a proof copy as part of a special pre-release, and therefore you may see notes that will not be included in the finished edition.

The main ratto needs no introduction.  Alloway is already internet famous in rat circles for his concise, imaginative and very heartfelt advice.

Whether you have a serious question about how to deal with loneliness or the pain of saying farewell to your beloved ratty (or human) friend, or if you have a question about the nature of the Universe, or if you simply want to know why your brother keeps resting his bollocks on your head, here’s the place to find out.

As an added bonus, I have included an Almanac written by Priss, an up-and-coming rat Astrologer.

This book would not have been possible without the help and cooperation of the Ratto Bamboozlin’ Facebook Community, in particular Liv Martens, who is the protector, guardian and facilitator for Alloway himself.

I hope you enjoy this book. Editing this collection has been a pain in the backside pleasure. Good reading, ratto frens and fren rattos! – Ripley Sniffasniffy

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Editor’s Note on Ratto:

The Ratto dialect has not, until now, been codified in written form. It owes a lot to the Doggo linguistic branch and is highly variable. For the sake of hooman readers, much of what is written here has been standardised, but I have retained as much authentic Ratto as possible. Grammar: some sentences do away with traditional verb forms. For instance, in Ratto, the sentence I farted would be I made a fart. The dialect also contains unique words. Here are some of the most common:

Bizniss: important things rats have to do

Boi: male ratto (informal)

Ded: deceased

Fren/frens: comrade/comrades

Gonna: The speaker intends to perform the described action

Halp!: the speaker urgently needs assistance

Has: to possess

Hecc: Verbal emphasis. An expression of shock, surprise. Alternately, a form of trouble.

Heckin: to feel shock, to induce a feeling of shock or to cause trouble

Hooman: tall, two-legged creature which provides food

Ratterina/Ratterino: female/male ratto (formal)

Ratto: rat

Screm: EEEEE!

Sits: to sit, usually belly-down

Smol: very small

Snuggle: sleep-cuggle

Stoopid: unintelligent

Tells: communicate

Wanna: an urgent need

Wrassle: non-bitey fight

Yogies: the best, tastiest thing in the world

ABOUT ALLOWAY

A suave ratto-about-town, Alloway is a keen observer of rat and human nature. His close friendship with hoomans Liv and Ashley has allowed him to become a spokesrat for both species.

He regularly posts an Ask Alloway column in the Ratto Bamboozlin’ Facebook group where he has responded to queries about everything from sex to emotional wellbeing to cheezy poofs. His easy, accessible  and no-nonsense responses have earned him many fans, furry and human alike.

He holds a degree in Psychology from Miceketonic University and a postgraduate degree in Communication from Rodentia College. 

A keen and skilled