Learning to Love Me: Ordinary Women with Extraordinary Stories

By authortj

For generations it seems, women have struggled to love themselves. Despite positive characteristics, traits, and contributions, we tend to dwell on our flaws and shortcomings. Many of us were raised by women who encouraged us to embrace our beauty, both inside and out, while ironically enough, they were also conflicted.

Learning to Love Me chronicles the personal experiences of 20 women, all with distinct backgrounds - age, race, social status and even geographic location. Regardless of those differences, the commonality that overwhelmingly unites them is the ability to overcome the obstacle that has at one point or another plagued us all. They have joined forces to share their journeys with the hope of encouraging readers to know that no matter the hardship, succeeding in life begins with self-love. After all, how can you truly love someone else unless and until you first love yourself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: APS Publishing
• Release date: Aug 2, 2015
• ISBN: 9781516333820

Book preview

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Table of Contents

Foreword.......................................................... 5

Introduction...................................................... 7

Amani Jackson..................................................9

I Love Me, I Love Me Not....................................11

Carolyn Gray................................................... 17

Being Good to Me............................................ 19

Chelsea Duggan.............................................. 23

Maintaining Integrity..........................................25

Debra Gaynor..................................................29

Loving Myself...................................................31

Dominique Wilkins............................................35

Learning to Love Myself.....................................37

E. J. Brock......................................................43

The Reflection.................................................45

Freda Emmons................................................51

Trudging through the Muck.................................53

Haleh Rabizadeh Resnick..................................59

How I Came to Believe in Myself..........................61

Joyce M. Ross.................................................65

The Power of Hope...........................................67

Joyce Stewart................................................. 73

Free to Love Me...............................................75

Karen C. Brown................................................79

After Breast Cancer..........................................81

Kelli Bolton..................................................... 87

Know Your Worth.............................................89

LaDonna Marie................................................93

Fighting to be Me............................................. 95

Michelle Poitier.................................................99

To Bring Hope Where There is None..................101

Norlita Brown.................................................105

Lady in the Mirror........................................... 107

Renee Bolton...............................................  113

Never Give Up...............................................115

Serena Wadhwa.............................................121

Giving Me a Chance......................................  123

Shelia Bell.....................................................127

I Remember the Time......................................129

Tavetta Patterson...........................................135

Finding the Me to Love....................................137

Toneal M. Jackson..........................................143

The Most Valuable Lesson Learned...................145

Conclusion....................................................151

Foreword – Written by:  National Bestselling Author  Sheila E. Bell

There are so many women who are going through tough times because of how they look at themselves when they look in the mirror. Some may feel unloved and unlovable. As women, we tend to judge ourselves harshly. We can easily point out all of our flaws, whether it’s our size, skin color, height, financial circumstances - the list is endless. It seems easier for us to see our imperfections rather than see the greatness that lies within each one of us. Now, I’m not saying we should walk around like we’re so high and mighty. What I am saying is that we should love the person who God made us to be. No one is perfect. We all fall short.

Allow the words you speak to be words of encouragement, words of promotion, words of love toward yourself and others. Each morning when God opens your eyes, tell yourself what an amazing human being you are. Speak those words! Take the time to look in the mirror and instead of chastising yourself, tell yourself how beautiful you are. Remind yourself, God doesn’t make junk!

Whoever happens to be reading this, let me just tell you: There is no one quite like you. No one can do the things you do. No one can be the person you are.  You are one of a kind. There may be others who have similar talents and gifts, but each person has their own unique abilities. God loves you. He really does.

Introduction – Written by:  International Award-Winning Author Toneal M. Jackson, MBA

I wanted to write this book to serve as a point of inspiration and empowerment for all women. To demonstrate that regardless of age, race, ethnicity, economic or political status, we virtually experience the same issues. And although we may encounter a variety of issues throughout the course of our lives, we are equipped to handle them. No two, problems or people, may look the same, but we are capable of identifying with one another. Greater than that, we can use each other’s experiences to assist us in overcoming our own situations.

