Don’t Let ’Em Treat You Like A Girl: A Woman’s Guide to Leadership Success

By Liz Weber CMC

If you're looking for a book to bash men and blame others for your career, this isn't it.

What this book IS however, is a quick-reading, insightful guide to help you identify:
- Which leadership traits are most admired
- What your leadership brand is saying about you
- How to realign your leadership power
- How to manage conflicts and negotiations more effectively
- What "girly" behaviors you need to STOP!

Within insights gathered from women and men in leadership roles, Weber has crafted a book that doesn't discriminate or bash, but focuses on personal accountability, focus, and personal growth as leaders.

Leaders of both genders have been surprised at what they've learned about themselves and the women they lead -- and what they've been able to DO with what they've learned to better mentor and coach their women in leadership roles.

The one line tips at the end of each chapter could be game changers. Just try one a week, and I bet our work lives would change. Jan Fox, Emmy Award-Winning News Anchor

This is the only book you will need to buy if you want to know how to negotiate a raise, how to get noticed for your skills and talents instead of being a girl and so much more. Debbie Halvorson, former Congresswoman

As a Career Development Professional dedicated to the empowerment of women in the workplace, Liz Weber's new edition of Don't Let 'Em Treat You Like a Girl is a breath of fresh air. Caroline Dowd-Higgins, Author

This is an excellent book that anybody working can really relate to. Matt Anfang

• Language: English
• Publisher: Liz Weber CMC
• Release date: Sep 24, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452465067

Liz Weber CMC

In the words of one client, “Liz Weber will help you see opportunities you never knew existed.”A sought-after consultant, speaker, and seminar presenter, Liz is known for her candor, insights, and her ability to make the complexities of leadership E.A.S.Y. She creates clarity for her audiences during her results-oriented presentations and training sessions. Participants walk away from her sessions knowing how to implement the ideas she’s shared not just once, but repeatedly to ensure continuous leadership growth and development.Liz has been there, done it, and learned from it. As a result, whether she's speaking to corporate executives or government professionals, Liz’s comments and insights on leadership and leadership accountability ring true.As the CEO of Weber Business Services, LLC, a management consulting, training, and speaking firm headquartered near Harrisburg, PA, Liz and her team of consultants provide strategic and succession planning, executive coaching, and comprehensive leadership development training and products.Liz is one of fewer than 100 people in the U.S. to hold both the Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) and Certified Management Consultant (CMC) designations; the highest earned designations in two different professions. She also holds an MBA in International Business, and serves as a national board member and the Strategic Planning Chair for The National Speakers Association.Liz has supervised business activities in 129 countries and has consulted with organizations in over 20 countries. She has designed and facilitated conferences from Bangkok to Bonn and Tokyo to Tunis. Liz has taught for the Johns Hopkins University’s Graduate School of Continuing Studies, as well as the Georgetown University’s Senior Executive Leadership Program.Liz is also an author of several leadership publications:- Something Needs to Change Around Here -The Five Stages to Leveraging Your Leadership (September 2011)- Don't Let 'Em Treat You Like A Girl - A Woman's Guide to Leadership Success - 1st -3rd Editions (2004, 2006, and Oct 2011)- Stop So You Can Get The Results You Want: 4 Book SeriesLiz’s Manager's Corner column appears monthly in several trade publications, association newsletters, and internet resource centers for executives.

Book preview

Foreword

Dear Readers:

Thank you for buying this book. However, let me be perfectly clear:

• This is not an I hate men or men suck book.

• This is not a My life is so hard because I'm a working mom book, and

• This is not an I'll never get ahead because I'm a woman book.

If that's what you were looking for, look somewhere else. In fact, I need you to know before you go any further that I don't view women and men any differently in the workplace. From my perspective, you were hired to do a job because of the skills and talents you have. You were not hired because of your gender - so don't make gender an issue at work.

Though written to be a one-time project in 2004, I'm honored that I am still regularly asked to give presentations on the book and its insights. Why? Because of its relevance and honesty. I share tips and insights many women and most men are afraid to speak aloud. Yet when I raise them for women's leadership groups, I see heads nodding, eyes rolling in embarrassment, giggles being muffled, and Oh my goshes being whispered by audience members. You see, I'm saying what most bosses, managers, and co-workers (male and female) think. In fact, I'm often saying what they are afraid to say themselves: Women (and men too) do gender-related things that are irritating and distracting from their incredible leadership skills.

This book was originally written and is now in its third edition because of its sole purpose: To make you aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors. More specifically, to help you identify specific behaviors you demonstrate that are causing your co-workers, employees, managers, vendors, clients, as well as family and friends, to doubt your leadership capabilities.

Now that you've gotten a sense as to why my nickname is The Dragon Lady of Leadership Accountability™, I hope you enjoy the book. It's intended to make you snicker as you learn; to have a few Oh my gosh! I do that! moments; and to allow you to better present yourself to others as the incredible leader you are.

Enjoy -

Liz Weber

Dedication

As with the first two editions, this book is dedicated to my parents, LeRoy and Frances Weber. I owe my work ethic and respect for others to them.

