Teen Guide to Sex and Relationships

By Jess C Scott

Teen Guide answers the important and confusing questions young people have about their bodies and their hearts. It's an advice book from two authors who care about young people and want to help them work through the tough issues that will be on their minds as they move through an emotionally complex time of their lives. Every question is answered in a conversational way, as if the author were sitting next to you speaking from the heart.

Co-authored by Matt Posner and Jess C Scott.

Genre: Teen Health/Sexuality | 75,000 words

Matt and Jess answer questions about:

* Love vs. Lust
* Looks vs. Personality
* Whether you should have sex
* How important money is in a relationship
* Pornography (separating reality from fantasy)
* Sexual Orientation (is it okay to be "gay"?)

...and more

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From The Authors:

"Teen Guide answers the important and confusing questions young people have about their bodies and their hearts.

We hope you will enjoy Teen Guide and find it useful and insightful, with regards to tough questions you might have about love, sex and relationships."

-- Co-Authors: Matt Posner and Jess C Scott

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Author Bios:

* Matt's Bio: Matt is an NYC teacher who's willing to make controversial statements that he thinks are in your best interest. In his own words, Teen Guide "explains what mature, adult sexuality is and provides a useful guide to entering that sexual world at the right time." He is also the author of the School of the Ages series of novels featuring America's greatest magic school.

* Jess's Bio: Jess, a professional non-conformist, has a fresh youthful world view. Jess writes in a variety of genres including urban fantasy, young adult fiction, cyberpunk, and poetry. She's cool, supportive, and writes with both intellect and a lot of emotion. She is the founder of jessINK, an innovative publishing company that focuses on substance over marketing hype.

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Reviews:

"Jaw-dropping bold, insightful, and informative."
— Bernard Schaffer, best-selling author of Superbia

"...very informative and something that every teen would be interested to read (and should read) because the information in the book is really useful and stuff that a lot of people would be too embarrassed to talk about or ask in real life."
— Marie C., 18 y/o, Singapore (via email)

"The questions were fab. They were questions that most teens ask every day. [The questions] were really well answered and really relevant."
— Natasha W., 17 y/o, United Kingdom (via email)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jess C Scott
• Release date: May 6, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476219233

Jess C Scott

Jess is a writer who's moved on to better things.She thanks her (loyal!) readers for appreciating her writing over the years.She continues to write lots of non-fiction these days. And yes, she still blogs in a range of different specialties.Jess was a participating author in the 2012 Singapore Writers Festival, and has been called “bold, daring, and always original” by The Arts House.

Book preview

PRAISE for Teen Guide

Jaw-dropping bold, insightful, and informative.

— Bernard Schaffer, best-selling author of Superbia

* * *

...very informative and something that every teen would be interested to read (and should read) because the information in the book is really useful and stuff that a lot of people would be too embarrassed to talk about or ask in real life.

— Marie C., 18 y/o, Singapore (via email)

* * *

The questions were fab. They were questions that most teens ask every day. [The questions] were really well answered and really relevant.

— Natasha W., 17 y/o, United Kingdom (via email)

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TEEN GUIDE to Sex and Relationships

CO-AUTHORS: MATT POSNER and JESS C SCOTT

Published by jessINK | Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2012 by Jess C Scott, Matt Posner.

Cover Image © 2012 by Vector Portal.

Matt’s Website: www.schooloftheages.webs.com

Jess’s Website: www.jessINK.com

1. Non-Fiction—Dating & Sex

2. Teen Health—Sexuality

Summary: Teen Guide answers the important and confusing questions young people have about their bodies and their hearts.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Disclaimer

Foreword

[1] INTRODUCTION | 3 Questions

Who are you? Why are you writing this?

What should I expect from your book?

What about your own sex and relationships, author?

[2] SEX TOPICS | 49 Questions

a) Bodies/Anatomy (9 Questions)

Should I have sex?

What should I touch, and with what? And how?

How do you know when you’re done? What is an orgasm?

What is premature ejaculation?

Does penis size matter to female pleasure?

Does penis enlargement work?

What is the best form of birth control?

Should I undergo plastic surgery to look more attractive?

Do I have to know certain sex moves in order to be good in bed?

b) Gender/Sexual Orientation (14 Questions)

Is it okay to be gay? Can you control it? How does it happen?

Explain bisexuality.

What happens during gay sex?

Can gay people pretend to be straight?

I’m straight, and gay people make me nervous!

Do females become lesbians because males are bad to them?

How do I recognize that a person is gay?

Why do some gay men act feminine?

What is the relationship between gay men and AIDS?

What are transgendered people?

What are cross-dressers? What is their sexual preference?

What are drag queens?

What are hermaphrodites?

Why are there so many labels when it comes to gender or sexual identity?

c) Sexual Activity (26 Questions)

What are different types of sex?

