Of Loss & Betrayal

By S.H. Kolee

Sequel to Of Love & Regret

Madison could ask for nothing more in life. With Logan by her side and her demons finally laid to rest, her future looked bright and filled with endless possibilities.

But life has a way of lifting you up to dizzying heights of happiness only to plummet you down to despair. Madison could have never anticipated the turn her life takes, but she’ll do anything to protect what’s hers. Even if it means betraying everything she believes in.

• Language: English
• Publisher: S.H. Kolee
• Release date: Nov 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9780988474468

Book preview

Of Loss & Betrayal

Madison & Logan Book #2

by S.H. Kolee

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 S.H. Kolee

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter One

Logan had a gleam in his eye that made me nervous. Somehow, he had convinced me that it was a good idea to go to a packed bar on a Friday night, when all I really wanted to do was crash in front of the TV and cuddle. I had relented since Logan wasn’t typically insistent about going out, so I figured he really needed to blow off some steam after a hectic work week at his law firm.

He handed me one of the beer bottles the bartender had set down in front of him, and I took a sip as I leaned against the bar. We had managed to finagle a tiny spot at the bar, but I was still feeling claustrophobic from the mass of humanity almost pressing upon us.

Tell me again why you wanted to come here, I said. Was it the amazing ambiance or the scintillating conversations of the fellow bar patrons?

Logan replied, but I was distracted by a couple who were gyrating against each other on the impromptu dance floor created by some of the more enthusiastic bar goers. I could swear that the man was going to swallow the woman whole with the way his face was plastered against hers. Fortunately, for the couple and me, it was dark in the bar so I couldn’t really make out what their hands were doing, and I was grateful for that fact.

What did you say? I asked, although I kept my eyes on the couple. It was like an accident I couldn’t look away from. I changed my mind when I saw the man licking the woman’s face like a dog. I could definitely look away, and I did so quickly, wanting to gag at the sight.

Logan was watching me with a sardonic look on his face. Enjoying the show?

Ugh, no. I took another swallow of my beer, as if that could blot out the image from my mind.

While you were enraptured with the lovers over there, I was saying that one of my co-workers mentioned that this bar had recently opened, so I thought it was a good enough place as any to try out.

I’m too old to be in bars like this, I retorted. We’re both almost thirty, you know.

Sorry, next time we’ll go get the early bird special at Denny’s. I guess that’s more your speed.

I rolled my eyes at Logan, but couldn’t suppress a smile. Despite not loving being in a crowded bar, I was happy to be anywhere with Logan. The past four months had been almost idyllic. Now that we were free to be in a relationship with no obligations to other people, it was like I was discovering for the first time what it was like to be in a healthy, functional relationship. And I realized that I had never really been in love before, now that I let myself love Logan with no inhibitions. It was almost frightening how deep my love for him went, because it made me feel out of control. But loving him was worth every risk.

I was distracted by my inner thoughts and didn’t notice how close Logan had gotten until he spoke again.

What are you thinking about?

My back was pressed up against the bar and Logan was bent over me with an arm on each side of me, effectively trapping me. I shivered in anticipation from just the warmth of his body near mine, and the scent of his cologne that was so familiar yet still had the ability to turn me on.

About how lucky I am to be with you, I confessed. And about how much I love you.

Logan’s blue eyes softened and he reached up to cup my face and brush his thumb against my cheek. I’ve waited so long for this, Maddie. Now that we’re finally together, my imagination of what it would be like pales in comparison to reality. He leaned down and lightly brushed my lips in a whisper of a kiss. His mouth moved to graze my cheek and then he whispered in my ear, I’ll love you forever.

My heart squeezed at his words, and I dropped my head forward to lean it against his chest. No matter how many times he said it, the exhilaration I felt from Logan saying he loved me never waned. I wanted to freeze this moment in time and live in it forever. It didn’t matter that we were in a noisy bar and surrounded by drunk strangers. I felt a profound happiness in that moment, and I never wanted it to end.

