Light Their Fire: Right and Wrong Ways to Coach and Motivate People

By Lyn Kelley

NEW updated edition 2021. The whole truth about what really motivates people! Motivational speaker and coach, Dr. Lyn Kelley, takes you through the step-by-step process to get other people motivated once and for all! In order to get others motivated you must help them unlock true desires, their passion, and put a fire in their belly. Dr. Lyn gives you all the RIGHT and BEST ways (and the WRONG ways) to motivate people to achieve their full potential. Powerful exercises along the way provide the force they need to sustain their momentum and propel them forward.
This is a MUST READ for anyone who supervises, coaches, teaches, trains, counsels, ministers, mentors or sponsors people. It is based on sound, clinical research and also gives you the best of all the biggest self-help gurus like Tony Robbins, Barbara DeAngelis, Wayne Dyer and Brian Tracy. A spiritual and values-based approach to motivation. Here's what you'll get:
The Ultimate Motivator
The Step-by-Step Process of Motivation
Where Motivation Really Comes From
Internal vs. External Motivation – Which Works Better?
The 3 Magic Keys to Unlock Anyone's Hidden Motivation
Theories of Motivation – Which One Fits You?
What is Success, Really?
How to Know What You Really, Really Want
Why Choosing the Right Goal is Your "Power Button"
The Optimal Challenge
The Simple 5 Step Decision Making Process
Is it Okay to Change My Mind?
The "PPPP Principle" that Will Propel You Beyond Belief
The Fallacy of Willpower
Pain vs. Pleasure – Who Wins?
Quick Change vs. Gradual Change
What You Can Change and What You Can't
Get Fed Up!
The Power of Commitment
Create Your Vision
Your Mission Statement is Your Vision Multiplied
Create Your Plan
Setting Goals that Leap You Into Action
10 Ways to Make Action Equal Results
The Only Way to Handle "Overwhelm"
Create Your Road Map that Gets You Where You Want to Go
Your Own Reward
The 3 Brutal Mistakes that Cause Your Self-Sabotage
Let's Get Off Our "Buts"
The Seven Self-Sabotages to Your Success
Why Action is So Hard
How to "Just Do It"
Pump Up Your Self Worth
Shame and Guilt – the Ultimate Destroyers
Talk Back to Your Inner Critic
Turn "Learned Helplessness" into "Learned Empowerment"
It's Not About Time – It's About Goal Conflict
Work Smarter – Not Harder or Longer
See the Bigger Picture
The Simple Reason Why Change is So Hard
Nice But Not Necessary
How Role Models and Mentors Zoom You to the Top
Extraordinary People Who Have Done More with Less
Why Smart People Do Dumb Things
Why People Kick a Gift Horse in the Mouth
How Addictions and Compulsions Destroy You
Validators vs. Invalidators
Why Others Sabotage Us and How to Handle Them
How to Handle Criticism Without Anguish
Choose Your People Well
Fear – The Biggest Obstacle
The One Change You Need to Make in Your Head
10 Tips for Handling Worry and Anxiety
Enduring the Struggle
Setbacks and Adversity
Accepting the Unexpected
The REAL Reason People Procrastinate (and how to stop it)
Using Life Traumas or Difficulties as Motivators
How to Develop Ambition
Optimism vs. Pessimism – Why the Big Deal?
Controlled Focus is Your Laser Beam to Success
Your Words are Your Power
Fly in "V" Formation
Partners and Teams
Role Models
Mentors, Sponsors and Teachers
Sprint to the Finish Line With Coaching
Find Your Purpose
"When-Then" Syndrome – How to Live NOW
Visualize Your Desired Outcome
Positive Affirmations are Your Magic Words
The One Minute Technique that Works Better Than Anything
How to Motivate Your Kids, Family and Friends
Lessons from a Butterfly
New Ways to Motivate Employees
The 4 Magical Words to Deal With Resistance
Don't Fix, Coach!
Enthusiasm is Contagious

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lyn Kelley
• Release date: Sep 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370323609

