White Space Van Man
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About this ebook
There ain’t no pleasing some people. Take Barry for example, most of us would be content soaring through the cosmos in a spacecraft, but for our pasty-addicted, antihero white space-van pilot it’s nothing more than mundane. Delivering medical supplies to faraway colonies his employment, is also his curse. He only dedicates effort to skiving and generally loathing his job; it is the English way.
His obnoxious and selfish employers depress him, his family ignore him, his colleagues assist his irritation with merciless banter, and even the onboard computer drives him up the wall, across the ceiling and out through the sunroof.
Little wonder then Barry yearns for change. He waits for something to slap in the chops and guide him to it, rather than motivate himself to act on the reverie. But when it transpires and adventure ensues, well, Barry still whinges like a stuck Pat Boone record; But it is a Tuesday, he’s only supposed to go as far as Io.........
What he needs is a pilot’s mate, to cast the mid-digit salute at slow-flying pensioners, to generate inappropriate anal tremors, navigate by snoozing in the passenger seat and eat all his Jammie Dodgers, to hurl verbal abuse at space-cyclists and wolf-whistle and anything in skirt.
Apply now by ordering White Space Van Man and you could be that person; be a right laugh, I guarantee it.
Praises be to the almighty White Space-Van Man, and we never even paid these reviewers:
5* “Worth every penny: I am always sceptical with authors I do not know but after I bought this on I was hooked and believe this to be a literary marvel and for comedy styling, its up there with P G Wodehouse. I believe this man will go far and if not I want a full enquiry in to why not...” Amazon.
5* “Brilliant take on white van man: You will never look at a van driver in the same light again. Set way into the future, this book charts the adventures of Barry the Space Van Man. There is more to it than just Barry, but I don't want to spoil your fun. The really great thing about Barry is that as he travels the galaxy in his white space van, he's just like the stereotypical white van drive today, it's brilliant. This is definitely a book to put your feet up with and I highly recommend it.” Amazon.
5* “Great Read! Full of humor, wit, and even some fact, WHITE SPACE VAN MAN is a book to be read by all fans of HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY. Barry is an average and unsuspecting intergalactic delivery driver. When he delivers the wrong package to the wrong place, he gets pulled into somewhat of a mystery. Barry's interaction with the computer and with the alien trying to learn English are hilarious. This novel is a must read for any fans of space travel or witty comedy.” Amazon.
5* “This is one of the funniest books I have read in a long time. It is well written and a pleasure to read from start to finish. If the sequel ever comes out I will be very happy indeed.” GoodReads.
Darren Worrow
I was born in the Fling Dynasty of a small planet known as Duncan in a galaxy far, far away. My humble parents, believing the planet was on the eve of destruction, sent me off as a baby in an egg-shaped craft and I landed here on planet Earth in the spring of 1973. I was later to discover through a cavern of ice, as you do, that the planet was fine all the time and it was just a particularly nasty prank by my father’s mates down the pub. I landed in a deep jungle and was raised by a company of wolves, learning to live as they did. Until one day when a naughty tiger with a very English accent came along and I was whisked away by a black panther and a jazz singing bear to a man-village. It wasn’t the tiger I was worried about; it was the American cartoon producer following on behind him. It was at the village that I won a golden ticket to visit a chocolate factory where I fell into a river made of chocolate and was sucked up a pipe into a fudge room; happy days. It could have been worse; I heard some other kid turned into an exploding blueberry. I lived at a coastal Inn for a while until an old sailor paid me a penny to look out for a legless seadog; what a cheapskate. In finding him I discovered a treasure map and was promptly whisked away by a sailor to a Caribbean island where I got into a bit of a rumble with some pirate radio DJ called Captain Tony Blackbeard. It was that or another holiday in Clacton. At eleven I was taken away by a man with an uncanny resemblance to actor and comedian Robbie Coltrane to a school for wizards where I had to battle it out with some bald blue bloke who killed my parents, said he was a lawyer working for an author called JK Rolling or something. That wasn’t as bad as the frog flavoured semolina we had to eat for school dinner. As I grew up and went to college I decided to give my favourite toys, a cowboy and a space ranger, away to a snotty girl from around the corner, nobody told me the cowboy was really Tom Hanks otherwise I would have given them away a lot sooner. So, other than the time I was bitten by a rare spider and found myself with special arachnid powers which I used to defeat an evil leprechaun, I left college and it was all very uneventful. Nowadays I have settled down to a family life and enjoy writing books, striving to be more like Bruce Bogtrotter every day. People say “where do you get your ideas from?” I tell them I have no idea, I've had such a boring, everyday life. If you really can be bothered to know more about me why don’t you visit my website at www.darrenworrow.webs.com and find out even more honest facts?
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