Bits & Bites: Tales from a Twisted Mind

By Michael S. Vassel

Being a dog isn't easy. Some days the weight of the world rests solely on your shoulders.

Welcome to "Bits & Bites: Tales from a Twisted Mind". Eleven thought provoking stories that will chill your bones while they warm your heart. A grouping of tales that span a multitude of genres including science fiction, urban fantasy, psychological thriller, military fiction, and much, much more. Each story is written to engage and entertain, no matter what kind of tale your mind is yearning.

Just like life, each story contained within is connected … intertwined, leading to … well … wherever the dark halls of your imagination take you.

So, what are you waiting for? Open a door. Find a seat. Strap yourself in and enjoy the roller coaster.

Prepare yourself, if you can, for a ride you'll not soon forget.

Stories Include:

Mel's Special Day: For Mel, his Tuesday started like any other. That is until someone threw a wrench into the works.

Disillusionment: Mark, Bob, and the Colonel are on their second mission – an assignment to locate and retrieve a wayward Senator from a drug cartel.

What Is Love?: Two spacemen find a derelict spacecraft. With the use of a memory machine, Bee experiences the owner's life and love – with some strange revelations.

Hide and Seek: A military man reflects on his past, and a little game that carries the ultimate cost.

I Ain't Missing You: A man recounts a love story to his psychiatrist. A love story way different than any you'd imagine.

The Devil's Own: Satan comes home to find his son, Derrick, is depressed. How will his dad react when Derrick tells him he no longer wants to be the Anti-Christ?

Peanut: Peanut's best friend seems to have a perfect life. A life he wishes he could live.

Sonja and James: Two fugitives are on the run. Can they escape their sordid past … and ultimately, their future?

There Is No Tom Waits: What do you say to the guy sitting next to you when he just won't shut up?

Heredity: After Emily is transported back in time to 1981, she meets the love of her life, and her destiny.

And, In The End: Is this really the end of everything we know? Everyone is about to find out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Apr 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098312701

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© Michael S. Vassel 2020

ISBN: 978-1-09831-269-5

eBook ISBN: 978-1-09831-270-1

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is dedicated to all the friends and loved ones that have supported me through the years. Too many to name. Just know, if you think it’s you, it’s probably you. Maybe.

Special shout out to Team Knotek (Jason & Lena), Team Ash (Rob & Lana),

Shawn McNoldy, and my bro Abbey.

And, as always, thank you, Angie, for your constant and unwavering support. Most importantly, thank you for saying I do … and actually meaning it.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cover art: Michael Corvin - corvin-bookcovers.com

Tales

Mel’s Special Day.

Disillusionment

What Is Love?

Hide and Seek

I Ain’t Missing You

The Devil’s Own

Peanut

Sonja and James

Waits

Heredity

And, In the End

Mel’s Special Day.

Chapter 1

First of all, let me start by saying … my name isn’t Mel.

Yes, yes. I know. The story’s called Mel’s Special Day. But it really isn’t. I mean, yes, the story is called that, but my name isn’t Mel. That is, other animals don’t call me Mel.

Truth be told, I don’t really have a name. Other animals call me whatever’s in their mind to call me and I just pick up on it. Call it ESP, intuition, or whatever. It’s just what we animals do.

Oh, does that sound weird to you? Me or them – us – not having actual names? I guess it would … to a human. To a dog though, it makes total sense. Sense being the key-word here.

As you know – or maybe, more likely, as you’ve been told – us dogs have a very acute sense of smell. So acute, in fact, that we label each other more by smell than we do by sight. Or, as I’ve mentioned, by name. Each of us – humans included – have our own scent. It’s what makes us who we are. It’s what defines us, if you stop to think about it.

So, the next time you see one of us sniffing another’s butt, don’t get so grossed out. Me sniffing another dog’s butt is like you reading a nametag on another human’s lapel. Or possibly like shaking their hand. It’s just that simple.

Oh, and before I go any further, I need to clarify something. Yes, I am, in fact, a dog. I know you’ve already inferred that from my previous comments. But I wanted to be clear, so there’s no misunderstanding while I tell you about my special day.