Lyn Kelley

As a Motivational Coach and Speaker, my goal is "to empower people move to the next level of success in their lives." Many people have asked for more information about me and why I am qualified to motivate others. So here's a little bit about me and how I got here. It all started back in Fresno, CA where I was born and raised. As a child I knew I had a calling to help people be happier and live better lives. I knew this because I was keenly observant of people. I observed people and how they lived their lives. At age 10 a friend's family invited me to a musical show called "Up With People!" This show had a major impact on me, and brought up my passion to help people be happier. Although my parents didn't care about my grades, I received all A's in school except I always failed Oral English. I couldn't get up in front of the class and speak. What kept me going in school was my desire for a career in the helping/teaching profession, so I could help others become more successful. The females in my family were discouraged from going to college, so higher education became my way of rebelling. I earned my B.A. in Education from CSU Fresno. During college I had some wonderful professors who took me under their wing and encouraged me to speak in class. I learned that I enjoyed teaching and actually had a gift that had previously been repressed. I went on to get my teaching credential and taught Jr. and Sr. High School for 7 years. I went from a shy little girl who couldn't speak in front of the class to a big girl who couldn't STOP speaking in front of the class! Teaching adolescents was an amazing experience! I found that I wanted to work with them more one-on-one, so I went back to college to become a counselor. I received my M.S. in Counseling/Psychology from the University of Miami and became licensed as a Marriage & Family Therapist. Initially I set out to get a wide range of experience. I worked in a children's psych hospital in dual diagnosis, managed a residential treatment program for severely emotionally disturbed teenage girls, conducted biofeedback therapy for a pain management center, and worked in social services in the areas of foster care, child abuse and family reunification. Once I became licensed I worked in a private counseling practice for 7 years. I specialized in relationship counseling. During this time I realized that coaching, writing and teaching were what I really loved to do, s...

Book preview

Thank You for purchasing this book!

Welcome to

Dr. Lyn Is In

Author, Lyn Kelley, Ph.D., CPC

Certified Professional Coach

My mission is to empower people to move to the next level of success in their lives.

What others are saying about Dr. Lyn’s Books

Lyn Kelly is AWESOME. Her e-books are the books. There are so many garbage marketing books at the bookstore, garbage marketing seminars, people trying to take a lot of money from health care practitioners teaching marketing.

Every other book/class is just psycho-babble. Full of stupid tips likes be positive, attract clients to yourself, whatever you do, do consistent. OK, the psych stuff and being in the correct frame of mind of important. It's not worthless, but to be successful you also need an action plan. You need the right mindset, plus a concrete plan to execute.

Lyn Kelley does both! And she has amazing actions plans. The great things is, she has a whole list, full of details on how to execute each one. If one strategy isn't right for you, another one will work. Her e-books are the absolute best!

---Saul Marcus, Pittsburgh, PA

Thank you so much for your book. You're right, it does work as soon as you use it. Your workbook exercises were most helpful. I am already getting positive responses.

---Charie Levy, MFT Brooklyn, NY

Dear Lyn, I found your workshop so inspirational! It has taken me to another level in my consciousness about the work we do as therapists and it has further inspired me to continue my pursuits in the realm of Organizational Development and Transformation. Your being is quite a catalyst. I appreciate what you are doing very much and feel honored to have been able to experience your work and its profound effect, first-hand.

---Jeanine Gonzalez, Dallas, TX

By Lyn Kelley

Published by GROW Publications

Copyright 2021 Lyn Kelley

Cover Design by Cal Sharp

www.Caligraphics.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

More e-Books by Dr. Lyn distributed at

http://www.smashwords.com/

See Dr. Lyn’s Author Profile:

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/growpu

Dear Jane Series:

Book 1: The 12 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Dating & Love Relationships

Book 2: How to Cure a Commitment-Phobic

Book 3: How to Turn a Player into a Stayer

Book 4: Controlling and Manipulative Men: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 5: Self-Centered and Narcissistic Men: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 6: Addicted Men – Drugs, Alcohol, Porn and More: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 7: Low Achieving Men - Passives, Wimps, Dreamers: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 8: Cheap Men: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 9: Men who Lie and Cheat: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 10: Emotionally Unavailable Men: How to Spot Them and Handle Them

Book 11: The Romantic Terrorist: Protect Yourself from Stalking, Harassment, Bullying and Threats

Book 12: How to Get Any Man You Want to Want YOU

Book 13: The 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make in Dating & Love Relationships

Book 14: How to Break Up, Survive and Thrive

Book 15: Bad Dick, Good Jane: How Good Girls Get Bad Boys to Behave, Fall in Love and Commit

New Release!

