Loving My Secret

By Crystal Perkins

Sometimes you have to say goodbye before you can give yourself the chance at hello...

For over a decade, Reina has waited for Matt to come back to her. She’s put up with his ridicule, his other women, and his lies. All because she’s loved him since she was a teenager. She’s not that girl anymore, and she’s done playing his games. She’s learned that love simply isn’t enough, and it’s time for her to walk away.

Fighting for another chance is harder than going to war...

Matt fell in love with Reina years ago, and has never truly wanted anyone else. He’s finally bared his soul—and his secrets—to her, but it’s too late to stop her from leaving. He’s going to have to fight for both of them, and prove that he can be the man they both need him to be.
When love isn’t enough, and the SECRETS keep coming, can they find a way to start over again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Crystal Perkins
• Release date: Oct 10, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310153235

Crystal Perkins

Crystal Perkins has always been a big reader, but she never thought she would write her own book, until she sat down and did it. She lives in Las Vegas, where you can find her running author events when she isn’t reading, buying too many Sherlock t-shirts online or watching the Vegas Gokden Knights. A mac and cheese connoisseur, she travels the country looking for the perfect version, while attending book conventions and signings as a cover for her research. She writes Romantic Suspense, New Adult, Romantic Comedy, Young Adult, Paranormal Romance, and even a little Horror!

Book preview

Loving My Secret

Book #10 of Corrigan & Co.

By Crystal Perkins

Copyright

Copyright © 2015 by Crystal Perkins

Cover Design by Helen Williams

www.allbookedout.com

Ebook Formatting by Jesse Gordon

adarnedgoodbook.com

All trademarks are owned by their respective companies and are denoted by the use of proper capitalization of the company and/or brand. All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. This contemporary erotic romance is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. This ebook is licensed for your personal use only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with, especially if you enjoy sexy, emotional, romance novels with alpha males. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

About Loving My SECRET

Other books by Crystal Perkins

Author’s Note

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Acknowledgements

About the Author

About Loving My SECRET

Sometimes you have to say goodbye before you can give yourself the chance at hello…

For over a decade, Reina has waited for Matt to come back to her. She’s put up with his ridicule, his other women, and his lies. All because she’s loved him since she was a teenager. She’s not that girl anymore, and she’s done playing his games. She’s learned that love simply isn’t enough, and it’s time for her to walk away.

Fighting for another chance is harder than going to war…

Matt fell in love with Reina years ago, and has never truly wanted anyone else. He’s finally bared his soul—and his secrets—to her, but it’s too late to stop her from leaving. He’s going to have to fight for both of them, and prove that he can be the man they both need him to be.

When love isn’t enough, and the SECRETS keep coming, can they find a way to start over again?

Other books by Crystal Perkins

The Griffin Brothers series

Gaming For Love (The Griffin Brothers #1)

Building Our Love (The Griffin Brothers #2)

Creating A Love (The Griffin Brothers #3)

Learning To Love (The Griffin Brothers #4)

Designing The Love (The Griffin Brothers #5)

Working On Love (The Griffin Brothers #6)

Keeping Their Love (The Griffin Brothers #7)

Corrigan & Co. series

Fielding Her SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #1)

Devouring the SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #2)

Rocking a SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #3)

Lessons in SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #4)

Uncovering His SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #5)

Training the SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #6)

Inheriting a SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #7)

Tending Their SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #8)

Playing in SECRET (Corrigan & Co., #9)

Other books

Never Fear-Phobias Horror Anthology

(Chronophobia short story)

Publicly, The Corrigan & Co. Foundation has been supporting women for years. Secretly, five powerful women led by Jane Corrigan have recruited ten agents, sending them to rescue women and children in need, and take down those who exploit the weak. This secret society of women all have unique skills they’ve brought to the foundation. Additionally, they’ve all had training in weapons, etiquette, martial arts, technology, and languages. Helping out friends and family of their five mentors from time to time is something they were told to expect. What they didn’t plan for is falling in love.

About the Corrigan & Co. Foundation and the Society:

• Mitchell Corrigan created the Corrigan & Co. Foundation for his wife as part of his company ten years ago. He stipulated that the foundation would continue as long as there is a Corrigan woman to oversee it.

