Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors that Hold You Back

By Roland Byrd

A lot of self help books are full or rhetoric or fluff. This book cuts to the core of what is real.—Elizabeth Holloway

Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back helps you discover what must change and shows you exactly how to change—to create the life you desire. You'll be guided on the path of personal discovery and given methods to transform yourself and your life for good!

If you're:
Sick and tired of things going wrong.
Ready to change your life, and have the changes last.
Stuck with that nagging feeling that something's gotta give, that there's more to life than this.
Ready to change, but have no idea where to start.
Capable of so much more than what you're doing now...

Then it's Time to Break Your Mold!

It doesn't matter if you only need to change something small or if your life needs a complete overhaul, Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back gives you the knowledge, tools, and power to successfully change your life!

If you're serious about creating amazing changes in your life then Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back is for you!

Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming... is the result of author Roland Byrd's personal comeback story. It contains all the knowledge, wisdom, methods, and processes that helped him rebuild his life after his flawed beliefs, choices, and actions caused him to lose almost everything.

What are people saying about Break Your Mold?

I wholeheartedly recommend that you read, keep, & apply this book from three perspectives;-

As an Applied Psychologist I can endorse its sound scientific principles.
As an ex Special Forces soldier I respect its straight talking approach.
As a human, searching for the handbook to life I commend this text to you.

This world of over-information is developing minimalist necessity. If you were to thoroughly research the myriad of books and accumulate all the good knowledge on this subject and organize it practically and usefully for yourself, you would have written this book. (Roland has successfully done this for us) Break Your Mold serves as a textbook, a personal blueprint and a thoroughly enjoyable experience.
James Ian Whiteside (BSc (hons) Applied Psych)

In February 2013, when I volunteered to test the pre-version of this book, I hardly knew I would stumble across one of the best written works in recent times in the Self-Help category. I have learned many things from this book. One of those is to become a keen observer of the socio-environment. Many things I could correlate with self, and have found them valid. The book also sub-consciously connects to the individual and the society. Amazing!
Break Your Mold is a great motivational book. It will surely help the readers get ready for their incoming opportunities and the challenges of life.
The book is written in a flawless fashion, and it’s directly person-oriented which means one can easily delve into the pages and use it to make their life better. Once you begin reading it, you will find it easy to read and understand. The book is full of valuable exercises too. So consider reading it twice, reflect upon it thrice, and work through the exercises four times for life changing benefits.
Nicely written. A pleasure to read. A thought and action-promoting book. I Highly recommend it!
Sanjeev Kumar

Roland uses great advice, personal stories and sound principles to lead you to the point where you say you want to be. My personal favorite chapter is Healthy Relationships. A lot of self help books are full or rhetoric or fluff. This book cuts to the core of what is real. Thanks Roland!
Elizabeth Holloway

• Language: English
• Publisher: Roland Byrd
• Release date: May 31, 2014
• ISBN: 9781940324067

Roland Byrd

Roland is a Father, Husband, Network Engineer, Martial Artist, Skateboarder, Fitness Nut, and Student of Life. He fell in love with reading at an early age and devoured all the science fiction and fantasy books he could get his hands on. His love for reading led to a passion for writing. A self-proclaimed Science-Fiction and Fantasy Junkie, Roland never imagined his first 2 books would help Inspire, Motivate, Heal, or Explore Spirituality. It was a path he happily walked though. In 2012 Roland decided to revisit his passion for science fiction and fantasy writing. He now writes science fiction and fantasy stories and novels as well as self-help and transformational books. For his personal development books, Roland draws on his own life experiences and personal transformation to help other's discover how they too can live their passion and become their best selves. Like many people Roland came from a troubled past. After hitting the "absolute bottom of his life", he discovered how to break free of the patterns and programming he was living. This personal evolution ignited his desire to help others learn to change their lives by transforming themselves from the inside. Roland seeks first to entertain with his science fiction and fantasy writing. He also weaves subtle messages about personal transformation and enlightenment into his fiction works. "Your world is only as big as you allow it to be." - Roland Byrd

Book preview

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my cousin Cory McKinney who was called home too soon. Cory I love you and I know you’re in a better place now. The rest of us carry on and fight to make the world a better place.

I also dedicate this book to the forgotten ones.

I once lived securely within your ranks. You may not know it yet, but there’s a reason you’re here. You can overcome any obstacle in your life once you learn how.

Special Thanks

I want to personally thank my Beta Readers. Thank you for taking the time to read the book and for your suggestions. I believe Break Your Mold is a much better book because of your input.

Beta Test Readers:

Vauna Byrd

Cathy Baker

James Ian Whiteside

Sanjeev Kumar

Khitam Al-Utaibi

Elizabeth Holloway

Ted Hendrie

Rob Golieb

Guest Contributors:

Vauna Byrd

Cathy Baker

Becky Kunzler

Special thanks also to my lovely wife, Vauna Byrd and my Mother-in-Law Cathy Baker for helping me edit this book. I write by feel but they know the rules and keep me in check.

