Honest Love

By CM Hutton

Starting over was never easy for anyone.

I’d heard the stories over and over.

But after the hell my ex-husband had put me through over the last year, over the last twenty years...well, I was ready to move on, repair what was left of my shattered heart and find someone to share my life with—someone who would put me first.

I deserved it. I’d done my time being in her shadow, being a cheap understudy, always second. For. All. Those. Years.

Never again.

Our move to San Diego provided a fresh start, a new place away from all the hurt and memories. Life as a single mom to three teenagers had its' challenges, but we were adjusting and my kids were doing well.

It was time to focus on my happiness, for once. I had a huge capacity to love and I wanted to share my love with a man that respected it, accepted it and gave it in return.

It was just a matter of time before he found me and showed me what true, honest love was all about.

• Language: English
• Publisher: CM Hutton
• Release date: Jun 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311486516

CM Hutton

I’m a wife, a mom of three, a friend, an aunt, a sister, a daughter and teacher. Now, I can add writer to my list! I’ve always wanted to write and finally found inspiration and support to do it.I live near Austin, Texas with my family and love to read and travel. Put me on a beach with a good book and the world just disappears around me!I will continue to keep working hard to improve my writing and create characters that you love and cheer for.Thanks for reading!

Book preview

Claire

It wasn’t fair.

But no one ever said life would be.

Jake was no longer mine. He was with Kaye and they had a new baby. I wanted to hate both of them. I wanted to be bitter, but I just didn’t have the energy to invest in the anger.

Truthfully, I’d known for years that Jake had loved her more than he did me. I’d always hoped building a life with me and our kids would be enough, but it wasn’t.

A part of me was glad it was over…a tiny part. I wasn’t sure what life was going to be like now for me and the kids, but I had to get the hell off of that island and start living again. San Diego would provide a new start for us.

I’d spent years waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’d expected Jake to one day walk through our front door and tell me he was leaving—that he was done pretending to love me, but instead, I got a big fat slap in the face and a knife shoved right through my heart.

Knowing your husband carried a torch for another woman was bad enough.

Realizing he’d been having an affair with her was almost unbearable.

But learning that she was carrying his baby…a baby I knew he’d had always dreamt about having with her…completely shattered what was left of my heart.

I didn’t have anything left to give. Other women might not understand it, but I wasn’t that angry at Jake. Yes, I was incredibly sad and heartbroken, but I blamed myself for some of the pain. I’d known since college that I’d never own his whole heart. Yet time after time, I chose to put us in situations where we spent time with Kaye and Rob. I think I wanted to test him…test us…and we failed.

Don’t get me wrong…he was 100% to blame for screwing around with Kaye and getting her pregnant! My only regret was not ending our marriage sooner. I would never regret being married to Jake. We had three wonderful kids to show for it. But thinking back, I should have walked away from him after that fateful trip to Destin the summer of 2000. I was pregnant with our twins and he was happy until we went on that trip. He’d been so withdrawn when we’d returned home. I remember praying over our family everyday as my belly grew bigger and bigger, asking…no begging God to help Jake ‘snap out of it’ and see what he had right in front of him. We loved him. He had a home with us and we weren’t going anywhere.

I couldn’t even blame Kaye back then. She never had a clue about his feelings for her. It was a one-sided love affair and I was the only one privy to it all. So, by the time the twins were born, he was more like himself and seemed to be really happy. I thanked God for seeing us through and I let go of the idea of leaving him.

Now, almost fifteen years later, I was starting my life all over again. My kids were nearly grown and I was about to turn 40. I had no clue what was next for us…for me. I certainly didn’t need a man to fulfill my life, but I also knew I wasn’t going to sit around, wasting time. I’d spent my whole adult life being second…taking whatever Jake had left to give me…and I was done.

I deserved to be someone’s first…someone’s only…someone’s love of their life.

I just didn’t have a clue if, when or how that was ever going to happen.

Chapter 1

Claire

I was grateful for the job far away from him and his new life. I had my kids and we were going to be okay. Matt was eighteen, a senior in high school and playing football. He, along with Jenna and Jon, had made the transition to San Diego bearable.

Months had passed and Jake was married to Kaye. I didn’t dwell on it. The reality of it was just too painful. So, I kept my head down and worked hard at my new job.

In my old life, before children, I was a Physical and Occupational Therapist. I loved working with children specifically, but could handle just about anyone. Except for athletes…totally crybabies and too damn full of themselves. I did find working with the elderly particularly tough, too. They wanted so desperately to regain their lost functions, but most of the time their bodies just didn’t recover well. It was heartbreaking.