• Jane Corrigan, Cyndi Evans, Maggie Griffin, Mallory Daniels, and Helen Wilson are the founders of the secret society within the foundation. They focus on helping women and children, but take on other missions from time to time.

• While they assist government and private organizations on a regular basis, they only take referrals for private missions.

• Each founder has recruited, and mentors, two agents.

• The company was founded in Chicago, but has now moved to Las Vegas, where Mitchell was born. On his deathbed, he asked his grandson to move the company headquarters to help revive the economy in his hometown. There are satellite offices all over the world.

• Jane’s grandson, Matt, who is President and CEO of Corrigan & Co., knows of the society. His friends Nathan and Aiden, who he brought in when they all left the military, know as well. This was a decision by the five women when they needed help on a mission that went bad. They do not know all mission details, but help when they are asked. Jake Mason is now also part of the Corrigan security team, and aware of the Society.

Dedication

For everyone who fell in love with

Matt & Reina all those books ago.

Author’s Note

I first wrote about Reina and Matt 13 books ago. Olivia Griffin needed a reality check, and I decided to introduce Reina (who I knew would be in the new series) as the person to give it to her. And then I had a hot guy pull up on a Harley and verbally spar with Reina. I loved the two characters, and decided they would be the couple I wrote last in the new series. The one I couldn’t wait to read about myself.

I had no idea that everyone else would become just as obsessed with these two. I have been cursed, and told that I love to torture people, but you have to know that I was torturing myself, too. There were so many times that I wanted to just write their book, but I made myself wait along with all of you.

This book is different in format than all of the rest, so I wanted to explain it to you. The prologue (epilogue of Playing in SECRET) is like one in most mystery books. It’s not the beginning of the book, but rather a pivotal piece from later in the story. In that piece, you learn of emails that Matt wrote to Reina over the years.

For most of the book, you’ll see an email from Matt, and then a flashback from what he was talking about in either Reina’s (at the beginning) or Matt’s (at the end) POV. After that will be what’s going on in present day. I tried to relate the flashbacks to present day. I also needed them, because I wanted to know about their past—recent and years ago—and I think most of you will as well. I tried to line up the timeline as best I could based on the other books, so it should be accurate!

This is the fourteenth book I’ve written with these two in it, so thank you for sticking with them, and loving them as much as I do!

Prologue

Reina

Help, I scream, someone please help us!

I clutch the sheet to myself as I crawl over to Matt. He’s covered in more blood than I am, but what’s on me isn’t mine. It belongs to the men I killed in order to stop them as they shot the man I love. The man who came for me, even when I thought he wouldn’t.

I try to stop the blood—the life—from seeping out of him, but it’s no use. There are too many wounds, he was shot too many times. Don’t die on me, Matthew Corrigan. Don’t you dare die on me.

Reina? Oh fuck, Nate says from behind me.

Help me! We have to stop the bleeding.

Rei, Aiden says softly, and when I turn to him, I see he’s given up on Matt already. Nate has the same look in his eyes.

"No. He’s not dead. He may be dying, but he’s not dead. He would never give up on either of you, so you fucking better not give up on him. Help me."

They’re immediately next to me on the ground, tearing off their t-shirts as I tear the sheet that’s covering me. I don’t even care about being naked underneath the small piece that’s left. I don’t care about anything, except for keeping Matt alive. If he dies, then the old me will die along with him. I’ll come back to this village, and this time, it will be for real.

The paramedics come in, and push us out of the way. And then they stop, and shake their heads. He’s alive, I say, but they just look at me like I’m crazy, and right now, I probably am. I pick up a gun, and check it for bullets before pointing it at them. He. Is. Alive.

They spring into action, and start taking care of him. As they pull the gurney away, I start to follow them. The local police stop me when they see the gun in my hand, so I drop it and explain myself. I see the ambulance pulling away, and try to run after it, but I’m too late.

Come on, Rei, we’ll get you there, Nate says.

We have something for you, too, Aiden tells me.

No. Not yet, Aid.

Yes, Nate. It’s time.

The fuck it is. He’s going to live. Matt won’t give up, and I’m not giving up on him.

We have to be realistic. Even if he lives, it won’t be the same.

"He will live, but now you better give me whatever it is you think I need," I say, finally speaking up.

