Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

Written by Jessica Fern

Narrated by Jessica Fern, Eve Rickert and Nora Samaran

Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you're striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide. It provides nonmonogamous people with a new set of tools to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships, and offers radical new concepts that are sure to influence the conversation about attachment theory.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thornapple Press
• Release date: Oct 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781952125089

Jessica Fern

Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.

Reviews for Polysecure

[ErinNantais · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Great book for all relationships, but also for anyone trying out Poly.

[Melissa · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Jessica’s fundamentally optimistic view towards personal growth and self actualization shines through in her work, and is just inspiring. Polysecure puts a realistic lens on the challenges of navigating Polyamorous and Ethically Non-monogamous relationships, as well as gives useful, research-informed explanations behind those challenges. Best of all, however, she approaches healing relationship ruptures from an objective standpoint that includes useful, directly-applicable actions people can take with their loved ones as they work towards the ultimate goal of becoming Polysecure.

[Ashley Baleno · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Excellent! Useful for those investigating polyamory for themselves, or for those wanting to learn more about it to support their friends, or loved ones as they begin their journey.

[Brigitte Dreger · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What a useful book for monogamous And non-monogamous couples alike. It comes from a place of deep compassion and open mindedness about every possible relationship dynamic. This book covers deep attachment issues within yourself as well as within a relationship and provides meaningful and adaptable strategies for working through relationship challenges with your partner. Highly recommend.

[Kole Swartz · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Absolutely loved it, though the portion on asexuality was disappointingly brief and stereotypical. It felt incredibly shoehorned in as a way to even out a graph.

[Carlton Davis · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Especially the last 3-4 sections contain tidbits of wisdom and potential help. The first few chapters seem like typical self-help psycho-babble and can be a bit of a struggle to get through. I'm not sure if yould fully understand her terms if you skip to the end, but at least stick it out and hear what she's really saying.

[Clarizza Cole · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The attachment theory portions are enough to make this worth the read! Thanks for such an insightful book!

[Jack · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So many helpful insights in this book. I will be chewing on these ideas for a while to come.

[De · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

There was great, clear narration. This was a helpful book.

[Haikku · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Thank you so much for this book. I very much appreciated combining the theory (delivered in a way that is comprehensible also to those not working as professionals in the field of psychology) with practical suggestions beyond the "how to request hotels for beds large enough to fit more than two adults" level. An incredibly helpful book in terms of working on yourself, regardless of relationship structure or lack of one.

[Carissa Smith-Bulmer · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Soooooooo good! Such a beautiful beneficial tool to navigating/understanding attachment/CNM!!!

[Kylie Rawlings · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Amazing insight and application of attachment styles, understanding how they are formed and how they play out in our adult lives. It gave me a fresh and comforting perspective on different types of relationships. It helped me to feel ok, like I had been given permission to live differently to the norm. It validated my sense of discomfort in the mainstream monogamous views. I now feel I have the tools and a framework to move forward. Thank you Jess!

[Dianna · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book has helped me tremendously when it comes to my relationship with myself and with polyamorous partner. Thank you Jessica, for thaking the to write such an amazing book.

[Brianna Klein · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Jessica Fern makes the distinction that there are some people who view non-monogamy as an orientation, rather than just a lifestyle. As a core facet of who you are, not simply a choice. As someone who values the ability to place concrete language to a feeling or an experience, this clarity alone made the book worth the read.

[Paul Jeffrey · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Found this very helpful, not only as a book about poly relationships but even more so as a book about attachment theory.