Tormented

By Mia Natal

When Yasmine Cardoza loses her family in a tragic accident, she becomes trapped by grief, and life seems pointless. She is forever tormented—tormented by memories and haunted by dreams. Her overwhelming sense of guilt prevents her from living a happy life. She doesn’t allow herself to feel joy, laughter, or intimacy—and never becomes emotionally attached for fear of losing yet another person

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mia Natal
• Release date: Apr 26, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301779093

Mia Natal

Hello everyone, thank you for stopping by. I am new to this so please forgive me if it seems if I'm rambling on. I like a little comic relief every now an then. As you can guess My name is actually Miriam Natal but I go by Mia. I guess your wondering why. My mom always said I was M.I.A. It just stuck with me through the years and I prefer it to be called Mia anyway. I have an older sister and a brother. I was born and raised in the Bronx but I am currently living in Port St Lucie, Florida. I loved reading and writing poetry. I decided to take a chance in writing Tormented. I'm glad I did. I met a lot of great authors who helped me along the way who helped me grow and learn. I will forever indebted to them. My journey as a writer has just begun. I have many more stories to share.

Book preview

Tormented

Mia Natal

Smashwords Edition

Tormented- Copyright 2013 by Mia Natal

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

ISBN-13: 978-1484828847

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MiaNatalTormented

Twitter: https://twitter.com/@mia062267

Email: [e-mail]

Blog: http://mianatal.blogspot.com

Acknowledgments

Writing poetry and reading books have always been an outlet for me. One day, my better half and the love of my life, Edgar Rivera (I love you, babe, forever and a day), suggested I write a book. I gave it some thought until I put my fears aside and started writing Tormented.

I traveled a rough road. It was one that I had no idea would be hard and frustrating, but with the support and praise of family and friends, I plowed away. When the original story line of Tormented was handed to a special author and her band of beta readers, E.L. Montes, Ashley Tkachyk, Melissa D. , and Karinna Baez were honest with the critique they provided. At first, I was devastated, and I also felt tormented that I was a failure at writing. My torment was so great that I asked Emmy flat out if she thought I should quit. Her words were my inspiration to completely dismantle the original story line and reconstruct it to what it is today. Thank you, Emmy, for inspiring me.

Writing is a lot of hard work. I was at a loss as to how to resurrect and revamp the original story line. With suggestions from friends, I recruited beta readers to help me on my journey of writing my debut novel.

I want to thank Brenda Maysonet, my dear and good friend who stuck by me from the very beginning, for reading and providing suggestions to make it better.

Thank you, Kathy Anderson, for being my second set of eyes and for giving me insightful suggestions that enabled me to run with it to develop chapters upon chapters of Yasmine and Drake’s story. I love you, Brenda and Kathy. You two girls are my heroes and motivators. You both refused to let me throw in the towel. Every time days passed without receiving chapters from me, you immediately sought me out and requested new material for you to review and critique. Tormented is just as much your accomplishment as it is mine. Kudos to the three of us!

Thanks to my newest beta reader, Sharon McGauely, for reading it from beginning to end and offering words of wisdom and laughs along the way. I love you, too!

Special thanks to my two new besties, Micki Haley-Fredericks and Elizabeth St. John, for always offering comforting words and for encouraging me to never give up. You both thought the story was good and needed to be read. Thank you! I love you both so very much!

Special thanks to a very sweet and classy lady, who has quickly become a friend that I could turn to for help, April Woods.

Thank you to my cover designer, David Goldhahn. You did a spectacular job with the cover. It is exactly as I envisioned it. David’s work can be found at www.davidgoldhahn.com and www.facebook.com/DavidGoldhahnDesign.

Once again, I want to acknowledge the most important people in my life: my loving husband, Edgar, and our two children, Edgar Jr. and Exavier Rivera. Without your love and support, this story would have never come to light. I love you guys with all my heart, forever and a day!

Chapter 1

Yasmine

After staring at a blank page in my journal, I still don’t have the foggiest idea how to eloquently express my thoughts or feelings. I’ve had this journal for three years and I have never written in it. I haven’t had a desire to do so… until today.

Come on Yasmine, you can do this. For God sake’s you’re a 25 year old women. You should be confident enough to be able to move on. What’s wrong with you? I can do this. I need to stop procrastinating and just start writing. It’s time you took control of your life and move on. This is harder than I thought. After all these years I’m still devastated. I know I need to get past this. I get up from my desk and head towards the bathroom to splash water on my face. I take a good look at my reflection. My best features are without a doubt my stormy grey eyes and silky red hair. I step back looking at my body. At five foot five my body is curvy. I’m not like a supermodel, thin and long. I’m more what you would call voluptuous. You have got to stop trying to put off from writing Yasmine. Go back to your journal and just get it over already.

