Without Peace

By CM Hutton

*Warning: This book contains violence, explicit sexual situations and stories of abuse against women. If you are sensitive to these issues, this may not be the book for you. Be advised.*

Everyone thought they were so smart. I wasn’t doing all the love and marriage thing. I was happy with my life. And tired of my brothers, my sister and my parents hinting at me falling in love and settling down. Really?

Hell, no. I realized I was the talk of the hospital. Everyone speculated how many nurses I’d slept with, but I didn’t care. There weren’t that many. In reality, I only enjoyed the company of a few. The others knew what it was...one night here and there, nothing else. I wasn’t settling down any time soon—or ever.

There were only a few things I really cared about...my parents, my sister and brothers, and my job. That was it. I was a damn good doctor. Good sibling? Well, maybe not so much. But they loved me regardless. I was comfortable. I was happy. Life was good.

Until one day, one event changed my whole life. The dam of emotions that opened in me were unbelievably painful and overwhelmingly raw. And I hated it. Hated every fucking bit of it. And the helplessness I felt, nearly destroyed me—and her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: CM Hutton
• Release date: Oct 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310528644

CM Hutton

I’m a wife, a mom of three, a friend, an aunt, a sister, a daughter and teacher. Now, I can add writer to my list! I’ve always wanted to write and finally found inspiration and support to do it.I live near Austin, Texas with my family and love to read and travel. Put me on a beach with a good book and the world just disappears around me!I will continue to keep working hard to improve my writing and create characters that you love and cheer for.Thanks for reading!

Book preview

Prologue

Kyle

Oh shit! We—need—to—get—back. 

No. We’re fine, I groaned.

More. Please.

Stop. Talking.

Kyle, I need…

I said stop talking. 

Damn. Sarah was hot and I loved fucking her, but she talked too damn much and worried enough for ten people. 

Kyle… 

Shut up. I pounded into her over and over inside the small closet that held clean linens for the emergency room gurneys. Sarah was one of my favorite people. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and almost always available. My only concern was her attachment to me. She never voiced any sort of loving feelings, but every so often, the look in her eyes told me she felt more and that made me uneasy. 

I had a good thing going. I was thirty-five, a successful doctor with a great position at Sharp Memorial as Chief Emergency Room doc and had a handful of beautiful nurses that I liked spending time with. Well, I enjoyed having sex with them. And that’s all it was…sex. They knew the rules and were just fine with it. It was for our mutual enjoyment. We were all career-driven individuals and didn’t have time for emotional attachments. It worked for us—for all of us.

I loved my life. 

I loved my family…even all the new additions to it. Both my older brothers were now married and I was an uncle to four pretty amazing kids with a fifth on its way.

My oldest brother Jason married his longtime friend and love, Lori Ann, about a year and a half ago and were expecting their first baby sometime soon. I’d never seen my brother so happy. It was sickening, really. But he deserved all that happiness. It had taken a lot for Jason and Lori Ann to get to where they were.  He’d fought like hell to help her escape an abusive ex-husband and start her life over again. I admired my big brother. Probably should tell him that more often.

Derek, my over-achieving, football-star-turned-firefighter brother, found an incredible girl too. Claire moved to San Diego with her three teenage kids after a pretty devastating divorce and almost immediately stole Derek’s heart. They were a great couple, and Derek was really good with Claire’s kids. I was glad to see them have a baby of their own not long after they married. Little Grace was about fourteen or fifteen months old…something like that. I only knew because no one talks in years about kids at that age, it seemed. It’s all in months and it sounded ridiculous, but what did I know?

Kyle… Sarah’s moan brought me back to the task at hand and the sweet little pussy I was balls deep inside. 

Shh…you need to be quiet. We don’t need the whole ER knowing we are in here, Sarah. I had her bent over a small stool and was steadily moving in and out of her. Truth be told, I loved how vocal Sarah was. Every moan or plea from her lips made me want her more. She never held back, and I loved it. I leaned down close to her ear and whispered, Are you close, babe? I don’t think I can hold out much longer.

Yes. God, yes, Kyle. Now, please. I reached my hand around and pinched her clit as I thrusted a few more times. She clenched around my cock and came hard just as I found my own release.

Damn. I slumped over onto Sarah’s back and kissed her tenderly on the shoulder. You are amazing.

