Ponytale Talk: It's All About You! Winning Career Strategies for Women

By Kimberli J. Lewis

Ponytale Talk is a collection of self-help tips and advice for working women who want to climb the career ladder, break the glass ceiling, or just want to perform their jobs to the best of their ability.
Inspired by the authors own stories, anecdotes, and experiences while breaking the glass ceiling, Ponytale Talk tries to find a moral behind every situation, one that can help other women do things better than the author, Kimberli J. Lewis, did along her career-ladder climb. At the minimum, the author wants to give sound advice to help women lessen the bruises encountered while climbing the career ladder.
The title Ponytale Talk emphasizes the need women have to discuss things and support each other. Inspired by the man-bashing, tea-toting sessions called ponytale talk, which the authors grandmother and great-aunts had in the sixties, Kimberli J. Lewis carried tradition forward in written form to reflect her own career journey and learning. Ponytale Talk fulfills our need to let it out and talk about it. Ponytale Talk is the working womans career manual, mentor, and coach.
Men are not excluded in this book but are also not painted as heroes in the eyes of author Lewis. Subtle criticisms surrounding mens behavior weave its way throughout many of Kimberlis inspirations and advice, although her focus is more on correct business and management behavior regardless of gender.
Kimberli reflects on the start of her own career as an example of the battles that take place within large organizations when career starters try to position themselves for takeoff. As the scenarios move from the United States to Eastern Europe to Europe and then worldwide, Kimberli focuses on the challenges women face at all levels in the organization. Using her inspirations, the author draws lessons and conclusions from each situation and summarizes these in useful and practical tips and advice for working women.
Ponytale Talk talks to the reader, and the reader may recognize many of Kimberlis experiences. The book allows the reader to gain new perspectives on the situations women face in both their private and working lives, and draw their own conclusions.
Ponytale Talk reminds us that the road to career success or career satisfaction can be long and hard. It talks about the sacrifices that women have to make and the challenges they face along the way.
The book is informative in best practices for management and gives women guidelines for being the best manager or employee possible. Ponytale Talk provides direction and advice for leaving a job, dealing with difficult people, asking for a salary increase, recognizing gender pay gaps, and much more.
Talking openly about issues such as romance in the workplace or dealing with PMS in the workplace, Ponytale Talk leaves no stone unturned when it comes to women and work.
Divided into four main parts, You and Your Career, You and Your Success, You and Your Situation,, and You and Your Future, Ponytale Talk communicates to the reader directly and allows them to identify with certain situations while providing them with tips and the advice. It simulates having a mentor and coach at hand.
Ponytale Talk gives us the rare insight into the experiences, feelings, and learnings of an international CEO who is willing to share a lifetime of experience.
A practical, enjoyable, and delightful transcultural and educational read for all women. Ponytale Talk gives great advice on life-work balance, good management practices, and how to succeed in the workplace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Aug 13, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483657608

Kimberli J. Lewis

Kimberli J. Lewis has over twenty-five years of international executive management experience in more than ten countries. She was elected as the first woman to the European Association of Search and Database Publishing in Brussels and has won over twenty-nine international awards for her management capabilities. She holds undergraduate and graduate degrees from Webster, George Washington, and Harvard Universities. She holds graduate study certifications from Henley Business School and the Academy of Executive Coaching, London.. She is an executive, life and team coach. Kimberli is the CEO and founder of Ponytale Talk (ponytaletalk.com), which specializes in leadership training for women.

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Copyright © 2013 by Kimberli J. Lewis.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2013911177

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4836-5759-2

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4836-5758-5

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4836-5760-8

Illustration by Christian Wolf

Logo design by Nadine Jager

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 08/08/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0-800-056-3182

www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

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306087

Contents

Autobiography

Preface

Acknowledgments

Why Women Should Take An Interest In Cars!

Chapter I       It Is All About You And Your Career!

Managing Expectations!

Hey, That Was My Idea! All About Stealing Ideas And Work In The Workplace!

Seeing Yourself Through Other People’s Eyes – Meeting Skills!