My boss was just a few years older than me, which sort of sucked. But given the fact that she hadn’t fully stopped working to raise her kids, it was only right that she would be in her position. She owned the M&D Rehabilitation Center in nearby La Jolla. When I’d interviewed with her, I was sure she had someone else in mind for the job. It was hard trying to get back into a challenging career full of all sorts of new techniques and gadgets when you had basically been on the sidelines for more than a decade. But Melissa Clark took mercy on me and decided I was worth a try. I was fortunate to have had opportunities doing contract work over the years, so at least my credentials were up to date as well as my yearly training.

My first day working had come right after the whole baby scare with Jake. He was at my house visiting our kids when he got a call from Kaye saying their baby had died. That was a mess. I’d never seen Jake so distraught and completely devastated. Even I wouldn’t have wished that on Jake and Kaye. I was actually happy to hear everything was fine…just a really fucked up revenge game between Rob and Jake. I tried to understand Rob’s motivation for all the crazy bullshit, but it was just too much for my mind to work through. I had my own pile of crap to deal with.

Rob…humph. If Jake knew about that night with Rob — don’t even go there, Claire.

I let my kids fly to Houston to see Jake and the new baby. I wasn’t some do-gooder martyr. I just didn’t have the fight in me anymore. I felt like I’d been battling an internal war for twenty years. I was ready to move on and stop loving Jake. Well, at least try to stop loving Jake.

Summer was long gone. Football games had come to an end and winter in San Diego was beginning. I was constantly in awe of the resiliency of my kids. All three had found it in themselves to somehow forgive their dad for leaving us and used their energy to rally around me and keep us going. They’d made a few new friends and Jenna was thrilled about some boy at school. She and Jon were working on learning to drive and it scared the hell out of me. It was those moments that made me miss having Jake around. He loved teaching Matt to drive. It was just a ‘guy’ thing to do, to teach your kids how to drive. Life was good, for the most part and we were doing just fine…just me and my kids.

*****

The first time I noticed him, he was sitting in the main reception area as I went to grab a pamphlet for my patient. He was in the corner, bent over with his elbows on his knees, chin resting in his hands. He was incredibly handsome, except for the nasty scowl he had on his face. He had light brown hair, closely trimmed beard and from what I could see as I was trying not to stare, a large brace wrapped around his left knee.

Claire? I snapped my head around at the voice. Allison, the office manager, was trying to get my attention focused back on my patient, who was obviously entertained at my sudden spell of gawking.

Yeah, sorry. So, here is the pamphlet with all the exercises we worked on today. I want you to really try to do these a few times a day. Then, I’ll see you next week and we’ll check your mobility. And, no playing golf until we get that shoulder back to normal.

Okay. Thanks, Claire. See you next week.

I wanted to glance back into the waiting room, but didn’t dare take a chance getting caught. I walked back through the door, shaking my head at myself.

"What was that?" Allison asked.

Nothing. That guy out there looked really familiar. But I couldn’t place him.

Allison laughed. Yeah, right. I’m so sure you were just pondering where you knew him from. She tapped her finger on her chin and furrowed her brows as if she were thinking really hard, then burst out laughing.

Oh, stop! I laughed. He just looked familiar.

And HOT.

Yes, and hot. Happy?

Absolutely! She leaned over the counter towards me and touched my hand. It’s okay to admit that you thought some guy was cute. Hell, you’re not dead, Claire.

Allison was all of thirty, married with one little boy and another one on the way. She was taller than me, about 5’8" with long blond hair and giant blue eyes that saw right through me the second I walked into our office for the first time. It wasn’t long before I was spilling my entire pathetic story to her.

I realize I’m not dead. I smirked.

Well, his chart also says he was injured on the job as a fireman. He’s one of Melissa’s patients. Lucky bitch. We both laughed. He’s been here a few times, but I don’t really interact with him. He always looks like he’s one step away from coming unhinged.

Yeah, looks like it to me too. Has to be it...I’ve seen him here. I paused, then clapped my hands and said, Okay, who is up next?

Your three thirty, Gail Fairview, should be here, but hasn’t shown up.

Hmm, I’m going to grab something to drink and go to my office and work on paperwork. Call me when she shows up.

I walked to the back of the clinic and to my small office. Paperwork was the one pain in the ass about my job. It required too much time when I could be seeing patients. I was deep into the giant pile of docs when Allison stepped through my office door. Hey.

What’s up? I looked at my watch. Four o’clock. Gail here?

No, she just called, sobbing with apologies about missing her therapy appointment. Something about cars and kids…whatever. Allison waved her hand as if she couldn’t be bothered with the details. Anyway, she had to reschedule and you’ve got no one else on the books today. So, go home. It’s Friday.

Thanks. I will in just a bit. I want to finish what I’m doing. Did Melissa already leave?

Yes, she skipped out about five minutes ago. I’ll be here until 5:30 to answer phones and working up next week’s schedule. So, go! Really!

Okay. Okay. I didn’t want to tell her that I really didn’t have anything to do.