Endorsements

I wholeheartedly recommend that you read, keep, & apply this book from three perspectives;-

As an Applied Psychologist I can endorse its sound scientific principles.

As an ex Special Forces soldier I respect its straight talking approach.

As a human, searching for the handbook to life I commend this text to you.

This world of over-information is developing minimalist necessity. If you were to thoroughly research the myriad of books and accumulate all the good knowledge on this subject and organize it practically and usefully for yourself, you would have written this book. (Roland has successfully done this for us) Break Your Mold serves as a textbook, a personal blueprint and a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

James Ian Whiteside (BSc (hons) Applied Psych)

In February 2013, when I volunteered to test the pre-version of this book, I hardly knew I would stumble across one of the best written works in recent times in the Self-Help category. I have learned many things from this book. One of those is to become a keen observer of the socio-environment. Many things I could correlate with self, and have found them valid. The book also sub-consciously connects to the individual and the society. Amazing!

Break Your Mold is a great motivational book. It will surely help the readers get ready for their incoming opportunities and the challenges of life.

The book is written in a flawless fashion, and it’s directly person-oriented which means one can easily delve into the pages and use it to make their life better. Once you begin reading it, you will find it easy to read and understand. The book is full of valuable exercises too. So consider reading it twice, reflect upon it thrice, and work through the exercises four times for life changing benefits.

Nicely written. A pleasure to read. A thought and action-promoting book. I Highly recommend it!

Sanjeev Kumar

Chapter 1

How do I Know What to Change?

How do I know what to change?

Does that question keep you up nights? You’re unhappy, unsatisfied, or downright miserable with something about your life. You know something’s got to change, but you don’t know what…

You might think the answer to What should I change? would be easy. If you’re overweight or out of shape you can see what must change. If you’re financially broke you know you need more money. Physical problems are tangible, measurable.

But what about the root cause of the problems?

Physical problems are often symptoms of something else. If it was as simple as saying, I’d better get in shape. Or, I’d better make more money than more people would easily overcome their problems.

That’s bad enough. But what if you don’t know what has to change. You just know something is missing. Maybe you desperately want a better life but don’t know how to find it.

You might wonder how to change your life. Or you’ve made changes but don’t know how to make them last. You might even know exactly what’s got to change but deep down, you’re afraid you’ll fail, you’re afraid of what you must face, or the pain of changing… You might even be afraid you’ll succeed because even though you think you want something better, you’re comfortable with your life.

So you never try.

Change can be scary and overwhelming. It’s like looking at a 1000 piece puzzle scattered on the floor. From a distance all the pieces seem identical. It’s easy to look at the mess of pieces and think, I’ll never figure this out!

Many people turn away at that point because trying to figure things out seems impossible. But the truth is this, Impossible is almost always in your mind. Some people look at the mess and think, Wow…this really sucks! I’d better get started. But then they take action.

They find the border pieces and fit them together. When that’s done they start building from there. They might not know what they’re doing or how to get where they want to go, but they keep at it. Instead of thinking of the puzzle as an impossible mess, they focus on finding the next piece. Soon the missing pieces fall into place and the puzzle takes shape.

Before they know it, they’ve finished! But the person who said, I’ll never figure this out. is still staring at the pile thinking it’s impossible…

The main difference between those who overcome life challenges and those who don’t is the ability to take action despite fear. When you don’t know the solution to something, it’s easy to feel fear or overwhelm. Fear stops many people from trying. They don’t know what to do...so they put it off or worse, they give up.

There’s one thing about giving up. It guarantees you’ll never succeed.

Makes sense right? How can you succeed if you quit?

Those who work the puzzle anyway recreate themselves and change their lives.

Why?

They persevere and take action.

That’s why.

Remember this; Imperfect Action always Beats Perfect Inaction. When you fail to start because you fear failure you ensure you won’t succeed.

But we’ll come back to that later.

As you realize, you must do something to get results. But first you must know the results you want. What direction should you point yourself? After all, does walking south help when your destination is north?

No!

So figure out where you’re headed and remember to aim high! If you aim low you might hit it, but will that really create the life you want?

Once you know where you’re going you’ll identify things that interfere with your journey. Those are things you must change.

How do you do that?

I’m glad you asked.

Let’s start with a simple exercise. For the next two minutes, think about your perfect life. Imagine your life if nothing held you back, if all your dreams came true.

Got it?

Good. Now answer the following questions: (For all of the exercises in this book, you can either use a journal, download worksheets from my website, or get your own copy of the Break Your Mold Workbook)

Break Your Mold Exercise Worksheets: http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldOnlineContent

Break Your Mold Workbook: http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldWorkbook

My Perfect Life Questions

What does it look like?