Logan moved his hand to lift my chin so that I was staring into his eyes. The mixture of love and desire I saw in them made my chest tighten. My eyes fluttered closed as he leaned down, and his gentle kiss soon increased in intensity. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed into him, opening my mouth as pure, hot desire blotted out any other thought in my mind. I forgot about the people around us as our tongues stroked one another and our kiss grew feverish. Logan pulled my body tight against his and I could feel his arousal grow. My hips seemed to have a mind of their own as they pushed against his hard length, rubbing up and down.

Reality intruded when I heard someone hooting and hollering, and I immediately broke the kiss, fearing that we were making a spectacle of ourselves. I was breathing heavily as I glanced behind Logan, and was relieved that the dance crowd was just getting rowdier. No one had noticed us. I was thankful again for the dim lighting in the bar.

I thought that catcalling was for us, I said with a laugh of relief. Fortunately, we could probably strip naked and do the deed here and no one would notice with everything else going on.

That gleam I had noticed earlier in Logan’s eye was back and I swallowed hard. Logan had pushed my sexual boundaries until I didn’t know if I even had limits anymore. It was amazing how tender and loving he could be in one moment, and then forceful and commanding the next when it came to our lovemaking. But doing anything in public was definitely something that had never appealed to me.

Care to try?

I laughed, not fully believing he was serious. Sure, why don’t we just start a full on orgy.

Logan raised an eyebrow. That would require me sharing you, and I don’t share.

I pushed at his shoulder playfully. Sure, okay. Now give me some room to breathe before I pass out from lack of oxygen.

Instead of moving back, Logan picked up his beer bottle from the bar and took a long swallow. After he was done, he lowered the bottle until it was resting against my hip. I could feel the cold glass through my skirt, which was only bearable to wear in November because of the long boots I had paired them with.

Let’s see if I can make you pass out from something besides lack of oxygen.

Before I could respond, he lowered the bottle even more and I had to stifle a gasp when he moved his hand under my skirt. I felt the bottle pressed between my legs, my panties not presenting much of a barrier against the cold, damp glass. He moved the bottle back and forth, stroking it against me, and I was instantly wet in response.

Logan. I was barely able to say his name, my voice strained as I tried to control my reaction. What are you doing?

Can’t you tell? I’m rubbing my beer against your pussy. I’m getting it ready for me to fuck.

His tone was matter-of-fact but the expression on his face was anything but. He looked hungry and ready to ravage me on the spot. As much as I wanted to be swept away by our desire, I was still aware of the fact that we were very much in public.

Everyone can see us, I said, lowering my voice, but didn’t matter because no one could hear me above the din of the crowd, unless they were in close, personal proximity. And Logan was definitely in close, personal proximity. The pressure of the beer bottle hadn’t let up, and I bit my lip to suppress a moan as it rubbed against my clit, which was begging for more. I had to resist the urge to grind against the beer bottle, desperate to continue the pleasure, but apprehensive due to the circumstances.

No one can see anything with me standing in front of you, Logan reassured me. What I’m doing to you is probably tame compared to what’s happening on the dance floor behind me.

Logan, I said, alarm growing as I realized that he was intent on going further than I felt comfortable with at the bar. I really don’t think this is a good idea. The bartender is right behind us. He’s bound to notice. And what about the people next to us?

Relax, he whispered into my ear. It’s so dark and noisy that the bartender will never notice. The bar is high enough that he won’t see a thing. And the people around us couldn’t care less about us. I shivered as he trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses behind my ear and down my neck. Besides, he muttered against me, you don’t get a choice in the matter. You’re my slut and you’ll do everything I say. Your body belongs to me.

A thrill went down my spine at his words, which were said softly but with iron beneath them. Logan had gotten more forceful and domineering when it came to sex and I knew it wasn’t just because he enjoyed it, but because he knew how much I got off on it. He knew how crazy talking dirty made me.

I clenched my thighs together against the flood of wetness his words had produced, and then moaned when my movement resulted in his beer bottle being pushed more firmly against my aroused clit.