Nate looks at Aiden with a glare. You give her yours, because I’m not having that on me when he wakes up pissed.

She deserves it, Aiden says, pulling his wallet out, and extracting a tiny envelope.

He hands it to me, and I see the word Princess in Matt’s handwriting. Leave it to him to insult me even in written form. I open it as I get into the backseat of the Jeep Nate leads us to.

Reina,

If you’re reading this, I’m either dead, or close enough to it that Nate or Aiden felt it was the right time to give this to you. I wish I was brave enough to tell you the things you’re about to read, but I’m not. My two biggest regrets in life are pushing you away all those years ago, and doing the thing that made me push you away. What you’ll read will make you either hate me more, or love me more. Either way, I need you to understand something. I love you. More than any person on this Earth has ever loved another. I’ll love you even after I take my last breath, because life and death have no power over the love I feel for you. Hopefully what you find here will show you that:

Email address: [e-mail]

Password: the date we first met

Yours forever,

Matt

Give me a phone.

We may not have service, Nate says.

Stop stalling me, and give me a damn phone or I’ll jump out of this Jeep and find someone else who will.

Aiden shares a look with Nate, and then hands me his phone. I bring up the browser, and almost cry when I see the two bars. I bring up Google, log Aiden out, and then log into the account Matt gave me. What I see brings those tears I was trying to hold back—thousands of emails, the last one dated yesterday. I go to the oldest page and see that the first one is from over eleven years ago. On the day that Matt broke my heart for the first time. I take a deep breath, and click on it, both hopeful and scared of what I’m about to learn.

Chapter 1

Reina,

I did something today. Something I don’t think I can live with. It was an accident, but that makes it even worse. I was with my unit when we were attacked, and I started shooting at everything, everywhere. And I hit him—I shot an innocent man. A man who has a family, a wife and two small children. I don’t know why he walked into that intersection when he had to have heard the guns. Maybe he thought he could help, even though he didn’t have a weapon. His wife said that he was a good man, one who was opposed to the war. I went to see her, and promised to provide for her and the children for the rest of their lives. I know it can’t make up for what I did, but I had to do something. She said she doesn’t blame me, but how can that be true? I killed her husband. I killed him. My CO says I need to stay quiet about it, that it would be bad press if it got out, but that’s not right. People should know. You should know. I can’t tell you, though. Not ever. I wouldn’t survive having you look at me like the monster I know I am. I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive living the rest of my life without you, but I have to. I can’t have you anymore. I don’t deserve happiness, and everything about you makes me happy. I’m going to break up with you. I have to. It’s going to break me, but I have no choice. I’ll never be able to call you My Beautiful Queen again, and I’ll never get to hold you or make love to you. Someone else will get to do those things while I stay away, and love you from afar. There will be no one else for me, because I’ve already had the best.

I love you,

Matt

* * *

Between eleven and twelve years ago…

I can’t wait to get home and check my email. Today is the day I get my email from Matt. He never misses a week, and I live for those words from him. I can’t wait until he can come home again—I’m going crazy waiting for him. Reading his emails, and knowing he’s missing me, too, is what keeps me going.

I rush through the door to the apartment Jane Corrigan put me in, and turn on my computer. I could’ve used one at the Foundation, but I like to be alone when I read the words of love Matt sends me. We don’t write anything scandalous, but our words are still intimate, meant only for each other.

I bring up my email, and smile when I see the email notification. The smile falls from my face as I read the words he’s written. No. This isn’t right. Matt loves me. He told me he loves me, and he’s said it in every email since he left. He wouldn’t want to see other women. He couldn’t. But it’s there on my screen, the letters blurring as I view them through my tears.

I think we should see other people. I’m sorry, Reina. It’s really not you. Take care of yourself, Matt.

I straighten my spine, and force myself to stop crying. I’m not some silly girl anymore. I’m a member of the Society, and I can get through this. Even though I know I’ll have to see Matt because of Jane, I’ll survive. If I mean so little to him, then I’ll make him mean nothing to me. I don’t know how, but I will

* * *

Reina

I’m practically skipping as I enter the Corrigan & Co. building. Last night, Matt finally admitted that he loves me. We made love for hours after that, and he let me sleep in while he got up to go into work. I should be able to catch him for lunch if I hurry.