To help you understand these two special people, I'll let my sister Pat's words describe them for you. Here's part of her reply to my request for words of wisdom:

Part of growing up in our family was working with Dad. He ran his own business, and with so many children, we became his work force. Working with Dad was the most exhilarating and the most frightening experience in the world. I don't think he ever really realized the tremendous impact he made on shaping the work ethic of his children. Dad was a tough taskmaster. He was doing very important work with very inexperienced help. No matter what the particular job on any given day, Dad was the main man and we were the grunts. He expected everyone who worked with him, to be one step ahead of me. Until you wised up, it could be a long time until lunch!

Dad had so much common sense that he truly didn't understand why anyone couldn't get it. If he was laying pipe in a trench, you were expected to watch him so closely that you could anticipate his next move and have the tool ready for him before he even knew it. Working with Dad was like performing surgery - the teamwork between the doctor and the surgical staff is so critical to a successful operation. That teamwork we learned from watching Mom work with Dad. She respected his strengths and he respected hers. They were so busy raising thirteen kids and running their own business that I truly think they accepted the best about each other and forgot the rest on a daily basis.

Because they had a real zest for life, they both started the day on their knees, then jumped up, and hit the ground at a dead run. Dad always said he couldn't wait to get up every day. Every day was a new adventure. I rarely remember either of them being in a bad mood. We, as children, had the gift of being wanted and we felt it. As we became teenagers, my heart goes out to them for having lived through it.

So, I think two things have stuck so tight with me that they are a part of me. One is, think ahead. I always try to weave my way through a project considering all possibilities. This trait leaves a trail of its own: pay attention to details; be organized, efficient, and thorough. The second is to consider each day a new adventure. As I get older, I realize, it truly is. Each day offers so many possibilities. What we make of our day is our choice.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

I agree. Thanks Mom and Dad

Acknowledgements

First, thank you to all of my fans and readers of the first two editions of this book. Without your loyalty and praise of the book, it would have faded into bookshelves and the digital bookstores by now. However, you've kept it alive by requesting updates, sequels (one is in the works!), and continued presentations and reminders of the tips (watch for Tweets via @LizWeberCMC)

Second, I'd like to thank the many contributors who graciously shared their insights: Patti Anfang, Susanne Cardella, Holli Catchpole, Jim Cathcart, Joseph Colucci, Theresa Delgado, Margaret Duncan, Kevin Eikenberry, Dan Fisher, Sam Horn, Regina Hott, Terry McGee, Tim Millburn, Deirdre Morgan, Dr. Sheila Murray-Bethel, Christine Oxley, Robert Oxley, Ed Price, Susana Ramirez, Gina Schreck, Deb Sofield, Colleen Stanley, and Bill Weber. Your input helped this book have the real-person perspective I wanted. The readers and I are indebted to you.

Third, any quotes of others are included with proper attribution. Any quotes and highlighted tips without attribution are mine.

And, as always, thanks Bob. Without your constant support and refocusing talks, this book would not have happened the first nor the third time!

Section 1 | The Background (for those who want it)

As long as you agree to fulfill a leadership role, accept that responsibility and that challenge.

Because in the workplace, that's the role you want to be judged on - not your woman-ness.

Why There's ANOTHER Book on Leadership Success for Women

This book is written with the hope that it can help one woman.

In 2001, a thirty-something woman stopped me after my presentation at the American Business Women's Association's National Convention in Albuquerque. She had waited quietly, off to one side, while I talked with several attendees. As the crowd thinned, she approached me a bit hesitantly. She was an attractive woman, but she accentuated her femaleness more than her professionalism. She had long blonde hair with billowing curls reminiscent of the Farrah Fawcett 1970s just-tumbled-out-of-bed hairdo. Her chest was covered - well more of it could have been covered - by a white blouse with big ruffles running down the front. She wore a hot-pink suit jacket and a matching hot-pink skirt - tight. She had great legs that were nicely underscored by the matching three-inch, hot-pink, spiked heels on her feet. What you couldn't help but notice, whether you were a man or a woman, was her womanly shape. She had a great body and her clothing drew attention to every curve. Needless to say, what she accentuated got noticed.

She offered me her fingertips to shake, and without making eye contact, said timidly, I could never do what you do. You're so confident and powerful. I'm just the manager of a real estate office. I work really hard and I'd like to move up in the company, but I don't have a degree. My manager doesn't respect me. He says I need to be more professional. I guess I'm not leadership material because I care too much for people. I don't know what to do.

I was stunned. In fact I know I had to work to keep my jaw from dropping! In this one, brief interaction, she had done and said so many things that were so fundamentally girly, I was speechless.

First, the hesitant way she had approached me immediately told me she wasn't a confident woman.

Second, she gave me her fingertips to shake.

Third, she was limiting herself and her abilities by saying, I could never do what you do. With that mindset, she was pre-determining her future. If she was going to limit herself, then she was also going to lose the right to grumble when her current situation never changed.

Fourth, by saying she was just the manager of a real estate office, she was diminishing her position, her job, and herself.

Fifth, she said her manager didn't respect her. She isn't entitled to respect; she has to earn it. I got the impression she thought it was her manager's fault and his responsibility to help her become a professional. Wrong. It's her responsibility to advance her career - no one else's.

Sixth, why did she think being a leader meant not caring about people? If anything, it's the complete opposite! Real leaders care about others. Real leaders focus on and develop their employees. Real leaders know their employees' skills and abilities will determine their happiness and how well their organizations grow. If they expect to grow organizations, they have to support and develop their employees' skills. Caring for and developing people is crucial to