Seeing Yourself Through Other People’s Eyes – Commitment!

How Much Of My Personality Should I Expose In My Job?

Looking Good In Business – Getting The Basics Right!

Looking Good In Business – Tips And Trends On Business Dress Codes!

Is Branding Yourself Important?

Conflict In The Workplace!

The Janitor’s Family

Chapter II       It Is All About You And Your Success As Manager Or Employee!

Leadership For Women

Preventing And Dealing With The Imbalance Of Power!

Are You A Good Manager?

The Myths Surrounding The Female Decision-Making Process!

The Art Of Delegation!

Dealing With The I Am Always Right Personality

Who Is The Boss Anyway?

Dealing With Difficult People!

Tolerating The I Personality!

Terminating People!

Why Sales Skills Are Necessary For Women In The Workplace

Managing The Office Romance

Travel Tips For Women

Boys Will Be Boys!

Chapter III       It Is All About You And Your Situation!

Do Women Need To Work Harder Than Men?

Is The Male Chauvinist An Extinct Species?

Female Labels And Female Jabs – 

How Damaging Are They To Our Careers?

Can Men Make Women Sick?

Some Like It Hot – Managing Your Own Body In The Workplace!

How Life’s Ups And Downs Influence Us At Work!

Are You A Victim Of The Gender Pay Gap?

Is Crying In The Workplace Taboo?

Women Are Better At Time Management Than Men!

Family Or Career, Which Comes First?

Honey, Can You Take Care Of That, Please?

Be Ready To Get What You Asked For!

Chapter IV       It Is All About You And Your Future!

I Want It All!

Falling Down And Standing Up

Does Loyalty Have A Place In Business Today?

Can People Reach An Expiration Date In The Workplace?

Am I Stuck In My Comfort Zone?

Hey, Boss, I Want A Salary Increase!

What Do You Mean, I Am Fired?

How To Handle A Notice Period In The Workplace!

How To Successfully Find A Job!

Online Job Search – Does It Work?

Are You Always Asking Yourself What If?

Are You A Workplace Quitter?

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my godchild Lara and my niece Alyssia. Lara, your strength has helped you overcome the cancer that invaded your body at such a young age, and I know you will grow up to be a woman of great strength and character. Alyssia, we waited a long time for you, and I know you will carry the will and strength of all the Lewis women before you throughout your entire life. My wish is that by the time you both enter the business world, it will be a fairer, more equal, more balanced, and more rewarding place for you. I hope that we can all help clear the path and pave the way for you.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Dear Readers,

I started on my career journey in 1983, immediately after completing graduate school. After a couple of years of floating around managing some nonprofit women’s organizations, in 1985 I decided to dive head-on into the real business world, not because I had a passion for business, but because I wanted to make better money. I really did not care which industry or career I landed in; business was business. I just wanted something that paid well.

My career began in sales, thinking that salespeople were often compensated better than management. I went through a horribly terrifying sales assessment process, but passed. Training started four weeks later, and I was on the job within eight weeks. It was great. The compensation was super. I was a good salesperson. What was also great was the fact that in sales, we did not really have any gender issues. The only thing that counted were the numbers! Interestingly, at the same time most of the top salespeople in the company were women. If you were a good salesperson and a woman and you loved your job, then you could flourish in sales. I flourished but wanted to move on. Selling was fun, but for me it was short term, and that is when my battle began. I decided to move into management, and moving into management had its issues.

Like many large companies, my company had a management assessment center where they drilled you, quizzed you, watched you, and even tried to trick you, all in an attempt to see if you were suited for management. Somehow, I passed, but the ratio of women to men was about two-to-ten at that time, and for every ten people that passed, there were only around three management jobs. The ratio was not that great, and the trick was to land one of those three vacant positions. I fought and fought hard. I also sought support and was very fortunate to find a mentor and coach who helped me. She had been through the ropes herself and taught me some tricks, but most of all, she helped me stay visible. Visibility was and still is one of the key elements for success. I landed my management position only three months after passing the management test.

