From Abandonment to Abundance

By Anita Ellis

Have you ever been abandoned by someone you thought loved you? How about feeling unwanted and unloved by your mother or father? From Abandonment to Abundance is a real story of an African American girl abandoned at birth yet determined to live life abundantly. Throughout her life, Anita Alston Ellis struggled with self-confidence and self-love, unable to comprehend why her mother and father weren’t part of her life. She goes on a journey to resolve her unanswered questions and reminisce on the childhood experiences that made her who she is today. After a long journey of struggles, heartbreaks, and triumphs she thought it was only befitting to reveal the truth. Through her challenges Anita discovers her purpose in life and empowers those around her. This book will inspire you to overcome life challenges and understand that a setback is only a setup for a comeback! Get ready to be empowered!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312690288

Book preview

From Abandonment to Abundance

FROM ABANDONMENT TO ABUNDANCE

A Memoir to Inspire the Unwanted

ANITA ALSTON ELLIS, PHD

From Abandonment to Abundance

Copyright © 2014 by Anita Alston Ellis

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-312-54230-3

Request for Information should be sent to:

[e-mail]

Book Cover Designer: Jamall McMillan

Editor: Kristen Robinson

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to every woman, man, boy, and girl that struggled with fear, loneliness, and rejection due to their father and/or mother not being present in their life. I also dedicate this book to everyone that believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. To my heavenly father, Jesus Christ, thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me. To my husband, thank you for your support and for standing by my side. To my mom-tie, thank you for your unwavering love, support, and ultimate sacrifice you made for me. Lastly, to my children: Jordan, Jaylen, and Julie thank you for allowing me to love you and for teaching me how to love.

FOREWORD

This memoir tells the gripping story of a young woman’s journey that will first capture your attention with what she went through; then capture your heart with where she ended up.  It is often said, it’s not where you start (she started being abandoned by her parents), but it’s where you end (she ended with abundance).  This amazing story charts one woman’s course between those two extremes, which makes this a book of hope. 

While no child should ever have to start where Anita did, we know there are hundreds of thousands of young people who started there.  If you’ve ever felt you’re not good enough…this book is for you.  If you’ve ever felt you’re not smart enough…this book is for you.  If you’ve ever felt you wouldn’t reach your dreams…this book is for you.  If you’ve ever wondered if anyone could really love you…this book is for you.  If you’ve ever asked the question why did this happen to me guess what?…this book is for you.  But not just for them, if you’ve ever failed your children…this book is for you too.  I can only imagine the courage it must have taken to live through this experience; much less tell the world about it. 

I am forever impressed with and a lifelong fan of Anita Alston Ellis.  You have added value to my life and this book will add value to your life as well.

Michael Sanders

Fan of Teens

National Speaker and Child Welfare Consultant

INTRODUCTION

What goes through the mind of a newborn baby when that first burst of oxygen hits his or her lungs? I’d take a guess and say that newborns inherently feel uncertainty and fear upon entering a new space—a feeling that eventually fades when they are placed in the arms of their mother. If that’s the case, I suppose I entered this life the way any other newborn would: confused, uncomfortable and scared. At 8:20 a.m. on October 15, 1982, I was born at the University of Maryland Hospital. As I gasped for air and eventually emptying my lungs I cried out, I too felt fear and uncertainty creep into my veins. An infant instinctually knows their mother and a mother knows her beloved child. A mother’s love solidifies a child’s very existence into mankind. From the very outset, however, it seemed fate had conspired against my mother, and as a result, against me.

Giving birth is supposed to be a God-given blessing to all; a joyous occasion that brings parents together. In my case, my mother and father had an unstable relationship. Although I could not have known it, there was more going on before my life began than I could have ever imagined. Some say my mom was physically abused by my biological father who beat the brains out of her. Others haven’t denied this, and my biological father doesn’t speak about the abuse. Regardless, I would pay the price for the confusion, turmoil, and violence for the rest of my life. How could I have imagined the traumatic impact that my very birth would have? Thirty-two years later, these unresolved issues remain unanswered and continue to haunt me. Blurred questions centered around how and why dance through my mind, driving me in circles. How could the woman who was supposed to love me do this? Why did she do this to me? Did she understand exactly what she’d done? In a perfect world, I would have been her beloved baby girl and she my loving mother. From the beginning, however, my world was thrown yet into utter chaos. My protector dismissed me without any misgivings or a second thought. My mother abandoned me.

I lay helpless in that hospital, screaming, confused and alone while time steadily ticked away. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours. Eventually hours led to days.  As I lay in that hospital, selfless, innocent and defenseless, I wonder if I was aware of what was happening to me. Better yet, I wonder if my mother understood what was happening to me. I wonder if anyone on this planet was aware that I had been born and already part of who I was had been lost forever. The one person who was supposed to love me had abandoned me; she left me to my own devices, without a care in the world. Few will understand the depth of the worthlessness I have felt my entire life because of this selfish act. The abandonment causes a scream to escape out of me—a cocktail of fury, agony and chaos bubbling in my chest. How could you do this to me? How could you leave me behind? Did you even care? To my father, the scream is louder, more powerful and unhinged. You beat the brains out of my mother—my mother! She was a mother of six! Because of physical abuse she left me, her second-born child, in the hospital alone. She didn’t care whose hands I fell into, she didn’t care about my existence, and she didn’t care about my future.

Someone greater, however, did care about me. He cared about my life, my well-being, and gave me opportunities my parents never did. Some say that we are the products of our environment and that we carry the sins of our parents into our future. My story is a testament to the fact that regardless of insurmountable odds, any individual can find the strength to rise from the ashes. This is the real life story of an African American girl who went from abandonment to abundance. It is my hope and prayer that every reader is empowered and encouraged and uses this story to encourage others to never give up. Be blessed and inspired.

CHAPTER 1

GUARDIAN ANGELS

I learned at a young age that I had been abandoned. The issue was constantly and casually stated by family members with a bluntness that could even be understood by a small child. The statements started collecting in my brain, melding and molding together until they formed a sharp knife that pinched at the soft flesh at my throat. The result was a slow, torturous existence; I was left clinging to the treacherous bridge between losing my mind and staying sane. The pain was too deep, each word a metaphysical stab to my gut, until I felt internal bleeding.