Let's Talk: Navigating the Complexities of Serious Relationships

By Jerry W. Autry II and Denise A. Thomas

There comes a time in every monogamous relationship when you change your dating status from “talking” to “dating,” then to “serious” – meaning neither of you are dating, considering or looking for anyone else. You may even consider marriage or get married and change your status to “forever-serious.” It’s during the serious and forever-serious phases that the two of you really dig in and work on getting to know one another and recognize the things about the other that you admire, value and absolutely love. That’s also when you discover the “little things” that categorically annoy you.
This book is about going deeper and finding out things that you will only learn through thoughtful discussions – talks that require time to unfold. After each conversation, you both must work through your perceptions and judgments regarding what you hear. Since time is your friend, take this two-month journey and work through one conversation each day.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 29, 2017
• ISBN: 9781937400859

Book preview

Let’s Talk Navigating the Complexities of Serious Relationships

Copyright © 2017 Jerry W. Autry II

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles and other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. Duplication of any part of this book in any form or means is a violation of copyright law.

Cover Design: Andrae Gallardo

Editor: Ann Luu

ISBN: 978-1-937400-83-5

ISBN: 978-1-937400-85-9 ebook

Printed in the United States of America

Published by Manifold Grace Publishing House, LLC

Southfield, Michigan 48033

www.manifoldgracepublishinghouse.com

Table of Contents

Cover

Title

Copyright

Dedication

Acknowledgment

Foreword

Introduction

Reflection Time #1

Conversations 1-31

Reflection Time #2

Conversations 32-61

Relection Time #3

Red Flags to Consider

Love Looks Like...

Ranking My Needs

Keep Looking Deeper

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Prepare to Sacrifice

Accountability with Balance

Remain Available

Anger is NOT the Final Answer

Fight Fair

Forgive Relentlessly

The Hump Cometh

Keep Talking

Keep Listening

Affirmations

What's Next?

Author

Dedication

This book is dedicated to John Albert Autry Jr., my grandfather. I wish I could talk to you one more time. You always gave sensible advice seasoned with experience and love. I miss you.

Acknowledgment

To my Creator and God, thank you for giving me life and guiding me along the journey. To my friends who pushed me to develop this manuscript and share it with the world. You believed in me enough to encourage and help me bring this project to fruition. You know who you are. Thank you!

Foreword

Talking is engaging in speech, but without clarity and understanding by all parties, it could become an exercise in futility. If asked to describe a sunset, a rainbow, our best fragrance or the way our favorite food tastes, we would probably use adjectives like pretty, good or fantastic. While we perceive our description as accurate, someone else might hear our description and sense something different, thus begins the complexities of communication.

You may already understand that it can be difficult to have discussions surrounding our feelings and emotions in relationships. This truth is what prompted the author to write this book. Each party brings his/her own interpretation of words born out of his/her own paradigms. Within committed relationships, the confusion intensifies.

Jerry Autry is one of the greatest conversationalists I know, and he has created a wonderful how to manual for navigating the complexities of communication in relationships when they cross the serious threshold. I suggest you review this book along with your partner, taking your time to identify and confront any communication issues you come across.

Perhaps you are pondering the idea of moving your relationship to a more serious status. If you are already in a serious relationship, this book may prompt conversations that help you to discover each other more. As you communicate your way through dating relationships and lifelong relationships, don’t ask the question, Can we talk? Instead, make a relationship decision and declare, Let’s talk! Well, what are you waiting for? You’ve got the roadmap in your hand … Let’s Talk!

Denise Thomas

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About Denise Thomas:

Simply put, Denise Adrinna Thomas, or Pastor D as she is affectionately called, is an author, ordained pastor, teacher, leadership consultant, ministry advisor, certified life-coach and life-skill facilitator who known for her eclectic wisdom. She is gifted with insight and an uncommon ability to make it plain. It is often said that she bridges the old school with the new. Her ministry is flavored with practical wisdom and humor. She is honest, transparent, and direct – always aiming to be a woman of integrity.

Denise possesses a Bachelor of Arts in Religious Studies from Christian Bible College & Seminary. She serves as an associate pastor at Embassy Covenant Church International in Troy, Michigan, and the Detroit Rescue Mission Ministries where her ministry merges with her career.

Introduction

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without

and know we cannot live within."

- James Baldwin

I never thought I would be writing a book about relationships. It turns out that the various forms of counseling and mediation training that I’ve received throughout my life, coupled with hands-on experience serving in various ministry capacities, have gifted me with both perspective and a heart for harmony. I just want to help people live their best lives.

I spent several years as an associate pastor at a mid-sized church in the Detroit area. During that time, I supported the congregation by overseeing various functions of the ministry. I also underwent multiple forms of training for pastoral counseling and life coaching. I even established a successful life coaching business. However, all of my training was geared toward reconciliation – how to get people to see each other’s point of view after communication has deteriorated. I remember thinking, if we encouraged people to spend more time in meaningful discovery, those same couples might escape the need for relationship counseling later.

The formal training was helpful. At one point in my life, I thought I would pastor a church. I decided that I would create a resource that would help unmarried couples who are involved in serious relationships avoid many hours of counseling and mediation, seeking reconciliation after they have plunged into the waters of matrimony (a forever-serious relationship), only to realize that they aren’t very compatible. I created a lot of training materials in anticipation of creating this resource, but my materials did not make it past print due to my path taking other directions. The original manuscript for this book was one of the training modules I created during that period, but when the pastoral opportunity fell through, I shelved the manuscript and pursued my career as a human resources professional.

The original manuscript was focused on questions to ask before getting engaged. I wanted to broaden the scope, depth and topics covered to provide material for couples who are considering or are involved in serious relationships and couples who are already married, in a forever-serious relationship, and want to rediscover each other or make a fresh start. So I sat down and began jotting down the recurring themes that I’ve encountered over the years of pastoral and informal counseling and came up with the conversations. I changed some of the topics and added some depth to the questions to design true conversations. I also included some additional considerations at the end of the book to enhance the final reflection time.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been married, but I have dated and enjoyed serious relationships. Don’t close the book and run away! I promise that there is substance to