And, please, for the love of God, don’t overthink how I’m relaying this story to you. It’ll just make you crazy knowing the things we animals can do. It’s common knowledge – the less you humans know, the better.

If you haven’t guessed by now, you’ll see I do tend to jump around with my thoughts. So, sorry for that in advance. If I skip ahead a little or jump back and forth while telling you my story, please indulge me. I am a dog, after all. It’s kinda what we do. You know that squirrel thing is totally legit.

Getting back to it, dogs know each other by smell, not by names. Obviously, it’s humans who create the labels for us. It’s their way of keeping things straight in their heads, from what I’ve gathered. Humans label everything, it seems. Other people, animals, territories – it sincerely boggles the mind. Hell, they even label dog beds with names like couch, or lounge chair, or carpet. When you stop to think about it, it’s actually kind of cute. At least I think it is.

Tell ya what. Before I start my tale, how’s about I tell you a little bit about myself? You never know, it might help you out down the road. You good with that?

Okay, well, here goes.

First and foremost, I’m what humans call a mutt – which is an overused word, in my opinion. Face it, when it really comes down to it, aren’t we all mutts? Oh sure, you have your pure breeds. The dogs on display at pet stores, in shopping malls, and whatnot. But mostly, we’re all mutts in some fashion. I, personally, am half Labrador and half Rottweiler. My mom was an almost pure Golden, and my dad was a scruffy Rott. I know, I know. It brings up images of Lady and the Tramp, doesn’t it? I know it does for me.

Wait, you don’t think I watch TV? That I haven’t seen the shows my human has watched over the years? You, my friend, are sorely mistaken. My human – the lady I call my mom – and I have watched a lot of late-night TV over the years. We sit on my dog bed in front of the big screen and watch all kinds of movies. She eats popcorn, and I pick up the scraps. Things we both enjoy.

But I digress.

As for my actual parents, I never really knew them. All I know about them is they met on a farm. They hit it off right away and wham, bam, thank you ma’am, she was pregnant with me.

I’m not sad about not knowing them. Sure, it would’ve been nice to meet my dad. And it would’ve been nice if I’d gotten more time to spend with my mom. But, when all’s said and done, I feel like I’m not a lesser dog for it.

So, after I was weened and potty trained, I was given to a nice lady who became my new mom. And I love her to death. Her name is Alice, and she spoils the shit out of me. She feeds me, pets me, lets me sleep with her in her king-sized bed, and we watch TV together, as I mentioned. And, no matter if I’m good or bad, every week she drops me off at daycare so I can socialize. I mean, what more could a pup ask for!?

Speaking of daycares, that’s where my special day takes place – well, most of it, anyway. So, if you’re ready to hear the tale, I’m ready to tell it. It kinda goes like this …

Mel’s Special Day.

Chapter 2

"M el! Breakfast!" I heard my mom yell into the living room. Obviously, I didn’t have to be told twice.

Within a moment, I was off my bed – err, couch – around the corner, through the kitchen, and in front of my food bowl. It was the usual meal, of course, but I didn’t care. I’ve never been a picky eater. I love the kibble with the chunks of dried lamb. I mean, it’s no bacon, but then again, what is!?

Good boy, Mel! Good boy! she said as I scarfed it down. I didn’t even flinch when she petted me during my meal. It was a little unnerving, sure, but calming for her. So, being the good boy, I just wagged my tail and engulfed my food.

When I was finished, I drank a little bit of water then looked up at her. Alice – my mom – was smiling away. And I could tell that little bit of interaction with her made her happy. I gave her another little tail wag just to be sure. I mean, it’s the least I could do.

A moment later she stopped, turned, and proceeded back to the TV room. I followed along, of course – you never know when she’s gonna need more petting time. But instead of stopping, she turned and headed up the stairs to the bathroom … the one place I’m not allowed to go. Knowing this, and having a nice meal in my belly, I jumped onto my couch and laid down to nap for a bit instead.