You know, you say that every time, lover. Her British accent was sexy, especially when it dragged out so slowly and was a bit hoarse after sex. 

Yeah, I know. I smiled and kissed the back of her neck before I carefully pulled out of her and helped her stand. But it’s true. You know I love how you call my name and scream when we aren’t here at work.

Slowly Sarah pulled her scrubs up and straightened her top before standing in front of me, hands on her hips. Yes, love…you make me a bit crazy. She winked. Got to get back. Tina and Helen will be looking for me. Until next time, babe. 

Before I could do anything or say a word, Sarah slipped out the door and headed back to the ER. Man, I loved my life.

Chapter 1

Kyle

Dr. London, you have a call on line four. 

Thank you, Jamie. I finished the last of my notes and picked up the phone at the nurses’ station. This is Kyle London.

Hi, dear. 

Hey, Mom. My sweet mother was the only one that ever called me on the hospital switchboard. I swear it was so she could just ask for her son Dr. London and I was sure it was in front of a group of her lady friends or golf pals. And the thought always made me shake my head and smile. I’d never say anything to her about it, though. Even the nurses all started to recognize her voice and would even strike up a short conversation with her while they were waiting for me to come to the phone. I tried not to get annoyed about the conversations, but truthfully, I wondered about the motive of a few of them. 

Listen, I’m having everyone for dinner next Sunday. Can you come, honey? I hope you won’t be on call or anything.

Next Sunday should be just fine, Mom. Can I bring anything? 

No. Just yourself…and any guest you’d like to bring along. And there it was. The woman was relentless. Just because my brothers were hooked up with the women of their dreams, she assumed I was headed the same direction. Nope. Not happening.

"I’ll be there. What time?" My singular status didn’t go unnoticed, and I knew it by the slight huff I heard through the phone.

Two o’clock. Sound okay?

Yes, Mom. Sounds great. 

Okay then…can’t wait, darling. See you next weekend. Love you.

"Yes, ma’am. Love you too, Mom," I stressed as I looked up to see all the nurses staring at me.  I hung up the phone, rolled my eyes, and turned to walk down the hall toward my office. 

My mind often drifted to what my family would think if they really knew how I handled my extracurricular activities. No one ever asked about it…except for the occasional inquisition from my mom…and that was fine with me. I was the third child of incredibly loving parents whose two older sons tended to naturally sit in the spotlight, and I was completely okay with it. It allowed me to fly under the radar and maintain my social life without too many questions. 

I wasn’t exactly the hospital whore, but I wasn’t an angel either. Well, there might have been a small debate amongst the nurses and a few lady doctors about my whore status. But I was determined to maintain my Doctor with Benefits title with the women I regularly fucked. We were all career-driven individuals that didn’t want to put the time or effort into any sort of relationship. Mutual feelings, mutual goals—that was what I had with these incredible ladies. We appreciated each other and what we could bring to one another’s lives. There was never any cat fighting or jealousy, as far as I knew. As a matter of fact, I don’t think the women ever even talked about it. To some, it appeared that I was sleeping with half the hospital. But truth be told, I only spent time with a few—Sarah, Kristi, Helen, and Tina. Tina and I seemed to have the most in common, and I simply enjoyed hanging out with her. She was smart and ambitious and was the charge nurse for the ER. She and Sarah worked well together. 

The others were great women, and I was attracted to them as well, but we had an understanding of what we were to each other. As a matter of fact, Helen had been through a rough divorce a few years back and had sworn off love and relationships of any kind. Perfect.

Kristi was young. She had only started working at Sharps within the last year after graduation from nursing school. She was fun to hang out with, but completely focused on making her own way without a man. Cool with me.

And Sarah—well, what could I say about that hot, British ass, other than I loved the wildness she brought to my life. She’d moved to the States a few years back and was living life to the fullest. And, fortunately for me, I got to be a small part of it, which was pretty damn wonderful. Fit little Brit.

I sat back in my chair and tapped my pen on the file in front of me. I was lost in my own little world and didn’t hear my office door open or realize she had walked in until I felt her hands touch my shoulders, causing me to jump.

Hi, love. Tina Elliott.

Shit. Didn’t hear you come in. I stood and wrapped my arms around her. Can’t sneak up on me like that. 