See? Look at how you react to my words. Logan caught me in his gaze as he shifted the beer bottle so that the mouth of it slid down and pushed against my opening, almost pressing inside me. Tell me what a slut you are.

My head fell forward so my forehead was resting against Logan’s chest. My breath was coming out in short gasps as Logan continued to rub the top of the beer bottle against me, grinding it against my engorged clit and then sliding it down, pressing it harder into me with each stroke. To any onlooker, it seemed as though Logan was simply pressed against me. Our bodies hid his hand that was under my skirt, driving me crazy.

I’m a slut who wants to be used by you, I choked out between gasps. Do whatever you want to me. I’m yours to use.

Don’t worry, I’m going to use your sweet pussy until you beg me to stop.

I opened my mouth to reply but the only thing that came out was a whimper when he pushed my panties aside and pressed the beer bottle up until the neck of it pushed inside me. The cold was a shock, but it was even more shocking to realize that I was being fucked by a bottle in public. That didn’t stop my hips from moving, pushing against Logan’s hand as he worked the neck of the bottle in and out of my pussy.

Look how easy it is for me to fuck you with a bottle, Logan rasped. I could see how aroused he was by the harsh lines of desire on his face. You’re so wet that I could probably fit the whole bottle inside your pussy.

I held onto his shoulders, digging my nails in as I strained to stop from moaning loudly. The taboo of this happening in public only heightened every sensation, and it took everything I had not to scream.

Please, Logan, I whispered breathlessly. Fuck me. Fuck your slut.

In response, Logan increased the tempo of the bottle thrusting inside me and stroked my clit with his other hand. The combination of the two sensations was too much and I could no longer contain my moans. I held onto his shoulders like it was a lifeline, as my head fell back and a cry of pleasure escaped me. I was too far gone to care who heard me.

Logan made a sound that was almost like a growl and I gasped when the bottle was suddenly pulled out. I looked up to protest and was caught in Logan’s gaze, his blue eyes dark with desire and his jaw taut with tension. I was staring into his eyes when I felt his hard shaft enter me with one hard thrust and I cried out in surprise and overwhelming pleasure, no longer caring how loud I was. The noise of the crowd faded into the background until all I could hear was my own panting as Logan thrust into me over and over again. The edge of the bar was digging into my back but nothing mattered except the driving force between my legs. I clung to him, burying my face into his shoulder as the tension in my body grew until it was almost unbearable. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, Logan reached down and stroked my clit, and I came undone. My body was wracked in undulating waves of pure pleasure as my orgasm gripped me, my choked cry swallowed by the noise of the raucous crowd.

When the last shudder left me, I looked up just in time to see Logan let go, his eyes closed and his expression almost one of pain as he released into me until there was nothing left.

When he was done, he opened his eyes and the noise of the crowd suddenly filled my ears again. The reality of what we had just done gripped me and I quickly looked around, afraid that we would have an audience. Instead, I saw no one looking in our direction as the boisterous crowd continued celebrating their Friday night.

I felt Logan slip out of me and looked down. He hadn’t done anything except unzip his pants, and he deftly pulled himself together in one smooth movement. When he stepped back, my legs were feeling a little unsteady and I felt them start to buckle. Logan grabbed hold of me, a self-satisfied grin on his face. I felt my face get warm from his knowing look.

You’re crazy, I muttered, although I couldn’t really be annoyed since I had been an enthusiastic participant. You’re lucky we weren’t handcuffed and arrested for indecent exposure and lewd acts in public.

Logan tipped his head toward the dance floor where I saw people gyrating, and I could have sworn that I saw body parts that were supposed to be covered in public. We’re tame compared to what’s going on over there.

I shook my head, not really believing what had just happened. I couldn’t believe I had let Logan fuck me in public, but then again, there wasn’t much I was willing to deny him sexually. He had a power over me that made me throw caution to the wind and give in to my baser desires.

Did you have this planned tonight? I asked, my eyes narrowed.

Logan shrugged. My co-worker mentioned it got a bit wild here, so I figured whatever happened, happened.

