Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, May 6, 1893
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, May 6, 1893 - F. C. (Francis Cowley) Burnand
The Project Gutenberg eBook, Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, May 6, 1893, by Various, Edited by F. C. (Francis Cowley) Burnand
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Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 104, May 6, 1893
Author: Various
Editor: F. C. (Francis Cowley) Burnand
Release Date: August 28, 2008 [eBook #26454]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOLUME 104, MAY 6, 1893***
E-text prepared by Lesley Halamek, Juliet Sutherland,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(http://www.pgdp.net)
Punch, or the London Charivari
Volume 104, May 6th 1893
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
A PATHETIC LAMENT.
(Respectfully addressed to one of the Promoters of the Anti-Advertisement League by a Repentant Subscriber.)
I.
Being gifted with decent taste and a sensitive eye,
I have never been much beguiled
By advertisements, crude in colour, and ten feet high
(Which, in fact, I rather reviled);
And, as for gigantic signs swinging up in the sky—
They drove me perfectly wild!
II.
Then the lurid posters on paling and chimney-stack
Were the terror of every town—
Till a League was started by Mr. William Black
For the purpose of putting them down;
And the sympathetic invited its efforts to back
With an annual half-a-crown.
III.
So I cheerfully paid the fee, and my name was enrolled,
And a solemn oath I swore;
(As is usual on such occasions,—or so I'm told)
That, in future, no shop or store
Which aggressively advertised any article sold
I would patronise any more!
IV.
But that mad rash oath I recall with a vain regret,
As I brood in bitter complaint,
On the number of useful things that I'm dying to get—
And my conscience tells me I mayn't!
As their various virtues are vaunted in letters of jet,
Or gaudier gilding and paint!
V.
I should like to be clean if I could—but I cannot cope,
Without saponaceous aid,
With a shower of London smuts—and I'm losing hope,
Getting daily a dingier shade,
In a futile search for a genuine Toilet-soap
That has shunned meretricious parade!
VI.
My villa would be—when it's furnished—the cosiest nest,
But I fear it is doomed to be bare;
For upholsterers' puffs are now a persistent pest,
And so shamelessly each will declare
His Elegant Dining and Drawing-room suites
are the cheapest and best
—
That I daren't choose so much as a chair!
VII.
I would fly to the Ocean shore, or the Continent,
To escape from a lot accurst;
But here, by my own parole, I'm a prisoner pent!
I must find a Company first
That doesn't resort to obtrusive advertisement—
And the Railway ones are the worst!
VIII.
And now I'm developing symptoms of bodily ills,
But, however sanguine I've felt,
Of a cure from So-and-So's Syrup, Elixir, or Pills,
Or his Neuro-magnetic Belt—