My management career was a roller coaster of super special assignments that rapidly escalated me up the ladder. There were all kinds of barriers along the way, some of which are reflected in this book; but my biggest barrier, the one that made me fully aware of some of the unfairness in the business world, came in 1988.

In 1988, I was a project manager in international investments and was designated to move to Brussels and represent my company in Europe. I had set my sights on this position, and being the only person with the right business background, a good start-up mentality, and rudimental French, I was chosen. I have to admit there was not a long line of candidates for the position. The lack of candidates had something to do with the hot and cold relationship going on between France and the USA at that time. What many did not understand was that Brussels is in Belgium and that Belgium is not France. Whatever the reasons were, the lack of interest in the position was to my advantage.

I was chosen for the position and had my bags almost packed when the position was cancelled. Another project had taken priority, and that was Eastern Europe. The Iron Curtain was beginning to tumble, and every company, including mine, recognized the opportunities in turning communists into capitalists.

My position in the international investments department was regained, and I was asked to develop business plans for the emerging opportunities in Eastern Europe. One of our plans was approved and was going to be implemented. Because it was the plan I had worked on, I automatically assumed I would be one of the people chosen to implement the plan. That was my first lesson surrounding expectations: never assume anything. The lack of interest in the Brussels position was made up by the overwhelming interest in moving to Eastern Europe.

The old-boys network began to smell the attraction of the new Wild West, and new candidates, who never had an interest in moving overseas, began to apply. They all came out of the woodwork. I do not know if it was the long-legged Czech women, the ample amounts of vodka in Russia, the urge to seek out long-lost relatives in Poland or to find out if the Stasi were still in East Germany, but everyone wanted in. My pole position was compromised.

In addition to the competition, I was young, just celebrating my thirtieth birthday. It was obvious that they would not grant me the position of CEO, but vice president of sales and marketing was my title. I had written the plans for Eastern Europe and was supposed to go to Belgium; the other guys could wait. Most of the new applicants for the position were divorced or had problems in the company, and most were eyeing the position as an out-of-sight, out-of-mind opportunity, a chance to escape. I did not want to escape; I wanted the position.

I applied for the position and, after numerous interviews, was called into the president’s office and told that I would not get the position. They would be sending a recently divorced forty-year-old man because it would be good for him to get away for a while. He also needed a break after his long, contentious divorce.

Upper management also told me there was another reason for not sending me: Eastern Europe was not safe for women. The legal counsel told me the legal risk was too great to send me there. In response to my question as to where they got their information from and what was not safe, they could not answer. I had to believe they had fabricated an excuse. Shell-shocked by the rejection, I went home and started to work on plan B, until the miracle happened.

Three days before the chosen manager for the position of vice president of sales was supposed to leave for Europe, he was caught putting his fingers in the cookie jar. The situation required immediate disciplinary action – a downgrade – and it meant that the company could not justify choosing him for the new assignment. They needed a fast solution. With no time for another selection process, they called and offered me the position based on the condition that I would be ready to go within a week. All of a sudden, all the security problems in Eastern Europe disappeared, and women were safe. I was so happy to hear that all the women in Eastern Europe were safe, and I would be joining them. I packed my bags and headed to Prague.

Over the next five years, I had two bosses, both men. The first only lasted three months, and then became ill, and the second was sent over well into our second year of establishing the business. We had a few interim visitors along the way, but in the end, upper management was usually chosen for reasons other than competency and delivery. At the vice president level, we were a team of three, two very bright young men and me. The three of us essentially built the business, and the two of them returned home after the assignment. Although the relationship with my colleagues, among whom I had the senior position, was excellent, I always experienced a gender-recognition problem with upper management. It was just easier to be an old boy.

My position and our success led to new opportunities. In 1995, a company that was brave enough to put a woman and a foreigner at the helm recruited me. The position led me to become the first female president of a long-standing association in Brussels. The hard work and success led to new opportunities, and in 2011, after reconstructing, turning around, and selling a company that had been distressed, I decided to take a new path and focus on executive coaching, mentoring, and organizational behavior. This meant going back to the university and learning not only to be a good businessperson but also to help others reach their potential. In 2011, I set up my own business with the focus on helping and supporting women. Ponytale Talk is the division of my business, Global Business Therapy, s.r.o., which focuses on career development for women.