No sooner did I fall into a semi-deep sleep – dreaming about catching squirrels and the like – then I heard a noise that shocked me awake. The noise – one I’m very familiar with – was her grabbing her leash. Instantly I knew this meant only one thing. She wanted me to take her on a walk someplace. Unless …

Wait! What day is this? I thought. It can’t be Tuesday already!?

Jumping off my couch, I followed the sound into the kitchen. Alice was standing there with a smile that stretches from ear to ear.

Mel, do you want to visit your friends at daycare? she asked. Like I’d ever say no to that.

Since she doesn’t understand dog speech, I barked a couple times and started feverishly wagging my tail back and forth to let her know, "Well, hell yeah I do!"

Okay! Come here! she stated, holding out the leash.

I walked over and let her clip it on me. After waiting for her to loop the leash on her arm – safety first, you know – I turned and led her to the door. Being the good human she is, she followed along.

I stopped momentarily at the back door just long enough for her to open it. Drat not having opposable thumbs. After we’re both through, I waited while she closed and locked the door, then led her to my car. Not that she didn’t know where it was. She’s actually relatively smart for a human. No matter how many times she left for that thing she calls work, she made it back safely. I still worried about her each time, though.

After walking her to my car, I tried to patiently wait while she opened the door to let me in. A moment later, she strapped me in – a needless accessory, in my opinion – and a minute or so later she’s in front, switching the car on.

The drive felt long, but I was perfectly fine with it. She lowered my window just enough for me to get my nose out so I could see what there was to see … and smell what there was to smell, of course.

I ignored the odors of human things like cars and buses, and concentrated on the trees, flowers and creatures going about their business. Each of these had their own unique aromas, and I practically salivated with excitement for each and every new one I found.

I paced back and forth a bit in the back, laid down, stood, tried to get to Mom, then stuck my head out the window again. All of that helped to pass the time. But, before I knew it, I caught my first familiar whiff of the daycare. I couldn’t help but get excited.

Yeah, baby! Yeah! I said aloud – which to human ears sounds like an excited whine. If they only knew or could understand. You never know. Maybe, someday they will.

As for the enthusiasm, I knew, for the next few hours, I’d be shooting the shit with Kenny, Doug, and the other dogs that show up that day.

Oh, you noticed I used human names for my close buds. You are correct! Good job, Human! Actually, I’m doing it for your benefit. To try and describe how Kenny smells or looks to me would take up volumes, and it would probably bore the shit out of you in the process.

If humans only had the comprehension we dogs do. What a strange and amazing world this would be.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the daycare.

When we parked in front of the place, Alice rolled up my window then shut down the contraption. After getting out, she made her way over to my side, unbuckled me, then once again attached her leash.

Jumping down, I waited for a moment while she closed my car door, then I led her to daycare’s front entrance. After making our way through two doors, we walked up to the counter and waited for Jane – one of the older attendants – to notice us.

Oh! Hi Ms. Mitchell! And hi Mel! she said, then walked around the counter to greet me. Jane’s someone I know and is a great lady, so I let her scratch me behind my ear. After a tail wag, she walked back around and stared at a computer screen.

I see here we have Mel in today for daycare. I assume you’ll be picking him up at the normal time?

My human nodded.

Good … good. Is there anything else?

Nope, that’s it!

Alright, you’re all set, she said, then walked around the counter towards me.

Alice took that opportunity to lean down, like she always does. When her face was an inch or two from mine, she gave me a smile. You be a good boy now, Mel. Mommy will see you later, Okay?

I could hear a hint of wariness in her voice, like she was never going to see me again. So, to give her some reassurance, I gave her a lick on the nose. This made her perk up. She then leaned in to give me a hug. That’s when she drops the bomb on me.

And Mel, when you get home tonight, Mommy will have a special surprise for you.

Special surprise?! I thought and started wagging my tail faster. I knew the word surprise. It usually meant a new toy or a rawhide chew. I was so liking that day!

When Mom released me, she stood and looked at Jane. Jane smiled, We’ll take excellent care of him, Ms. Mitchell.

At that Mom handed Jane her leash. I know you will. I’ll see ya around 4.

See you then, Jane said, then leaned over me. Mel, are you ready to see your friends?