This will be my first entry in my recovery-to-life journal and I have no idea how this is going to help me piece together the tattered remains of my heart. I used to see a therapist, who tried to help me salvage what was left of my life. Dr. Conrad insisted this journal was a tool that would help me come to terms with what had happened. According to him, this would help me put my life in perspective, so that I could find the courage and strength to move on.

Really? I don’t see how this is going to restore what I lost, I said.

"To reclaim your life back you must balance your past with your present and future. You must triumph over the sadness and be willing to take back your life. You must absolve yourself of the guilt you so adamantly cling to. It is not a crime to move forward in life without the ones you love. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will strengthen you as a person that can and will overcome death," Dr. Conrad replied.

Those are the last words I remember him saying. After that practiced speech I never went back to counseling. His comment really pissed me off. How dare he tell me I needed to move on, to forget all I’ve lost? He seemed to be competent and knowledgeable but I guess at the time I was not ready to accept the inevitable and come to terms with their deaths. I didn’t want to grieve. However, today I can almost understand his clinical psychobabble as I continue to express my heartache in written words. I have an overwhelming sense of guilt that I’m still breathing and living while my whole family perished in a car accident.

I feel like my life is so overwhelming caught in a vortex-a bottomless pit that will lead me to hell. Sometimes I wish I could smash my life into tiny particles that could easily be swept and thrown away? Who am I kidding? That’s never going to happen because life is just not made that way, you know simple.

I had a very easy life. I was a typical girl who had all her chores done by her mother. I learned a hard lesson in taking care of your own needs when she was ripped out of my life. The first time I did our laundry it was a disaster. I mixed whites with reds. Let me tell you how embarrassing it was for Lacey and I to walk around with pink clothes. We had divided the chores around the house. Cleaning our place was a joint effort and it wasn’t difficult to do. Lacey had declared she would cook since she hated doing the dishes. I found that to be the worst decision known to mankind. Lacey could not cook for shit. She either burned what she prepared or it tasted like crap. It got so bad I opted to attend culinary school to learn to cook. I discovered I loved to cook. It became my source of peace. I secretly thanked God every day I didn’t have to eat the disgusting shit Lacey cooked.

I tried to be responsible and settled for a job that was not conducive to my happiness but one that paid the bills. It was not a career I would have chosen for myself. I basically let Lacey dictate my life. Once I had finished culinary school I wanted to be a chef. But Lacey went out of her way to secure a position for me at her the publishing firm. I agreed to take the position not because I wanted it. I took it to make her happy. At the time it filled the void in my life and prevented me from being happy. It was exactly what I needed. I have an insurmountable guilt that prevents me from being happy. I gave up on life and preferred staying home wallowing in depression.

Lacey has been my best friend since we were very little. She is a party animal. I live vicariously through her. She is the kind of girl who can light up a room with a smile. She can turn anything and everything into a party. Her spontaneity is what drew me to her when we first met in kindergarten. Lacey is rambunctious, daring, alluring and downright sexy with a capital S. She has shoulder-length brown hair and green eyes.

I am Thelma to her Louise. I am a quiet passive person that does the right thing.

I haven’t always been that girl who took life seriously. I used to take everything for granted. I led a semi-wild life until reality snuck up on me and threw me with the most devastating curve ball you could imagine. It was the kind of curve ball that leaves you so crushed and desolate you wonder if you could ever rise from the rubble. We aren’t talking just your average run of the mill rubble; we’re talking about earthquake or tornado level. It rocks your very foundation and forces you to redirect the path of your life.

I grew up in an upper-middle class family. My father, Alejandro Cardoza, was Puerto Rican and had jet-black hair and hazel-colored eyes. My Mother, Casey Cardoza was Irish with long red hair and gray eyes. Everyone used to say I was the spitting image of her. My brother, Marco Cardoza, had my father’s jet-black hair and my mother’s gray eyes. They all provided an abundance of love and stability. They left me feeling so secure I thought it would last forever.

Then, one simple act of life changed everything. I went from not having to worry about who would take care of my basic everyday needs to having to learn how to fend for myself. Let me explain what happened to me. I had a wonderful family. My mother cleaned, did our laundry, cooked and just basically took care of all our needs. My father was what you would call the bread winner. He kept us at a comfortable almost carefree level. My brother made me laugh and he was basically the best big brother any girl could have.

My family was taken from me, four years ago in a head-on collision with a tractor-trailer as they were heading to my college graduation. My life has never been the same after that hateful day. I go through the motions of living but I do not live life as it was meant to be lived. I’ve established coping mechanisms just to get by every day. I avoid relationships like the plague. I guess this is a coward’s way out but it’s easier on the heart. It will never break. I’ve heard the saying, It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I personally think that saying is a big crock of shit. Obviously whoever wrote that never lost their entire family in one day. It’s better for me if I keep my emotions locked up and avoid any kind of relationships.