Born in Wickford, Rhode Island, USA, with the exception of my younger years growing up, I have lived all over the United States and lived and worked in over ten countries. Currently, I spend my time between Muelheim an der Ruhr, Germany, and my home and work in Prague, Czech Republic, where Global Business Therapy and Ponytale Talk are registered. Our United States base is in Bartlett, New Hampshire, and my family ties remain in Wickford, Rhode Island.

With undergraduate and graduate degrees from Webster University, George Washington University, and Harvard University, I currently resumed my postgraduate studies at Henley Business School and the Academy of Executive Coaching in London. I do not believe that your journey for learning ever ends, and in 2011, I decided I wanted to broaden my business experience by developing myself further in order to be a better mentor, leadership trainer, and executive coach. I wanted to help organizations adjust to the diversity needed in today’s work environment.

In my free time, I like to travel, read, ski, and enjoy my husband’s cooking. Most of all, I enjoy sharing experiences and helping the next generation of women reach their potential. This is my private passion.

I have been asked if I am a feminist, and my answer is no; I do not think the word should continue to exist. It served its purpose fifty years ago when my grandmother and mother fought to find their places in the working world, but today, women are represented. We have accomplished a lot and just need to better manage the diversity we encounter.

The tips, advice, and ideas in this book are all inspired from real-life stories. My experiences stem mostly from Europe and North America, but also include experiences from Africa and Australia. Many of the issues spoken about transcend cultures, and some are more relevant to certain cultures. Use the ideas like a smorgasbord; pick and choose what you like and what fits. I wish you enjoyable reading and, most of all, success in doing whatever you have set out to do.

Sincerely,

Kimberli J. Lewis

PREFACE

In 1969, my Great-aunt Elsie gave me a princess telephone for my tenth birthday. It was white with tiny brightly colored flowers. It had a gold princess receiver and a gold dial. My parents were not thrilled with the gift. What was a ten-year-old going to do with her own phone? It was 1969; children did not have telephones, but I was allowed to keep mine, and I felt special. The only problem was I had no one to call. All my other friends were not even allowed to use their home phones. I told Great-aunt Elsie I loved the phone, but asked her for what I was going to use it.

She said, It does not matter if you use it. When you have it in your room, you know your room is connected to the whole world. You can call someone in Japan if you want to, or you can just call me in Florida whenever you want. Use your imagination to think about all the places you can call. You do not need to actually call them. I sat for hours calling my imaginary friends in countries that I chose from my set of Children’s Encyclopedia. It was convenient that all my imaginary friends spoke English.

I also called Great-aunt Elsie in Florida. For me, Florida was just as far away as Japan. I mean it was almost as far away as Japan, so what was the difference? Great-aunt Elsie and I continued the calls until she passed away in 1972. By that time, I was entering puberty and understood the advantage of having a phone in my room.

I believe that with the gift of the telephone, Great-aunt Elsie wanted to teach me two things. She wanted to convey to me that there was a big world out there with lots of opportunities, and I only needed to connect to it. Second, she wanted me to develop my independence. Having my own phone was the first step.

Our curiosity for life, our beliefs in ourselves, begins early in life, and it is always good to have someone you can look up to. I looked up to Great-aunt Elsie. She was my first mentor.

Great-aunt Elsie was one of the few women at the University of Rhode Island (my research has only found two) and one of the first women to attend the women’s college at Brown University. She was smart, and she was independent. She was married twice in her life, and in her later years, she moved from Rhode Island to Florida and settled in with her life partner. She chose to live her life as she wanted to. This fascinated me, and I wanted to be just like her.

Before she moved to Florida, Great-aunt Elsie had started a ritual with my grandmother and other great-aunts. They would have afternoon tea with molasses cookies. I later found out that the tea contained small shots of rum, which made them quite animated. They would talk about their experiences, my grandmother’s work on a cranberry farm, Great-aunt Elsie’s experience as one of the only women in university, and my grandmother’s struggle to start a family after the age of forty. Sometimes, they would just sit and gossip.