Born ready … let’s do this, I snorted. She smiled.

Reaching down, she unsnapped the leash then walked towards the inner door that led to the kennel. Without having to be told, I followed her there and through. A moment later I was in the yard.

Melvin, that you? I heard someone bark. I knew instantly it’s Doug.

Doug was one of my best friends in the world. He was a large pug who was about half my size and twice my age. And he had a unique sense of humor, just like mine; a bit of sarcasm mixed with a joy for life. We hit it off the first day we’d met.

Douglas! How they hanging, my friend? I called back and proceeded in his direction.

I walked through the kennel avoiding a water bowl here and a bed there until I saw Doug. He was standing close to his usual spot facing the wall.

Old and low, as always, he replied, an answer to my balls comment.

And yours? he returned.

They’d be high and tight, if I had any, I replied – an inside joke since we’re both fixed. That got a howl out of him.

Being polite, I walked over and gave his butt a sniff. He returned the gesture.

When the pleasantries were complete, I took a seat near him, leaned down, and pretended to dig at something on my leg. So, what are you doing in here? Thought you’d be outside by now.

He gave his head a shake as he continued to face the wall. Nah. Still waiting on one of our servants to take me out.

I gave him a nod, although I knew he couldn’t see it. Doug had been blind for about a year. Macular degeneration. No cure, his human’s been told, but he wasn’t bitter about it. All-in-all, he was probably the happiest dog I knew. That was probably why we were friends.

Bummer, I said, then added, I can lead you out, if you want.

He thought about it for a moment. Only if you don’t mind.

It’s no trouble at all, my friend. No trouble at all.

Turning, I walked alongside him, nudging him to follow. He did, following my nail clicks and scent. We walked out towards the open garage door and a moment later, we were basking in the morning sunlight.

Ah, Doug snorted. Feels like it’s gonna be a great day.

It does at that, I replied, then scanned the yard to see who else was there.

The yard – an area fifty by fifty – was already packed. I found it hard to believe I was that late to the game! There must’ve been twenty dogs strewn out from fence to fence. Most of them I knew.

Mel! Kenny and a few others barked when they caught my scent.

Hey guys! I barked – a general greeting to all. I was sure I’d talk to each individually by the end of the day.

Mel! Glad you’re here! I heard Kenny bark. You gotta come over and see this!

I didn’t want to be rude, so I simply returned, Be over in a minute. Then I glanced back at Doug.

Go ahead and go. I’m gonna sit here for a bit, he stated. He stopped me before I could protest. "No big deal. Not like I’d be able to see what you guys are looking at."

Only if you’re sure, I said. He simply gave me a nod. I could tell by his posture he was being sincere. I took him at his word.

Okay, I’ll be back in a few, I grumbled, then turned to head towards the commotion.

I made my way across the yard, saying hi to three ladies – Daisy, Belle, and Sam – as I walked by. I didn’t stop to smell their butts, though. They could tell I was in a hurry and didn’t try to sniff mine either.

With all the toy houses and toys, I didn’t see Kenny right away, so I just followed his smell. I would have known it anywhere.

Once on the other side of the play bridge, I saw them. Four of my friends milling around, wagging their tails, and laughing.

What’s up, fellas? I asked as I approached.

Mel! About time! Kenny snorted. Check this shit out!

Kenny, a German Shepard, who was the youngest and biggest of the bunch, side checked Bobby to clear my view. I saw what they were on about immediately. There, sitting in the middle of a water dish, was a large turd. Obviously, I stopped the moment I saw it.

The hell?

I know, right!? Kenny snorted – yes, it was kind of his thing. Bobby saw it first. I’m guessing it’s his.

Is not! Bobby, the short and plump corgi, yapped. I was nowhere near the dish.

Whoever smelt it … Clyde, the beagle started, but was cut off by a low growl from Bobby.

Guys, come on. You’re killin’ me here! Kenny interrupted before the two could start a fight. They both looked at him then huffed in unison.

There’s got to be an easy way to tell, I interjected. Has anyone smelled it?

Kenny looked at me, puzzled. We’ve all smelled it.