I was advised by family friends to sell my childhood home, but I was selfish and didn’t want to part with it. It was all I had left of them. In my grieving mind, I honestly believed they would still be there for me if I kept it intact. In essence, they were. My whole existence was in that house. It had memories of laughter, love and family. I left everything exactly as it was. I haven’t been able to return to my childhood home since the accident happened. I’m sure that it’s riddled with dust and cobwebs, just like my heart. I now live in a three bedroom townhouse that I share with Lacey in Hempstead in Long Island, New York.

I have the master bedroom upstairs, and she has one of the guestrooms downstairs. We converted the third bedroom into a home office for the both of us to use. We’ve decorated the townhouse in a contemporary style. The rooms have an abundant amount of open space and natural light, making the rooms feel airy and expansive. Our living room color is taupe with a red accent wall that makes the room pop. We have a wide leather sofa, the color of butter cream with two accent chairs in a simple but comfy design. We have a 65-inch TV with surround sound because like I said Lacey likes to live life large. She also has all the cool gadgets to go along with it, such as blue ray DVD player, a PlayStation, an Xbox and a Wii.

Our kitchen is mixed with natural elements and textures to create a sleek, yet varied look. Like the rest of the house, the design is airy and spacious. The kitchen has flat-front wooden cabinets and square-edge countertops. With modern top-of-the-line appliances, it’s an amateur chef’s dream. Since I’ve learned to cook, it has become my sanctuary. It brings me peace because cooking is my constant reminder of home.

I am barely surviving, but hopefully I can overcome my grief. I want to recover what’s left of my life. I owe it to them and to myself to try to come to terms with it and move on with it. I want to live, love and yes, laugh.

Good afternoon, Loca, Lacey states with her signature smile.

This immediately alerts me to fact that my dear best friend is up to no good. This means in the end, I will be the one who saves her sorry ass from doom or it will end terribly for me.

Hi Lacey, what’s up? I reply.

She immediately launches into her, without a doubt practiced speech. Well, Sam and I are thinking of heading up to Club Risk. We thought maybe you’d like to tag along with us. I know you prefer to stay home to hide away from life. But it’s not good to keep avoiding any opportunities to make friends or fall in love. You need to finally come to terms with that tragic Accident, she says.

This isn’t the first time she’s given me this lecture. After taking a deep breath, I say,

Lacey, I know I need to get past it and I love you for always looking out for me. I just don’t know if I’m ready to move on or how to.

Yasmine, you can’t avoid life. Think of it this way; what if you took a chance? You could make friends and remain friends until you’re all old and gray. What if you met the one and you both grow old together? Can you see all the possibilities what-ifs can have? I want you to take a chance and live. Please just come out with us tonight. If you don’t have fun or if you feel uncomfortable, I promise that we’ll bring you back home, she replies.

Lacey, you know you’re my only friend, and I love you like a sister. I have to be honest with you. I want to get my life in order. I want to put that behind me and move on, I reply.

Yasmine, life is about taking chances and not everything will be good because life is just not made that way. There is no way for you to know that unless you’re willing to try, she said.

She’s always been good with getting me to do things that I don’t want to do. Alright, for you I will go and make an effort to have fun. You have to promise though that if I want to come home, you will respect my wishes and bring me home, I said.

With a huge smile, Lacey says, I promise we will bring you home. Sam will be picking us up around ten, so you have plenty of time to calm yourself down. I don’t say anything and just nod my head.

After she leaves, I can’t help but mentally berate myself. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by agreeing to join her and Sam. He is great, and they look good together. He has a round face with high cheekbones, brown eyes and short brown hair. He is perfect for her. I like that he absolutely adores her.

Later that night I’m in my closet, contemplating what to wear. Lacey must be a mind reader because she screams from across the hall. Wear the hot short red number that is backless. You’ll look hot in it, and you will definitely attract someone. Not that you need it though because you are gorgeous!

I’m a little nervous and terrified to wear that dress. I am ready to go out and have fun. But more importantly am I ready to get meet anyone? In the end, I opt to wear a simple black dress with silver accent trimmings. The best part for me is that the dress reaches my knees so it’s not to revealing or clingy. I won’t attract any kind of attention my way.

As we wait for Sam to arrive, Lacey enters our living room with two shot glasses and a bottle of Patron.

One shot before we leave. We have to loosen you up, Yasmine because you look nervous and tense, she declares.

In a quiet voice, I admit, I’m scared Lacey. What if I can’t do this?

