Stop Chasing The Weasel

By Dominique von Warnick

Do your interactions with men make you feel like you might as well be followed by killer bees?  Maybe you are going after weasels instead of men.  From being widowed to getting beat to someone falling out of love with you...here is how to work thru it and once and for all find the man you deserve instead of a weasel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dominique von Warnick
• Release date: May 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9781533782076

Book preview

Chapter 1-Why Doesn’t He Call?

I am going to start with something that almost everyone who does not marry their first relationship will run into.  You meet what seems like a nice guy; he says he will call and then does not. 

I am going to make it clear my approach and the rest of the book will more or less follow suit even though I will get into much more in depth problems.  That said, if you cannot see yourself getting to my line of thinking with what I am about to say...the rest of this book will most likely not make sense to you. 

It is NOT 1980...we can and should make some of the moves (and yes I was a lifestyle dominant before it got beaten out of me...writing this book for me is part of bringing myself back).  That noted, no men do not like rejection any more than we do.  Helping them with that is fine...but if it seems to be one sided then unless you have a lifestyle sub on your hands, most likely you have an uninterested man that does not like confrontation. 

Let’s say you meet a guy somewhere and get their number.  So-called conventional wisdom is either going to tell you to wait for them to call or wait three days supposedly so that you do not look desperate.  I, for one, just believe in getting on with it.  If you meet a guy you want to get to know better...it might as well be decided early on if he wants to get to know you better as well. 

If so, great you are now occupied until you figure out if it will work out further.  If not, at least no more time is wasted and you can be further along in your search for a happy relationship. 

That noted, initial contact is fine; for a multitude of reasons.  If you have been around the block at all, you already know that men lose things, cannot keep track of said things and somehow it always becomes our problem to know where said things are. 

So, all that said...it is logical that some of the time men do actually lose our phone numbers.  Men can also be prone to short attention spans more than we are...meaning that whether they are into us or not, if you meet a guy late at night and he has to go to work the next day.

He could very well forget and just go to sleep even though he did have every intention of calling as he said he would.  Given those reasons alone, initial contact is okay and does not make someone look desperate. 

Where you are going to run into issues is if you find you are the one always calling or making plans and he never does.  Most of the time, this means you are either dealing with an uninterested man who does not like confrontation and is just hoping you will get the hint and go away on your own or even worse a man who is actually attracted to women who seem or are desperate which could be a symptom of much bigger problems (which will be explained in later chapters if you choose to keep reading). 

This is even more so if he says he is always busy when you part ways.  Please notice that there is an enormous difference between this and saying he is busy a lot when he first sees you; this makes it a lot more viable that he is busy.

In a nutshell, make the initial contact and if he does not make any mutual effort early on...have enough respect for yourself to find someone who does want to put something into the relationship.

Chapter 2-It’s Been Years And He Won’t Commit

Dharma and Greg was one of my favorite shows at one point.  Mostly because on looks alone Thomas Gibson is gorgeous (you would never know that if you ever saw what my husband looks like...the dark hair and dark eyes would be my type regarding that but it just never quite worked out that way and that is fine there’s far more to someone than what they look like...).  Anyway, I think most of us can agree that marrying someone on the same day you meet them is one of the dumbest things you can do. 

However, what about the reverse?  What if it has been years and years...and you cannot get a clear commitment?

For now, I am writing about a happy relationship other than this issue.  After some time, friends and family could easily have an opinion on whether people should get married or not.  The final choice, however, still falls within the people in the relationship. 

If you are personally happy with how things are and the only issue with it is nagging friends or family...respect yourself enough to do what you want, not what someone else wants you to do. 

If you do not already know it on some level, doing anything to make anyone else happy without regard for what you want IS the quickest way to be miserable.  Think enough of yourself NOT to do it. 

If you are unsatisfied with the situation, it is time to look at it a little further.  Above I said getting married too quick is one of the dumbest things you can do. So, what is a reasonable amount of time? 

Well, I was with my now deceased husband for three years before I married him (and he had to propose three times in the process...hey I was strong enough to know what I wanted to be me first...something I wish all women would do...). 

Dad, was with the wife he was happy with (NOT to be confused with my mom...sorry Dad but you taught me not to settle like you and this is how I am trying to make sure other women do not) for the same three years.  Every happy relationship I have been around has been three to five years before getting married regardless of if they lived together or not.