Bad Dick, Good Jane:

How Good Girls Get Bad Boys to Behave, Fall in Love, and Commit

Other Self-Help Books by Lyn Kelley:

How to Stick With Your Diet & Exercise Program

The 7 Self-Sabotages: Why People Sabotage Themselves and How to Stop It

How to Become Your Own Life Coach in 12 Easy Steps

How to Motivate Yourself: Secrets of the Motivational Superstars

Online Marketing for Non-Techies: How to Turn Your Website Into a Sales Machine

7 Secrets of Highly Successful Coaches

How to Motivate Your Clients to Change

How to Collect Your Money

Thousands of Angels: Your Path to Spiritual Empowerment, Healing and Abundance

How to Become a Life Coach

How to Become a Corporate/Business Coach

How to Become a Virtual Coach

Ethics for Coaching

How to Get a Raise from Managed Care Plans

How to Promote Your Practice to a Well-Pay, Self-Pay Clientele

Practice Angels: How to Build a Full Practice from Good Referrals Alone

The Magic of Detachment: How to Let Go of Other People and their Problems

One Day She Woke Up and Decided to Be Brave: A Woman’s Journey from Fear to Courage

I offer telephone and email coaching.

Contact me to set up an appointment!

[e-mail]

Learn more about Dr. Lyn and Personal and/or Career Coaching at

http://www.growtraininginstitute.com/

Follow me!

FaceBook: http://face-book.com/ lyn.kelley1

Twitter: http://wefollow.com/JanesGoodAdvice

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/drlynisin

Become a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) through

GROW Training Institute, Inc.

The least expensive, quickest and most comprehensive program available!

All can be done through Home Study and Online

See Application on our website with all the

Most Frequently Asked Questions

www.GrowTrainingInstitute.com

See my YouTube video:

How to Become a Certified Professional Coach:

http://youtu.be/ZBHrDhxodWc

Light Their Fire:

Right and Wrong Ways to Coach and Motivate People

By Lyn Kelley, Ph.D., MFT, CPC

This book is dedicated to my greatest motivator,

my daughter,

Kristin Anne Kelley

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Only True Way to Get Motivated

The Ultimate Motivator

The Step-by-Step Process of Motivation

Part I: How to Motivate People

Chapter 1: What is Motivation and How Do I Get It?

Where Motivation Really Comes From

Internal vs. External Motivation – Which Works Better?

The 3 Magic Keys to Unlock Anyone’s Hidden Motivation

Theories of Motivation – Which One Fits You?

What is Success, Really?

Chapter 2: What Do I Want?

How to Know What You Really, Really Want

Why Choosing the Right Goal is Your Power Button

The Optimal Challenge

The Simple 5 Step Decision Making Process

Is it Okay to Change My Mind?

The PPPP Principle that Will Propel You Beyond Belief

Chapter 3: How People REALLY Change

The Fallacy of Willpower

Pain vs. Pleasure – Who Wins?

Quick Change vs. Gradual Change

What You Can Change and What You Can’t

Get Fed Up!

The Power of Commitment

Chapter 4: Access Your Greatness through Visioning

Create Your Vision

Your Mission Statement is Your Vision Multiplied

Create Your Plan

Chapter 5: Goal Setting & Action Planning

Setting Goals that Leap You Into Action

10 Ways to Make Action Equal Results

The Only Way to Handle Overwhelm

Create Your Road Map that Gets You Where You Want to Go

Your Own Reward

Chapter 6: Get Out of Your Own Way!

The 3 Brutal Mistakes that Cause Your Self-Sabotage

Let’s Get Off Our Buts

Part II: The Seven Self-Sabotages to Your Success

Chapter 7: Self Sabotage #1: It’s Too Difficult

Why Action is So Hard

How to Just Do It

Chapter 8: Self Sabotage #2: I Don’t Deserve It

Pump Up Your Self Worth

Shame and Guilt – the Ultimate Destroyers

Talk Back to Your Inner Critic

Turn Learned Helplessness into Learned Empowerment

Chapter 9: Self Sabotage #3: I Don’t Have the Time

It’s Not About Time – It’s About Goal Conflict

Work Smarter – Not Harder or Longer

See the Bigger Picture

The Simple Reason Why Change is So Hard

Chapter 10: Self Sabotage #4: I Don’t Have the Resources

Nice But Not Necessary

How Role Models and Mentors Zoom You to the Top

Extraordinary People Who Have Done More with Less

Chapter 11: Self Sabotage #5: I Have to Do It My Way

Why Smart People Do Dumb Things

Why People Kick a Gift Horse in the Mouth

How Addictions and Compulsions Destroy You

Chapter 12: Self Sabotage #6: They Don’t Want Me To

Validators vs. Invalidators

Why Others Sabotage Us and How to Handle Them

How to Handle Criticism Without Anguish

Choose Your People Well

Chapter 13: Self Sabotage #7: I’m Afraid

Fear – The Biggest Obstacle

The One Change You Need to Make in Your Head

Rational or Irrational?