She hugs me and then whispers in my ear, You can do this, Yasmine. Don’t give up on life because it’s breaking my heart to see you let life pass you by. You’re young, smart, beautiful, and you have the biggest heart. You are here for a reason, and there is no shame in moving forward. You are not betraying them. Their memories will forever be with you because they are engraved in your heart. Just breathe, take the shot and let’s go my friend.

We take the shot and head out to meet Sam, who is patiently waiting for us. He taps his lips against Lacey’s lips and turns towards me.

Hi Yasmine, glad you agreed to join us tonight, he says before kissing me on the cheek.

Hi Sam. Thanks for inviting me, I reply back.

I’m a little apprehensive, but I know I’m taking a step in the right direction. Sam opens the doors of his Mazda CRX so we can get in. I take a seat in the back and Lacey joins him up front. They hold hands throughout the whole drive and for the first time I feel a little envious of my friend.

As Sam pulls up in front of Club Risk, I’m starting to get really nervous. Lacey grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze, and then I know I’m going to be alright. The outside of the club is not very appealing. It looks run down like a condemned building. The bouncer at the door has to be well over six feet tall, and he is just a mass of muscles. He is a mocha-colored brother with the nicest green eyes that I’ve ever seen. He instantly recognizes Lacey and lifts his chin to greet her. He allows us to skip the waiting in line and lets us go right through the door.

As we pass him, Lacey kisses him on the check. Mack, meet Yasmine, my bestie she says.

Mack turns to me and says, "Yo, Yasmine.

Reviews for Tormented

[chris.blogemporium · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Great Story . I had the pleasure of getting a copy of this from Mia.

Yasmine had been dealt with a tragedy on the day of her graduation from College when she learned that her parents and Brother where killed in a car crash on the way to her graduation. For 4 yrs she has moved through the motions of life but has felt dead inside. That is until her best friend lacey finally says enough is enough and gets her to go out with her one night to her Boyfriends club.

Once there she see's a Gorgeous Man with sapphire eyes , jet black hair, luscious lips surrounded by a goatee. He had one HOT body. Enter Drake Steele .

Drake Steele, HOT , Alpha man, Always does one night stands and after Meeting Yasmine is so lost, he can't get her out of his mind and will stop at nothing to have her.


“I’ve just been kissed by an angel,”

“You have absolutely no idea what that little kiss meant to me. That small whisper of a kiss spoke volumes to me. It meant something to me because you bestowed it upon me.”

“Please don’t shut me out, Red. I know my declaration that I’m starting to have feelings for you is terrifying to say the least. But it’s unavoidable. The more time I spend with you, the more those feelings grow. You’re by far the sweetest and most beautiful woman that I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with. I don’t want it to end,”


“Red, my sweet girl, you don’t have to be terrified of me. I could never hurt you. We’ll take this slow if that’s what you want. We won’t do anything that’ll make you uncomfortable. I know you’re terrified. I’m terrified to. I haven’t had the desire to get involved with anyone. I’ve been on my own for a very long time. These feelings we have for each other feels right. It may be the best thing that may happen to us. Give us a chance, Red,”

I loved Drake in the beginning so sweet,romantic, hot alpha male..... The I dislike him for a little bit . When he finally came to his senses I love him all over again.


Sometimes our past is a hard pill to swallow, but through our own perseverance and self-worth are we able to rise from the rubble. We must find the courage to set forth a new course of action. You must find a way to move forward while cherishing your past. Heal Yasmine. Forgiveness will set you free. It’s time.

Can Drake Bring down Yasmine's wall's ? Can he bring her back to life? Can they live happily ever after?

Book Blurb:

When Yasmine Cardoza loses her family in a tragic accident, she becomes trapped by grief, and life seems pointless. She is forever tormented—tormented by memories and haunted by dreams. Her overwhelming sense of guilt prevents her from living a happy life. She doesn’t allow herself to feel joy, laughter, or intimacy—and never becomes emotionally attached for fear of losing yet another person she loves. Confined on all sides by memories, anger, and guilt, she loses focus on relationships of any kind.

When Yasmine comes face to face with Drake Steele—renowned playboy of the club scene—she’s instantly attracted to him. He has the most brilliant sapphire eyes she’s ever seen, and they call to her.

Drake Steele is rocked by the beautiful Yasmine. He is intrigued by her demeanor and enamored by her determination to deny the chemistry between them. He boldly pursues her even though she rebuffs him at every turn. He is determined to break through her sadness and find love with her.

Will Yasmine finally come to terms with her loss and allow herself to live and love again? Can Drake break through her defenses and bring joy back into her life? Or will they head down a path that will forever torment them both?