The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books

By R.L. Twist

A book for people who want simple answers to everyday life.

Written in a conversational manner. The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books deals with everything from self awareness to universal energy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: R.L. Twist
• Release date: Mar 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393135098

R.L. Twist

R.L. (Ronnie Lee) Twist started his writing career not writing books, but writing songs. He has spent most of his life involved in the music industry as a writer, performer, road musician and producer. He also had a long stint as a radio disc jockey, which involved writing a lot of advertising copy. He grew up in Northern California and moved to Nashville when he was just 19. He found success there as a writer and studio musician. It is also where he began to change his life. Fighting alcohol and recreational drug problems, he, with the help of friends and 12 step programs got sober and clean at 23 years old. He shares his experience strength and hope with others as a speaker with AA, and now has written his first book The Self Help Book for People Who Hate Self Help Books. He is currently working on a second book, but it is nothing like the first. It is a collection of children's stories. Into his 6th decade now, he looks forward to many more books in his and his reader's future.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

WHO AM I?

THERE IS A GREAT SCENE in the Analyze This movies where Billy Crystal, who plays a Psych doctor, gets involved with the Mafia and is asked, Who are you?  Crystal looks at the mob boss and says "Who am I?  Who AM I?! That's a question for the ages."  A lot of people have a hard time really knowing who they are. 

For example: You go to a social event and the host introduces you to another guest and says Hey, Bill, I want you to meet Bob. Bob sells cars and has a house in the hills, and Bill here is a teller at the bank and just got a new BMW.  Have a good time talking... and the host goes on to the next guests to tell them all about each other.  Meanwhile Bob and Bill make small talk and trade cards, part ways and never think about each other again. 

You are NOT what you do.  I have had about 15 different Careers since I was 15.  I have done construction and music, I am a singer, a studio engineer, a record producer. I have degrees in massage therapy and communications. I have been a disc jockey, TV host, guest ranch manager, counselor, car salesman, and I am not through yet.  I have never made what I do who I am. Although, when I did radio for many years, my listeners would associate my on-air persona with me and think I was like that all the time.  Perception is a strange thing. People perceive you in a totally different light than you see yourself.  To them I was that crazy morning radio show host.  But to me, I hung that coat at the door when I left work and didn't put it back on until I went back to work the next day. The point is that no one really knows you better than yourself.  But how well do you know that person inside you and how honest are you with yourself that you can take a good hard look at all the sides of who you are?  The great, everyone likes me side, as well as the shadow hidden side.

No matter how upbeat you are, how happy you can be all the time or how many friends you have, you are not all things to all people.  There are a lot of books about positive thinking, and not letting the negative thoughts enter your field of existence.  Well, I have some news for you.  You cannot have a good side without the shadow side.  It's like the Force in Star Wars. There has to be a dark side to balance out the good side.  Without darkness one cannot know light.  Without pain, one cannot know joy. Without cold, one cannot know hot.  You get the picture.  You cannot know one without the other so we, as humans, are not (thank God), perfect.  If we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge the dark side of ourselves how will we know the good? 

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that every single person has a terrorist or serial killer lurking under that veneer of happiness and smiles.  I am saying that we all get into funks, sour moods and times when we just hate someone or something.  It really is okay to feel that way because we are, after all, humans being human.  Be careful though that you do not ride the roller coaster.

I USED TO WORK WITH a guy who would come to work singing and happy and always had a good word for you.  Then out of the blue, he would be angry with someone or something and then 5 minutes later, happy and carefree again.  You might think hey, he got over his negative stuff...good for him, and it might have been good for him, but he did these six or seven times in an eight-hour period.  It drove us nuts!  This guy had no internal filter, and just said whatever came out of his mouth.  You could never question his emotions because he would say Hey, that's just me.  Here was a guy that never recognized either his good or shadow side.  He just let whatever he was feeling happen.  Great if you are alone, bad news if you are around people, because no one ever knows what you are going to do next. You end up losing friends and eventually your job.

In finding one's Self, you must first be able to separate the person you are from the person that everyone else sees.  Even when things are terribly bad, we generally put our best face on for everyone around us.  As much as you would like to say you are totally yourself with others, you’re actually only revealing a portion of yourself.

For example, how many times has someone at work, or at the gym or the store looked at you and said, How are you?  you say, Fine thank you, even though you just lost your wife, your dog and your car payment is three weeks late.  If you were really HONEST with people, you would tell them all this.  The only thing is, they really didn't want to know about your problems when they asked, How are you?  Hmmmm, strange ritual.  Besides, a lot of that stuff is no one's business. It could eventually show up on Facebook anyway, but we will talk about that later!

So, what it takes, is finding a quiet place, away from everyone and everything distracting and using a journal and a pen. (No computers because there are too many other distractions on your computer). Just begin writing. Random thoughts, ideas, memories from your childhood, whatever.  The important thing in this exercise is to be honest with yourself.  I have known a lot of people, including me, who did this step with the worry of what if someone finds this? What if I die and my family reads it?  What if...What if...What if...???  Keep it out of the reach of prying eyes if that bothers you.  If you die and someone reads it, well, you are dead.  If someone finds the truth about how you felt about them by reading your writings, then you didn't get the job done anyway.  Maybe you should have communicated better while you were still around.  Do not write a journal for anyone but yourself! PERIOD.

You might start with early childhood memories.  Good and not so good.  If it brings up an emotion, feel it.  Let it touch you. If it causes anger at your parents or sibling or friend, or even God, let that anger come up and then let it go.

I lost my eldest son, Michael, in a car crash when he was 17. I tried to be very strong, but I was angry at his mother for buying him an inappropriate car and I was angry at the universe for taking him. It took me a long time to let go of that, but I eventually did. Sometimes it takes a while to let stuff go.  Write about how you felt at the time. I did, and it really works. Write about why you may still feel that way today. Remember, this is YOUR journal that you are writing for YOU.  So, let it out. The beautiful and the ugly.  It's the only way to start to get in touch with yourself.

LET ME TAKE A MINUTE and say a couple of things here.  All this that we are talking about does not necessarily indicate that you have a problem, are ill or are in need of a counselor to help you.  If this were the basis for counseling, we would all be going 3 times a week. It is also not an excuse to be an ass by saying you are just feeling your feelings.  This is, instead an opportunity to reach into your past, find some of the stuff that you packed away, and to start to get rid of it...the old stuff we all like to hang on to.  Kinda like old t-shirts and ball caps that you never wear but it's just nice to know they are in the closet, like old friend.  Think of journaling as your significant other telling you to get rid of all that old shit.  As a guy, I will hold on to that old t-shirt until you pry it from my cold, dead, lifeless hands.  I will NEVER wear it again, but I sure as hell am not getting rid of it.  Again, strange ritual.  Once I do give in and throw it in the charity bin or the trash, I find out it's okay to let go of the past, make room