The Travels of Elvis

By Rudi London

THE TRAVELS OF ELVIS is a children’s book for grownups who love child-friendly language: a no nonsense but insightful tellings of a dog’s life and how to fully understand your brilliant best friend’s mind. This work is paw-mastered by Elvis The Pooch himself. Learn the real truth about why dogs hang their tongues out, about fang power, why they bark at and interfere with haints (ghosts) - how pooches know the secret of Room Entry and how they take notes, measure time and distance. Elvis will engineer a steam train, race a Rolls Royce F1 at Monaco Grand Prix, escape from Sing Sing plus properly chauffeur and have tea with the Queen of England. But none of this can measure up to learning how he plays the two-string violin. Elvis is a master at that.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Dec 31, 2015
• ISBN: 9781944609016

Book preview

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Chapters

  1   I Was Born

  2   Engine No. 576

  3   Toys & Cats

  4   The Lady and The Robe

  5   Driving Miss Queen

  6   Dog Bond

  7   Pastor Bernard Paw.

  8   Big Fat Squirrel

  9   Monaco Grand Prix

10   Surrender Star

11   Rope That Skyscraper

12   Hound Dog Man

13   Mayor For A Day

14   Rag Head Lady

15   Jail House Rocks?

16   Naja naja

17   Wanted! Dead or Alive!

18   Elviva Las Vegas

19   Love Me Tender In Guatanamera

20   Love Burning Love

21   Way Down

22   Where Roses Find The Saddest Rain

23   In The Ghetto

24   Mountain of Forgiveness

25   The Daughter of The Sun

 Language, and Other Issues

 About Rudi London

1 I Was Born

I was born down by the Tennessee River up in eastern Alabama at 2:35 am. How do I know that? Well… I was the one getting born at that time, right? OK. Now, after we’ve got that straight, may we continue? What? What van? Yeah, I need to mention, there was no van involved with this… down there… by the river. What day was I born, you ask? Listen, a dog doesn’t worry about days, or nights; it is the hour that counts. Or more, the actual moment of the minute. Yeah, I know you have issues with me not knowing certain details… but… get over it. I’m a dog.

I live in the world of the animal. It is not pretty. It is not Christmas. It is not forgiving. It is not for you… unless… well… scrap that… if you’re a people-person, I meant to say. Hey, speaking of forgiveness, later on I’ll tell you about Pastor Bernard Paw, you might like him, if you like to forgive a lot. But at this time, I’ll tell you about how I met Rex Herd. That’s when I first realized the learnings of my gift. Rex was on the other side of the river I was born at. But you know how it is with us dogs, we always find a way. In my case, since I’m four-legged and all, I’ve found many ways. I just followed man because man had found out how to cross water without getting wet. Not by walking on water, but walking over water. Impressive, don’t you think? Later, I learned they call it a bridge. But who cares as long as us dogs can cross the river in a decent and dry fashion. And, that’s exactly what I did. Civilized and decent.

Yes, after many moons of howl, I finally crossed the Tennessee river and there was Rex—when I got to the other side, of course. I later learned he came in from Germany. What kind of dog, you ask? Listen, in the dog world only one thing matters: who has the power. But, since I’m a friendly dog, most of the time, I’ll get to the German specifics later.

All right, now… back to our story: Yeah, I completely nearly forgot to tell you how Rex had done himself one stupid move; even before I showed up; he was just sitting there, waiting aimlessly, right next to the deep river water, on the sandy banks…

Rex… I firmed up my puppy voice, whatssup?

How do you know my name? Rex didn’t wiggle even one ear—continued looking out on the river.

I know everything. Well, I must admit, I used that favorite line of mine again.

I’m not here to save souls and preach… Rex’s nose went up half an inch… I’m here to judge, condemn, and process the execution.

Bologna! I found myself forcing my voice deeper down in my throat, Who wants to listen to that kind of garbage. Now I sounded more like a dog three times my size… hey, I was still a puppy… maybe I should say thirty times my size.

You wanna file a formal complaint? Rex, calm and obviously not too impressed with my response to his leadership, snuffed his nose up even more. He was of the in charge kind.

Let me introduce myself. I inhaled intense, applying bossy power air, my growl making a basement proud, I am the Dog Father, my name is Elvito Corleone.

What? Rex quickly turned his head, looked straight at me, then bit a few puffs of air to show he had all his teeth still. You’re just a tiny little puppy.

Tiny are all beginnings but in the end you’ll realize that big comes from the first roar. I took a deep breath just to build up my puppy self. May I confess something: I had no idea where all this talk of The Dog Father and My name is Elvito Corleone and The first roar was coming from… it just flew out of my mouth. Like I was driven by the forces of the unknown. Like it came straight from the stars. Woff! It was much later I learned the true meaning about The Powers of The Universe…

First roar? Rex shook his head. What kind of roar is that?

It comes with a warning, I said. After my roar is done with, you are done with too.

Try me. Rex huffed himself strong and German solid.

"RRRRRROOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!" I was expectantly pleased with myself and Rex was no longer standing on dry land. He had been river blown. Without his safety vest on. I didn’t really care if he drowned, he had attitude. Thought too much of himself. It did him in. It always does. His learning came too late.