One day, I asked my grandmother, What do you talk about every afternoon? Have you ever run out of things to talk about? She told me, Kimberli, we never run out of things to talk about. We talk about where we have been, what we have done, what we would do differently if we could do some things over. Kimberli, it is just ponytale talk; you never run out of ponytale talk.

Ponytale talk: it begins in our teenage years when discussions revolve around boys, clothes, and who is doing what. When we enter the workforce, we find other women, connect with them, and continue the ritual. We go for lunch, meet at break time to have coffee, or go out in the evening for drinks. We share our accomplishments and frustrations, and ask each other for advice. If you are lucky enough, one of your ponytale talk partners might even be your mentor.

My first ponytale talk partner was my mentor. She was older and had more experience than I had, and at one time, she was my manager. We would meet weekly for dinner or drinks and often be joined by other women who were further advanced in their careers than I was. The meetings were a valuable exchange of knowledge, and they were fun.

We continued this ritual, but like every mentoring relationship or support group, people move on, relationships move on, and I moved on. My moving on meant moving up the career ladder; the higher I got, the fewer friends I had for ponytale talk. I found myself pretty much trying to figure things out for myself. That is why I wrote this book. It is ponytale talk to support you in your journey and minimize your isolation.

During my career, I have had the pleasure of mentoring more than thirty young women and providing guidance to many more. Most of their questions, insecurities, and confusion are reflected in this book, reflected through my own experiences. To make your career climb easier, I would like to share these experiences and solutions with you.

Nothing in the world is black and white; therefore, not everything I say should be taken as the only way to handle people or situations. The solutions and advice offered are based on my responses to situations and people throughout my career. Although I have been successful in my career, it does not guarantee the same for you. You must develop your own style and make your own decisions. Use my experiences and solutions to reflect on options, and develop your own solutions.

Each of us has the potential to achieve our goals; we just need to be committed, take control, and engage in a little ponytale talk along the way. Enjoy your journey, and remember to lay the groundwork for the women who have not yet started on their journeys.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

You cannot have a career unless you have someone who hired you and believed in you. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my first manager, the late Mrs. Andrea Ritchie, who pushed me until the upper management recognized me. She was a mentor and an inspiration. I would also like to thank Mr. Christian Sutter, who, later in my career, was brave enough to hire a female and a foreigner to lead his company in a very male-dominated, closed-market segment.

In completing this book, my greatest appreciation must go to my longtime assistant and project manager, Susanne Ilozulike. Her patience and endurance is one to be admired and respected, and without her help, none of these experiences would have come together in one book.

Thanks to my mother, who faced her own challenges as a working woman and encouraged me to fulfill my dreams. Her support in getting this book to print was invaluable.

Lastly, many thanks to the men in my life: my brother, my father, who always supported me, and my husband, who never questioned or was bothered by his wife’s position in business. He was always supportive and actually loved being one of the only male partners in many of the partner programs during business trips.

WHY WOMEN SHOULD TAKE

AN INTEREST IN CARS!

Regardless of the obstacles and barriers one is faced with when climbing the career ladder, there is sometimes one incident in a woman’s career climb where she becomes fully aware that there is still an old-boys network out there. It is the kind of incident that slaps you in the face and says to you, Wake up, this is going to be a long journey. It is the kind of incident that you remember with such clarity that you can still hear the voices of those involved and feel the emotions that you felt at the time. My slap in the face came during one of my first executive assignments. I was completely unprepared for the games that would be played as I tried to break the glass ceiling, but this one incident set the tone for my resistance to being bullied, pushed around, and passed over. It made me more determined than ever to make sure I would be successful, and it laid down the path I would follow for the rest of my career.

My slap came in early 1990 as Eastern Europe opened up, and because the economy in the United States was not doing well, thousands of Americans flocked eastward, hoping to seek their fortunes. Many of these migrants were recent college graduates with little chance of landing a job in the turbulent US job market. In Europe, Europeans seeking