The Buffeteer's Guide: Mastering the Art of All-You-Can-Eat Dining

By David Deal

All-you-can-eat buffet restaurants differ from normal restaurants in two important ways. The first is that you are allowed to eat all you want for an established price that does not increase with the quantity of food you consume. This offers the opportunity to reap a great value for your dollar, but most people are not able to maximize their value because they do not enter the buffet restaurant with the right mindset, preparation, or skills. This book will correct all of those deficiencies. The second important difference is that a buffet restaurant presents a large variety of foods to you all at once, with very little direction or organization as to what you should consume, when, or in what order. This all-at-once presentation of the meal offers the opportunity for an entirely different dining experience, and yet most people continue to follow the standard script that they have learned from regular restaurants. This book will teach you the perspective and concepts you need to shake things up and craft your own dining experience in the free-for-all of the buffet. After you read and practice the tactics offered in this training manual, you will eventually reach a high enough level of skill in buffet dining to call yourself a Buffeteer!
**Buffeteer (buhf-it-teer): noun 1. An individual with exceptional skill in dining at all-you-can eat buffet style restaurants. 2. One who does not display the characteristics of an amateur buffet diner while at a buffet.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Deal
• Release date: Aug 2, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370132898

David Deal

David is a resident of Wisconsin, USA, and a habitual eater of food.

Book preview

The Buffeteer’s Guide:

Mastering the Art of All-you-can-eat Dining

A training manual composed by David Deal

Copyright 2017 by David Deal

Distributed by Smashwords

Table of Contents

Prologue

Stretching before arrival

Plan to pace yourself

Dress appropriately

Timing is important

Premedicate

Look before you leap

Watch out for buffets full of Imaginary Food

Leave the pre-evaluation to the professionals

Seat selection

Booth versus table

Leave bulky items in the car

Avoid sitting near the bus station

Stay away from large groups

Sit facing the buffet

Stairs are unacceptable

Drain and cleanse

Plan your plates

If it looks good, take some

The buffet does not move linearly

Drink plenty of water

Take all you want, eat all you take

Sample things you are unsure about

Multi-plate technique

Save your fork

Protect your food

Slow down and be aware of other people

Watch out for Fast Movers

Watch for freebies

Foods to avoid

Quantity does not equal quality

Find an Indicator

Busses

Show respect for the amateurs

Let it settle

Foraging produces better food

Eat like the tide

Community support

Don’t panic

Two meals in one

Stay hydrated

Give them a second chance

Epilogue

Prologue

In the summer of 1979, my parents took me to the Duff’s Smorgasbord located in Flint, Michigan. I was only four years old, and no one knew the incredible impact this seminal experience would have on my life. I was blown away by the simple idea of being able to get anything I wanted and as much as I wanted. Later that day, we visited a neighbor down the street. A huge, burly bear of a man with a cheerful disposition, we found him standing shirtless in his garden munching on carrots freshly yanked from the soil, casually displaying his implicit mastery of the world of food creation and consumption. Upon hearing the news of my first culinary foray into the world of buffet dining, he leaned down, placed his mighty paw on my shoulder, and spoke the words of wisdom that would forever shape my perspective on buffets: You know what the secret to eating at the buffet is? Don’t eat until you’re full, eat until it hurts!

Over the decades since that day, I have eaten thousands of buffet meals at hundreds of buffets across the United States, continually striving to develop the skills and strategies necessary to achieve an unprecedented level of buffeting professionalism. Now, I am ready to share with you the knowledge you need in order to become a skilled enough buffet diner to call yourself a Buffeteer!

Buffeteer (buhf-it-teer): noun 1. An individual with exceptional skill in dining at all-you-can eat buffet style restaurants. 2. One who does not display the characteristics of an amateur buffet diner while at a buffet.

At the core, there are two main differences between a buffet and a normal restaurant. The first is that you are allowed to eat all you want at a buffet. While it is perfectly acceptable to go to a buffet and eat only a light meal, this is the behavior of an amateur, and a true Buffeteer would never do such a thing. This manual is written from that perspective, and is intended for the value-conscious consumer looking to maximize the value obtained from a buffet visit. However, I will provide insights and helpful hints that will aid you in your forays into this unique dining environment even if you are not a true gut-stuffing Buffeteer.

The second main difference between a buffet and a normal restaurant is that a buffet presents a large variety of