Many times, it’s easy to look at someone else and feel as though they have it all, not knowing the struggle associated with maintaining that lifestyle. My purpose is to show you that, no matter what hand you were dealt, you have the power to transform your tragedies into triumphs. Being of the belief that we are better together, I took the liberty of reaching out to some of my friends who share my perspective, and also wanted to provide encouragement.

Combined, the contributors reside in 12 different states; one is from a totally different country. We differ in age, race, professional background, and social status. However, despite the actual hardship, the thread that binds us is that, like you, we are all ordinary women, with extraordinary stories.

Amani Jackson – VA  www.amanijackson.com

Since she was young Amani Jackson wanted to write. Amani is the author of three books, including the recently released, Conversations That Make A Difference: Shift Your Beliefs To Get What You Want. She is also the founder of Queendom Magazine.

Aside from writing, she speaks for events or organizations on topics of concern such as teen development, education and women. Her blog, located on her website, shares tips for writers, motivation for entrepreneurs and encouragement for all in between. Out of an interest to see adults expand their perception and cultural exposure, she began Read with Amani, a reading group that meets every other Thursday on her website to discuss selected books.  A current resident of Northern Virginia, Amani is single, has no children and enjoys travel.

I Love Me, I Love Me Not

Amani Jackson

I can only recall the darkness. My eyes were open, yes. But the place I found myself in was without light, hopeless. Where was I and how had I gotten here? More importantly, where was the exit?! At 28, bad relationships, coupled with unwise decisions, had finally taken their toll on my mind, body and spirit. I needed salvation, quickly.

The root cause of the problem was that I wanted to be something different from what I was for so much of my life. If I were thinner, lighter, taller, smarter... anything but me...I would be acceptable. My inability to accept myself was so destructive. I felt less than. 

Although it was of little comfort, I was a smart girl. Everyone always said it. I was my parents’ pride when it came to academics. A child of many passions, they constantly tried to get me to focus on a limited few. It never happened. My entire pre-college life was spent studying, participating in extracurricular activities and doing community service. Yet, this wasn’t enough. There was something missing. It didn’t provide me what I sought. Guys didn’t care about a girl’s intellect. I imagined they viewed it as either too challenging or a bore.

In my younger years, my obsession with acceptance was internal. I wanted to like me. Only after entering college did the need for male validation of my worth rear its ugly head.  I had the pleasure of experiencing a very fulfilling and supportive relationship once, my high school sweetheart.  It was all rainbows and unicorns until it wasn’t. Unfortunately, we were very young and immature. Neither of us were well versed enough to handle the conflicts and strains we started dealing with and things fell apart. I chased the ghost of that relationship well into my twenties, praying that someday I would find someone else who loved me with that purity and depth. 

My happiness became dependent upon whether or not I was seeing someone. If I was single, I was miserable and empty. My needs banging against each other inside of me, making too much noise, keeping me fully aware of them at all times. If I was with a guy who showed potential, I was elated. I admit it was truly pathetic. However, I could not find solace without companionship.  I craved a partner to share the highlights and drama of my day with when it was time to unwind.

This search led me into my marriage, which lasted less than two years.  At 22, I was divorced and still miserably in love with my high school sweetheart.  My days, and nights, were occupied with the search for an equivalent of what we shared.  Sadly, all I acquired was empty relationship after empty relationship. How was it that there were so many dang frogs to kiss!?  In truth, like was attracting like.  These men had their own demons they warred with and here I was bringing mine into the mix. I didn’t love myself and the only men I could be with didn’t seem to love themselves either. Perhaps this was a defense mechanism that manifested. Maybe if I had been with a guy who was all the way together, he would call me out on my issues and challenge me to mature and live up to my potential.

Even when I dated a man I knew was not for me, I pined for him.  How incredibly desperate and foolish! There was no genuine desire for him or a future with him but I had less of a desire for rejection.  I rejected me. Having another person do it was confirmation of