One of the security guards stops me before I get on the elevator. Mrs. Corrigan, your husband asked me to have you meet him in his office once you arrived.

Thank you, I tell him with a smile.

I take the elevator up, straightening my white sweater dress a little. It’s got a cowl neck and a long skirt, and I feel pretty, and feminine in it. I usually dress to intimidate, but today I just wanted to dress like a wife. A wife who’s loved.

Matt’s secretary waves me through, and I walk in prepared to molest my husband. That plan goes out the door when I see that he’s not alone. One of the Corrigan attorneys is standing at the side of his desk.

Hi, I say looking at Matt, who won’t look back at me.

Hello, Reina. Are you ready to sign your life away, literally? the lawyer asks.

Excuse me?

It’s been one year today. I have the divorce papers ready for you to sign. Matt’s done his part already.

You signed them? I ask Matt. He doesn’t answer me, but I see it on his face. He did it. You signed.

Of course he signed. This was a marriage of convenience, after all. Here’s your pen.

I don’t remember my legs moving, but I’m all of a sudden standing next to him, holding my hand out. Convenient? No. Nothing about this past year has been convenient. Frustrating, hopeful, sad, fun, and sexy, but not convenient.

I take the pen and sign in all the places he tells me to. Congratulations. I just need to file these, and then there’s the waiting period, but you’ll be officially free of each other soon.

I drop the pen onto the floor, and walk out. I hear people greeting me, and I force myself to answer as I make my way to the Foundation. I manage to smile for Alex, and tell her I need a little time alone to go over some files. I walk at a normal pace to my office, but once I close the door, it’s all over.

I use voice controls to turn off the cameras, and listening devices, and then I sink to the floor. I scream and cry, and then I destroy. I throw our wedding picture into the wall, and then go to work on everything else. Everything but my desk. I need my computer. The rest of the office looks like a tornado came through, but it’s not enough.

I’m not enough, and now I know that I never will be. It’s time to do the only thing I can—take on the mission that will end my life. I’d never kill myself, but nothing’s stopping me from taking the one assignment that I should never even get close to. I was asked for help, but even the person asking knew I couldn’t personally help without putting myself at risk. Which is why it’s perfect for me now.

I email her, and then put everything in place. I’ll have one hour to get out of town before everyone realizes what I’ve done. I’m going to miss my friends, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t be here, watching Matt parade his women in front of me again. I let him fool me twice, and I have no one to blame but myself.

I put that smile back on as I seal my office and tell Alex I have an unexpected appointment. She doesn’t question the sunglasses on my face, even though I can tell she wants to. I make it out of the building and into my car without any problems, and then drive to the private airfield. It’s time for the end to begin, once and for all.

* * *

Matt

I’m on my third glass of Scotch when the alarm on my desk goes off. It’s a distress signal from the Society, and I’m running for the door before it ends its chime. I make it into the Foundation offices, and find chaos. I follow Alex into the conference room, only to notice that Reina isn’t there. My grandmother is in her place at the head of the table, and my stomach drops.

Where is Reina?

She’s gone. That’s what the alarm is for.

No. Oh God no. No. How can she be gone? She’s in charge.

She deactivated herself. She had it on a delayed timer, so it didn’t take effect until she was already too far away for anybody to go after her, Ainsley says.

You have to know where she was when it deactivated.

Yes. She was in the air. My team is trying to find the plane, and they’re also trying to recover what they can from what’s left of her hard drive and email.

She destroyed her computer?

She destroyed her whole office. She broke everything that wasn’t bolted to the floor, Faith

Reviews for Loving My Secret

[rkaye · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Matt was too weak a character for me to enjoy this more. Storyline was good though

[Fatima Raj · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Oh my god ... this book of the series was worth the wait. I was already in love with Raina and Matt from beginning. They had that spark which no other couple had. They kept fighting and insulting but loved each other fiercely. The end mystery plot was kind of excellent. No other book was so outstanding, literally in every way. The intense love, mystery, emotions, I mean it was totally worth the wait. For those who enjoyed reading this series plz read this at last because it will only make sense. There are a lot of flash backs which the reader will understand and enjoy once all the parts are read. Thumbs up.