Is oral sex real sex?

Is anal sex bad or not?

How is sex different when you’re sick or disabled?

When do most people start having sex?

Is masturbation okay? How do I do it?

Does masturbation harm your health?

Does masturbation make a boy lose pleasure when with a girl?

Is it okay for teens to have sex with older people?

Is it okay to have a lot of sexual partners?

I’m fat. Can I find a relationship and have sex?

What if my boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don’t?

I’m a virgin but I desperately want to have real sex.

What should I do if I find out I’m pregnant (for guys, got a girl pregnant)?

Is abortion right or wrong?

Is abstinence good or bad?

Is sexting risky?

What is pornography? Is pornography okay?

What is BDSM? What’s a fetish or a kink?

How does exercise affect sex?

How does dieting affect sex?

Is sex different based on your race?

How are drugs and sex connected?

What are STDs/sexual diseases?

What is rape?

What is nymphomania/sex addiction/pornography addiction?

[3] RELATIONSHIP TOPICS | 36 Questions

a) Part I: Love vs. Lust (6 Questions)

What are the ways I can feel about a person?

What matters more, looks or personality?

How do you tell the difference between love and lust?

How can I tell if the person I have a crush on likes me back?

Is it old-fashioned to think love and sex should go together?

How do I know if someone is right for me?

b) Part II: Dating Advice/Issues (30 Questions)

i. Dating Basics (10 Questions)

How do I let someone know I’m interested? Should I do that?

How do I know who to trust?

Are some people too good for me?

How do boys and girls differ in personality?

How do I enjoy a healthy relationship?

What causes jealousy? What should I do if I’m jealous? Should I try to make someone jealous?

Is it okay to go out with my friend’s ex?

How can I be more attractive or sexy?

What counts as cheating in a relationship?

What if I’m just not interested in sex?

ii. Long-Term Relationships (13 Questions)

How important is money in a relationship?

What do I do to make my relationship last?

How do I impress my girlfriend/boyfriend’s parents?

What does a boy owe to a girl who is having his child?

Is it okay to date someone who is not the same race as me?

Is it okay to date someone who is not the same religion as me?

Can long-distance relationships last?

Can I go out with someone my parents wouldn’t like?

Should I discuss with my parents/someone older advice about someone I like?

Do boys really marry girls like their mothers and do girls really marry boys like their fathers?

When should I get married?

How do I know if I am in an abusive relationship?

What does being in a relationship feel like?

iii. Breaking Up (7 Questions)

Why do relationships break up?

What if you still love someone who dumped you?

Why do I keep falling in love with the wrong kind of person?

Why do I keep going back to the person I broke up with?

How do you get someone you don’t like to get over you?

Can I break up with someone and still stay friends?

How do you know when a relationship is over?

* * *

Books by Matt Posner

Author Bio: Matt Posner

Books by Jess C Scott

Author Bio: Jess C Scott

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Teen Guide to Sex and Relationships

by Matt Posner and Jess C Scott

Copyright 2012 by the authors

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DISCLAIMER:

1) As a teenager, you should always discuss serious sexual decisions with the important adults in your life such as your parents or guardians. Our advice is not a substitute for such discussions but is only offered to give you information to think through those issues.

2) If there is violence or the threat of violence in your relationship, please seek professional help. Doctors, counselors, therapists, the police, and first of all loving family members need to be informed of possible danger. At no time should you ever allow yourself to be hurt or threatened without getting help.

3) Teen Guide does not provide medical advice. If you think you are pregnant or may have a sexually transmitted disease, seek immediate advice from your doctor or an appropriate health professional or clinic.

If you have questions or comments about Teen Guide, please contact Matt or Jess via email.

MATT’S EMAIL:

www.schooloftheages.webs.com/contactus.htm

JESS’S EMAIL:

www.jessINK.com/contact.htm

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FOREWORD:

This is an advice book that tries to cover a lot of topics. If you want to read it cover to cover, you can, but that’s not the only way to read it.

First of all, it’s written in two voices. You may like one author’s style and advice more than the other, either all the time, or for any particular question. Or you might want to skip around the text depending on which questions you find most interesting.

Second, the book is divided into sections with different topics. Each topic is subdivided into questions. Some parts may be important to you right now, while other sections may seem less important. On another day, you may feel like you need a different type of advice. So if you want to read only how we respond to what you’re worried about right now, we understand that, too.

Read the book however you like. Just let us help you, and if we did, tell other people so our book can help them also.

However, please don’t upload or distribute digital copies of our work onto torrent and file-sharing websites. After all, we’re writers who make a (modest) income from selling our books!