No, I mean, has anyone gotten close … like really close to smell it?

Mel, it’s buried in the water. I’m not picking up anything.

I looked around at the crowd. They were all shaking their heads in confirmation.

Seriously? None of you will fess up to this? I barked, then moved my eyes around the group. As I made eye contact with each one, each shook their head. And from what I could tell, they were all being truthful.

Moving back a bit, I circled until I found a comfy spot, then sat. Staring at the bowl, it took me a moment, but I figure out a plan.

Why doesn’t someone kick the bowl over? Once the turd is out, I’m sure we’ll be able to tell the culprit.

Good idea, Mel! Good idea! Kenny nodded. The others did as well.

Kenny took charge and moved towards the bowl. Anyone want to confess before we unveil the evidence?

They all shook their heads.

Okay, here goes! Kenny woofed, then turned his back to the bowl. He lifted his right leg and was just about to give it a kick when he was suddenly interrupted.

Oh, Jesus guys! Which one of you did this? a voice blurted from behind. Startled, I jumped up and turned to see Bill, one of the human servants, making his way to the bowl. Kenny, also startled by the unexpected human disruption, let out a small yelp then bolted a yard or so away. He turned back to see what was happening a moment later.

Bill, looming over the bowl, shook his head and let out a laugh. Jesus! You guys know better than this!

Leaning down, Bill picked up the bowl, stared at it for a moment, then turned and walked off. We all stared at him, dumbfounded, as Bill plodded off towards the building. A moment later he was inside and out of sight.

Well, so much for that shit! I snorted, then turned towards Kenny with a straight face. For a moment he just glared at me, eyes narrowed, until he got it. With a loud snort, he burst into laughter. This made me start laughing as well. Before I knew it, all four of us were howling and bumping into each other, smelling butts, jumping over one another, and rolling on the ground. This continued for almost a solid minute.

Kenny, the first to break out of hysterics, straightened then sniffed the air. He got a queer, almost comical look on his face.

Come on, guys! Let’s see what the ladies are up to!

Before I could say anything, he took off towards Belle and the others. All I could do was shrug and follow his lead.

After giving the ladies – and a few others strolling around – a decent how ya doin’ sniff, I walked back towards Doug to tell him the tale. He was amused, and we continued shooting the shit for a bit while we … err, I … watched the others gallivant and cavort. I never kept him in the dark, though. When I saw something funny or interesting happening, I’d tell him about it. He appreciated it, I know. And, of course, there was his commentary and snide remarks. Most of these I won’t share with you. Too much detail to get into. And I’m not one-hundred percent sure, as a human, that you’d actually understand it.

Seriously though, I’m not trying to be condescending. I just know humans. I’m truly sorry if you’re offended.

Anyways, Doug and I chit-chatted like that for about an hour or so until I saw he was getting sleepy. He was older. Something I always took into consideration when we were playing.

So, the moment I noticed his fatigue, I stopped talking and lowered my head. He followed suit. A minute later, he was zonked. And within another minute, I was as well.

Mel’s Special Day.

Chapter 3

A commotion woke me suddenly. I looked up to see Kenny, and a few of the others, running from one side of the yard to the other.

Snack time, guys! I heard him snort as he passed. Raising my head, I turned to see a larger crowd – maybe thirty – all headed towards a corner of the play area. It was then that I notice the sky. From what I could tell, it was nearly 10 a.m.

Standing, I arched my back in a huge stretch, then turned towards Doug. Hey, you up?

Doug, echoing my moves, also rose, stretched, then turned his head and gave the air a couple sniffs. He then turned towards me.

You don’t need to tell me twice! he snorted, and we’re on our way.

Like before, I led the way – Doug followed my sounds as we made our way through the obstacle course of chew toys and the like. He’d gotten pretty good at letting me lead, so it didn’t take long before we were standing with the rest waiting for a treat.

What’s the holdup? I spouted, seeing all the milling but no food distribution.

New guy, Kenny snorted, then nosed towards two of the servants standing at the head of the pack.