Matt, Jenna and Jon had flown to Houston to spend their Christmas break with Jake. They’d only been a few times since the start of school because of Matt’s football schedule. But with the three-week long break, it was a good opportunity to go be with their dad. So, I pushed for Jake to have them even as he protested that he didn’t want me all alone during Christmas. I tried not to act too upset about being away from them. Morgan saw passed it, though. That daughter of mine was always so perceptive. Some women didn’t understand it. But keeping my kids from Jake, as much as I wanted to punish him, only punished my children and they’d been through enough. Besides, I’d made the decision that the break from being ‘mom’ would do me some good. They’d only been gone a few days and I was already lonesome.

So, are you leaving or what? Allison was still standing in my doorway.

Has anyone ever told you what a bossy, pain in the ass you are?

Yep! And I proudly accept that honor. Now, go. Enjoy some time to yourself.

I rolled my eyes at her and huffed as I packed up my rather large bag and walked toward the door.

Thanks, Allison. I called out as I was about to step outside.

You’re welcome. Call me if you need anything. Her sassy smirk had turned to a genuine, soft smile. She knew.

*****

Our house wasn’t too far from the clinic, which was nice. Now that I was a single mom, I needed to be close to my kids while they were in school. As I pulled into my drive and parked my car in the garage, I started thinking about the man I saw in the waiting room and felt a small smile creep across my face. Allison was right. Not dead yet.

My phone rang right as I stepped through the door. Seeing it was Matt, I answered.

Hi, honey, how’s it going?

Hey, Mom, it’s good. I just wanted to call and check on you. He was worried.

Matt, I love that you worry about me, but you don’t have to. I’m fine. Promise.

I know, Mom. But I just…

I stopped in my tracks as I was headed up the stairs to change my clothes. Matt. Stop. I know you feel bad not being here over Christmas, but don’t. I want you to spend some time with your dad. He misses you guys. And I missed him and our family. But I couldn’t tell my son that. I was adjusting the best I could.

Okay, okay. How about I say, ‘good night, I love you, Mom.’ Better? I let out a little laugh to keep the tears away and sat down on the edge of my bed.

Yes, better. And I love you, too. Now, go tell Jenna and Jon I said, ‘good night’ and that I love them. You can call me tomorrow night to do the same. Go enjoy your time in Texas.

Good night, Momma. I chocked up at hearing my eighteen year old son call me ‘momma’ instead of just ‘mom.’ He didn’t do it very often anymore, so it meant a lot to me.

Night, baby, love you tons. And with that, we hung up and the tears came. I laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, too drained to do anything else but cry. This was going to be my first holiday without my kids…without Jake…without our family. What in the hell was I going to do? The sound of my phone alerting me of a text, drew me out of my momentary pity party.

Jake:

Matt was worried about you. You okay?

I knew he meant well and having my ex-husband check on me was noble, but unnecessary. It made me feel pathetic. I set up straight, wiped my eyes and answered Jake.

Claire:

I’m okay. Thanks for checking.

I needed to go do something, anything. I tossed my phone to the other side of the bed and walked to the bathroom, shedding my clothes along the way. I heard another text come in, but didn’t turn back to get my phone. Jake could wait. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water ease some of the tension in my shoulders. I’d survived all these years with my husband loving another woman. I’d survived him having an affair that led to a pregnancy. And now, I’d survive starting my life over again without him. I was sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself. I had to find a way to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and live again because what Jake wanted was no longer my concern.

As I stood there under my shower, I made a plan, one that started with surviving the three week separation from my kids. First thing Monday morning, I was going to make sure I was fully booked at the clinic every damned day so that not one idle moment went by. I was going to offer to fill in with any other patients so that my co-workers could enjoy their holidays. It wasn’t about me being a good samaritan. It was all about me and my sanity. No doubt they would see right through me, but knowing what I did about the wonderful ladies and the two guys I worked with, they wouldn’t say a word. They’d smile, pass me the patient file and run like hell before I changed my mind. Yep, this plan of mine was going to work just fine. I already had a renewed sense of optimism and Monday couldn’t get here fast enough.

Chapter 2

Claire

Jake:

Always, I’ll always check on you, Claire.

I didn’t answer Jake back when he’d sent his last text the night before. I’d gotten out of the shower, dressed for bed and made myself a glass of wine before finding a movie to watch. It wasn’t until the next morning when I’d picked up my phone to plug it into the charger that I saw the text from Jake. I’d forgotten about the alert I’d heard before walking into the bathroom. I knew that he meant well, but he had to stop being so ‘concerned’ about me. He’d made his choice, so he needed to stop toying with my emotions.