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What colors are there?

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What does it feel like?

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What is its texture?

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What does it smell like?

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What plants, perfumes, foods, or nature can you smell?

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What does it sound like?

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Is it calm and peaceful or busy and bustling?

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Or, is it busy yet peaceful?

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Who shares your perfect life with you?

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Those questions got you thinking didn’t they?

Now, using your answers, go ahead and write a few paragraphs about your perfect life on the next page. Take a deep breath, relax, and describe your perfect life in as much detail as you can.

If you’re reading the eBook version, you’d rather not write in your book, or you want to do the exercises again, you can download worksheets for every exercise in the book here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldOnlineContent

Or get your copy of the Break Your Mold Workbook here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldWorkbook

My Perfect Life

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Now sign your name below—to make this official:

_____________________

Great!

Now you have a target.

Most people never get this far. So give yourself a pat on the back!

We’ll refine your target later and turn it into a goal. But the important thing for now is this: You Have a Target!

It’s hard to reach your destination when you don’t know where you’re going. Having a target makes all the difference!

Let me put it this way.

What if someone told you, You have to be there by 3:00pm! and your life depended on it...but they never told you where there was?

Would you get there?

I’m going to imagine you wouldn’t.

You’d really want to get there—because your life depended on it—but you wouldn’t have any idea where to go! You wouldn’t even know what direction to start moving!

Well, figuring out where you’re going is so important that Your Life Depends on it.

How can I make such an outlandish claim?

Whose life are you living?

Right...yours.

Pay close attention. Whether you have a target or goal or whether you have none directly affects the results you get from life.

So, you must figure out where you’re going because the quality and meaning of your life depends on it.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’re headed at first—clarity will come later—you need to have an idea of your destination though. Once you have a general target you start moving toward it. Otherwise you’re just floating on the sea of life.

If you didn’t do the exercise...

Stop Now.

Go back.

Do the exercise!

If you’ve done the exercise and have an idea what you’re aiming for then keep reading.

Now that you have your target it’s easy to figure out what you must change.

First, take a few minutes right now, and, on the next page, write down all the obstacles in your life. Obstacles are the things that keep you from getting what you want out of life.

Download your worksheets here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldOnlineContent

My Obstacles

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If you’re anything like I was when I first did an exercise like this, you’ve got an impressive list! It may even feel like the world is conspiring against you. But when you think about the items in the list, what’s really in your control and what’s out of your control? This makes a difference because you can do something about things that are in your control. You can take action on them.

I know… You get it!

But it’s a concept that many understand intellectually and fail to implement because it would force them to give up their victim mentality.

So…What’s in your control and what’s outside of your control? How can you tell?

If you can do something that influences the outcome then you have some control over the situation. If you have the exclusive power to make something happen then it is in your control. If something happened and you couldn’t do anything about it, then the event was outside of your Control.

Here are a few examples:

You’re at dinner. There’s a salt shaker on the table. When you taste the food you feel it’s bland. So you pick up the salt shaker and shake it over your food. You control the situation. If the food is too salty after you’re done, it’s because you put too much salt on it. But if someone else dumped salt on your food while you weren’t looking…that was out of your control.

Make sense?

Let’s examine another scenario.

Take an auto accident. If you aren’t paying attention and rear-end someone, that was in your control because you could have paid attention. You could have left a greater following distance. However, if you’re in the car that was rear ended, and you never saw the other car coming, that was out of your control.

Can we agree what’s in your control and what’s not?

Good.

Now that we agree, please go back and review each sentence you wrote about your obstacles.

Did you list things that are outside of your control? If you’re like most people you probably did. Put a star by those. The remaining items are things you can personally change. These are Challenges instead of obstacles.

What about the starred items? How do you get past things you can’t change?

Change the way you let them affect you. Change your perception.

Right now you might wonder, How can I change my perception of things I can’t control?

Good question. We’ll cover changing perception later. For now trust that you do choose how events affect you. You’ll find this awareness empowering!

Now, using your obstacles list, create an action item for each thing you can personally change. Make sure your action item is something you can easily do today. Remember, it’s better to start small than to not start at all.

Your action items might resemble the following.

If you listed that your car was unreliable, you can research mechanics to find the most reliable one that fits your budget. You could also peruse the paper, search online, or go to a dealership to find out what car options are available to you.

Maybe you listed that you don’t have enough money to experience the life you want. You might brainstorm ways to generate more income, start your own business, or how to get a better job.

What if your health is one of the things holding you back? You can spend five minutes exercising. You might schedule an appointment with a healer or a trainer to assist in regaining control of your body.

The point is to create a list that you will easily do today, things that move you in the right direction. The right direction always carries you closer to your ideal life.

