Horizon Cow

By Refried Bean

This book includes two collections of funny joke poems by Refried Bean.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Refried Bean
• Release date: May 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311615916

Refried Bean

Refried Bean is from Greenville, SC. Refried worked in a bookstore for twelve years and has an M.F.A. in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Refried now lives in the Bronx near a Stop and Shop.

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Horizon Cow

by Refried Bean

This book contains

two collections:

Poetry Sandwich

and I like Donuts

Copyright 2016 by Refried Bean

Distributed by Smashwords

Acknowledgements

Thank you so much, Jody Gladding and Matthew Dickman, and everyone from VCFA.

Thanks also to Claire Bateman, Kimberly Gibbs, Moody Black, Wit's End Poetry, Coffee Underground, and to Nancy Parker and The Greenville Christian Writers Group.

Thank you to all my friends, family, teachers, and everyone else who has helped me.

Poetry Sandwich

by Refried Bean

Poetry Sandwich

by Refried Bean

in memory of Molly, Echo, and Brandy

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 107.

What I Wouldn’t Give

I had to wait overnight at the airport,

and so did this other lady,

and we were by the windows, so it was cold.

She said What I wouldn’t give for a turtleneck.

and I said Yeah.

But really, I had a turtleneck in my bag,

and even if I didn’t have one,

there’s really a lot I wouldn’t give for a turtleneck.

I wouldn’t give my right arm, for instance,

because that’s not worth it,

and plus, if I did that,

I would really only need a one-armed turtleneck.

Keep on Going

Even if you don’t want to,

stay alive,

if not for yourself,

for the thousands

of microscopic bacteria

that live in your eyebrows.

Birds

It is a sad day

when you find out

that there really is

such a thing

as too many pigeons.

Advice

If people asked me for advice about life,

I don’t know if I would say

"Always hit buttons on a Coke machine

in case someone left extra money in there,"

or

"Always leave money in a Coke machine

in case someone thirsty walks by."

But I do know that my advice

would probably be about a Coke machine.

Reindeer Sheets

I’m not ashamed

to have blue reindeer

on my flannel sheets.

But I am kind of ashamed

that those reindeer

have fleas.

Nature

You can learn a lot from animals,

especially if they are talking animals

that teach college level science as their part-time job.

Garbage Truck Poem

I am not scared

of the garbage truck,

because it is just a truck

that picks up garbage.

If You Have Two Pairs of Flip-flops

If you have

two pairs of flip-flops,

why not give one pair

to your roommate

at the mental hospital?

Expression

It is good

to be sad all the time

and never smile,

because what if

there is spinach in your teeth?

Kind of a Cheesy Poem

The cheese I ate today

was gouda

than the cheese

I normally eat.

A Poem About Corn Flakes

Do you ever get scared

that you will live your whole life

and never write a poem about corn flakes?

Well, I’m not going to let that happen to me.

Problem

it is sad

that in this world,

some dogs get ice cream

and some humans don’t,

but the solution is not

to take away ice cream

from dogs.

How Thoughtful

If someone wrote

thousands of pages

about paper shredders,

a paper shredder

might be a nice gift

to give them.

Reaction

It bothers me

when I do something

and people look at me

like I’m from another planet,

because how did they find out?

What Is Unseen

A lot of

important stuff

is invisible,

like air, love,

and those invisible flying rabbit fairies