The rest of my weekend was fairly quiet. Other than taking a little time to wallow in my lonely house, I got outside and explored a little more of San Diego. I drove several miles along the 59-Mile Scenic drive and toward Sunset Cliffs. I’d taken the drive before and loved the calmness that settled over me as I drove. San Diego was a beautiful city and I was grateful I’d made the choice to move here. By Monday morning, I was ready to sacrifice myself for the greater good of…well, me. I’d arrived first and went to my office to look over my scheduled patients. Several were leaving town for the holidays or had preferred to schedule their appointments for after the New Year. I went to Allison’s desk and logged into the clinic’s overall schedule and made notes on who was booked up and their patient’s names. I wanted to do what I could to help and stay busy.

At 7:45am, I heard the back door open.

Hello?

Hey, it’s just me here, Allison. I yelled from the desk.

Making her way down the hall and around the corner to the front of the clinic, she said, What the hell are you doing here before me? You robbing the place?

I snorted out a laugh. You caught me. This is totally the place to make my fortune…right here!

No, really, what are you doing here so early? The look of concern on her face made me annoyed.

Stop! I’m here because I wanted to look over everyone’s schedule and maybe take over a few patients so other therapists could actually enjoy their holidays. I have nothing going on with the kids gone. They’ve only been gone a week and I’m going insane. I need to stay busy. So instead of interrogating me and looking at me like I’m some pathetic, lonely sack of shit, how about you help me out. Let’s see who could use my expertise and which of our therapists need the time off.

Calm your sad little tits, Mama! Damn. It just freaked me out that someone was here before me. I really thought you were resigning or something and I was about to kick your scrawny ass.

Oh, please, think again. Look who is pregnant and who is closing in on forty and in the best shape of her life! Kick my ass…right! I mumbled.

Allison laughed as she rubbed her belly and said, Well, just wait till I have this little monster. You’ll see. I’m one mean bitch.

I already know that. Now, come on. Let’s take a look before everyone else gets here.

We spent the next hour working through schedules rearranging where we could. I had chosen to not only continue seeing my patients, but also as many of the other therapists’ patients as I could fit in. I knew that several ladies around the office were stressed about working over the long Christmas break while their kids had off from school. Three weeks of sitters and then all the holiday stuff would be pretty stressful. It really was a win-win for all of us. I just hoped the patients would go for it.

Melissa was first through the door, just as I’d expected. She was great to work for and knowing what I did about her, she didn’t want all the details of what I was doing. She’d want the final plan and all would be just fine with her. She hated when people talked her to death about what they were ‘going to do.’

Well, what are you two ladies up to? I can tell it’s no good by the shocked look on your faces.

We both laughed and I started my speech. When I was done, all Melissa had to say was, Are you sure, Claire? Make sure you really want to take this on.

I do, Melissa. I need to stay busy these next few weeks.

Okay. Well, I know the rest of us will appreciate it. I want you to promise me that if it gets overwhelming, you’ll tell me. Please. We haven’t known you long, but we all care about you and want to see you happy.

I barely held back my tears hearing her say that to me. My mostly stoic boss was never emotional. For her to admit that out loud, was pretty huge. Thank you, Melissa. That means more than you know.

She gripped my forearm and said, I’ve never been one to share much about my life, but trust me when I say I understand. Starting over is incredibly hard and can even be humiliating at times. She paused. Just promise me you’ll talk to me if you need anything.

I reached out and hugged my boss…my friend and whispered ‘thank you.’ That was all I could muster. Melissa squeezed me back and I felt her sincere affection for me. Then with a gentle push, she leaned away and gave me a smile before she turned to Allison and said, Just print me out a copy of all the changes.

Allison nodded, not saying a word. That was when I noticed her tears. I guess it was true that they rarely saw the softer side of Melissa. Claire, I’ll make sure the other therapists graciously take this gift you’re giving to them. And with that, she walked away, down the hall to her office…closing the door without another word.

I let out my breath and grinned at Allison. Shit. That was a little more intense than I expected it to be.

Swiping the tears away, she said, I’ve worked for her almost five years and have never heard her talk about any kind of old heartache. She’s so crazy in love with her hubby, who would’ve ever guessed she had what sounded like some serious history.

Really? Well, I’m grateful she understands without me having to explain it over and over.

Allison patted my arm and said, Let me get all this put together and I’ll make sure your schedule is ready.

Thank you. I was blessed. I couldn’t have asked for a better place to work.

*****

My first patient of the day was a regular. Andy Stephens was a thirty-eight year old ex-professional baseball player that tore his shoulder up in a skiing accident. It was sad, really. Here the guy went his whole professional career without injuries and on a ski vacation with his wife and kids, he’d torn his rotator cuff. I’d been taking care of him for the last month following his surgery and although he was slowly getting better, he was impatient. Unlike some of the other athletes I’d helped over the years, he was kind and respectful—never allowing his frustration to be directed at me.

Hey, morning. How ya feeling? I loved turning on my Texas accent with some of my patients.

Good…I think?

I turned to glare at Andy. What did you do?

"Well, I had a