We’re both fan-friendly authors, and we’re both happy to hear from you. If you want to suggest questions we should answer, for the benefit of all teens in a particular situation, go ahead, and we will do our best to help that way. For legal reasons, we can’t give one-to-one personal support. For emergency situations, go to your parents, relatives, doctor, or a counselor or social worker. You need to go a trusted family member or someone with professional skills who can help you.

We’ll also mention that if you write to us privately about something you liked, we will not quote you without your permission. But if you write publicly about something you liked, for example in a forum, a blog, or a review, we may quote you in promotional material for Teen Guide.

The best place to contact us is through our personal websites, Facebook Fan Pages, or on Twitter. We welcome everyone in those places.

We hope you will enjoy Teen Guide and find it useful and insightful, with regards to tough questions you might have about love, sex and relationships.

— Matt Posner and Jess C Scott | May 2012

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[INTRODUCTION | 3 Questions]

Who are you? Why are you writing this?

MATT:

My name is Matt Posner. I am a high school and college teacher and a Kindle author. From childhood, I always wanted to be a novelist, and now I have achieved that ambition. From an early age, I had a feeling that I would be teaching somewhere, because I like to share my knowledge. I started off teaching in college, but the money and benefits weren’t good, so I switched to teaching high school. That’s what I do now. I work in one of the boroughs of New York City. I won’t say where specifically. Don’t try to contact me there, please. This isn’t because I don’t care about you; it’s for legal reasons.

Why am I writing this? Well, the obvious reason is that I want to make money as a writer, and I came up with the idea to write this book because I thought it would interest you and I could get sales. Then you might decide that I’m a good writer and go on to read my other books. I’m not going to lie to you about that. I’m not going to lie to you at all. If I wanted to lie, and if I was the kind of adult who tries to use kids in order to hurt them, then I wouldn’t be writing this book. If there’s something I can’t tell you, I’ll just say I’m not going to talk about that instead of making something up or saying the opposite of the truth.

There’s another reason I’m writing this book besides money. My job as a teacher doesn’t allow me to give straight answers to my students about a lot of topics. Either because their parents would object to anyone other than the parents giving advice, or because talking to students about sex would be considered flirting with them, I am unable to help my students in the classroom to understand these topics. It’s the job of parents to give their kids guidance about sex and relationships, but that’s not as easy as it used to be. Teens get a lot of information about sex from places their parents can’t control. Friends, and people who pretend to be friends but aren’t, tell them things that sometimes aren’t true. Some kids find themselves in the middle of a sexual situation or a love affair without a chance to ask questions and find out what to do. Young people are often mistreated by sick or villainous personalities who see them as easy prey for inappropriate sexual activity.

As a school teacher, I can’t tell my kids about this stuff, but as a writer, I can. I want to save young people from messy situations and explain to them things that I don’t get to explain in school. I don’t have children of my own, but I care very much for the ones I see in the classroom and for those who see me as a person who can help them. I don’t know you personally, but I know that if you bought this book, you need some advice. I’ll do the best I can to help you. I’m not a psychologist, doctor, social worker, or a therapist—just a well-read guy with a little experience and the ability to write. If I don’t know, I’ll say so. If it turns out that I’m wrong, I’ll admit it. If it’s a matter of opinion and you don’t agree, that’s fine. I’m a little old-fashioned about some things and more tolerant than average about others. Everyone is a unique mix of attitudes, and I’m no exception, but since I write, I share them a little more than average.

JESS:

My name is Jess and I’m an author/artist/non-conformist. I’m in my mid-twenties (I was born in 1986). As a writer, I enjoy focusing on substance over current fads and marketing hype.

This guide book was actually Matt Posner’s idea—he wanted a co-author (to present a female perspective that he thought would help balance out some of the material). I was delighted to have the opportunity to contribute to the project!

I appreciate openness and authenticity when it comes to human relationships. I guess that’s why I was interested to work on a teen guide book containing straightforward information and common sense advice, with regards to sex and relationships.

I’m happy to contribute to this book because it’s important to:

a) Be true to yourself instead of doing what appears to be cool or right

b) Have a comprehensive sex education

With regards to point (a) above, I think it’s important to have honest discussions on real sex and real relationships, because pop culture (which influences all of us to some extent—from the way we talk to the way we dress) doesn’t necessarily portray sex or love in a way that’s positive or realistic.

The sexual images and messages from the mass media (books, magazines, TV shows, music, and movies) can often be confusing (males have to be hunky heroes with a bad boy side, but ultimately be family-man types in order to be considered attractive; females have to look sexy and perfect at all times, but your value goes down if you’re viewed as a superficial bimbo or a cheap slut).

I’ve always felt that these sexual images and messages promote conformity in society (which means everybody has to be a certain way in order to be viewed as cool, popular, and/or valuable). Conformity is good for commercial profits (because everyone will want and buy the same types of things).