If it has been long enough, the movie The Wedding Singer comes to mind.  Julia had been engaged to Glenn for years and it was obvious he had no intention of marrying her.  Another example is Chuck and Millie of The Amazing Race...the couple that had been together twelve years but not formally committed. 

First off, you need to decide how much you care about the lack of commitment and stick to it.  Secondly, if you want a marriage eventually...that should be taken into consideration if you decide to live with someone before marriage. 

Please do not misunderstand me; I am not saying that people need to not live together before getting married.  If you are one of those fundamentalist Christians or other sorts of people who believe that...please stop reading now instead of bashing my book.  If you do not like where I am going with this, I am reasonably sure I would offend you in later chapters anyway.

What I am saying is...statistics of divorce are even higher in people who lived together before marriage vs. people who did not.  Also, some men are creatures of habit.  In English, why change a situation if things are good enough? 

If you live with man and they get laid whenever they want what point are they going to see in moving the relationship forward...(and NO that was not a suggestion to hold out on sex only until they do what you want...that is not only oversimplifying things to the point I would not have a word for it...it is the quickest way to make a man an asshole). 

That said, as stated above I am NOT saying that people should not live together before marriage, no exceptions.  If you are at a point in your life where you are marriage minded (I hate seeing women screw up their careers for the sake of finding a husband for one thing...), somewhere early on after meeting a guy ask them their opinion on marriage and if they ever want one. 

Just do not be so brainless about asking them that they will assume you are expecting it right then and there.  If they say they do not ever want to get married...take them at their word.  NEVER go into a relationship assuming that you are that special that you could change their mind. 

It rarely works and you are far more likely to wind up licking your wounds for months or even years; depending on how much time was wasted that could have been avoided; not to mention exactly how attached you got when you should have known better.  While we are on this subject, a divorced man that has been divorced over five years seldom remarries again. 

If you meet someone that fits that, ask them immediately if they would ever want to get married again—any hesitation to answering that means no.  Being aware of that is something else that could eliminate needless heartache.

If you do not yet live with the man, if he brings up living together but has avoided the subject of marriage, do not agree to live with him until there is an engagement on the table.  But, that needs to be followed up with a ring and date set. 

If he flakes out on said engagement at that point, have the balls to move out (on side note NEVER let yourself become financially dependent on any man for any reason...you do not want to need to walk away, still have the balls to do so and be stuck because you cannot afford it...), walk away and not look back.  If you live with the man and get engaged at some point, more or less refer to my previous point. 

Bottom line: If it is that important to you stick to your guns.  I refer to what I used to tell Alexis about some of the loser dudes she found and will again many times over before the end of this book: if the shmuck can live without you, just let him.

Chapter 3-20 Stupid Questions Most Decent Men Hate Answering

Okay, before I tackle the issues that make a relationship unhealthy or just downright destructive to be in and how to get out of/heal from them...I am starting with something easier.  This is still under the assumption that you are in a mostly happy/healthy relationship. 

Some women believe that asking questions is how you get a man to open up.  Actually it is a mixed bag.  Given that, these are the questions that many to most men would prefer you slapping them to actually asking.

Do You Love Me?

Okay, first off movies like Serendipity are almost never how real life works.  Asking this question on an early date in the relationship (multiply by 100 if he has not even said it to you yet...), would make the guy in question questionable if he does not run away screaming. 

Assuming the above is not the scenario and that you are in a normal, happy and healthy relationship...it is simple.  If he did not love you, he would not still be with you.  Stop insulting him with such a stupid question. 

How do I look?

If he was not attracted to you at all...he would not be with you.  So, similar to the previous question...asking this over and over again just because in a normal relationship is going to drive him away. 

If you are asking about a specific outfit, congratulations you are less of a train wreck than if you need to ask 24/7.  That said it only matters if you think you look good.  Not anyone else...not even him.  In some cases especially him...basing what you wear (or anything) on what your man thinks is one of the fastest roads to self-hatred. 

If you are experimenting with new clothes, new hair whatever...OK fine but still honest opinions on that stuff are what girlfriends are for...not your man.  All you are doing is asking him a question that make most men feel stuck if they do not like it.  If you insist on asking him this question and get the wrong answer, you are not allowed to be a bitch until you decide not to be. 

In a nutshell, the only time it is a good idea to ask the man’s opinion on this is if you are planning a date night, anniversary etc.  Even then, you handle it by asking him to pick something for you to wear.  After that, if you have any sort of fashion sense...you should be able to