Paul Heiney

ow that one blockbuster television reality show is over, I am in the unique position of being able to offer you a preview of the next. It is called ‘I’m a Yachtmaster – Get Me Out of Here!’ and it is every bit as gripping, gruelling and ridiculous as its sister programme. However, there will be no chewing on the private parts of marsupials, although by the time the show is over some of the contestants might be craving anything to shove between their gritted