10 Tips for Handling Worry and Anxiety

Part III: Sticking With It

Chapter 14: Enduring the Struggle

Setbacks and Adversity

Accepting the Unexpected

The REAL Reason People Procrastinate (and how to stop it)

Others who Overcame Adversity

Using Life Traumas or Difficulties as Motivators

Chapter 15: Thought & Attitude Transformation

How to Develop Ambition

Optimism vs. Pessimism – Why the Big Deal?

Controlled Focus is Your Laser Beam to Success

Your Words are Your Power

Chapter 16: Social Aspects of Motivation

Fly in V Formation

Partners and Teams

Role Models

Mentors, Sponsors and Teachers

Sprint to the Finish Line With Coaches

Chapter 17: Spiritual Aspects of Motivation

Finding Your Purpose

Hope is a Thing with Feathers

When-Then Syndrome – How to Live NOW

Visualize Your Desired Outcome

Positive Affirmations are Your Magic

Part IV: Coaching and Motivating Others

Chapter 18: How to Motivate Other People

The One Minute Technique that Works Better Than Anything

How to Motivate Your Kids, Family and Friends

Lessons from a Butterfly

New Ways to Motivate Employees

The 4 Magical Words to Deal With Resistance

Don’t Fix, Coach!

Enthusiasm is Contagious

Conclusion: Accepting Your Success

Get Over Your Fear of Success

References

Introduction

The Only True Way to Get Motivated

The Ultimate Motivator

Hello! Are you awake, alert, alive, and enthusiastic? Are you super excited about getting up in the morning? Do you love your life? Are you thriving? Are you self actualized? Are you happy and fulfilled? Are you living in the present moment? Are you full of awe and amazement?

If so, you are probably highly motivated and driven toward achievement. You’ve probably achieved most of the goals you’ve set out for, and are on your way to achieving more. You also are probably highly motivated toward life improvement, life balance and overall life satisfaction. Good for you! Keep it up!

If not, why not? This book is about that why. You may be like many people, who are basically sleep-walking through life. You may be in a comfort zone and don’t feel a need or drive to do much more than you’re already doing. You may want more, but have not have had enough successes to encourage you to move forward and take risks. You may have gotten discouraged. Then again, you may just have not yet found out what motivates you.

The key to a happy, exciting, fulfilling life lies in your ability to realize your dreams. The only way to achieve your dreams is to take action. The only way to take action is to motivate yourself. The only way to sustain your process and keep on your path to success is to stay motivated! Motivation is difficult for most people, but it doesn’t have to be! Some people were born with the gift of internal motivation (don’t they just irk you?). Most of us have to work at it. We have to learn it, sometimes the hard way. My hope is that you can learn it an easier way with this book.

I had to learn the hard way. It took me a long time to break some of my self defeating patterns. Mostly I played small because I didn’t believe I was worthy of having a great life. Most of my early decisions were based on what I thought others wanted for me, and consequently spent most of my life trying to please everyone but myself. One of the main reasons I wrote this book was to save you some wasted time and agony.

The aim of this book is to teach you how to motivate yourself, and/or, motivate others, as well as how to work through the obstacles that will confront you/others along the way. This book will help you improve any area of your life. It will also assist you in getting motivated to achieve a goal or dream, and to determine why you have not been motivated enough in the past to achieve your desires. Whether you want overall life improvement or simply to achieve a particular goal, you will benefit from working through these steps.

The majority of this book is written in second person perspective (you, yours), teaching you how to motivate yourself. However, I realize that you may be more interested in the third person perspective (him, her, they, them), as in how to motivate others. If you can first apply these principles to yourself, you will be much more effective in transferring them to others. I encourage you to first read this book as it relates to your own motivation, then read it again and relate it to how you could motivate others.

One of the reasons that reading a book like this one can help you with your motivation and success is that it can cut years off your learning curve. By implementing just ONE of the golden nuggets found throughout this book, your life will instantly improve. What has taken top achievers decades to discover you