I gave him a skeptical look, but thoughts of his motives disappeared when I saw him raise his beer to his mouth.

Wait! I exclaimed. That’s the beer you… I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it.

The beer that I fucked you with? Logan finished for me, his eyebrow raised. I nodded my head, feeling myself blush. He took a sip of his beer slowly as he watched me. I was mesmerized by his lips on the bottle that had moments before been inside me. It was both titillating and a little embarrassing.

When he lowered the bottle, he leaned down to drop a kiss on my lips. That’s the best beer I’ve ever tasted. I’ll have to get some more later tonight, straight from the source.

I smacked his arm but couldn’t deny the thrill that went through me. I would never tire of this. We could be so full of passion in one moment, and then silly and playful in the next. It was amazing and soul satisfying being with Logan and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

After we finished our beers, we’d had enough of the crowd and decided to go home. I was shivering when we got into the car, although Logan immediately blasted the heat. I made a mental note to never to wear a skirt in winter again, even with boots. I smiled to myself at the thought. Things would have been a lot less fun tonight if I had been wearing pants.

It was a quick drive back to Logan’s apartment. We spent most weekends at his place since it was bigger, although the weekdays were split between my place and his. We spent almost all of our free time together, and Logan had tried to convince me on more than one occasion to move in with him, but I was hesitant. I still felt the need to have my own space, because despite being deliriously happy with Logan, there was a part of me that was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the universe wouldn’t allow me to be so happy because of my past misdeeds, and sooner or later the anvil would drop. It was a morbid way to think, but I couldn’t dismiss the thought.

Despite the negative thoughts that sometimes crept into my mind, on the whole, I was finally coming to terms with it being okay that Logan and I were together. I was able to separate the past, where guilt weighed me down for what had happened with Cassie, from my future, which was more optimistic.

Do you want a drink? Logan asked, when we were back inside his apartment. The warmth of being indoors was a relief as I took off my boots and stretched out onto the couch.

Sure, why not, I said, although my eyelids were already feeling heavy as I sank into the couch cushions. The beer I had drunk at the bar was making me drowsy and our little interlude had made me even more tired.

By the time Logan came into the living room with a glass of wine, I was half asleep. My eyes fluttered open when I heard his footsteps.

Thanks, I said as he set it on the coffee table. He sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I leaned into him, nuzzling into his chest and sighing contentedly.

Tired? he asked as he dropped a kiss on my head.

Mmm, I replied, not having the energy to say anything else. The warmth of Logan’s body was soothing, lulling me to sleep.

I forgot to mention earlier that I have to go to L.A. next week. I’ve been doing off-site consulting with the clients I handed over when I transferred back here, but there are some complicated issues that I really need to be present for, to handle in person.

My eyes shot open, my fatigue disappearing. L.A. only meant one thing to me—Kristina. I hadn’t heard a thing from her since she left Chicago to go back to L.A., after she had been shattered by Logan breaking up with her. As far as I knew, Logan hadn’t had any contact with her either. I had never outright asked him, but I assumed that he knew better than to have anything to do with her. But now that Logan was actually going to be in the same city as her, I felt doubt and anxiety creep up. I decided that instead of letting it fester and make myself crazy, I would just straight out ask him.

I can’t help but think of Kristina when I hear L.A., I started carefully, not wanting Logan to think I was accusing him of anything. I have to admit that it makes me a little uncomfortable that you’re going there. How long will you be there?

Logan gave my shoulder a light squeeze. I’m flying out Monday morning and I should be back by Friday. And there’s nothing to worry about. Kristina is a part of my past, nothing more.

I should have been relieved by his response, but the tension in my body didn’t dissipate. You’ll be gone almost the whole week, I said with a frown.

You could always come with me.

For a moment, my anxiety lifted at the prospect of going to L.A. with Logan, but then I shook my head. I can’t. I promised Emily that I would dogsit for her next week because she’s going to be in New York for work.