Instead of turning to the commercial mass media for direction and guidance, I believe a person can gain a lasting type of happiness and mental/emotional health by being true to themselves. This is accomplished when a person respects and is aware of their own thoughts and feelings.

Sexual and romantic feelings are probably the most intense emotions a person can experience over the course of their life. Being true to yourself when it comes to these two things in life will give you a better chance of having positive experiences with love and sex.

With regards to point (b) above, my high school curriculum included a comprehensive type of sex education, which I appreciated at the time. We were told the facts in order to make well-informed decisions (no teachers directly told us that we shouldn’t be engaging in sexual behavior as teenagers).

As a teen, the social and emotional concerns regarding sex were perhaps more important to me than the physical act of sexual activity. I searched online, read a ton of books, and talked to a variety of people (friends, strangers, older people), for information about potential negative consequences, such as experiencing guilt or feeling used by a partner.

I hope that some of what I’ve learned can save others some trouble (Learn from the mistakes of others, Eleanor Roosevelt once advised). It is my hope that this book will be of some help to someone out there, someone who’s just trying to know what’s really going on in their mind/heart, and wants to make a well-informed decision with regards to sex and/or relationships.

What should I expect from your book?

MATT:

This book is written in question and answer format. My co-author, Jess C. Scott, and I will both answer almost every question. You can decide what topics you want to read on any particular day, choosing the chapters that relate to your situation, and you can decide which one of us you think makes more sense for that particular topic. The book is written like advice from a more experienced friend. I probably sound like a teacher—that’s because I am one, of course! Jess, while she is also an adult, is a lot younger and cooler than me, and her style is very different. Between the two of us, you should find a voice you like and an opinion that you feel you can trust. Don’t like my view—listen to Jess. Don’t like Jess’ view (highly unlikely)—you can check mine out also. Not sure—talk out both points of view with a friend.

This is in imitation of a book written in 1969 called Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex... but Were Afraid to Ask. That book, which I’ve read a dozen times at least, is outdated—it’s too old. (I was born in 1969 myself!) The author, David Reuben, was a doctor and took a very medical point of view, and the book is often criticized as especially weak when talking about homosexuality. Dr. Reuben’s book, which shares a title with a very funny movie made by Woody Allen, is divided into many chapters based on particular sex topics and goes into more specific detail about sex than we will. We’re also talking about relationships, after all!

Mostly I’m going to use the terms girl and boy to describe the female and male in whatever sort of relationship I’m talking about. There isn’t a precise dividing line of age between girls and women, or boys and men, but a mature, experienced person is a woman or a man. So if I say woman and man that is what I mean and I am making the distinction on purpose. Otherwise, girl and boy refers to anyone in a relationship of the kind being discussed.

JESS:

On the Book’s Content:

You can expect an honest walk-through of sex and relationship topics. The book is meant to provide information that’s useful, to-the-point, and easy to understand. We’ll cover topics which are inclusive of the ‘intimacy’ aspect of sexual relations (while the topic of casual sex and hook-ups is included, we have also focused on questions regarding the emotional aspect of sexual intimacy).

While some questions do cover the subject of bodies and anatomy, this book isn’t a sex manual ;) Sexual pleasure is important, and it’s related to how a person approaches the subject of sex and makes decisions associated with sex is also important. That latter part is what this book focuses on—we cover the other topics apart from the physical pleasure that comes with good sex.

This book is also meant for teens in general (whether you identify as straight, bi, gay, or are unsure at the moment). Every type of sexual orientation is valid and welcome here.

The advice in this book is also not based on the moral beliefs of any one specific religion. This is not to downplay the significance of religion in general, or one’s religious beliefs. The advice is based more on morals in a social values sense, where a person seeks to understand their own self and decisions. When you feel comfortable and happy with yourself, you’ll be able to enjoy better relationships with others.

Relationships and human interaction are a big component of humanity. Since all of us are sexual beings with a sexual nature, it makes sense to explore one’s attitudes and beliefs on the subject of sex. We hope this book will help you develop a deeper understanding and appreciation of sex and relationships.

On the Book’s Writing Style:

Matt and I agreed that the Q&A format would keep things easy for readers. This way it’s easier to jump straight to the questions or topics that interest you the most (you can begin that way, though you might want to go through all the questions/answers too, just in case you miss anything...).

Our answers aren’t meant to be the ONLY right answers to the questions in this guide book. Rather, the answers reflect our true opinions and thoughts/feelings. We hope this encourages you to explore your own thoughts and feelings in a similar fashion, whether on your own or with people you trust :)

We did not interfere too much with each other’s answers—I guess this has allowed our perspectives to clearly reflect our experiences. We’ve aimed for something balanced, so that the book is comprehensive and concise, fun and informative, and interesting for both males and females.

What about your own sex and relationships, author?

MATT:

It’s natural to be curious about the qualifications of an author who writes on these