Go ahead. Use the next two pages to write your action items.

Remember, you can download worksheets here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldOnlineContent

Or get your copy of the Break Your Mold Workbook here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldWorkbook

My Action Items

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Now sign your name:

_____________________

Thank you!

Now that you’ve listed your action items, pick the easiest one on the list and do it now.

Yes. You read that right. Do it now.

This creates feelings of success and tells your subconscious mind you’re serious about changing your life.

It might be uncomfortable at first. But taking action is key to getting the results you want from life. As you start taking regular, meaningful steps toward the life you desire, it gets easier.

So start today. Take one action step now!

When you’re done you can come back to the book or pick it up tomorrow. I’ll be here either way.

You’re Back, GREAT!

Did you do your small action?

If so, that’s awesome.

If not…please go back and do it now. Otherwise you’re cheating yourself.

This post from my Blog demonstrates the power of taking small, regular, and meaningful steps toward a goal or target.

Digging my Way to China

When I was six I got it in my head one day that I should dig my way to China. So I grabbed my grandma’s shovel and attacked her back yard.

I started with huge shovels full of dirt, the kind that spill all over—no matter how carefully you move them. But that was Hard Work! I had to jump on the shovel to get it in deep enough. Then I had to pry it up. And each one felt like it weighed a ton!

In a few minutes I started to wear down.

There was no way I was digging to China at that pace… So I stopped and leaned on my shovel. I was discouraged. Then in a flash of childhood inspiration I decided to take small bites with the shovel instead.

Curious if that would work, I renewed my quest.

I developed a rhythm without thinking. I used small steady strokes, like a metronome. I was at it for hours. In fact, the only reason I stopped was because my mom discovered what I was up to.

Let’s just say she didn’t share my enthusiasm for digging up my grandma’s back yard!

But she was amazed at the size of the hole. :) Allowing for childhood exaggeration, it was about three feet deep and three feet wide. I know it came to my shoulders. That’s a big hole when you’re six years old.

What would have happened if I’d insisted on taking the biggest shovel full I could every time?

Yeah, I wouldn’t have made much of a dent because I’d have given up when it got too hard.

But isn’t that how life is?

We seem to think we have to take the biggest step we can, every time!

Does that make sense?

Imagine if the people in your city used exaggerated movement for everything they did. Sober people would swerve all over the road. Power walkers would do the splits with every step. Shaking hands would be an exercise in combat skill.

So why should every step you take toward your dream be the biggest, most powerful step you can take? That gets overwhelming. It leads toward sporadic progress and can be the death of a dream.

Why not take meaningful, manageable, consistent steps instead? Why not do something—even something small—every day, in the direction of your dream?

The magic of small steps is this:

They Add Up!

Yeah, maybe I didn’t make it to China. But I accomplished a lot more that day than I would have if I’d quit because I felt overwhelmed.

Start today. Think of something that moves you toward your dreams. And Do It!

***

Make a promise to yourself right now. You’ll perform one small action every day toward changing the things you listed.

That’s only one step a day!

But what if it feels like there are too many things on your list for you to do something on each one every day? Simple; take your most important dreams and perform one small action toward those every day.

If you’re having trouble deciding which action to take, simply ask yourself, Which action item will give me the greatest results? or, Which action item am I scared of?

The action item with the greatest results is a high-value activity—it gives you a lot in return for your action. The action item that scares you stretches your comfort zone. Both of these are great choices!

Now…

Go take some action!

Remember, Imperfect Action is Always Better than Perfect Inaction!

Key Points:

Figure out where you’re going because understanding where you’re going gives you a target. Your target makes all the difference because it gives you direction.

Once you have a target you’ll understand what you must change to reach your destination.

Identify your obstacles and challenges and take action on the things you control.

Chapter 2

Where Does it Hurt?

A powerful, yet often overlooked method of discovering what must change in our lives is asking this simple question:

Where does it hurt?

When you ask, Where does it hurt? it reveals pain points in your life. These are either things you should change or symptoms of them. The pain could come from any number of sources. It might be a relationship or emotional pain point, it might be physical; perhaps it’s spiritual or psychological.

Take a moment and ask yourself, What hurts in my life? or, Where do I feel pain?

Go ahead and do this now. Every answer is correct. Just think of things that hurt or bother you. Write your answers here as they come to you:

Download your worksheets here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldOnlineContent

Or get your copy of the Break Your Mold Workbook here:

http://bit.ly/BreakYourMoldWorkbook

What Hurts in My Life?

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Great!

Now you’ve written down some of your pain points. That gives you a good starting place. And we’ll come back to these soon.

First let’s explore pain.

As you understand, pain—regardless of the source—is a symptom that something is wrong. Pain itself is only a tool your body and mind use to tell you something needs attention. The pain itself isn’t the problem. It’s what’s causing the