Emily had recently adopted a dog from a shelter that had become the love her life, but the dog was deathly afraid of strangers; to the point where she peed when people she didn’t know came into the apartment. I was one of the few people the dog actually liked, besides Emily, and I knew no one else could watch her.

The corners of Logan’s mouth turned down at my refusal. Can’t she ask somebody else to dogsit or put her in a kennel? It seems ridiculous to not come to L.A. because of a dog.

Irritation flared at his words and I sat up to face him. He was the one that had just sprung this L.A. trip on me, yet he was getting annoyed that I wasn’t willing to drop my prior obligation. As much as I wanted to go with Logan, and as much peace of mind it would give me about Kristina, there was no way I was going to flake on Emily.

Emily asked me weeks ago to dogsit Lola. You know Lola is scared of strangers, and you’re suggesting we just throw her in a kennel where she knows no one? You’re the one who’s just telling me now about the L.A. trip. It’s pretty crappy that you’re giving me a hard time about not being able to go with you.

My annoyance was clear in my tone of voice, and Logan put up his hands up in surrender. Sorry. It just seemed like the perfect idea for you to come with me and I was disappointed. I know Emily is counting on you to watch Lola. Logan gave me a placating smile that was full of boyish charm, meant to disarm me. I’ll miss you.

I laughed at his blatant attempt to get me back in good humor, and I allowed it to work. Logan pulled me up from the couch and carried me into the bedroom. I was too tired to do anything besides sleep, and Logan seemed to read my mind and just held me close in bed. I drifted off to sleep contentedly and was almost able to push the worry about Kristina out of my head. Almost.

Chapter Two

We had an amazing weekend, but Monday came too soon. I hadn’t brought up Kristina or L.A. again because I didn’t want to ruin the weekend, but it had been on my mind constantly. When Logan left Monday morning, he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me, just like every other Monday. But this Monday, I knew he would be gone for almost the entire week. That was bad enough, since we had never spent so much time apart since the start of our relationship, but the Kristina factor just made everything worse.

I tried to push the thoughts out of my head as I headed over to Emily’s apartment after leaving Logan’s place. I was going to stay at her apartment while she was gone, since Lola was much less anxious in her own home.

There’s nothing worse than having to fly out for work on a Monday morning, Emily groused, in lieu of a greeting when she opened the front door.

Good morning to you, too I said with a smile. I saw Lola peering at me from behind the living room couch. When she realized who it was, she came bounding toward me with enthusiasm.

Hi, cutie pie, I said, crouching down to scratch her behind her ears. The shelter had said Lola was a mix between a Cairn Terrier and Schnauzer, and she definitely had the energy of a terrier when she was happy.

Thanks so much for watching Lola, Emily said over her shoulder as she hurried to her bedroom.

No problem, I replied, as I continued to pet Lola. It’s pretty easy to watch a sweet dog like her.

I scooped up Lola into my arms and was rewarded with a wet doggy kiss. Emily came out of her bedroom, pulling a suitcase behind her and looking harried.

It’s a good thing you’re early. I need to leave earlier than planned because Sylvia wants me to stop by the office to get a file she forgot, before meeting her at the airport. Emily irritably blew at a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail. "I have to be the one who rushes because she forgot the damn file."

Sylvia, Emily’s boss, was a real taskmaster, but Emily put up with her because she was slowly being given more and more interior design responsibility, which she craved, but she still did plenty of the grunt work.

I’d say try to have fun, but I get the feeling this trip is going to be all work and no play, I said sympathetically as I followed her to the front door.

Emily grimaced. Remind me again why I put up with Sylvia and her constant demands?

Because soon you’re going to be running projects in your own right and you’ll become a world-famous interior designer, and then you can order your own lackeys around to do your bidding.

Emily grinned. Oh yeah, that’s right. She gave me a quick hug. Thanks again. I’ll check in when I can.

No problem. I raised one of Lola’s paws and waved it at her. Say bye-bye to mommy.

Emily leaned down and kissed Lola on the head. Bye, cutie, I’ll miss you. Be good.

Lola whined a little after Emily left, but I distracted her with one of her toys,