Anyone else wants to question my rorabilities? I barked Dog Father deep and most victoriously to the other pooches standing there, watching this. It appeared to them they had lost their fearless leader and were now open for Dog Familia membership. I signed up Shep Herd, Rex’s third cousin, Oscar T, a Shih Tzu/Bichon Frisé mix runaway from home, and Shi Koku from Tokyo, after they had sworn their Family of Paw support in perpetuity. I just knew what to do with everything without knowing anything of what I was doing. Like a gift from The Heavens. It was weird but it felt good. Why ponder without wonder, as The Great Paw once said. The few pups who decided not to join the cause, well, I helped them complete the Rex River Diving seminar. Not because I was mean ugly, or anything like that; it was just business. That’s how it all started.

2 Engine No. 576

Jump on the train, pups, I barked from the mid-car’s window. I was first and they were last. I like it that way.

Not as long as you’re calling us pups. North Husky always lifted his head slightly when he spoke. Kind of reminded me of Rex. North had been with me for a while now, a bit independent—was from the hardened winter land. Tough was his game. Endurance his play. And he was very proud of himself. The kind you sometimes see running for political office. Brave and invincible with a brain of hard knocks, like a rock falling from a tall mountain at high speed not thinking of what happens when the hitting of the bottom comes calling. Politician, you ask? Not that us dogs ever run for office, but we do run a lot… hey, I forgot the wolves… they do indeed run for office.

Do you want me to roar at you? I was determined to keep a close eye on Mr. Husky, just to keep my bone safe, as we often say down in Alabama. Chattanooga is waiting!

Guys, let’s go ahead and jump on that train. North decided to ignore my threat and played decisive.

I’m not jumping. Too Many Toys was a different thing, altogether. Well, how do we explain that? He was put together by a seemingly lot of different dogs. The some of this and a some of that scenario. Too Many Toys, or Toys as we called him for short, didn’t know exactly where he came from. Just walked into our lives one day. How to describe him? Lot of hair. Short and sweet. And he LOVED toys.

You want me to rrrr… I started.

NO! No need to. Toys grinned. He loved to grin. He favored to mess with our minds and poke holes in our walls of oomph. But he also messed with our hearts; we really loved Toys. And he truly loved us. Toys was our link to human kind. When honey-talking was needed, we always sent him in first.

Train riding is fun. You sit on a solid journey of the world and look at all the quick goings by. People and places. Pooches and… aaah, you know those mean nose-scratching meow critters. But funnest of all: you can stick your tongue out at them—and get away with it—because you’re on the train and they’re not. But we never bark at them; seems unfair, somehow. We have everything and they have nothing. Sad for them and glad for us.

Are we there yet? Toys asked.

See that river down there? I paw-pointed down to the water far below the bridge we were in the middle of crossing… then I heard that familiar sound of gunfire ring the valleys.

Look! Toys moaned.

I saw him. I growled calmly. I didn’t see the need of getting all stirred crazy over a man falling from the train straight down to the rocks by the river. One must remember, I am a Familia man… or dog… if you insist. It’s in my blood. Death is a daily thing. Gee Wiz! Have you never watched the news?

Do you think he was the one getting the bullet? Toys asked.

Could be…

The President has been shot! North barked Alaska style from behind us.

Who? I turned toward where North’s voice came from… Where? What President? I hated it whenever I found myself on the very bottom of the news reading list. Was I being played?

On this train! Then North got his thoughtful eye going in circles for a few fact travels… The President of the DC Pack of Wolves.

Oh… that guy. I shook my head sideways… What was he doing on this train? Is he dead?

Can you please ask me just one question at the time? North’s tongue indicated frustration.

I did. My nose did a quick circle of impatience in the air. Now, get with it and answer the first question…

He’s not dead.

That was not the first question.

But he’s bleeding a lot.

Answer the first question! I was a Don of principle.

Can’t you read? North pawed out the words. In the very minute he spoke, the story of his life started flashing in front of his eyes. What had he just done to himself… talking harshly to the Dog Father… Good Night! Was he the next to be shot? North quickly let his eyes check the distance to the ground below the bridge the train was still crossing. He knew what was coming.

Read what? I nearly spat on the paper. I’m not much into communicational puzzles. I’m a present your case and go on with life kind of guy.

This… North lifted his head. He was holding a newspaper with his teeth…

That’s a picture of our President! Toys barked.

I know that, I mumbled… But where is he?

Mr. Elvito, we’ve lost our chauffeur… Oscar T, our front scout came running…

You mean the engineer? North dropped the paper to the floor.

Oh yeah… Oscar T’s eyes widened, that’s what we call him, I remember now.

Bet you he’s the one we saw falling, I said. Did he have gray clothes on?

Yeah… Oscar T started thinking… I’m pretty sure… didn’t see the actual…

How come you didn’t see him fall? North shot in, Husky style.

Uuuuhhh… well… I… Oscar T’s eyes started wall climbing.

You were sleeping, weren’t you? I dog-fathered him with a firm stare.

Yes, Mr. Elvito… my eyelids got a bit too heavy…

"We’ll deal with that later… hey, wait a second… if that was