"Well, I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. You were obviously so deep in thought that you didn’t hear me knock or open the door. Her sexy grin and raised eyebrows were so damned cute. So, what’s stolen your attention this time." Smartass.

I leaned in and gently kissed her lips. Just thinking. Got a call from my mom earlier…family stuff.

Tina smiled and shifted her body, causing me to release my hold on her. Ahh…I see. Well, I hope everything is okay with the whole London crew? she asked as she flopped her sweet little body into the overstuffed chair sitting in the corner of my office. She was a little shorter than my six two, with full hips, tiny waist, and nice breasts. She wasn’t some rail-thin stick figure that some men were attracted to. No. She was all woman…the embodiment of a real woman that worked out occasionally and took good care of herself. Her long brown hair flowed right to the top of her ass when it wasn’t put up for work, and her hazel eyes could hypnotize you into doing just about anything.

Yes. Just my mom wanting me to come for a visit next week. Tina was great about not asking too many questions about my family. Not an easy task when both brothers were pretty well known around San Diego. She tried like hell, though, to keep our relationship simple. And it made me like her even more. Never demanding. Never needy. Never clingy. The perfect companion.

And?

And, I told her I would be there.

Good. You should go see your family more often. 

Is that right?

Yes, she answered, throwing her cute head back with an air of arrogance, you should. You are so fortunate to have the family you do. Some of us aren't that lucky, Kyle. Treat them well, love.

I stepped closer to Tina, wrapped my arm around her waist, and pulled her close to me. You’re right. I gently kissed her lips. Thank you for looking out for me and them.

Welcome, Tina answered as she wrapped her arms around behind my neck.  Want to take me to dinner tonight, Doc?

Yes. And where shall I take you? I said, kissing the end of her nose.

Rubio’s!

What the hell?!? You and those damn fish tacos. I actually loved that place too but couldn’t help giving Tina a hard time about it. I swear the woman was the cheapest date ever…in a good way. 

She leaned back, slapped my chest, and said, You know it. Now, finish that stack of charts and I’ll meet you downstairs in an hour.

Bossy.

Whiny.

Whatever. Go. See you in a bit.

Tina blew me a kiss as she walked out my office door. I was getting a little too used to having her around. 

Chapter 2

Tina

Kyle London was a difficult man to understand.

I loved being around him and I was pretty sure he felt the same way about me, but damned if he didn’t keep those feelings close to the vest…in his private vault…impenetrable by anyone. 

Yes, I knew all the rumors and hoped like hell they weren’t true. It was a strange situation. I was pretty sure he and a few of the other nurses had some sort of thing going, but everyone was really tight-lipped about it and never let on. 

I fought the urge to ask him about the others too. But I knew it would lead nowhere good and I risked the chance of losing him altogether by bringing it up. So I chose to take the bits and pieces I could have and just enjoyed being with Kyle…for now. 

At six o’clock, I signed my last chart and headed to the nurses’ lounge to get my purse. I could feel the smile on my face growing bigger at the thought of meeting Kyle and going to dinner. We really did have a lot of fun together.

He was standing in front of the information desk, chatting it up with Bridget…the lovely little old lady that didn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground, but the hospital would NEVER fire her.  She was like the friggin’ hospital mascot or something. Hell, maybe she donated her dead husband’s cash to the place. All I knew was that as sweet as she was to everyone, her information knowledge about the hospital was crap. 

I paused for a few minutes to take in the handsome man I was about to spend my evening with. He was tall and thin with wavy light brown hair, blue eyes and a short, well-groomed beard that felt amazing against my skin. He was a runner, so his body wasn’t huge and muscular like other guys I’d dated, just nice and trim…fit with abs to die for.

And I loved that he was taller than me. At five nine, it was hard sometimes to find a guy that wasn’t intimidated by my height. But, I suspected Kyle wasn’t intimidated by much of anything.  

I smiled knowing that Kyle always talked so sweetly to Bridget. They were pals. He flirted with her and she would smile sheepishly toward his pretend advances…constantly telling him that she was just an old widow still in love with her dead husband. Made me laugh to hear her say it like that too. 

I walked up next to Kyle and he turned, wrapped his right arm about my waist and kissed my forehead. All ready to go?

Yes. You? I answered and asked. Hi, Bridget. How ya doing today?

Doing good, sweet girl. I woke up this morning, so life is good. She cackled, laughing at herself. 