Arching in order to look over a few of the taller dogs, I saw what he was talking about. There, just on the other side of a short wall, were two humans. One is Bill, the guy who took away our fun, and the other is a kid, probably no more than sixteen or seventeen years old. He was medium height, medium build, and has blond hair.

What’s the holdup? Doug grumbled.

There’s a new servant. A kid. Guess he’s being shown the ropes.

Gotcha, Doug replied, then sat. I did the same, at first.

While waiting, I watched Bill as he trained the new guy. Bill pointed to this, then motioned towards that; a few times nodding his head, a few times shaking it, until all seemed resolved. Eventually, the two approached with different snacks in their hands, depending on our dietary needs.

Joey, see the Corgy? Bill asked the kid. His name is Sparky. He gets a treat from the red bag.

Bill pointed at the chart, then shook the red bag as he pointed at Sparky. All I could do was snicker, for two primary reasons. One, because the newbie was so green and bewildered. And two, I knew how much Sparky hated his human given name. I could almost see him flinch every time he heard his name aloud.

And that one … that one there is Clyde.

The Beagle? Joey asked. Bill nodded.

He gets from the blue bag. So does Daisy, the Pomeranian.

The kid grabbed a treat, leaned over, palmed it to Daisy, then rose.

And that’s about it. The rest get from the bucket.

After getting bumped a few times by those too impatient to wait, I looked at Doug. This is taking too long. I’ll be right back.

Knowing my intent, Doug gave a nod. Standing, I ran out of the multitude, and across the yard to one of the pee pads. I sniffed around for a bit until I found a decent spot, then lifted my leg and drained onto a fake fire hydrant.

Ahhhh … I practically said aloud as my bladder voided its contents. It was a huge relief I didn’t know I needed until just then.

With nothing to bury, I lowered my leg and jogged back over to Doug. That was when I notice the newbie was now handing out treats all by himself.

Where’d Bill go? I asked Doug, turning towards him. He turned as well, pointing his nose in my general direction, then he raised his eyebrows.

Oh shit, sorry, I snorted, realizing what I’d done. He just gave me a huff of a laugh, then turned back towards the kid.

Doug and I sat and waited for a bit as the others moved up to the front of the pack, got their treats, then ran off to consume them. When all but one or two had received their treats, I stood, huffed at Doug, then led him forward for ours.

When it was just down to the two of us, I moved forward and watched as the newbie reviewed the chart. When he found a picture to match my face, he reached into the general bag and pulled out a treat.

Here ya go, Buddy Boy! he said, holding it out to me. But, as I leaned in to grab it, he suddenly pulled it away.

Baha! Fooled ya! he said, then started snort-laughing. Confused by this unexpected act of tomfoolery, I stepped back and peered up at him.

Nah, nah. I was just jokin’, man! Here ya go! he said when he’d regained his composure. Again, he reached out with the treat. I was still leery though, so I stood there just staring at him for a moment.

It’s okay, Buddy Boy! I won’t do it again, he stated, wiggling the treat at me.

Shrugging it off, I gingerly moved forward, opened my mouth, moved in and clamped down on the snack. But, as I try to pull back, he held onto it and tried to pull it from me.

Obviously, this playful act confused the shit out of me. I mean, if my Mom had done this, or maybe even Bill, I would’ve known it was a game and I would be playing along. But with this guy – someone I don’t know from Adam – I didn’t know what to make of it. Did he think it was okay to tease me? Did he truly think we were buddies in some way?

Either way, I wasn’t having it. Instead of playing tug of war, I let go of the treat, backed up, made a circle – to be dramatic – then glared at him. The newbie’s eyes narrowed.

Aww! You’re no fun! he exclaimed, then straightened. Then he returned a look of anger I’d seen in a few humans when I’d pissed on their shrubs.

Well, fuck you then! he muttered harshly, then practically threw my treat at me. Snatching it out of the air, I quickly righted it in my mouth and started chewing.

I could tell seeing me nonchalantly catch the snack infuriated the newbie to no end. A snarl appeared on his face as he glared at me. His gaze switched to the bag he was holding. Thrusting his hand into it, he shuffled the