Stark Trek: White Space Van Man 2

By Darren Worrow

Oh I see, you again is it? Dribbling crumbs from a family-sized bag of cheap onion rings as if they were about to be made illegal. Still in your Iron Man onesie because it’s Sunday and what the heck, why bother to get dressed; causally browsing the interweb-thingee to cast a rod of pointlessly harsh, self-certified intellectually witty criticism at people’s inane posts and comments while clutching that pimple of yellow pus that still won’t pop after four days of excruciating squeezing. You, yes you, the one that sniggers a wry snort at the sight of this book’s landing page, giving it the ol’ “OMG,” malarkey, “have you seen what he’s gone and done now?” But you’re only addressing yourself because no one in their right mind will share a flat with you and your socks when you gibber on with miserable hecklings like, “he’s only gone and done a Star Trek parody, what a worn out cliché, how unoriginal, yada yada yada.”

Well I beg, ask yourself these fundamental questions before you make such a rash and ill-informed judgement, young squid’s scrotum for a face. Maybe this is so much more than your preconceived ideology of it, maybe it is an epic science fiction quest across the infinites of space to locate the planet where the plant came from that in the first book of the series, the five star awarded White Space Van Man, became the saviour of the tribes of the solar system against a mind-numbing virus. Or perhaps it is a carefully researched account of the social, economic and political effects of youth cultures within our society, highlighting the 1990s trend of rave with humorous muse and prose.

Maybe though it has more narrative than purely accounting factual data on the subject and mocking it, for it could be a twisting fable with intelligent style which envelopes a star-crossed romance into a blend of heroic dystopian sci-fi action. Could it perchance to be all these elements combined, a cleverly intertwined lattice of humour, with a small slice of amorousness and science fact meeting science fiction to create a magical mammoth publishing phenomenon of mirth and entertainment, the like that no man, dog or alien-being has seen the like of before and no doubt will see again in the future?

Or maybe you’re right, it is just a bad Star Trek rip off.....pass the onion rings dude, hey what’s on Nick Jnr?

Praises be to the almighty White Space-Van Man series, and we never even paid these reviewers:
5* “Great Sequel! After finishing WHITE SPACE VAN MAN, I had to read the sequel. And it's every bit as good as the first. Barry is back with his trips on his space van as the author continues to entertain readers. With lots of humor and just a bit of satire, the author presents the reader with an updated humorous evaluation of life. This is an entertaining novel that will keep you entertained for hours. It's enjoyable, funny, and even a bit touching at times.” Amazon.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Darren Worrow
• Release date: Apr 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311847096

Darren Worrow

I was born in the Fling Dynasty of a small planet known as Duncan in a galaxy far, far away. My humble parents, believing the planet was on the eve of destruction, sent me off as a baby in an egg-shaped craft and I landed here on planet Earth in the spring of 1973. I was later to discover through a cavern of ice, as you do, that the planet was fine all the time and it was just a particularly nasty prank by my father’s mates down the pub. I landed in a deep jungle and was raised by a company of wolves, learning to live as they did. Until one day when a naughty tiger with a very English accent came along and I was whisked away by a black panther and a jazz singing bear to a man-village. It wasn’t the tiger I was worried about; it was the American cartoon producer following on behind him. It was at the village that I won a golden ticket to visit a chocolate factory where I fell into a river made of chocolate and was sucked up a pipe into a fudge room; happy days. It could have been worse; I heard some other kid turned into an exploding blueberry. I lived at a coastal Inn for a while until an old sailor paid me a penny to look out for a legless seadog; what a cheapskate. In finding him I discovered a treasure map and was promptly whisked away by a sailor to a Caribbean island where I got into a bit of a rumble with some pirate radio DJ called Captain Tony Blackbeard. It was that or another holiday in Clacton. At eleven I was taken away by a man with an uncanny resemblance to actor and comedian Robbie Coltrane to a school for wizards where I had to battle it out with some bald blue bloke who killed my parents, said he was a lawyer working for an author called JK Rolling or something. That wasn’t as bad as the frog flavoured semolina we had to eat for school dinner. As I grew up and went to college I decided to give my favourite toys, a cowboy and a space ranger, away to a snotty girl from around the corner, nobody told me the cowboy was really Tom Hanks otherwise I would have given them away a lot sooner. So, other than the time I was bitten by a rare spider and found myself with special arachnid powers which I used to defeat an evil leprechaun, I left college and it was all very uneventful. Nowadays I have settled down to a family life and enjoy writing books, striving to be more like Bruce Bogtrotter every day. People say “where do you get your ideas from?” I tell them I have no idea, I've had such a boring, everyday life. If you really can be bothered to know more about me why don’t you visit my website at www.darrenworrow.webs.com and find out even more honest facts?

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