Oh now, you aren’t that old. Stop with that, Kyle fussed. 

"Kyle London. Don’t go flirting with me right in front of your girl. Shame on you." She was teasing him, but I felt his body tense up at her comment. 

So, I pulled out of his arms and took a step to the side. I’m ready for some fish tacos. You coming or not? I said. Bridget, see you tomorrow. Have a good night. I started walking toward the front doors of the hospital. I was fine with what we had, and I was sure Kyle was too. But I was getting irritated with how he would react to people’s innocent comments. Fact was, he and I were seen together a lot. And he freely hugged and touched me in front of some people…not all…but some. If he didn’t want people to make comments, he needed to stop making a public show of hanging out with me. 

I heard him calling my name but pretended to be fishing something out of my purse. I needed a minute to rein in my emotions on the subject of Kyle London.

I was standing next to my car when Kyle caught up to me, grabbed my arm, and swung me around to face him. Hey! Wait up. What’s going on?

I smiled and tried to act just fine. I’m hungry. Let’s get going.

Bullshit. What’s up?

I took a deep breath and treaded in lightly…oh hell, I jumped right the fuck in. "Kyle, if you don’t want people around here assuming things about us, then you need to stop touching me in public. Understand? I’m totally fine with you not laying a hand on me in any way in front of anyone. Got it? So stop it. He just stood there, his mouth open. Now, I’m leaving because I want tacos. You coming or not?" 

I turned to unlock my shitty little Honda, but a large hand reached around and snatched my keys. Coming. But I’m driving. And that was it. No further comment.

I climbed into the passenger seat of my car and waited. And waited. After a few long minutes, Kyle opened the driver’s side door and sat down. I’m sorry.

No need.

He didn’t say anything else as we backed out of the parking spot and drove throughout the lot toward our exit. He drove west toward the Rubio’s on Mission Bay—the one between the hospital and his house. I closed my eyes and gently shook my head, then said, Kyle, if you are going to dwell on this, then you need to turn around and go get in your own car…call it a night right now.

I’m fine, Tina.

No, you are fretting over what I’m thinking. You believe you are some unfeeling, impenetrable stone of a man, but it’s not true. I’m telling you that it’s okay. You and I have an understanding, and let’s just leave it at that.

Fine. 

I didn’t know what the hell his problem was, but I wasn’t going to cater to it. So, I moved on. How’s Lori Ann feeling? That baby is due soon, yeah? His sister-in-law was due any day and I knew it. I’d kept up with her pregnancy for months. She and Kyle’s oldest brother Jason were longtime sweethearts that finally found their way to each other to be together. I didn’t know all the ins and outs, but apparently she’d escaped an abusive spouse not so long ago.

Kyle sighed deeply. Yeah. Not sure exactly when.

I’ll bet they are excited.

I guess so. Took a lot for them to get together. Sigh.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot of Rubio’s, I’d had enough of his attitude. This was his shit, not mine. He’d barely put the car in park before I jerked open the passenger door and took off inside without a backward glance.

I was already ordering when he walked up behind me, circled his arms around my waist and laid his chin on my right shoulder. I’m sorry.

I sighed, then turned my head and kissed his cheek. It’s no big deal.

Thank you.

For?

For being an amazing woman, who never pushes for more than what I can give.

Never have and never will, so stop acting weird when people say things about us. Got it?

Got it. Kyle kissed my neck, making me smile. I suddenly realized the young girl behind the register was watching our exchange, and I got embarrassed. 

Sorry, I said. She smiled and proceeded to take the rest of our order as Kyle snickered behind me, causing me to jab my elbow into his side and roll my eyes. 

We ate our tacos in happy silence, grinning stupidly at each other, both of us trying not to bring any more attention to ourselves. Coming home with me, he muttered.

Was that a question or a statement? Cheeky bastard.

Just a fact. You are coming home with me tonight.

Awfully sure of yourself. Kyle’s devilish grin slipped just slightly as he eyed my expression. Yes, I would be going home with him, but his assumptions—no matter how spot-on they were—pissed me off sometimes.

He leaned in across the table, took my hand, and whispered, I just want to be with you tonight. Is that okay? Please. I’ll beg if I need to. Damn him…sexy devil.

I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms over my chest, giving him a playful smirk. "Beg. Yes, I