Viz Magazine

Roger’s PROFANISAURUS

profanisaurus@viz.co.uk

a great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers-by only see a wisp of smoke 1. exclam. Profound statement made by monaural post-impressionist Vincent Van Gogh. 2. exclam. Slightly less profound statement made the night after a prawn vindaloo and eight cans of Skol.

and that’s all I have to say on the matter exclam. Uttered in an authoritative manner after letting a ferocious gust escape from one’s BBQ Hula Hoop. See also a bit more choke and she would have started, there goes another pair of trousers, you’ll have to buy that now, you’ve ripped it etc.

brassical music n. Stirring, methane-rich classical repertoire performed on the sofa following consumption of a brassica-rich Sunday lunch.

bride of wankenstein n. A “perfect woman” conjured forth mentally by combining the features of various different females. See also Fuckinstein.

brown fingerprint n. An inky impression of a badly wiped Ena Sharples’ mouth left on the bedspread when putting on your socks. Also nipsy’s kiss, ringerprint.

bum carpet n. Luxuriant deep-pile region of winnety hair cultivated around the gammon ring.

bum sneeze n. A loose, flatulence-propelled Simon Cowell movement that leaves the toilet bowl peppered in brown flak.

You’re reading a preview, subscribe to read more.

More from Viz Magazine

Viz Magazine1 min read
Available Now!
Record Collector Presents Eagles. The ultimate collectors’ guide to a stadium-straddling country-rock phenomenon, from Take It Easy to The Long Goodbye Tour. As they prepare to touch down in the UK, possibly for the last time, we trace the six-decade
Viz Magazine3 min read
11 Things You Never Knew About Trousers
THEY are never alone, because they are always in pairs. They can be baggy, straight, tailored or flared, and chances are you put them on every day. In fact, you could be wearing a pair right now! They’re TROUSERS, and they are the single most popular
Viz Magazine2 min read
The Westie Wing
IN HIS efforts to regain the White House, former US President DONALD TRUMP has gained an unlikely ally in the shape of a 7-year-old dog from Fulchester. Jock – a boisterous West Highland terrier – is the four-legged friend of local man Watt Tyndall,

Related Books & Audiobooks